"Thomas?" Jimmy asked again incredulously into the mirror. As he said his name, he faded away so quickly it seemed like he had never been there at all.
Jimmy sat awestruck, frozen in his seat from the ghostly apparition he had just witnessed.
That was real, wasn't it?
Jimmy felt his mind reeling again with past words. Shaking his head, he tried to push them to the back of his mind. Standing up and straightening out his jacket, he stormed out the room and down the vast expanse of stairs. The words got less and less obvious the nearer he approached the basement, his state of dizzy shock quickly being consumed by the raw emotion of anger and irritation as he saw everyone sitting at the table, chatting easily, happy expressions plastered on their faces.
He stomped over to the table, and dumped himself down heavily on his chair in the servant's hall, his face crumpled dourly, as he stared at the plate toast absently, staring at it as if it was about to get up and do a song and dance at any second.
"Jimmy, are you feeling alright, you look a little-glum" Anna said warmly, holding no malice in her tone, as she paused her eating to look at him, her face filled yet again with concern.
I see the news hasn't got out yet then.
Christ, why do I seem to be the constant reason for her concern?
"Oh I'm fine" jimmy replied perhaps a little too belligerently. "I'm just glum because-well why not? I wake up everyday to a shit room, cold floor boards, uncomfortable uniform, pointless work, and to top it all off I get to eat dry sodding toast and lumping flavourless porridge, and if that wasn't enough, I the bonus knowledge that everything which means something to me is going to die!" jimmy said sarcastically, with mock-Joy.
Anna sat staring at him stupefied.
"James! What has gotten into you? You will apologise to-" Mrs. Hughes gasped in shock. She was cut off by the arrival of a very red eyed Carson appearing at the arch of the doorway.
Everybody rose from their seat, Jimmy taking his time, deciding that he had the right to be full of in-subordation today.
"Mrs Hughes, may I have a quick word with you in my office?"
No sooner than he spoke, she was up and following him down the hall, and into his room.
Everyone sat awkwardly round the table, no one wanting to be the first to speak, aware of the obvious tension which the butler's jarring expression had just created. Jimmy continued to sit indifferently at the table, all previous traces of confusion and sorrow now fully devoured by a raging wrath, flaming below the surface of his skin.
"Well, I wonder what all that was about" Ms. O'Brien said with subtle curiosity.
Bates chimed in:
"It's not our place to question. If we need to know then we will be told"
"Exactly" Anna added, but the look of worry grew on her face as she continued. "But I do hope everything's okay-"
"I'm sure it is-" Bates began to reassure her, only to be cut off and spoken over by Jimmy's curt response.
"Nothings ever alright, stop acting like your holy attitude can fix things!" Jimmy growled, eyes fixed on the whorled grain of the wood.
"James, I don't know what is going on in your head, but can you grow up and stop forcing us to be subject to your bad temper. There are more important things than the little dramas in your life, which might I add, are your own doing, if what I saw last night in your room is anything to go by!" Bates frowned sternly.
Who the fuck does he think he is, Mr Carson? How dare he make insinuations about my personal business at the table with everyone listening!
Jimmy's shot his head up, eyes narrowed at the valet as he started to bark out:
"Who the fuck do y-"
As Jimmy glared at the older man, he was stopped short, his mouth hanging open, as his eyes fixated on the transparent figure of Thomas just behind him, leaning on the door way, a cigarette'd hand resting on his hip, now fully dressed, in what appeared to be coat tails. He looked the spitting image of a rich aristocrat, yet despite it all he was still unmistakeably Thomas. As he stood looking directly at him, time felt like it slowed down as they made eye contact, and at the moment nothing else in the world, let alone the room, existed. The expression in his eyes was sharp, like he was trying to bore right into his soul. And as he saw him, the background buzz of past words and the servant's chatter stopped, and it was completely silent.
The footman gaped at him for a few more seconds, before Thomas turned his head away and ambled away down the corridor and up the stairs, fading out of existence.
