AN: More talk of mental illness, and some other stuff.
It was dark when Helga woke up un an unfamiliar place. The room was sparse and white, the only light source coming from a sliver of light behind a half open door. She sat up in bed, wrinkling her nose at the rough sheets.
"You scared the hell out of him."
The voice was quiet, coming from her left side. She looked towards the window. Gerald was sprawled in a chair, head leaning against his hand watching her.
"How are you feeling?"
"Tired." She rubbed her arms. "And cold. Where am I?"
"The Meadows. Dr. Bliss admitted you yesterday. Do you remember anything?"
She frowned, trying to remember the last couple of days. Tears sprang to her eyes and through the tears she saw Gerald straightened up in his chair.
"It wasn't a dream," he confirmed. She began crying, her hands buried in her face. Gerald got up, noticing Tad sitting up in the other chair and climbing to his feet. He sat down on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
"It's okay, Helga. It's okay to cry. God knows I've been doing enough of it these last couple of days."
Another arm wrapped around her and she knew instinctively it was Tad. She leaned against his chest, not saying anything to either man. Gerald continued talking.
I'll repeat what I told you when Tad called me the other day, I've lost her Helga, we've both lost her. Please don't make me lose the only other person who knew her as well as I did. It hurts, it hurts like Hell, but we have to live onto carry her legacy. Promise me you'll never do this again. If it gets too bad, you call me. You call Tad or you call me. No matter what time. Because I don't want to do this again. Because you know she's damn determined enough that death itself isn't going to stop her if she thinks you're doing something incredibly stupid."
Helga shuddered in a breath, nodding against his shoulder.
"Promise." Her voice was muffled against his shirt. Gerald and Tad sharing a look surprised that getting a promise from Helga was so easy.
"What's today?" she asked. Tad winced.
"Saturday the 20th."
Helga sat up, fresh tears filling her eyes.
"No no nono…."
Tad reached over, stroking her arms. "Shhh….Hel, you were in no shape to go to the funeral. I promise once you get better and Dr. Bliss says you can handle it, we all go to the gravesite and see her. But not until Dr. Bliss signs off on it."
"Please tell me you went." She sobbed. "She deserved someone who loved her to see her off."
"We did." Gerald said. "Tad was hesitant to leave you, but I drug him to the service. Everyone was there. I explained your absence to her parents and they understood."
"It was beautiful, Hel." Tad said. "There were some theatrics that she would've mocked but besides that, it was perfect. Well, as perfect as a funeral can be."
"Now you. Get some sleep and we'll have the nurses call Dr. Bliss in the morning." Gerald said sliding off the bed and heading back to his chair. "I'm serious Pataki, don't pull this crap again. You let someone help you."
Helga wiped her eyes and glared at Gerald. "Why do you care? You know my biggest secret, I'm broken. I'd figure you'd be singing that off the rooftops by now."
Gerald glared right back. "You don't know me Pataki. We may not be best friends and we may argue all the time, but you are my baby girl's best friend. And we are friends enough that your misfortune is not what I want to see." He leaned back in his chair. "Besides, I can keep a secret. Hell, I've known since sixth grade that you've had the hots by my best friend and never said shit, why would I go around spilling this secret.
It was twilight when Tad finally left Arnold's house. Helga was still asleep in the upstairs bedroom and he and Arnold had talked seriously for several hours regarding everything Helga. He was surprised at how Arnold kept asking question after question until he understood everything. But then again, he shouldn't have been too surprised, this was, after all, Arnold Shortman. The man was the closest thing Hillwood had to a saint.
He was in his car and pulling away from the house when his phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he clicked the hands free device.
"Good evening, goddess, apologies for our lunch being cut short."
"Could you come by my house, please?"
He knew that tone of voice. It was the tone that Rhonda got when she was pissed off but trying to stay polite. He'd been witness to it more than once during their high school career.
"Of course I can. Is there any particular reason?"
"You need to pick up some things," Was the only answer he got. He headed towards Rhonda's trying to figure out what he'd left at her house.
He pulled up to her house, noticing the rental car parked in front of her yard as he pulled into the driveway behind her car. Rhonda was already at the open door when he got out and made his way to her porch.
"What does my goddess command?" he joked, taking care not to kiss her. He wasn't sure where Ronnie was and the last thing he wanted was for the teen girl to appear as he was kissing her mother. They hadn't told her yet, and if he had his way, he and Hel would leave town with Ronnie being none the wiser about he and her mother's…activities.
"You left something in my den."
Frowning, he walked past her towards the room at the back of the house. As far as he could remember, the one or two times he'd been at her house, they'd never made it as far as the den. He heard Ronnie talking as he approached and then a familiar voice answer.
Well shit.
