A/N: Bonus points if you find the Derrick Storm reference . . . and the OUAT one too!

Chapter Fourteen: I'm no good lonely . . . without you.

She manages to talk Alexis into staying over after dinner, after all the girl's bedroom hasn't been touched since she moved out and into the dorms at Columbia, and there's just something about having another human being in the loft – and a Castle at that – that chases some of the gloom away for Kate.

Her partner's daughter smiles at her indulgently and acquiesces without saying anything, so Beckett remains in her borrowed 'parent' mode and sends Alexis upstairs with cocoa and her own copy of 'Heat Lost' clutched tightly to her chest like a teddy bear – Kate can't help but smile at the picture she makes as she climbs the open stairs. It's obvious the manuscript is having the same profound effect on of all of them – reaching out to touch them from wherever Castle currently is and serving to prop them up – giving back to each of them both their individual and collective sense of hope.

It's so important and it's so wonderful and yet it makes their decision to hold off on including Martha in this extra hard for Kate.

Alexis thinks they should wait a little before saying anything to her grandmother - and though Kate really wants to bring Martha some good news - the truth is that her partner's mother is really delicate right now and Alexis feels strongly its better if they don't get her hopes up until they've got more to say. It feels weird to think of Martha Rodgers - the Martha Rodgers - as delicate . . . but the disappearance of her only child has hit the actress for a clean six. She's drinking to a degree that scares the crap out of everyone - and Kate having been there before with her father - is taking it especially hard. Alexis has been making inroads lately though - bringing up the option of treatment and the actress has at least agreed to consider it - Kate knows that's a start.

It's a good start - and Castle would be so proud she thinks at the way they've come together as a family in his absence.

She can see him smiling at her suddenly - can imagine . . . oh she needs to kiss him again so badly tonight - that she could seriously, seriously just scream.

Instead, Kate gathers up her own copy of the novel and heads for the master bedroom – she's too tired to read, feels too wired to sleep so she just crawls under the duvet and snuggles down on his side of the huge bed with it tucked protectively under her cheek.

She wishes she could just absorb all the hidden meaning from it via her skin against the paper pages . . . while she wonders if she'll ever again be lucky enough to know the sensation of his fingers tangled up in the waves of her hair.

Miss you baby . . . miss you so much.

What they've gleaned so far dances in front of her in the darkness – tormenting her to make some sense of it all . . . and as Kate begins to fall closer to sleep she ticks off what she believes they've learned already on the wipe-board within her mind.

'Proceed with caution Kate . . . the New York drug gangs are somehow mixed up in this . . . maybe the reason for his disappearance . . . it is completely explainable. . . somehow . . . it seems he's hinting that the CIA are behind it . . . '

It's all such a crazy theory – its all Castle – but this is real – what they've learned - she just knows instinctively it is, and it sure feels like a lot for a mere ten chapters . . . like genuine progress, like she is - for the first time in five excruciatingly long months – finally getting somewhere.

Somewhere that's closer to him.

He feels real once more . . . present . . . not just an impossible dream . . . exhausted finally . . . Kate sleeps.

She finds herself walking along an unfamiliar shoreline, sand smooth and warm beneath her bare toes . . . a hot sun shining brightly in a sky as blue as his eyes over her head.

The wind gathers up her hair and tosses it into her face, so she reaches up to pull the honeyed strands out of her eyes and its then that she sees him . . . sitting all alone a mere hundred feet away from her on the sand.

Oh God . . . Rick!

Her heart leaps, her feet fly . . . they carry her to meet him until they fail beneath her and she falls onto to her knees beside him, her hand shaking as she reaches out . . . wondering if he's real . . . but his shoulder is warm and solid under her questing fingertips.

He turns to look at her then - the gentlest smile she's ever seen breaking open slowly across his handsome face, lips quirking upwards at the corners just so . . . that innocent mischief she adores present - as ever - in his eyes – love starkly written in all the lines of his face.

