Chapter Thirteen: The past is in the present
It only took a few minutes for everyone to settle back into the courtroom, taking their previous seats and returning the unwanted gloomy atmosphere. The Judge was sat in her seat, high and mighty in all her grace while the jury sat motionlessly, whiling for the hearing to continue.
Magnus was sat next to Alec on the front row, as before, with their intertwined hands lying on his thigh. He was dreading what inevitably was to come: him undergoing further interrogation, Camille coughing up more lies, and a few other people answering questions while he was being given disgusted disapproving looks that he didn't care about, not much anyway.
As he sat there, Magnus wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn't met Camille, if he hadn't protected his mother, and if his mother wasn't so insistent on finding an 'amazing' lawyer. He thought up alternative lives, alternative friends, only to realise something: all those alternative lives included Alec, but he knew that in reality, only this life could have truly provided him with the grace of Alexander Lightwood, the love of his life. So he thought back to what he'd said to Alec earlier and realised the amount of truth in those words.
He truly would never change his life for the world, not if it meant losing Alec.
Proudly, he looked at the boy in question and poked him a little in the ribs with his elbow, getting Alec's attention. Alec turned to look at Magnus and gave him the warmest simile possible: his white teeth brightened up his face, his lips quirked up at the corners and a little hint of a dimple on his cheeks. All this was endearing but there was one part of the boy that Magnus couldn't take his eyes off; his eyes. They shined so bright like stars in the dark sky, reflecting so much emotion: so much happiness, for the fact that Magnus was there with him, so much sadness, for Magnus and his situation, and love, love for all that was Magnus Bane.
He definitely wouldn't change his life for the world, or heaven, for that matter.
Magnus could do nothing but just smile just as happily back, allowing himself to be engulfed in the joy of having Alec by his side. They smiled contently at each other, their feelings for each other evident in each of their faces. Their little happiness was disrupted by the continuation of the hearing.
"Magnus Bane did not harm his father in vain. He did not kill his father to release the anger of being dumped, not in the slightest." Robert stated, his voice sonorous, echoing in the courtroom.
"Objection your honour, but my witness clearly stated otherwise-" Valentine was cut short by the Judge overruling his objection, effectively shutting him up. Alec smiled proudly.
"Mr Valentine here so blatantly accused Magnus of killing a man that he had grown up with, believing as his father," Robert said much more carefully. His voice was soft when he looked at Magnus, almost sad. He turned to look at Hannah, Magnus' mum, with a look akin to sympathy.
The meaning behind Robert's words and looks were not lost to Magnus. His heart was beating fast and his forehead was sweating up; that almost never happens. He had never really questioned what her mother had done to evoke such a response from his father but whatever it was, he knew it wasn't his mother's fault. The man was mad after all, he could have done what he did simply because he felt like it.
Magnus looked as his mum, who was sat on the other side of him, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. She just looked straight ahead, her eyes following Robert's movements. She looked sad and guilty, like she had too many secrets bottled up and some were slipping out slowly, antagonising her. Alec simply held onto Magnus' hand tighter, trying and almost failing at comforting his boyfriend.
"Have any of you asked yourselves why Mr Bane was attacking her own wife on the night of his death? No, didn't think so." Robert said accusingly, looking directly at the jury. "Yes, you could say it was because the man was ill, but you'd be wrong. Mr Bane's autopsy shows that he had been taken his medication regularly in the past month before the attack." Robert said, stepping close to the Judge in order to hand her some paperwork he held. "Here are the medical records to prove it."
"Thank you, Mr Lightwood." The Judge replied. She checked through the paperwork, looking for any signs of forgery. There wasn't any. "They papers are authentic," she said with the slight nod directed at the jury, who started scribbling down in their paper work.
