I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers does.
Chapter 14
Bella sighed in pure pleasure. She was in her favorite place in the whole world, sitting with her back leaned on Jaspers chest and his arms draped around her.
They were sitting on his porch, listening to the birds and the wind through the trees. It had to be one of the few perfect days in Forks. The sun shone above casting shadows through the trees. She couldn't imagine a more perfect day.
Jasper kissed her hair softly and stroked her arm. She felt goose bumps appear on her skin and snuggled closer. The last two weeks had been perfect. She still wanted him with a passion she didn't always understand but he offered her so much affection that she was able to enjoy the contact they had.
Maybe in ways it was better this way. Jasper deserved more than she could really give him at the moment. Even though she didn't feel guilty for the little cuddling and kissing they did, it would be wrong to enter into a sexual relationship with her feelings still lingering for Edward.
Edward…to be honest she hadn't thought of him much the last two weeks. Did that make her a bad person? Did it make her fickle? Perhaps Edward was right in not trusting her with his forever if she couldn't remain loyal in her thoughts.
"It's okay, you know." Jasper murmured.
Bella turned in his arms and looked at him. Could he read her thoughts?
"You feel guilty. I'm only guessing but I assume it is because you are happy and you think you should be still mourning Edward." Jasper told her.
"Yes." Bella sighed and fell back into his embrace. She loved that he didn't push the matter. Tell her, as her father and Jacob did that Edward didn't deserve her loyalty. She knew they were right. In all probability Edward was not coming back.
He didn't deserve her loyalty but she feared that if she wasn't loyal that she was like her mother. Flitting from one passion to another never being true to anyone or anything. She loved her mother but she didn't want to be like her. The only person that Renee had loved consistently was Bella herself. Bella still had a worry that Renee would bore of Phil's life on the road and eventually leave him.
The offer she had made to Jasper had hurt him and she was sorry for it but she wanted him so bad it confused her. She sat up and turned to look at his face. She had convinced him not to hide his face from her and she loved looking at him.
She put her palm to the side of his face and looked into his eye. She could see so much in his gaze that at times it took her breath away. Did he love her? Did she want him to?
She leaned forward and kissed him gently on his lips, as always a tingle ran down her spine at the contact and she let out a low sigh of pure pleasure.
"I should go." She murmured across his lips.
"Mmmm" Jasper hummed in half agreement while pulling her closer and kissing her more thoroughly. Her insides thrummed and she grabbed his shirt in her fists trying to keep her hands from wandering. She tried to respect his wishes but at times like this it was hard. She wanted him so much…
He pulled back and she was surprised to catch him breathing hard, he didn't need to breath. Did she affect him like he did her? She smiled and buried her face in his chest, breathing in the woodsy scent of him.
He kissed the top of her head. "C'mon darlin let's get you home." He told her as he helped her up.
Bella wondered if the smile she wore would break her face. She smiled so much these days. She looked over at Jasper and noticed he wore a smile too. Was it wrong for her to be happy? Bella sighed and reached for his hand. She wasn't going to worry about it just now.
They began to talk as they walked. She loved talking to him almost as much as kissing him. It wasn't just the history he had lived through, it was him. His morals and ideals were admirable. She loved his mercy, compassion and kindness. She loved his honesty, bravery and loyalty.
She wasn't the only one who saw it. Her dad greatly admired Jasper and valued his opinion above all others. Sam had got over his deep hatred for vampires to form a respect for Jasper that he showed no one else.
Emily, sweet, kind Emily had confided to Bella that she thought Jasper was the best person she had ever met. He had somehow managed to mend her relationship with Leah. They weren't the friends they had once been but they were talking now. Jasper had shown Leah the strength of the imprint and Leah understood more what happened between her cousin and her lover. It hadn't been enough for her to overcome all her bitterness but Jasper had helped her more by listening to her and letting her release her anger. He never judged her feelings and it was the beginning of healing for Leah. She had even come to last Fridays get together. She had been quiet but Bella could see the beginnings of recovery.
The rest of the shifters admired Jasper for his skill as a warrior and often sparred with him. It was funny sometimes to watch them. They had an obvious hero worship of Jasper. Even Jacob did, he had backed off with his attentions to Bella. He had been a little disappointed when he saw Jasper and Bella kissing but he had told Bella later that he thought Jasper was ten times better for her than Edward and probably five times better for her than him. Bella was shocked at his confession and it showed her just how much he admired Jasper.
"You're lost in your thoughts Belly. Anything I should worry about?" Jasper asked.
Bella hit him on the arm. He always called her that dreadful name when he wanted her attention and it always worked.
"Thinking about how wonderful you are." She told him truthfully.
The smile left his face. "I told you before Bella, I'm not."
Bella sighed in defeat. She loved his humility. She was glad he wasn't like Edward. Edward had soaked up her worship of him as if he deserved it…Bella couldn't believe her disloyal thoughts and shook her head.