He walked into the den, Rhonda close behind him.
Sitting in the den with Ronnie talking and laughing like they'd just seen each other the day before were Allen and Anne. They both looked up as he entered the room, Anne spotted him first, her face lighting up.
"Tad!"
He pointed a finger at the dark haired actress. "You are supposed to be on set. In California. What the hell?"
"I quit. Talked to the lawyer who said that he was violating my contract that he agreed to. So I told him he was an unprofessional asshat, blew it all up to the media, grabbed Allen and headed out of town."
"I was finished with my stuff." Allen added.
"We've been dying to see Hillwood and when Ronnie told us you and Hel were here, we figured there wasn't a better time."
Ronnie simply grinned at the two adults. "You aren't mad, are you? Because you should have seen the look on everyone's faces when they showed up at school. I thought Lyss was going to have a heart attack."
Allen grinned, poking her shoulder. "No. That one girl who is such a bitch to you…"
"Dallas," Anne supplied.
"Yeah, Dallas," Allen continued. "Her face was way better than your friend Lyss'."
The three laughed. Tad and Rhonda shared a look.
"Daphne said Ronnie was out with friends when she got home from school," Rhonda supplied to his confused look. "She walked in about thirty minutes ago with these two. I'm just as surprised about this as you are."
Tad sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You two are going to make me go grey before I turn forty-five."
"Tad, we were turning you grey way before this." Anne joked.
"Okay, you two are going to have to come with me. Our place has way more room than Rhonda's and she doesn't need two more mouths to feed. Especially two bored ones."
"Party pooper." Allen teased.
"I expected you to call Hel," Ronnie said. "I didn't even know you had Tad's number."
Allen snickered and Tad gave him a fierce glare. Ronnie looked back at Allen.
"What? Am I missing something?"
"Why wouldn't I have Tad's number, Ronnie? We were friends in high school, I told you that."
"Well yeah, but, you haven't seen him or Hel in years you said. I just figured you'd call Arnold who would tell Hel."
"Where is Hel?" Anne asked.
"Busy. Say goodbye to your friends and let's go." Tad said, his tone stating he was not going to argue. Allen and Anne groaned but stood up good-naturedly talking to Ronnie and giving her hugs. Tad spun on his heels and headed back towards the foyer, Rhonda talking one last look into the den before following.
"Rhon, I'm so sorry about this." Tad said when she reached him. "I had no idea they would do something as brainless as a cross country trip to visit Ronnie."
Rhonda lifted a shoulder. "I knew she was talking to them but I never asked about what. I have a feeling this is all on them. It'll be fine."
One side of his mouth quirked upwards, "You know, when you asked me to come over, this was the last thing I was expecting."
"You can never say I'm not full of surprises."
He gave short laugh. "No, my goddess, you are definitely not that."
"Oh my God!"
Rhonda and Tad turned to see Anne practically bouncing on the heels of her feet, her hand clutching Allen's arm. Ronnie was frowning at the scene before her.
"There's a happy ending! Holy crap Allen, we can totally do the you tube ending now!" She pulled her phone from her back pocket. "I gotta text Ariel."
"No!" Tad yelled, a hand out to stop her. "No! No texting Ariel, no snapchatting Becky, no calling Lana! And no you tube ending! I told you about that." He chucked a thumb towards the door. "Get to the car, now."
"But that was when you were insistent there was no chance in hell," Anne insisted. Allen grinned, kissing Ronnie on the cheek.
"We'll text you later gumdrop." He pulled out his keys, turning his grin onto Tad. "I should've known when Hel and Arnold got together that eventually everyone was getting a happy ending."
"Out!" Tad growled at them.
"Mom?" Ronnie asked, her eyes darting between her two friends, Tad and her mother. "What the hell? Is there something you want to tell me?"
Rhonda shot a glare towards the two young adults who were bickering as they walked out the door and then to Tad. He gave her an apologetic look. "You want me to stay?"
"No. I'll call you later."
He nodded, glancing one last time at the teen who he could tell was moments from figuring out what was happening and left the house. He'd deal with his two problems and then find out what the damage was later.
As soon as the door closed Ronnie turned to her mother.
"What is going on? Why are you suddenly so friendly with a guy you knew in high school? What are Anne and Allen talking about because the only thing they keep threatening to do on you tube is an unofficial scene where Brooke and Theo finally hook up."
Rhonda sighed, mentally wondering how she could murder two actors from a popular teen drama and not get caught. She had never been the one to break news gently, it was easier to lay it out and deal with the aftermath. She'd done the same thing when she'd broke the news of her and Dashiell's divorce.
"Ever After was loosely based on our shared high school experience." She said. Ronnie frowned.
"What? What do you mean loosely based? Like the characters? Some of the situations?"
