Meddling Mary Muggle

Brie sat back on the swing and stared at the night sky. Tonight her head was swimming a little bit with the wine she, Evan, and Severus had drunk with dinner and staring at the sky helped her think.

She was worried about Severus. He had been around for days now and hadn't said anything about the coming school year and she was fairly certain he was still struggling with the idea of having Harry Potter in his classes and all the rest of that incredibly sad story. Now that she had seen him in Muggle clothes and out of his billowing robes she was pretty certain that he had lost weight over the summer and when he had first arrived his eyes had been puffy and tired, with dark circles underneath.

He did seem happier here than she had ever seen him before. He was even smiling on his own occasionally, but he was also still brooding at odd times, she assumed it was about Harry Potter. She supposed that she should keep in mind that until now they'd only had contact in the place where they both worked. You had to keep a certain image of a serious professor there, even during non class times. She also supposed that she shouldn't discount the fact that for most of the year Severus worked and lived in a place where he'd known some of the best and worst times of his life. That had to be bittersweet at the very least.

She frowned to herself, wondering if a truly happy Severus Snape was too much to expect. It seemed that his entire life had been hard. She'd had to take enough required psychology courses on route to her degrees to recognize signs of an un-idyllic childhood. Of course she didn't know the details because he'd never actually spoken to her about his childhood, but she'd suspected unhappiness was there in his past for awhile now. If she was wrong she'd wade barefoot into the Okefenokee Swamp wearing a poncho made of meat.

When he had first told her the story, he had briefly mentioned that he and the man Lily married had had quite the rivalry in school. He didn't really go into the details but she had to assume that it had made a decent impact on the adult he was now if he still thought to mention it. She figured that he probably had had to endure at least a bit of general ridicule seeing as his greasy hair problem and lanky frame had probably been even more prominent in his teenage years and teens, Muggle or wizard, were generally jerks when it came to outward appearance. Again, she'd had to read case file after case file on kids messed up by bullying in her pych classes, she knew what that could do if the torment had been severe and you held onto it till adulthood.

Tack on a case of unrequited love, the belief that he'd basically caused her death, and the responsibility to protect a child that was the physical reminder that the woman he loved had chosen another man and what did you get? Severus Snape, that's what.

She reminded herself that a large portion of her thoughts were merely her own suspicions and she shouldn't go running off with the ideas as if they were facts. She also warned herself not to play amateur shrink anymore after her wild success the last time, but she still couldn't help but wonder; could things be better for Severus if he had someone who cared about him? She knew from the past few years at Hogwarts that he basically was alone in the world. He had acquaintances, but no family and no close friends. She had the feeling that he'd let her get closer to him than anyone since his childhood days with Lily. That was a long time to be basically alone.

She hadn't had a bad childhood. Her parents were strict and expected a lot out of their kids, but were always kind and fun. Neither had she had a bad school experience. She'd been so busy studying that she hadn't really had much friendly contact with anyone, but hadn't had any unfriendly contact either. She believed herself to be fairly forgettable all throughout high school and college. She DID know what it was like to lose someone you loved with all your heart and that seemed to be what bothered Severus the most. It seemed to be what held him back from having a happier life. Could she use her experience to help him be less miserable in his own skin? Did he even want that? Was she being a meddling Mary and trying to inflict her vision for a happy life on him? Was he happy just the way he was and she was making something out of nothing? Why was she asking so many damned questions tonight?

She growled at herself and tried to sort through the swirling questions. First and foremost; was Severus happy the way he was and was she making something out of nothing? She tried to think it out objectively, knowing she was trading in murky water.

No. His ever shortening temper during the school year had already given her that answer and she shouldn't doubt her instincts there. She believed that he'd been content enough up until then but only because he'd been largely trying to ignore the looming problem.

OK, now, second question; was she being a meddling Mary? Probably.

Follow up question; was this one of those times when it was good to be a Meddling Mary? For weeks after Rogan had died she had refused to talk to anyone about it and had sunk into one of the worst depressions of her life. She didn't want to eat or work or even breath. She couldn't try to sleep her way through it either, her dreams had been too horrible. She'd gone through her days like a useless zombie.

Evan had taken matters into his own hands and saved her with a couple of pitchers of Margaritas and the blunt honesty that only a true friend would use. She had told Evan details that she didn't want to tell and he didn't really want to hear but heard them anyway for her. There had been a lot of drinking and a lot of crying and in the end they had both woken up sprawled on Evan's living room floor feeling much better despite nasty hangovers.

Then her family's plane had crashed and she had gone straight back into that depression, but again Evan had saved her, this time with a bottle of Irish whiskey. It was the worst time in her life and she never would have come through it without Evan to lean on. If she had had to do it alone, she would be a very different person now. Probably not a nice one.