"Thank you my lord." Robert said, smiling contently. "Therefore Marcus Bane was in his right mind when beating up his wife! He clearly intended to murder her. Had he been alive, he would be here, in place of his son, with the charge of either murder or attempted murder. So my question is to Mr and Mrs Bane: why defend a man like that?" Robert asked, anger lacing in his voice. "Clearly it is a personal matter?" Robert questioned but his tone suggested that he believed it to be a fact. He got no answer, so he continued.
Valentine was sat in his seat, tense and full of animalistic hatred. His gaze was hot-blooded, and directed at Robert.
"At base, the jurisdiction of USA states that murder consists of an intentional unlawful act with a desire to kill and fatal consequences." Robert quoted. "Firstly, Magnus was defending his mother, ruling out that he killed his father intentionally or unlawful. Secondly, his desire was not to kill his father nor cause fatal consequences, but simply to stop him. Is that so wrong?" Robert asked rhetorically.
A few people in the audience subconsciously shook their heads no, looking sympathetically in Magnus and Hannah's direction.
"Now Mr Marcus Bane on the other hand, he was intending on severely hurting his wife, possibly even killing her." Robert said, glaring at Valentine. "Now, back to the main point: Mr Bane must have had a reason to attack his wife. Not a good reason, there is never a good reason to harm but for some reason, Mr Bane deemed it right to attack Hannah." Robert said, looking at Magnus' mum. "And, she is the only one who is able to tell us if she was truly at the bridge of death and the force Magnus used was necessary."
Hannah sucked in a breath at that; she knew what was coming. She was going to have to tell a story that she thought was buried under the ocean, and to reveal those answers will only result in a tsunami. But she had no choice. She needed to save her son.
"So for that very reason, I would like Mrs Bane to come to the stands and tell us exactly what happened" Robert continued.
"The woman can't speak on the stand, she will be biased! She is too invested in the case!" Valentine exclaimed, standing up and moving his hands fast.
"Aren't we all Mr Valentine? You are only getting full pay if you win the case, right? I'd say you are pretty much invested as much as Mrs Bane here is." The Judge said calmly, directing for Hannah to take a seat on the stand to her right.
"Thank you," Hannah said weakly as she took the seat, and then took an oath to tell the truth.
"I know it must be hard Hannah, but could you please tell us exactly what happened on the night of your husband's death?" Robert asked.
Hannah braced herself, preparing to let all the truth out, and the truth would reveal a huge secret that she had carried around for years and years, unable to talk to anyone about it. Even Magnus didn't know but unfortunately, Mr and Mrs Bane did.
"I went out earlier that day to get some groceries," she started, the memory moving to the forefront of her mind. "I made sure that Marcus had everything he needed: food, water and medication, before I left." She said, tears starting to build up behind her eye lids as she remembered. She could never forget.
Hannah had gotten home late from her shopping trip because there was just too many things to buy and she had gone to see a friend on the way back. The air was humid and the cold wind caused the hair on her hands to stand, trying to trap warm air to maintain a normal body temperature. Her hands shivered as she got the keys out of her bag to unlock the door, dreading what was waiting inside. Slowly, she walked in when she finally got it opened, closing and locking the door behind her. She went straight to the living room to give Marcus a small kiss on the lips, which he didn't return, before going into the kitchen to drop off the bags full of groceries.
"How was your day, hun?" Hannah shouted from the kitchen, getting nothing but silence as a response. Panicked, she dropped everything in her hands and went into the living room, checking Marcus' medication to confirm that yes, she had given it to him. This just made her more on edge as to what could be wrong with her husband. She left to finish arranging the groceries before returning to her husband, who was staring blankly at the pale walls of the living room. His face was expressionless but his hands were tightly folded into a tight fist, or tight that his knuckles were white and there was a thin blood path coming from within his palm, where his nails pierced his skin.
"Are you okay? Do you want something to eat?" Hannah asked anxiously. This behaviour from her was alien to her. Sure, she had seen him in many distressed phases but never so blank.
"I know," Marcus stated. His voice strained from the lack of use.
