14. Glimpses of the Past

"Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you"

(Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart - Alicia Keys)


"What do you want Eric? I thought I've made myself clear, I don't want nothing to do with you." Jude said annoyed to the guy follwing her through the hallways of the bid concert hall. It was the night of her first award. She had just won her frist award as the best actress for her part in her first movie, that had been released months ago "Not Looking Back". She had played Lisa Forster, who had been a girl leaving her small town home to live her dream. By now Jude had already finished her second movie, even though this time she hadn't been the main character, since it had been a bigger movie with other real stars in it, she had still gained a lot of fans.

"Why so shy, JJ? You're hot, you're famous and you're said to be great in bed." Eric said lowly and Jude felt his hot and wet breath on her skin. She felt how a shiver ran down her spine and it wasn't a very good feeling. This guy was way too slimy for her taste and too creepy. She walked a little bit faster to get away from him but retorted without missing a beat in a disgusted tone.

"Why do guys like you always think you're god's gift to the world? And why in hell do you always have to insinuate that I'm a slut? You slept with more girls than I will ever sleep with guys, yet you are the honorable cool man while I'm the little slut?" Jude asked loudly and annoyed. How she hated guys like Eric, they were always so full of themselves. So what if she sometimes tended to end up in some random guy's bed after a night of partying? That didn't mean that she wanted to have sex with every male on two feet. She still had certain demands and expectations a guy had to fulfill. With someone like Eric Prest she would never ever end up anywhere, no matter how drunk she was. He might have the money and the looks, but he had no respect for women and was an idiot, to say it simply.

Suddenly Eric grabbed Jude from behind and shoved her against the wall. She let out a little scream as much out of surprise as out of hurt.

"What the hell? Are you frigging-" She began, not calm enough to feel fear just yet.

"Don't run away while I'm talking to you." Eric told her with a strange gleam in his eyes that made Jude shut up. He looked slightly crazy when one looked at him like that. The minute Jude noticed that was the minute it dawned on her, that maybe Eric wasn't just another one of those stupid cocky idiots but a clever and very perverse asshole. And that maybe, maybe she really should have started running a few moments earlier.

But before she could think much more what she should have done or could still do, Eric was pulling her into a room that turned out to be some kind of big closet. He shut the door behind him and quickly pinned Jude against the only free wall between the shelves with his body pressed against hers.

"Don't do this Eric. Just let me go and I'll forget this ever happened." Jude told him with a pleading look in her eyes, amazed at how calm and stable her voice sounded when the fear and the shock was making her nauseous.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to. In fact I'll only do what you want me to." Eric whispered huskily and Jude nearly screamed when she felt something hard poke her through his jeans. She tried to push him away, but he had her arms caught between their two bodies and he was way too strong for her.

"So you'll go off and castrate yourself?" Jude asked, ignoring the sickening fear and letting her defiance take over. She knew that there was nothing she could really do, he was too strong and no one knew where she was. So now she could either plead and cry and let that sick bastard enjoy it, or she could try to at least annoy the hell out of him. And she wasn't one to back down just like that. She still had that temper she used to be infamous for.

Her comment earned her a glare and a slap that made her head spin. Tears shot into her eyes but she didn't let them fall. She even managed to hold her head up high again a few seconds later. Eric wasn't too pleased to see that. Before Jude could even comprehend what was happening she felt her head being thrown left then right and two sharp jolts of pain radiating from her cheeks. He had slapped her again, two times on both sides.

"Cry, Jude, cry for me. Plead with me, beg me to take you right here." Eric whispered, audibly aroused by the whole scene. Jude felt how she was close to the breaking point. She had heard about this before, the moment where the vicitms caved in. Some said one just became numb to everything. She hoped that that was true.

Suddenly a noise from the hallway caught Eric's and Jude's attention and a few moments later the closet door was opened. The intruder ripped Eric from Jude and shoved him into the shelves. He punched him into the face, then released him. Eric sank to the floor, seemingly unconscious. Now Jude was able to see her savior properly for the first time.