Rhonda gave her a look. "Your grandmother's name is Brooke, Veronica, don't play dumb."
Ronnie's eyes widened in shock. She looked to the now closed front door and back to her mother. "Anne and Allen play you and…who? Tad?" Her eyes grew even wider. "Theo is Tad? That means Helen is…" Her face paled. "Does Daphne know?"
"Daphne already knows." Rhonda stated. "Apparently a couple of the kids told her during your trip to LA. According to her father, she freaked out…a lot."
Ronnie stood in stunned silence as she processed everything. She looked back at her mother, her dark eyes suddenly burning in anger and for the first time, Rhonda saw a hint of who she used to be in her daughter's eyes.
"Daphne knew and she didn't tell me? What the hell? The fact that I'm watching someone playing my mother sleep around with random guys on television is a pretty huge thing not to tell me!"
"Veronica Blair Montague!" Rhonda was getting angry. "Watch your mouth."
But Ronnie was on a roll. "Watch my mouth? I'm the one who had a crush on a guy who was playing the producer of my favorite damn show. And then someone who's supposed to be my best friend finds out that our parent's lives are being played out on TV for entertainment purposes and doesn't bother to tell me? How humiliating is that?"
"Not very considering only about six of us know the truth." Rhonda shot back. Ronnie's eyes narrowed.
"So that's why Tad's suddenly been around so often? You needed your jester back and he was only more than happy to come crawling back to you? That's just sad, Mom."
"That is quite enough." Rhonda snapped, her teeth clenched. "Go to your room. You can talk to me when you've calmed down."
"I've calmed down? You've been lying to me all these years and I'm the one who's out of line? You're just pathetic."
She spun on her heels and ran out of the foyer. A moment later she heard the door slam shut. Rhonda let out a heavy sigh, shoulders sagging as she rubbed her forehead. All in all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. She briefly thought about texting Arnold but figured he had enough on his hands at the moment, he didn't need her ranting about her daughter's meltdown added to his plate. She'd talk to Tad about it when he called later.
When she woke up it was dark outside. The room she was in was dimly lit but she could see the night sky from the window across the room in her line of vision. Her head was fuzzy and her mouth felt like she'd eaten an entire bag of cotton. She moved slightly, hating the fuzzy feeling the Xanax always left her with. A hand touched her shoulder and she tried licking her lips, her body feeling uncoordinated.
"Water," she croaked as she rolled over and tried to sit up. Hands helped her up and placed a cool water bottle in her hand. She drank the entire bottle greedily, savoring every drop that washed away the dry mouth feeling. If she had this feeling, then she had an anxiety attack. Which meant…
The hand still on her shoulder moved, stroking lightly down her arm. She looked over at Arnold, who was sitting in the bed next to her, his back against the headboard, a book in his lap. He watched her, his hand stroking her arm.
"Drink," he encouraged. "Do you need another one? Tad said you might be thirsty."
She shook her head, finishing the bottle off. She kept eye contact with him, not sure what was about to happen. He waited until she'd finished drinking and then took the bottle away from her. Marking his place, he put the book on the night stand and moved so he was facing her.
"First, I'm sorry. I called Tad because I was scared. I didn't know what to do, didn't know what I'd do wrong and I needed someone who could tell me what was going on, what I needed to do."
"You didn't…" she started but fell silent when his finger touched her lips.
"Let me talk first. Tad came in and fixed everything. And then he told me everything, after he made sure I wasn't going to cut and run. He told me about your diagnosis, he told me about the pills, about the attacks, how they work, what to look for, how to try to stop one before it starts. He told me how you managed them, how you've been living with them, the time he was scared you wouldn't. Everything. I made him. I asked him." His hands reached out, clasped her hands and pulled them into his lap. "Nothing he told me made me think that we were a bad idea. Nothing he said about you makes me love you any less. Nothing he told me is going to make me not continue to fight for what we have. I love you Helga. I loved you before I knew and I love you now."
She shook her head. "I'm broken. Crazy."
"No. You're not crazy, these pills don't make you crazy. And as for broken, we're all broken in some way. But none of that makes me love you any less. I want to be with you; all of you, no matter what. I'm going to ask you a straight question and I want you to be brutally honest with me, it's just us, you and me. Do you want to be with me?"
"More than anything. It's all I've ever wanted." Her answer flowed from her mouth so quickly it surprised even her. He smiled.
"Then you need to be honest with me. Especially regarding this. As honest as you are with Tad. You need to tell me when you're about to have an attack, or if you're not feeling particularly well that day, because Tad's had decades to figure out your tells, I'm just learning. You have to give me some time to figure this out."
She nodded. "Okay. But, I'm so sorry…"
He leaned forward, his lips touching hers, one hand reaching up to caress her cheek.