"You know what?" Hannah asked, stepping closer to her husband.
"I know about you, you fucking bitch! You thought you could keep it away from me any longer?" Marcus asked, suddenly getting up from his seat, frightening Hannah.
"Mark, please calm down. I don't know what you are talking about." Hannah said, trying to get her husband to sit. "Please just rest, okay?"
"I have been resting for twelve fucking years, Hannah and apparently I shouldn't have been!" Marcus exclaimed and took a book, opening it to reveal a single A4 piece of paper that he got out, only to throw at Hannah. "I know!" He exclaimed.
Hannah took the piece if paper and realised that it was a letter addressed to her. "You opened my letter?" Hannah asked disbelief evident in her voice.
"We are married! Can't married people read each other's letters?" Marcus asked accusingly.
"Okay okay," Hannah said, breathing in slowly to calm herself down. But then she saw the address of the person the letter is from. Her hands started to get sweaty and she was starting to shake with fear. She quickly read the letter which caused her insides to ache with every sentence, with every word, with every letter.
No one was supposed to know.
"Oh Marcus please. I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean to keep it a secret…not for this long and you weren't supposed to find out like this." Hannah said rapidly. She didn't realise she was crying until she placed her hands on her face in horror. She wiped off her tears, willing herself to be strong. But she wasn't. If she was, she would have overcome the effects of being intoxicated by alcohol years ago, she would have told Marcus about Magnus, she would have left Marcus a long time ago because she was tired of his constant arguments and she would have told Magnus that he was in no way related to the monster that was her husband. He would have told them that she had tried to contact the man that Magnus was truly related to.
"Marcus please, say something," Hannah said pleadingly. The next thing she noticed was a swift movement in front of her, then her cheek was burning, her jaw was in immense pain. "Oh my god. Marcus please don't do this!" She pleaded.
"I shouldn't do this?! Tell me Hannah, why shouldn't I? Give me a reason not to!" Marcus shouted; his voice laud and deep.
"I'm sorry but I- I didn't know what I was thinking, please" she said.
"When did it happen?! And who is he?" Marcus asked, the tone of his voice suggesting that if his questions weren't answered, bad things would happen.
"When we went on holiday. You were so angry that there was only a five percent chance that we could conceive our own child that you buried yourself in work. He paid no attention to me like it was my fault. I was nothing to you!" Hannah cried out.
"So you thought you would go and find somebody who you were something to?" Marcus asked, disgust clear in his face.
"No, it wasn't like that. I went out and because of you, I drowned my sorrow in alcohol. I was drunk Mark, too drunk to even remember my own name, but I found my way back to you." Hannah said, trying to step closer to Marcus. She was stopped by a sharp slap on her right cheek.
"Don't you touch me again, do you understand?" Marcus screamed. "And Magnus? The letter said that he is his." Marcus said.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Not sorry enough you slut!" Marcus exclaimed just as he made his hands into fists, punching his wife in the stomach. "Now let's see if you can have any more of his fucking homo children!" He said, punching Hannah repetitively, her shouts driving him on. He loved the tortured sounds that escaped his wife's lips, the way her lips bled heavily upon impact with his fist. The drugs were meant to stop him from thinking this way, from living on the fear that people had. The drugs were bullshit.
"Somebody please!" Hannah tried asking for help but she was pushed down onto the floor, Marcus' large body covering her fragile little body, crushing her. "Mark, you are hurting me."
"I know…" Marcus whispered to her, kissing her softly on the cheek before trapping some of her skin in his teeth to bite down hard. Hannah screamed in pain. "Now shut it!" Marcus exclaimed, and then got of her, making his way to the kitchen, only to return with a knife in his hard hand.
"Where are you, you bitch!" Marcus shouted when he got back to living room, which was now empty. He checked behind curtains or any other hiding place. The sound of clinking keys and made his way to the door. "Oh you aren't going anywhere, slut! You were supposed to be mine and mine alone. Sharing isn't always good, Hannah. Didn't you know that?" He asked wickedly.
