Kiku does not want the spotlight that Japan has begun to crave.
It is so easy to remember his childhood. Before anyone else came to him. Just him and his family, his real family. Not how all nations believe and call each other brother, sister. When Japan stepped forwards and met China that is what happened. China presumed to call himself his brother. Japan might have been only slightly uncertain, but for Kiku there was no doubt.
China was not his brother. Kiku knew of his brothers and sisters. Even if he and Japan are the only ones to see them anymore.
There is no point in mentioning them to any other. These thoughts are only slightly pacified by the fact Kiku has heard America mutter about his states under his breath. The fact both Veneziano and Romano both exist (are both seen) is because there is just enough of a diversity such things cannot be displayed in one single person. Kiku has to believe this.
Because shut up in his own home, Kiku only does not mind the intrusion of his siblings. His family. Kiku would love nothing more than just to stay there and enjoy the outside world through this filter. The outside world is filled with so many things, so much to learn...
He likes the learning. Learning has never been the issue. Kiku likes knowing things. There are only a few reasons why he will believe anyone would not want to know things.
Japan had always agreed with this sentiment. Until. Until.
When Japan suddenly realized there was an outside world he could grasp, he could understand, he could become a part of... it became an obsession. This is still an obsession. An obsession Kiku does not share. Japan laughs and wonders why. Kiku cannot think of an accurate response which Japan would not toss aside. Differing opinions in such ways have that affect on people. If someone loves the colour red and another person hates it... there is not talking about that colour. There is no middle ground with such feelings.
Kiku hates America for this. Without America, Kiku could still ignore those to his West which proclaimed themselves as his brothers and be himself by himself. Kiku would not have had to watch China scream.
(He hates China so, but China does not deserve such treatment. China never deserved to be stabbed in the back either, but that is a different story.)
Kiku loves America for the simple fact he would miss this without America giving him this opportunity. Without America he would be locked up by his own volition. Without America he never would have become friends with England.
And lost him.
He never would have become friends with Italy and Germany.
And watch them all loose.
"How can we make progress in life without taking risks?" Japan asked him. It was World War Two. America was not going to see them coming.
"This is progress?" Kiku questioned. "How is hurting people progress?"
"Do you question the authority of our Emperor? Do you question the protection this will grant our people once we have become supreme?"
Kiku was surprised he was against this course of action. This way, he would not have to deal with these outsiders. This way...
Maybe Kiku does not hate people as much as he has told himself he does. Maybe he can give people other than his family a chance. Kiku does not want to be an angry person. Maybe the outside world is not as frightening as Kiku thought it was.
But being out in the world is not the same as being watched by the entirety of the outside world.
Their eyes scare him.
Japan revels in this attention. Maybe it was not what either of them intended, but he revels in it nonetheless.
Kiku is not certain what he wants. He knows one thing he does not want however. He does not want the world staring at him. Cracking under the pressure of their eyes. Wondering how he has lived this long while feeling the full brunt of their wishes.
Japan modernized so quickly.
Kiku still has to catch up.
"Are you all right, aru?"
Kiku cannot glare at China as he used to. Kiku almost feels as if China is the older brother who intruded on his privacy. Kiku wonders if this is him finally changing.
"Thank you for your concern. I am perfectly fine," Japan responded, in a voice detached.
The change embraces Kiku. But Japan does not embrace back.
Next: China.