She looked over at Jasper with a sly grin. "Yeah you're right but I guess I can put up with you even when you're annoying me."
"Annoying you?" Jasper asked with a frown as they walked up her porch.
"Well you keep calling me that dreaded name, you insist that you are less than you are and you won't kiss me when I clearly need your kisses." Bella told him as she faced him with a small smile.
"Hmmm well Belly I do love annoying you but I guess I could have a little mercy." He said as he pulled her close.
She threaded her fingers through his hair and tugged him down to meet her eagerly awaiting lips. Their kiss soon turned passionate and she groaned as the fire spread in her stomach and started an ache she knew wouldn't be quenched soon.
They were so lost in the kiss she didn't notice her father till he cleared his throat rather loudly. She pulled back from Jasper reluctantly, but the desire that had threatened to overwhelm her left her as she regarded her father. He was glaring at Jasper.
She had been caught up in Jasper for the last few weeks but now that she thought about it Charlie had not been friendly with her. He had been gruff and disapproving. Guilt swamped her as she realized that she had been so caught up in Jasper she had been ignoring him. She didn't want to do that, didn't want their relationship to revert to what it had been. She had just resolved to talk to him tonight when he turned his gaze to her.
"Bella I need a chance to talk to Jasper." Charlie said his lips thin with anger.
Bella didn't know what was going on and was reluctant to leave. Jasper didn't deserve Charlie's anger.
"It's okay Bella. Let me talk to your father." Jasper told her.
Bella looked between the two of them. They both looked angry but they had been friends for so long. They were two of the greatest men she knew and she would have to trust that they would resolve whatever was wrong.
She nodded and walked into the house. She shut the door but didn't go any farther. She trusted them to work out their differences but both were a little too protective with her and she didn't trust them to tell her what was going on.
"So you took her up on her offer?" Charlie said his voice tight with barely controlled anger. Offer? What offer? Bella wondered.
He didn't give Jasper a chance to answer though. "I thought better of you Jasper. I never would have pushed you two together if I had known you would take advantage. I thought you would treat her right." Charlie growled.
"What offer are you talking about Charlie?" Jasper asked. Bella was glad he asked, she wanted to know too.
"Friends with benefits." Charlie spat out. Bella felt her face heat up. She had forgotten she told Charlie about that. Whatever had possessed her to do that?
"I thought you knew me better than that Charlie." Jasper said.
"I told you how I felt about such matters. You know what I've gone through, how I feel. How could you think I would do that?" Hurt was evident in his voice and Bella closed her eyes in guilt. She hadn't really realized till this moment how much she had hurt him.
"I'm sorry Jasper…It's just every time I see you two you are in some kind of passionate clinch, the heat coming from you two is almost visible. She walks around with a silly grin on her face. Hums and laughs for no reason I can see. I assumed and shouldn't have." Charlie told him.
"I'll be honest with you Charlie. If she loved me I would be with her in a second, but she still thinks of Edward and…" Jasper trailed off, his voice low and pained. He had to know she was listening. Did he want her to know this?
"No man likes to think about his baby girl all grown up and I'd rather not hear details but I know you would be faithful to her. Another man would take what he was offered and not respect it. That's not why I was angry. I thought you had taken her offer and not told her how you felt. That would have been wrong and hurt her and you in the end." Charlie said. How he felt? How did Jasper feel?
"She doesn't love me Charlie. I know that." Jasper said. Bella closed her eyes at the pain in his voice.
There was a long pause before Charlie began to speak again. "I loved Renee, very deeply. You know that, you were there for all of it. The thing is, I don't think I loved her the right way. She was beautiful, bright, exciting but no more than that. When it came to friendship and respect we were too different to last for the long run. I loved her, yes but we didn't really fit. I couldn't let her go though. I've spent my life being loyal to a love that wasn't true. My daughter is a lot like me Jasper. It isn't that she doesn't have feelings for you. I believe she even loves you, it's just she is young and confused on the meaning of real love. She thinks the hero-worship she had for Edward was the real thing. She doesn't understand that real love comes from not just admiring a pretty face but loving the heart and soul of your intended. She is happy with you, she sees past your scars, she obviously desires you…" Charlie said.
"I know she desires me, but she wants me as a stop gap till Edward comes back. Someone who will help her forget." Jasper growled interrupting Charlie.
Bella gasped at not only his words but the anger behind them. It hit her like a ton of bricks. He thought she was using him…she was using him. She didn't hear what was said next as she ran to her room, guilt overwhelming her.
Jasper felt her guilt and felt his own rise. He had enjoyed the last two weeks with her. Loved the feelings she projected when they were together, but he had that nagging hurt in him. That anger at her proposal, poisoning their time. He had known she was listening and said that so she would know.