She was still left asking the question, did Severus need a friend like that? A friend who would take matters into their own hands and make you lean on them even when you hadn't planned or wanted to. She had the distinct feeling that he hadn't ever really had the benefit of any kind of emotional release after Lily had died seeing as there had been a war that just ended and the Ministry had hounded him for months, not fully believing the Death Eater turned spy story right away. She imagined that the people around him had been mistrustful as well. Not to mention the fact that he hadn't wanted anyone to know about his feelings for Lily in the first place.

The more she thought about it the more she started to believe that if anyone in the world needed a meddling friend, it was Severus. Over the past few years she had begun to consider Severus a real friend so she would try to help him as she would any of her friends. She'd use the Evan tactic even though she wasn't usually an advocate of trying to drink your problems away. It could loosen you up enough to face your feelings and if anyone was going to need loosening, it was poor Severus.

'Better try and talk to him about it first before I pour liquor down his throat.' she though to herself as she gently swung. She would do it if she had to though. And she assumed she would have to. They hadn't spoken of Lily or of the day Rogan died again since the original conversations, so she figured that he really didn't want to get into either subject any further. She didn't think that one good drinking session would suddenly 'cure' his lovelorn state of course, but it might help him think through his more immediate problem. Also, it wouldn't be good if Severus went back to face the new school year without at the very least letting off some steam with some silly fun.

She smiled to herself as she tried to imagine Severus Snape letting off steam any other way besides intimidating students. She couldn't. She looked forward to finding out just what it looked like. With a chuckle she checked her watch, picked up the bag next to her and pushed off the swing. She had to stop herself from whistling as she headed toward Evan's house, she couldn't be sure he was asleep yet. As she travelled she kept a wary ear out for rattles and growls. Neither was a good thing to hear when you were walking alone at night.

All the lights were dark when she reached the house, but that didn't necessarily mean that Evan was asleep. He could be expecting her, he could be sitting in there waiting with another prank. It had happened before and she had been woefully unprepared. She'd ended up covered head to toe in silly string shot from all directions by the silly string shooting rig Evan had dreamed up and built and placed just inside the door she most often used. That was the day when the prank wars had gotten serious.

She'd managed to get him back with the old cool-aid in the shower head prank. His pale, baby fine hair had sucked up the red in the cool-aid and stayed bright pink for a week. She had added her own twist on the classic prank by using empty medicine capsules and loading the cool-aid inside so that it would take awhile for the water to dissolve the capsules and therefore would be less noticeable, resulting in more cool-aid in Evan's hair before he'd caught on that the water had turned red and sticky.

She was going to go more subtle this time, preying on his slightly vain streak. Creeping up to the back door, she turned the knob and slowly pushed it open. All seemed quiet as she crept inside and toward his bedroom. Luck was with her, he was asleep, not expecting another night time assault. Stifling chuckles, she pulled a pair of scissors and a hair extension out of her bag and proceeded to snip off sections the same length as Evan's hair. The hair extensions were the exact same pale blond as his own tresses. She snipped off sections and gently placed them in Evan's hair, trying to work them in a little without waking him. For good measure she sprinkled a few hairs on his pillow too. After that she went to the bathroom and sprinkled a good amount on the sink top and in the shower and on his hairbrush. On her way out she also tucked some in the ball cap that was on the coat rack by the back door.

She giggled all the way back to her house. As she came in the back door she came face to face with Severus, who was getting a glass of water. He manfully covered a yelp when he turned around and she said, "Hey, can't sleep?"

"Where were you?" he asked after he had recovered and swallowed the sip of water he had almost choked on.

"Well Mom, I was out taking care of a little business with our prankster friend. But don't worry I'm back safe and the car is OK too." She laughed when he blushed, then filled him in on the latest in the prank war while she made tea and pulled out some cookies. Maybe she could get Severus to unload his problems tonight. She went for the direct approach. If you tried to lead up to or dance around an issue he'd most likely play stupid to make you tap dance even more and enjoy watching you squirm. With Severus direct was always the best. "So, made any headway on the Harry Potter coming to Hogwarts thing?"

He choked on his sip of tea. He was beginning to wonder if Brie and Evan were secretly trying to kill him by making him choke on things. Then he wondered if Brie could read minds as he grabbed a cookie to munch on to give himself a second to think.

Brie almost gave up right there, remembering how just the other day he had shoved half a banana in his mouth to deter a conversation he didn't want to have. She started to back peddle. "I'm just, you know... wondering. You seemed upset when you told me... and you're brooding about something when you think I'm not looking. But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want."

