Chapter 14

Dan

I went to Tesco with Lia the next day to pick out snacks for the party. She held my hand as we walked down the aisles, throwing crisps and dip and biscuits and whatnot into our basket. We had this sort of game going where she would wander down the aisle from me and pick up random food and hold it up for my inspection. If it was edible without cooking it, we would buy it.

"Can you eat this at a party?" She held up some taco seasoning.

"That's taco seasoning, love."

She sniffed the package. "Doesn't smell like taco seasoning. It smells like paper."

"What does paper smell like?"

"I don't know…paper." She shrugged.

"Miss." A small boy, maybe no older than three or four, started pulling on Lia's shirt. "Miss, is that a spear you're holding?" He was all freckles and red hair.

She bent down. "You bet it is."

"Why do you have a spear in Tesco?"

"You don't know about the broccoli monsters?" She asked all in fake surprise and horror.

The kid's widened and I tried to keep from laughing. "No."

"If you don't eat your broccoli, after a while they start to come alive and eat you! So you better eat your broccoli or you'll have to have to look silly carrying around a spear in Tesco."

"Will, come along dear." The boy was led off by his mother, he was still staring at Lia and her 'spear.' As soon as they were out of earshot, I burst out laughing. "You had that boy scared shitless."

"You can bet your sweet ass that he's going to eat his broccoli now." A mischievous,

crooked smile grew on Lia's face and I kissed her for it.

That night, Chris and Carrie showed up and then PJ showed up and I introduced them all to Lia. They all loved her from the beginning, especially when they figured out she had a sarcastic asshole-y sense of humor like I did.

"So, what do you think of Dan's internet career?" PJ asked, popping a crisp into his mouth.

Lia was holding my hand. "I'm not really one for the computer, but I think he's friggin' hilarious. Especially the one where you dressed up like gimp, PJ."

"Are you going to do a video together?" Carrie said as she leaned over the breakfast bar.

Lia's lips pursed, unable to answer. "Well, we talked about it." I answered for her. "But all the regular boyfriend-girlfriend tag stuff was too boring and we can't do the makeup thing because of obvious reasons."

"I proposed that I did his makeup." She smiled wickedly. "But he wasn't too thrilled with that idea."

"So, we'll probably do a viewer-based interview to introduce her."

"You're going to break a lot of fangirls hearts, Dan." Chris said. "Where you from, anyway, Lia?"

"California." She blushed.

"Oh, I love California!" Carrie cried. "I just was there!"

Lia started talking with Carrie and they were engrossed in conversation about Carrie's recent trip to America at the breakfast bar, so Chris and PJ and I started a game of Mario Kart on the Wii.

"Where's Phil?" Chris asked quietly.

"Phil and I…are having some domestic disputes." I hedged.

"What do you mean?"

"He hates Lia."

Chris paused the game really quick and looked over at my wonderful girlfriend sipping Coke and talking in depth about California beaches with Carrie. "That Lia?"

I nodded my head glumly. "That Lia."

"Man, you guys need to settle that. You're like the Wonder Twins of the internet!" PJ said as he threw mines at my character.

"I know and Lia feels like it's her fault. Like, she's intruding somehow. This is like my first love ever and he can't even be supporting of it." I put my chin on my fist.

Carrie excused herself to the restroom and I watched Lia go up the stairs. "Where are you going?" I asked.

"Be right back!" She hollered back down.

I got up and followed her, remembering I accidently left a box outside my door that I didn't want her to trip over, but she wasn't at my door, she was at Phil's, knocking.

"Phil?" She said and held her ear to the door. "Phil, please come out."

"I don't think he's in there." I said. "He might have slipped out while we were at Tesco."

She blew up one of her curls in frustration. "This is ending, right now." She went into our room, skipping over the box I had left, and started putting on her shoes and coat.

"Where are you going?"

"To find Phil."

"You have absolutely no idea where he is. He could be wandering the Underground or something."

"I'll find him." She kissed my cheek gently. "I'll bring him back. I promise."