He grabbed a hand full of Hannah's hair, pulling her back into the living room only to toss her onto the ground, his back facing the door. Just as he was about to lift the knife, the door opened, unbeknownst to Marcus, who was screaming names at Hannah.
Hannah saw her son stand in utter horror for a few seconds, then he took the nearest object in hands reach and hit his father's head with extraordinary power. He dropped instantly.
"He wasn't supposed to find out that way." Hannah finished, still looking at her hands, her face wet with tears. "It wasn't supposed to be like that. He was so happy when he found out that I was pregnant. He was so so happy thinking that I was carrying his child," she sobbed, her hand moving over her stomach protectively. "I didn't want to spoil that happiness."
Silence was all that was alive in the courtroom now as everybody tried to process what they'd just heard about that night. Sadness was clear in most people expression while the jury just looked indifferent. Alec was in utter shock as he looked from Magnus to Hannah, trying to piece together if Magnus already knew about the story. If the hurt and horrified look on Magnus' face was anything to go by, he did not know much. Alec could only watch as a single tear escaped from Magnus' eyes just as the boy got up and raced out of the courtroom, not hearing the cry of his name that escaped from Hannah's lips.
"Magnus please…I'm sorry," Hannah said, trying to get up from her seat but like always, she was too weak; she gave up when she saw that Alec was going after her son.
Alec stood up to run after Magnus and the sight he was met with when he finally reached Magnus was heartbreaking: Magnus was leaning on the wall bent over, his arm on his knees to support him and a waterfall of tears escaped his eyes. Alec slowed down once he was near Magnus so he didn't scare the older teen. He dropped to his knees when he reached him, kneeling down so they were the same height and pulling Magnus into a hug, rubbing Magnus' back in circular motions.
"I can't believe she let me live my life, believing that that monster was my father. I tried so hard to make him accept me and I wasn't even his." Magnus said, his tears running heavily, wetting Alec's shirt. He was lifted up by Alec and they made their way to sit on one of the couches in the waiting area.
"I tried so hard," Magnus cried out. He let Alec hold him when they sat down, taking comfort in the warmth that Alec's proximity provided.
"Shush," Alec whispered. It pained him to see Magnus this hurt. He pulled slightly away in order to wipe Magnus' tears away with thump, kissing him under each eye after.
"She lied to me," Magnus stated.
"Magnus, please calm down." Alec said as he realised that Magnus was hyperventilating. His hair was sticking to his forehead because of the sweat that accumulated there.
"She lied Alexander," Magnus cried. Alec wanted so much to tell him that everything was okay, but it wasn't. He didn't know what he would do if he'd had to live with a man that despised him, going through his life trying to make the same accept him, because that what every child wants: to be loved by his or her parents, and then find out that he wasn't even your father. Magnus never had that from his father and all his life, he thought it was because his father was ill or because it was something he did. He never thought it was because he'd never met his father.
"I want to be relieved that I'm not actually related to him, I want to be relieved that I didn't actually kill my father, that there is a chance that my dad-my real dad- might love me." Magnus said, pulling Alec close to him. "But it feels so wrong."
"It's okay, Magnus. It's okay to feel and want all those things," Alec said soothingly. "It's okay." He repeated.
"If I was a child, it would be okay but I'm not…so it's not okay. It's not okay at all." Magnus said, feeling guilty for being relieved that he hadn't killed his father and feeling angry that his mum kept such a big secret from him.
"I know, but we can't all be perfect." Alec said and kissed Magnus softly on the cheek, pulling him closer, and they both missed the hurt look on the tall man that stood at the entrance of the waiting room.
Hannah's memory is the most violent thing I've ever written and I hope it turn out as emotional as I wanted to be be. I got the name from the song let it go when she sings, "the past is the past." I hope you like it.
~Sherry