"Are you alright?" He asked. Jude had to think first then answered slowly while reaching up to her hurting cheeks with both hands. But before she was able to touch them, the guy she had recognized as Edward Newswick, the famous actor who had announced her award, had softly grabbed her hands and shook his head, indicating that she shouldn't touch her cheeks.

Jude's eyes shot open, she was breathing fast and the shock was still in her bones. She sat up in her bed and looked around wildly and cautiously for a few seconds until she had fully realized that it had just been a nightmare.

And here I thought I was done with that dream.

She sighed. Back then Ed had saved her from a true nightmare and had helped her deal with it. She had gotten close to him and eventually had fallen for him. What had made him out stand from all her other boyfriends was that he had truly been her friend first, even though both had felt the chemistry from the beginning. He had once even gently let her down, knowing that she wasn't ready yet and just trying to get over something else. He had been the one who had made the nightmares of Eric stop. He had been the first guy she had truly felt save with ever since she had started over. He had been the one she had turned to when she had found out someone had been stalking her. He had helped her learn how to love, how to truly trust, again.

She had been convinced that he was her soul mate, that he was the guy for her. She had loved him as much as she had loved Tommy; truly, unconditionally and wholeheartedly. That had been the reason that his betrayal had hurt her more than anything else. More than what her father had done, even more than that Tommy had left her on their first date.

Well he does have guts, that I do have to admit. To just kiss me like that after everything. To actually think that I would ever take him back.

Jude groaned when she realized that ever since the last day, ever since he had kissed her, she hadn't been able to think about anything but him and that kiss. She had nearly thrown her cell against the next best wall when she had heard the message Ed had left her.

The thing was that he said the truth. She had kissed him back. She had let her body take over for a few seconds and now she'd have to face the consequences, she had shown a weakness. She had shown that she still cared, that she wasn't as repulsed by him as she let on. She hadn't completely crossed the line between love and hate yet but was walking on the very edge.

But no matter what, I won't give in. Because I can't. And I'll make sure to get my point across.

Jude stood with a determined look in her eyes. She grabbed her cell and made a few calls. Then she walked over to her closet and took out the well hidden guitar. She grabbed a few sheets of paper from a desk and a pen and sat back down on the bed.

Jude sat alone in a big conference room, staring into space lost in her thoughts while glancing at the clock from time to time. She knew that being late was an everyday occurrence in New York City, due to the unpredictable traffic and whatever else, but she was getting sick of waiting around all alone when she had been forced to come in the first place.

After what seemed like an eternity, Nora opened the door and entered the room, followed by Darius Mills in person and some blonde assistant of his. Nora sat down next to Jude and offered her friend/client a encouraging smile, while Darius and his blonde assistant sat down on the opposite side of the table.

"Jude, it's good to see you again. I'm glad you accepted my little offer. It'll mean a lot to your fans." Darius said without hesitation, grinning at her friendly. Jude gave him an indifferent look, after the nightmare and the stress of reliving everything she wasn't in the mood for chatting. She just wanted this meeting to get over with and be left alone again. And she found herself longing for her guitar and her pen and the privacy of her hotel room.

"Yes Darius I know. That's why I agreed to do the concert so let's quit the sweet talking and get to the point. I was told you had some stuff to discuss...?"

"Alright, let's talk business. I booked a hall for sunday night and everything will be taken care of. Soundcheck will be on sunday, 4 pm, the concert will start on 7:30, everything ok so far?" Darius asked, looking at Jude for confirmation. She nodded sharply, not really caring about the time. "Ok, next point. The press. I talked to your manager about this and she too thinks you should release an official statement today. From tonight on we'll be advertisingeverywhere to get the word out on such short notice and the tabloids won't need too long to find the connection between Jude Harrison and Jude Johnson." Darius wanted to go on but was interrupted by Nora.

"Jude, you don't have to give out that statement, but if they don't find out sooner, they'd find out at the concert and we don't want the media to print any rumors and give the story their own, probably pretty dramatic and unrealistic spin. So it's not a must, but I'd strongly suggest it. The thing is, they'll want interviews with you tomorrow and you will probably have to give at least one."

Jude looked at her friend with surprise written all over her face. Nora usually wasn't so worried or tentative with her.