He put his head in his hands as fear started to overwhelm him. He should have kept his peace. What if her guilt caused her to distance herself from him? He didn't think she was ready to let go of Edward. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked into Charlie's concerned eyes.
"She was listening?" He asked.
Jasper just nodded.
"I know my daughter. You need to go fix this before she decides something foolish." Charlie told him.
Jasper started for the door but Charlie's voice caused him to pause. "Bella didn't have a boyfriend in Phoenix as far as I know. The only boyfriend she has had was Edward, at least that I know of. It's kind of surprising she would want to have benefits with you when I'm not sure she has ever had them before. You might want to ask her about that." Charlie told him a little uncomfortably.
Jasper didn't draw out the awkward moment but it caused him to think as he walked up the stairs. He knocked on her door.
"Can we talk later dad?" Bella called through the door.
Jasper opened her door and walked in. She turned in annoyance till she saw it was him then guilt flooded her. He didn't like that, didn't want her to feel anything but the contented happiness that had come from her lately.
"I'm sorry Bella. I knew you were there. I guess I've been harboring a little anger." He said running through his hair.
Bella let out a breath. "I'm so sorry Jasper. I didn't mean to use you."
"I know you didn't darlin." He told her and crossed the room to take her in his arms. She threw her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest.
He held her close, swaying a bit and murmuring sweet words to her. She soaked it up and though the guilt remained it became a little less overwhelming.
"Bella?" He asked. She pulled back and looked up into his face.
"Bella have you…" He paused, embarrassed about what he was going to ask but needing to know. "Have you ever been intimate with anyone before?" He asked.
Bella blushed a brilliant red. "No." She said putting her head down and letting her hair cover her face.
Hope soared through Jasper at the implications. He grasped her chin gently and pulled her up to look at him.
"So you were offering me your first time?" He asked.
She blushed even brighter. "W..well I trust you…and when I'm with you…you make me feel so…." She stammered. He pulled her to him and hugged her tight. This put a whole new light on the situation. Maybe the love he felt from her wasn't just a friendship type of love. Maybe she did truly love him, she just didn't want to admit it because of misplaced loyalty. He sensed only trust and desire. She had offered him a precious gift and he hadn't even realized it.
"Wouldn't you want to save that for Edward?" He asked, waiting anxiously for her answer. He felt a moment of confusion from her then guilt.
"At the time I told myself I offered because of the overwhelming attraction I had for you... I guess it's disloyal but I wanted it to be you...wanted that memory for always..." She said slowly, guilt pouring from her at the admission.
"I don't want to hurt you Jasper. I don't want to use you. Maybe what we are doing is wrong. Maybe I should stop taking advantage of your kindness. You should…you should find someone who will love you as you deserved." Bella said with a frown and tight voice.
Jasper couldn't help the grin appeared on his face. He felt her sorrow, jealously, anger when she made that statement. She definitely did have feelings for him and wouldn't be happy if he took up with another woman.
Were her feelings for him as strong as what she felt for Edward? He wasn't sure. They were very strong but different. She had a very different kind of love for him than she had for Edward.
He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her to him. "I happen to like you taking advantage of me. I like your company. Do you like mine?" He asked. Bella nodded looking up at him with those big brown eyes.
He bent down and kissed her. "I like your kisses. Do you like mine?" He whispered against her lips.
"Yes." She breathed. He kissed her much more passionately then. He felt her desire for him and his own rose to the point where it was almost overwhelming before he pulled back. He groaned when he thought of how close he was to just giving in. Only the knowledge that they were in Charlie's house and that she didn't acknowledge her love for him, held him in check.
He touched his forehead to hers. "Then I think we shouldn't deny ourselves. I can't make love to you Bella unless there is love but we can and should treasure what we have and not worry so much." He felt Bella's relief, it made him happy.
"Maybe Edward has a new girl…" He said out of the blue. He didn't want to hurt her but he needed to feel her reaction. Needed to know for sure how she felt about Edward and him. Her reaction stunned him. Her first feeling was a sense of hope then it was replaced by soul crushing guilt. His own guilt at bringing it up rushed through him and he kissed her hard and fast. Trying to comfort her. She responded with the same passion, but he quickly turned their kisses to gentle and loving.
"I'm sorry darlin, I shouldn't have said that." He said with real regret.
"It's okay I imagine he will find a new girl." Bella said, her insecurity rearing it's head.
"If he does she wouldn't be half the woman you are." He told her kissing her cheek, then her forehead, then her lips. She sighed in pleasure.
"See you tomorrow?" Jasper asked, hoping she would say yes.
"Yes." Bella said with a surge of happiness.
Jasper kissed her one last time before leaving her room. He smiled at Charlie while he was leaving and Charlie returned the smile. Jasper knew that he had relieved his mind and was glad his friend wasn't disappointed in him. He left the Swan's house already counting the minutes till he saw her again.