'Well that explains the mind reading. She doesn't read minds, she reads bodies.' He tucked away that piece of information as he swallowed and confessed. "Honestly I don't know." Somehow it was always easier to talk to her after she gave him an out. She always let him know that he didn't have to talk if he didn't want to and that always made him want to. "I thought I had it figured out but I can't stop thinking about it." He didn't mention that having it 'figured out' meant trying to ignore things now and winging it later.

Brie swallowed her own cookie and ventured tentatively, "That indicates that you have some unresolved issues with the situation."

Severus shot her a bland look.

"I know, I know, but until you sort it all out, it's going to keep bothering you."

"So forever then. Perfect." He took another sip of tea and then on impulse asked very quietly, "Do you still love him?"

Brie's heart broke for him because she suddenly knew exactly what was holding him back. "With my whole heart, for my whole life. BUT that doesn't mean I'm not going to love someone else someday. There are different kinds of love Severus. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling happy, or excitement, or even love again without them. I know Rogan wouldn't have wanted that. Do you really think Lily would have? We can still love them and be happy."

He chose not to point out the fact that Lily had given up on him years before her death and had never even known that he had switched sides. Most likely she'd never forgiven him for becoming what he had and had held disdain for him till the day she died. "Do you really think you'll love someone else again?"

"At this point in time, probably not, but it doesn't mean I can't. I've got a lot of years left to live and I have no idea what is there waiting for me. It's an option I'm skeptical about but I don't deny it could happen someday." She wondered if she should ask the question that was on her mind and thought, 'Oh screw it. We're into it now, no turning back.' "Do you still love her? I mean, like, really really love her and not just the memory?"

"Always." He whispered the word that came into his head whenever he asked himself that exact same question. That question never failed to get an answer from his heart. The one that continually got ignored was, 'Why?'. Not even once had there even been a hint of an answer there and suddenly he knew what was keeping him up nights and making his mind continually float back to Lily when he should be worrying about how to handle Little Potter for the next seven years. It wasn't really the prospect of seeing Lily's eyes shine out from a little James Potter, as unsettling as that was going to be. It was because he'd been asking himself why he still loved Lily. He wasn't sure exactly when he had started to ask himself that question but now he knew that whenever that was, he'd been guilty about it ever since.

"That's actually really beautiful in a self destructive way." Brie interrupted his thoughts. "Do you think you'll love anyone else?"

He shook his head, suddenly irritated. He was grateful for the advice Brie had given and for asking the question that had lead to this little epiphany, but now he wanted to be alone with it for awhile.

She shrugged and nodded. "I get it. I think you could, but I understand that you think you can't. Your first love is always the most intense but you can't let the past rule your life. You can let it teach you a lesson that you carry with you always, but you can't let it take you over and drag you down. Just... you know...think about that a little. It might help because sometimes horrible things happen Severus. For no good reason. You can let it break you, or you can keep going. I choose to keep going. It gets harder every time, but I'll be damned if I'll be broken for long. In every other aspect of your life you are the same way. This is something you can figure out. I know it. And even if you can't, you don't have to have it all figured out to move forward; you know?"

He nodded absently and said, "Thank you.", as he reached over and briefly squeezed her hand. He drained the last of his tea and cast a scouring spell on the cup before placing it on the counter. He wandered off without saying goodnight and Brie wondered what he had just realized that had him so preoccupied. She knew it was something. She'd seen it come over his face while they'd been talking. She finished her own tea and rinsed the cup in the sink before going to the living room and picking up the novel she was currently reading, still wondering and hoping that she'd at least helped him a little bit. If that's all she was going to get out of him while sober, well then they were just going to have to spend some time together not sober. Now weren't they? After all, what were friends for if it wasn't saving you from yourself when you needed it most?

For the first time since he had told her about Lily she really stopped to think about her. Until now she had just accepted the tale without really dissecting it. From Severus' account he and Lily had been friends since nine years old. They started Hogwarts together and still remained friends throughout the first few years, always spending summers together. He had admittedly made some bad choices and she had given up and severed their friendship

Brie wondered just how hard Lily had tried to turn him away from dark magic and the Voldendart wizard and hoped it was very hard. She felt her temper roll a little bit at this dead woman who she'd never laid eyes on. Personally she felt that she herself wouldn't have given up on Severus in the same situation. At least she hoped she wouldn't. If Lily had truly considered Severus her friend then it seemed a really weak move to sever all ties and walk away from him like she did. You didn't abandon your friends, you fought for them. Trying to save them from themselves was often the hardest situation a friendship could go through and Lily had just given up. Brie didn't like that at all.