"No more apologies."
She nodded, looking into his eyes. She reached out, clutching onto him, her lips meeting his again. Her arms tightened around his shoulders as she poured everything she could into the kiss, showing him what she hadn't been able to tell him. When they parted again, his breath was ragged.
"I love you," she whispered against his lips, her eyes still closed. "I love you more than myself and I would die before I let anything hurt you."
His fingers stroked her cheek. "You could never hurt me." One more sift kiss before he pulled back. "Do you think you can sleep?"
She was surprised to find just how tired she still was. Which in hindsight, shouldn't have surprised her, the Xanax usually knocked her out for almost a twelve-hour span and she'd only been asleep for what looked like maybe eight hours. Her body was still drained.
He reached over and switched off the night stand light, putting the room into semi darkness. Snuggling back into the bed, she curled against him, relishing the feeling of his arms circling her body making her feel protected.
She rested her head against his chest and fell asleep.
Helga stood in a garden, trees lining the area behind her, providing shade. Before her was a rock garden surrounding a small fountain that gurgled quietly. Next to the rock garden stood a bench. She looked around the tranquil area frowning.
"Well, this is a damn weird dream." She said, her voice breaking the quiet of the place. "I don't even know any place like this."
"Not everything is about you, Helga." A voice said behind her.
Helga froze, tearing up. She hadn't heard that voice in almost thirty years, not in her dreams, not in her memories, yet even now, it was as familiar to her as her own.
She spun around, her eyes swimming in tears, her knees collapsing. She grabbed the back of the bench for support.
Standing by the rock garden was a young woman with black hair and dark eyes enhanced by the blue frames of her glasses. She wore jeans and a Hillwood jaguar's tee shirt.
Helga couldn't speak, the letters not able to form in her mouth. She stared at the young woman as a starving man looking upon a five course meal.
The young woman raised an eyebrow.
"This isn't going to go any faster if you stand there gawking at me, ane."
Helga burst into tears, her knees finally failing her. She sunk into the grass, her hands covering her face.
"Oh, Helga, no." She felt a light touch on her shoulder and looked up.
Phoebe was kneeling before her, her hand on her shoulder, looking at her in concern.
"I thought you were finally strong enough for this."
"You can touch me?" she asked, her chest still heaving. "Can I touch you?"
"Of course, silly." Taking Helga's hand, she lifted it to her shoulder. "I'm as real as you are in this place." The wicked glint Helga still recognized shone in her eyes. "It'd get real boring when Gerald visited if I couldn't."
With a sob, Helga rose up on her knees and clutched her best friend in a tight hug, her face buried in the smaller girl's shoulder. Phoebe clutched at her just as tight.
"I'm so sorry," Helga sobbed onto her shoulder. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."
"No, no, don't," Phoebe said, stroking the blonde's hair. She pulled her away just enough so they could look at each other. "Don't think that I brought you here for some weird Jacob Marley visitation so I could rattle my chains and moan "repent" because that isn't going to happen. You are not responsible for what happened to me Helga Pataki. You tried your best to save me, to keep me from harm. It was simple physics, the right ricochet angle at the right time that hit me in the right place. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to save me."
"I could have…" she started. Phoebe put a finger to her lips, silencing her.
"Look at me. There was nothing that could have been done differently. You stayed by my side, you held my hand, you talked to me. I heard you Helga and trust me, in that moment, even knowing I was going to die, I was grateful that I had two of the people I loved the most, outside my family, with me. I felt safe because I knew you and Gerald would take care of me. So please, stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't have ever prevented."
Helga sniffed and nodded, her hands still clutching Phoebe's upper arms. The dark haired woman smiled.
"Good. Because I've missed my best friend and I honestly thought I was going to have to wait until you died before I saw you again."
"How is this possible?"
Phoebe shrugged. "Don't know. And it's annoying not knowing, trust me. You know me, I have to understand everything. But I felt you were finally strong enough to see me. Gerald said you were and I warned him if he was making stuff up, I was going to make sure he regretted it."
Helga laughed, moving one hand to wipe her eyes. "He said you were going to yell at him for making me cry."
"I couldn't, that was me jumping the gun." She stood up and helped Helga to her feet. "Come on, we've only got a limited amount of time and a whole lot of catching up to do."
"How does this work?" Helga asked, still holding on to Phoebe's hand as they moved to the bench. She was terrified that if she let go Phoebe would disappear. "Is this the only time I'll ever see you?"
"No. Now that I've made contact," she wiggled her free hand in front of Helga's face. "Boo. I'll be able to visit you any time. The hard part was getting you here this first time. Anything after this is cake. Now," she grinned. "Now that you've finally splurged on ice cream, how did it taste?"