Suddenly, like snapping out of a trance, jimmy was back at the table, feeling like he had just returned to the situation after visiting another world entirely.
All eyes were on him, gawking at him in bewilderment.
They spoke, but their words sounded distant, like they had with Dr Clarkson. The footman put a hand to his head, feeling overcome by an unexpected state of disorientation, his vision blurring slightly, from the perplexing, and dare he say it, slightly disturbing sight.
He was in what only could be described as a state of transit, as his mind drifted back into reality, and his perception cleared and refocused on the people around him.
He didn't even feel like he was able to talk, it felt as if all his senses had stopped working, and as he sputtered out the under-butlers name, his voice was raspy and raw.
"Thomas?"
Bates and Anna exchanged an uncertain expression, neither sure how to respond. The others continued to stare open mouthed.
Bates ended up being the first to speak up.
"Hmm…no Jimmy, Thomas isn't here." His brow furrowed in thought. "Say, where is Thomas today, I know you two had…a long night…but he does seem to be making quite the habit of over-sleeping" The valet wondered out loud.
Meanwhile
"What do you mean he's dead?" Mrs Hughes said in distress, not quite trusting her ears to believe what she had just heard.
"I mean exactly what I said. He's dead; he died last night…in bed" Carson said with a wince, hardly believing they were having, yet again, a conversation with an element of Thomas' sex life in it.
The housekeeper stumbled backwards in dismay, her back coming to collide with the wall behind her, as she tried to process all that she had just heard.
Her face twisted in disapproval, as she righted herself again, her eyes becoming glassy with the build up of tears.
"You mean all that last night…all that you said…to me-in here-during that time you knew this tragic news, yet you still-you still spoke of condemning them-you were still considering firing them and taking some kind of action- knowing this?! Oh, Charles, how could you?"
The tears they both appeared to be holding in, came flowing out as soon as she finished speaking.
Carson pulled a hanky out of his pocket and proceeded with wiping the pain out of his eyes, trying to regain his usual conduct and professional superiority.
Out of all the years Elsie had been working at Downton alongside the butler, she had never once seen him cry.
"I suppose that the reality of it all hadn't quite sunken in at the time…I guess that it's easier to be angry, at least that way you don't have to confront to truth." Carson mumbled gruffly, not wanting to meet her eyes.
Mrs Hughes shuffled over to the desk, and perched on the corner, bringing a hand up to rub at his shoulder comfortingly.
The butler broke down into tears again.
"Oh Elsie! He was here so long-and-and-he was almost like a child to me, a child to us really! I mean all the younger staff are in a way-but especially Thomas, he had been here so long-he was like a son to me, maybe not a son I necessarily liked, but still one of my own who I wanted happiness for."
He sighed deeply.
"We could have done so much more for him. He always thought everyone was against him-punishing him-that nobody cared. We made him think that he had to fight for his place here, we made him believe that we didn't care, when really-I can't believe I didn't see it before-all he had to do was ask us-and even if it was partially his own doing through his overly proud ego-still we allowed him to think that our assistance didn't include him. We saw him grow into a man from a stubborn boy. We still don't-didn't-see eye to eye but…he wasn't that bad-and-and, we didn't tell him that enough!" Carson said sinking his face into his hands.
The housekeeper nodded gravely in mournful understanding.
Carson rose to his feet and wiped his eyes, turning to look at Mrs Hughes.
"We shall speak no more on the events witnessed in this room"
Elise quirked her eyebrow up in amusement, before letting it fall at the thought of the under-butler, knowing the next step in the situation.
"It's time we went and notified the others." Carson spoke, his tone now remarkable steady, as he inhaled a deep breath in preparation and walked out of the door.
a/n: So there might be some sucky updates after this because i'm back to school and I have like one last month of exams until schools over, but I'll try to update at every opportunity, and I will update, I'm not going to disappear for 3 months (again), so the new chapters might not be as frequent as normal. I hate to take any kind of break at this kind of stage in the story, but at least we're sort of at stable-ish ground. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. Okay, well, love you!