3 years and 358 days later…

"14 15 16 16 19 no— oh fuck."

McCoy rolled his shoulders and grabbed the next bowl from the line. The cortisone paste he was mixing needed exactly 36 drops of water added to it. The problem was, he kept losing count and having to throw the whole bowl out and start again.

He took a deep breath and squeezed the pipette gently.

" 8…"

A knock on the glass made him lose count again and he flexed his hands to keep from throwing the whole damn bowl against the wall.

It was Jim other the other side of the lab door (of course it was. Who else would it be?) and he grinned and waved with both of his hand when he saw McCoy look up. Which was odd because Jim wasn't a waving person. And McCoy wasn't a person to whom people cheerfully waved at, let alone with both hands.

Actually, who the hell waved with both hands at all? Something was up and McCoy pushed the safety glasses up onto his head as he debated if he really wanted to deal with something being up today. He watched Jim embarrass himself waving a few more seconds before hitting the switch to unlock the automatic door.

"What's up, Jim?" McCoy sighed, resigned to it already.

"Nothing." Jim took a sit on the other side of the table from him and he stared at McCoy with the same smile. His head tilted almost philosophically. "Nothing at all."

"So you're here because…?"

"Nothing," Jim said excitedly. "I'm here because nothing."

McCoy leaned back in his chair. He'd made a mistake opening the door. He understood that now.

"Can I go back to work then?"

Jim just nodded, his smile now turning a little manic. He folded his arms as he watched McCoy grab a new bowl.

5…

But McCoy hadn't been able to concentrate when it had just been him alone in the room, and now Jim was staring at him. He looked utterly enthralled. McCoy set the water down.

"What is that?" he snapped, gesturing at wild arm at Jim. "What is that face you are doing?"

Jim seemed floored by the question.

"It's just my face."

"No," McCoy said. "No. It's all…weird. I don't like it."

"Sorry," Jim shrugged but tilted his head even more. Like he was fascinated by something. And he was still grinning. It made him look homicidal and McCoy was not up for this.

"Jim, I'm kind of busy. Can nothing wait until dinner?"

"Sounds good," Jim said, pushing back his chair.

And then he winked.

"That was entirely unnecessary. Please get out," McCoy said, feeling unsettled suddenly. Jim was really freaking him out.

"I'll just leave you to…being you, you know?" Jim said, grinning at McCoy one last time before heading out the door of the lab he'd walked into less than two minutes ago.

Even though Jim couldn't see it, McCoy rolled his eyes.

7…

Dammit.

/

Exactly one week later…

Bones had never been the best at reacting to things.

Especially good things. He just never seemed to know what to do with them.

Their first year at the academy, Jim had gotten Bones a sweater for Christmas. Just a completely normal sweater to replace the gray one he wore constantly. Jim had thought it was no big deal. But apparently it was, because as soon as he opened it, Bones had completely shut down. Full-on error mode, he'd tensed up and stared at the sweater in his hands for 12 silent minutes. Just…stared at it. Yeah, eventually, he snapped out of it and reacted in a more normal, traditionally human way but it still was up there as one of the weirdest things Jim had ever witnessed.

So it was anyone's guess, really, how the day was going to go.

While Jim could tell himself that there was no way Bones could react negatively, he couldn't actually make himself believe it. Though Jim's intentions were nothing but genuine, Bones could still find cause to freak out. It was kind of his thing. Everybody has a thing, and Bones' just happened to be that he could find anxiety in any situation (see the aforementioned Great Sweater Breakdown of 2255).

Bones didn't like lying, he didn't like duplicity, he did not like surprises in the slightest, and it just so happened that Jim had spent the last three days doing nothing but lying for the sake of duplicity in an effort to surprise him. That meant that there was a remarkably good chance Bones would lose his mind if Jim pulled it all off.

Actually, there was no if about it. It was already done. All he had to do was walk into Medbay and hope for the best. He took a deep breath.

"You ready?"

Joanna looked up and nodded firmly.

"Ready," she smiled. She was missing a tooth right up front but it'd been like that when he picked her up from earth. Would Bones believe that? Maybe, maybe not. Whatever. Jim just added it to the giant list of violent reactions he be prepared to get from Bones. He returned her smile to hide how nervous he was.

"After you then, my lady," he said, gesturing grandly towards the transporter room door. Joanna rolled her eyes (naturally) and grabbed Jim's other hand.

"Hello," she offered brightly Scotty as they passed by the control desk. Jim managed a faint wave to him before Joanna had completely dragged him out the door.

"Do you even know where you're going?"

"Yep," she said confidently. Then, after a pause. "This way?"

"Yeah, keep going," Jim laughed. "You'll see a big door."

"I know!"

Jim had no idea if this was how normal children behaved, or if the devastating sass was just a McCoy thing. The last time Jim had spent time with Joanna, she had been 4 and hadn't really developed a personality yet. Still, he'd been absolutely smitten from the moment he met her. She had been quiet and sweet and adorable and Jim had begun to understand why people bothered having children in the first place. Now she was 6 and liked to be the boss of everything and everyone, every minute of every day. Jim had realized this approximately 30 minutes into their 12 hour trip back to the Enterprise. This fact didn't make Jim any less enthralled with the idea of Joanna McCoy, it just added a healthy dose of fear into the mix. It had taken him two and half hours, unfortunately, to realize that it was best to just go with it; let her be the boss all she wanted. So he trailed dutifully behind her as she set out to find Medbay all on her very own.