"You found me." He laughs softly. "You found me Kate."

She automatically answers. "Did you ever believe I wouldn't?"

But it's a line from somewhere . . . from something . . . and she knows then that she must be dreaming . . . but she finds she doesn't care . . . she doesn't give a damn . . . it's just everything to be with him again – she'll take that anyway she can.

Still she shakes her head at him, eyes filling with unshed tears as she grips onto his bicep, strong and firm – nothing about him has changed . . . he's just as she remembers him.

Her voice is now locked in her throat – nothing will come out. She wants to ask him questions, wants him to explain to her about the novel – have him tell her what he needs her to do. But she can't, she can't speak, can't have a conversation with the figment of him that her mind has conjured . . . doesn't want to waste time when she just needs to feel him . . . hold onto him again.

His hand comes up and cradles her face – feels so perfectly real – the warmth of his large palm soaking into her cheek, his long fingers softly caressing her skin, his thumb ghosting over her lips.

"Don't look so sad." He leans in to whisper quietly – his mesmerizing eyes glowing softly with deep concern. "I never leave you Kate – not really – you know that I'm always here."

She tries to nod – agree with him, reassure him – herself - but instead her eyes close as her tears spill over and she flings her arms around his neck, pushes herself into his lap – clinging to him desperately with her legs wrapped securely around him . . . if she can just hold on tightly enough . . . if she can just weld him to a part of her.

"Come home." She mumbles to him brokenly. "Please . . . you have to . . . you have to just come home Castle . . . please."

His laughter is soft again in her ears, his broad chest shaking with it gently against her – strong arms closing around her and it's everything she's ever wanted. Everything. The only times in her life she's known complete joy have been in his arms and she aches for it again . . . for the absolute purity of happiness he brings to her.

"You love me." He tells her . . . sounding as ridiculously pleased with himself as he was the first time she managed to utter those precious three words aloud.

Face buried against his neck she finds she can laugh a little too.

"So much Castle . . . so much."

He pushes her back then, prying her face away from him so that he looks at her, his face is quiet and serious, his eyes deep midnight pools of love.

"Did you get it?" He asks.

Get what? Did she get what? . . . Oh . . . the manuscript?

She nods. "I got it . . . I got the book."

He smiles – looks so pleased.

"I was afraid it might not make it . . . that it might be cast aside or fall into the wrong hands."

She buries her fingers in his thick sandy hair knowing it's both their fears falling from his lips - she leans in and kisses him then . . . kisses him so fiercely, her mouth prying open his ruthlessly, her tongue delving quickly inside. She might wake up at any moment – she must grab what she needs.

"I'm afraid." She breathes into this mouth when she can force herself to pull back – oh God it all feels so real.

"I'm afraid too – but you needed the information Kate . . . to keep you safe . . . it'll keep you safe . . . I'll keep you safe if you'll let me."

He's not making sense . . . and she just has to . . . has to . . . kiss him again . . . tangle his tongue with hers.

He lets her for only a moment - before he once more pushes her back.

"Listen to me . . . its almost over Kate . . . almost – after so long - you have the answer in your hands baby - what's needed is all right there."

She studies him desperately - longs for a straight and easy answer.

"Why is it so cryptic Rick - why did you have to hide it all?"

He brushes his fingers along the bridge of her nose.

"Because they're watching Kate . . . they're always watching you."

She frowns, feels him fading away beneath her, his solid form dissolving - it breaks her in two.

"Who . . . please Castle - tell me who . . . tell me why?" She cries despondently.

She knows he can't, that he's merely a dream . . . but still she clutches at him . . .knows with a sick certainty that once he's gone she'll wake up again.

She's surprised when he answers her anyway - handsome face frowning like its so obvious.

"The New York drug cartels Kate . . . both them . . . and the CIA."

She wakes up breathless and wanting him . . . and wondering if it's true.