"Ehm, thanks for the concern, but I think I can handle it. Give out the statement today, I don't care. And about the interview, just pick one more serious paper and tell me when and where." Jude told her manager confidently.

"That's the girl I know. See, I told you, Duras, Jude isn't one of those girls. She's able to cope with the situation at hand just fine." Darius told Nora smugly. Jude watched the exchange between her current and her ex-manager somewhat amused. She had already anticipated, that Darius and Nora would be quite a challenge for each other, since they really were pretty different. "About the set list, Jude, I-"

"You don't anything, D. Tell me when you need it and I'll e-mail it to you. And I'll decide which songs I play, alone. And I'll mainly sing stuff from my first two albums. But maybe the band should just know most of my songs, if that's possible, in case I want to change something. I don't really care about the backup band, but I don't want some dabblers who are just starting out, alright?" Jude demanded, she found it hard to imagine singing all her stuff without SME on the stage. For her the memories of performing and fooling around backstage always involved SME.

"Alright, alright. I guess that will work. I need it by tomorrow noon. But Jude, I know that you don't like singing songs of your third album, but eventually, you'll have to face what happened anyway, and your fans really loved your last album. I mean it made you like famous all over Canada and the States." Darius told her sincerely, the silent plea for her to think about it was obvious. Jude just nodded curtly, showing that she had understood.

She really appreciated Darius' subtle words up to now. She hadn't expected him to be quite as good to her as he was. He hadn't yet forced her to do anything nor told her that she would have to perform mostly songs of her third album. She silently wondered when Darius' had changed and what could possibly be the reason behind it.

"Good, now that everything's settled, I think we're done here." Nora stated after a few moments of silence. She was surprised to see just how nice Darius acted with Jude, she had not only heard a lot about him but gotten to know him at least a little during the last 24 hours and what she knew for sure, was that Darius usually wasn't half as friendly towards his artists.

Jude smiled and stood up, saying a quick "goodbye" to Darius and Nora before heading for the door. She stepped outside, her thoughts already ahead of her, planning to stop by Starbucks before going back to holing herself up in that comfortable suite of hers.

"Jude! Wait up a moment!" Darius' voice stopped her only meters away from the front exit. She turned around and looked at the tall black man suspiciously. He had a white envelope in his hand, waving a little with it.

"I totally forgot to give you this. Shay asked me to hand it to you personally and to make sure that you'd actually open and read it." Darius told her with a blank look, not giving away if he knew anything about what the letter was about. Jude starred at it confused. Why would Shay-Shay writer her a letter?

"How does he even know?" Jude asked, still not making any movements to take the letter Darius was now holding in front of her for her to take it.

"He was around when Miss Duras called me about your concert. I figured that there was no reason to lie to my nephew considering he'd find it out eventually anyways. Plus I didn't realize you two were still close…" He trailed off, obviously wondering if she had had contact with Shay that he didn't know of.

"Well, we're not. And we were not. I haven't seen him since… I think since he offered me to go on tour with him. It's been four years already, didn't realize it was so much." Jude said slowly while finally taking the letter. She was more than curious to know what it said.

Jude

Never thought you'd get a letter from me, huh? Well, you know I'm always one to surprise. I was really impressed when I heard of where you've been the last three years and what you've done. The funny thing is that I've even seen you while you were MIA, but I had just written it off to that imagination of mine or something like that. Good to know I haven't gone crazy after all. Anyways, I was wondering, would you like to meet up some night? I'll be in the city for two more weeks and I'd love to catch up.

-Shay-

"Catch up. After four years. Hell, I'd definitely have something to talk about." Jude muttered, a small smile on her face. She hadn't thought of Shay in ages and wondered if he still was the same arrogant but charming idiot he used to be back then.

"So, what does he want?" Darius asked, giving away only slight curiosity. Jude looked up, having for a moment forgotten he was even there.

"He wants to meet and catch up." She stated emotionless. She thought for a few more seconds and then grinned at Darius. "Tell him that he should give me a call sometime tomorrow. I don't doubt that he'll be able to get my number somehow." With that she turned and walked outside the building.