They passed confused crewmen left and right and Jim just sort of gestured helplessly at the 48 pounds of pure determination leading him around on his own ship, trying to convey a very resigned well, what can I say attitude about it all. Joanna stopped without warning.

"That one?" she asked, pointing at the automatic gray doors of Medbay.

"Yep."

Joanna nodded confidently to herself before pulling Jim along through the doors.

The place was empty, which actually kind of unsettled Jim. He had been hoping for a lot of witnesses, should Bones' reaction get weird. Honestly, Jim had no idea what was going to happen now. Bones didn't like different—Joanna showing up in his office on Tuesday afternoon was definitely different.

Christine looked up from the biobed she was resetting with a nervous smile as Joanna marched up to her; Jim understood completely. Joanna kind of had that effect on people.

"Are you Christine?" Joanna asked, sweet as could be. She looked up at Christine with a wide, sincere eyes and a smile that was all Bones. Christine bent down closer to Joanna's level.

"Yes I am," she reached out a polite hand. "And are you Joanna?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Joanna saluted.

Christine looked up at Jim.

"Okay, well, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life," she said seriously.

"Yeah, she does that," Jim shrugged. "Get used to it. Is he in the office?"

"Yeah, he wasn't in the best of moods when he went in there to do paperwork, so fair warning," she said, standing up with her hand on her hip. "But I have a feeling he won't mind the help."

"I'm the help!" Joanna giggled suddenly.

"Yeah, kiddo, you're the help," Jim smiled. "Are you ready?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? Are you scared?" Joanna asked lightly. "Why are you scared, Jim?"

"I'm not scared!" Jim said, convincing not even himself.

"Why are you scared, Jim?" Christine echoed.

"I'm not," he lied again. "I'm just excitedthat it's your birthday."

Nice one, Kirk. Textbook diversion. He'd be an amazing father.

"Me too!" Joanna said, bouncing on her tiny white shoes. "Can we go now, please?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jim laughed. "Let's go right now."

Joanna, unlike Bones, didn't even hesitate to listen to Jim. Jim shared another look with Christine before being impatiently yanked by the hand to follow Joanna. Joanna let go of Jim's hand as they made it to the door as she quickly ran a hand up and down the front her dress. She looked up at Jim, suddenly unsure.

"Should we knock?" she whispered.

Jim shook his head.

"I think I should go in first," Jim whispered back. "Then give you a sign for you to come in a few seconds—"

"Jim, why are you whispering outside my door?" Bones voiced echoed from inside the office. Jim went wide eyed.

Go, go, go! Joanna mouthed quickly, pushing him towards the handle. Jim pushed it open and stumbled inside.

"Bones! Uhhhhh, hey," he managed, spreading both arms across the doorway in order to block Bones' view. "How are you? How are…things?"

Bones didn't even look up.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the conference for another three days?" he asked, swiping through a report.

"Welllllll," Jim said, keeping his totally natural pose in the door. "Funny story about that…"

"I'm here to help!"

Joanna jumped beneath Jim's arms and popped up right in front of Bones' desk.

To his credit, Bones didn't pass out. He did have an existential shut down, however, but it was very brief. Thirty seconds, tops. He just stared at Joanna completely blank, then would twitch and stare at Jim, completely blank, and then back again. Skilled in the art of Bones, both Jim and Joanna waited patiently in silence.

Then, apparently ready to be a human person again, he jumped up from his chair.

"Joanna," he said quietly, dropping down right in front of her in order to hug her tightly. Jim heard Joanna giggle as she squeezed him back and he looked away quickly, lest he betray his cool. James T. Kirk had seen a lot of things in his life, but nothing quite so great as this. Just as he was thinking he should probably just leave before he embarrassed himself, Bones was standing up and hugging him desperately. Then it was Jim's turn to forget how to be a real person.

"Damn overachiever," Bones mumbled and Jim had to laugh.

"That's me," he managed dumbly, jumping a little as Bones patted him on the back.

"Excuse me, it's my birthday!"

Bones shook his head as he pulled away from Jim.

"Yeah, it is," he laughed, picking Joanna up and sitting her on his desk. "So I'm assuming that means we should go get ice cream?"

Joanna nodded enthusiastically. "Yep."

"Alright then, darlin'," he said, turning around. "Hop on."

"Jim likes ice cream too," Joanna said as she climbed onto Bones' back. She wrapped her tiny arms around his neck.

"It's true, Bones, I do," Jim added.

"He has to come with us!"

They both stared at Bones with wide eyes.

"Of course Jim is coming with us, sweetheart," Bones said with a smile as he looked over at Jim. "He's going to tell me how he managed to kidnap you and take you on an intergalactic road trip without even telling me."

I knew it, Jim said to himself. See, I knew that was coming. He even used the exact same words as I imagined. That's fucked up.

"Yeah! That was scary," Joanna said, entirely not helping the matter. "And really pretty. And there was this really cool explosion."

Bones stopped walking.

"It was shooting star, I swear to God," Jim held up his hands.

"Mmmmhmm."

Jim followed behind them as they left the office. Chapel stood at the nearest bed with her arms folded, looking ridiculously delighted at the sight of them.

"Dr. McCoy," she greeted.

"Chapel," Bones smiled. "You're in charge for a while, okay?"

"Aye aye, sir."

Joanna and Jim both waved goodbye to her as they headed out of Medbay.

"So Christine has to do whatever you say?" Joanna asked curiously.

"Something like that," Bones shrugged.

"But then you have to do whatever Jim says?"

"Something like that," Jim said, before Bones could even open his mouth.