Chapter XIV

Back to Where I Was

Every time I start to change my mind again…

It brings me back to where I was.

- "Back to Where I Was" by Eric Hutchinson

The office building was nice, if a little chilly.

Holly hadn't prepared for it to be so cold, but now that she stood here, shivering in the elevator, she wondered if she would break out the heavy coat next time. Her experience had fooled her; every office she'd ever occupied had been a bit hot, prompting her to wear lighter clothes even in colder weather, even though she was a naturally cold person. But this was a new level of freezing, and Holly hoped she'd be able to keep her teeth from chattering when she met her coworkers for the first time.

The third floor fast approached, and this was where she'd be working in the future which started today. She couldn't stop peering into her blurry reflection in the metal doors of the elevator, trying to make sure she looked right — couldn't stop straightening out her clothes, which felt a bit tight now that she thought about it. She was informed that she would be working mainly with men, and she didn't want to give the wrong idea about herself. Michael had sworn the outfit looked appropriate, but sometimes, she thought his idea of tastefulness was a bit skewed.

She recalled the time she'd accidentally went to dinner with her dress on backwards, because he'd been in a rush to tell her she looked "awesome" even though they'd just gotten a little handsy before leaving.

She smiled when she thought about it.

They hadn't had any time to goof around that morning, since she'd woken a bit late and had to hurry to be ready on time. Plus, Michael hadn't even been in bed when she woke; when she'd come downstairs to find him eating cereal in front of the TV, he'd wished her luck, but he hadn't given her any real measure of affection. She worried that her mother might have said something to him after she'd fallen asleep the night before. Mom hadn't been chatting his ear off this morning, either.

If her mother continued to play hot and cold with Michael, Holly was serious about considering her options. She would have an income soon enough, and then, they could rent a crappy apartment for all she cared, just to get out of the house. Honestly, as much as she loved her mother, she was tired of worrying that Michael would be made uncomfortable at any given moment.

And not only that, but her father seemed to be in great shape, to Holly's surprise. She'd feared much worse when she'd moved to Colorado, but really, he'd remained fairly lucid since then. It made her happy, to know that Dad was still holding together. Even if he forgot the small things, he certainly seemed together enough to walk her down the aisle in a year.

There was no telling whether he'd be any kind of grandfather figure to her children, but she would take what she could get.

The elevator opened, then, and she stepped out, into the hallway. Her cardboard box of desk things, which she and Michael had packed earlier, was heavier than it used to be — and she'd moved desk things many times. It was strange, this time, to have so many little trinkets that made her smile, including but not limited to: a picture of her and Michael at the Dunder Mifflin company picnic, a little Yoda plush toy Michael had picked up on the drive up to Colorado, her lucky pencil with one of the funny erasers she and Michael had discovered at Staples, and a snow globe with Will Ferrell from Elf inside which they had decided to trade back and forth every week, since they both loved it so much. She was set for a great day, whether the people were nice or not.

The handle to the door was colder than anything else, but as she opened it, she found that the actual office was warm inside. She was greeted with the familiar sound of clicking keyboards and hushed voices, and she smiled at the normality of it all. Holly walked around the corner and into the room, trying to stay quiet…

The room was large, with actual cubicles instead of open areas, and the walls were a nice blue, which encouraged her to keep going. The floor was carpeted and the cubicles were short, offering little privacy. The individual office doors lined the wall on the left, and Holly imagined she would find her way to a boss somewhere around there.

As she walked into the room and down the carpet walkway, she was surprised to feel many eyes on her — and though she tried not to look, she couldn't help it. She surveyed the room briefly, inconspicuously, only to find that nearly every worker in the office was looking back at her. Not only were they looking, but they were staring, and not in a welcoming or even a curious way. They stared blankly at her.

And they were men, every one of them. Not a single woman could be found.

Holly swallowed, looking down at her box as she walked a bit more slowly. She didn't know where she was headed or who she was waiting to find, but she knew she couldn't just stand around with everyone watching. Surely a boss or coworker was waiting for her. They'd specifically asked her to come in today.

Finally, someone peered around the corner of one of the office doors, and his eyes lit up in recognition. "Ms. Flax?"

Her eyebrows shot up, and she stopped at first, shoulders straightening. "Oh! Yes?"

"Hi," the man said, stepping out of the room and into the office. She continued walking, then, to meet him as he already extended his hand. She shook his hand mindlessly. "I'm Christopher. It's nice to meet you."

She smiled politely. "It's nice to meet you. And you can call me Holly, by the way."

He nodded. "That sounds fine. So I'm gonna just- just show you to your desk, if that's okay. I'd introduce you to the boss, but he's out today." Christopher gestured for her to follow behind him as he started walking, slowly at first. "How was traffic?"

Holly observed the room as it changed around them, and replied, "It wasn't too bad. It's my first couple months in state, so I'm still getting used to the directions."

Christopher guided her around a turn, and she followed. "That's always fun. Where're you from?"

"Pennsylvania," she said, watching the back of his head as though it would show his expression. She thought it was strange, how far away from the actual office he was taking her, but she didn't mention it. "Scranton."

"Nice."

Obviously, he wasn't that invested in the conversation. So Holly didn't try to keep it going.

Eventually, they arrived at a small area of cubicles, where she found a clean and empty desk just waiting for her. Christopher stopped there and stepped out of her way, nodding toward the seat. "Here it is. It's a little small, but there should be room for all your stuff."

It was definitely not spacious — and it seemed a bit lonely, to be placed far in the back with only a few people around her. But she imagined this was just the way the office functioned, so she set her things down without complaint, and turned back to Christopher. "It looks fine," she said, nodding. "Should I get situated now, or is there anything I should be doing?"

Christopher seemed to consider this, but shrugged his shoulders. "I guess until Bill gets back, there isn't really any way to get to his paperwork. So I'd say, just take today to figure out the office. Listen in on a few phone calls — see how the place works. Don't worry about it."

Holly blinked at that easy advice, drawing a deep breath and letting it out. "All right, I guess. I'll try not to get in anyone's way… if there's really nothing I can be doing."

He shook his head. "Honestly, I think upper management was really just following protocol, so… You don't need to worry too much about actually doing anything. We don't really use the H.R. department, if you get what I'm saying."

Holly swallowed, not at all sure of what he was saying, but didn't respond before he stepped away from her cubicle with a polite nod and a wave. She slowly turned back to her desk, and her little box of desk things, and narrowed her eyes in focus.

They don't use H.R.? That didn't sound right. And Holly had a feeling she wasn't going to like the kind of boss who supported that ideal.

Someone was staring again. She could feel it.

It was the man in the cubicle beside her — or rather, all three men in her cube, simultaneously. Except these men weren't staring blankly. They were either amused, or aroused, or angered by her presence. And she didn't want to inspire any of those.

So she was cautious as she sat down at her new desk, in her new office, at her new job. She could tell she was under a great deal of scrutiny at this, and every other moment.

Setup setup setup, anyway I'm sick and my throat hurts so that's all. Thanks for reading and reviewing and etc.