A few hours later Charlotte arrived at the palace and immediately went to find Clarisse who was in her rose garden watering the roses 'Ma'am' Charlotte called

'Charlotte you back'

'Yes ma'am'

'How is he?' she asked full of concern, she had been worried since Charlotte had left and if she was honest she was jealous too.

'He's a lot better now the charges have been dropped and he is a free man again, it's going to take time but he is doing ok' she smiled

Clarisse continued to water the roses and simply nodded trying to hold back the tears forming in her eyes 'He's coming home next week' she continued

Clarisse stopped what she was doing and looked up 'To the palace?'

'Yes ma'am' she smiled 'It took some persuading but in the end he decided it was for the best until he can find somewhere else'

'I see' she replied 'Should I start packing?'

'Not unless you want to go on vacation but to be honest I don't think that would be a good idea'

'He has agreed to come home to the palace with me still here?'

'Well he said the palace is big enough for you to avoid each other ma'am, but it's a start' she replied 'I'm sorry'

Tears filled her eyes again, he truly hated her, and she had really lost him this time 'I see' she managed to say

'This maybe little comfort for you ma'am but he still loves you, when I told him you had offered to go on vacation, he said it was best you stayed so he knew you were safe. If he didn't care he wouldn't have said that'

'I have lost him Charlotte' she finally broke down 'I'm sorry I shouldn't be doing this in front of you, its just I cant hide it anymore, I cant pretend it doesn't matter because it does. I love him and I hate myself for having that small doubt, I know he isn't capable of hurting anyone let alone a woman, oh what have I done' she sobbed

Charlotte comforted the former Queen, she felt like banging their heads together, they both loved each other and she didn't know of two other people who deserved to be happy more than them.

Over the next few days Clarisse had had Joseph's suite cleaned and made ready for his return. When the day had arrived she was extremely nervous, what should she do, should she stay and greet him, make him know she still cared or stay out of the way in her suite. She placed a vase of her favourite fresh roses in his room, she knew he would know they were from her; she just wanted him to know she was glad he was back. She decided she would greet him with everyone else when he arrived as to avoid him would make things awkward later. She stood nervously next to Mia and Andrew as the car arrived. Charlotte accompanied Joe up the steps and smiled as she saw all the staff there to welcome him. Mia moved forward and hugged him 'Welcome home Joe' she smiled

'Thank you my dear' he returned the smile 'How is married life?'

'It's good' she looked back at Andrew then turned to Joe smiling again 'Really good'

'I'm glad'

In turn they all welcomed him back, Clarisse moved forward slowly 'Your looking well ma'am' Joseph commented coolly

Clarisse immediately knew he had placed a wall up between them and it hurt, it felt like they were strangers, not once lovers. 'I'm glad you've come home' she whispered making his whole body shudder. She moved away to allow Shades to greet his boss and friend 'Welcome back boss' Shades shook his hand before hugging him 'Thank you Shades, you're a good mate' he patted his back 'Thank you for believing in me'

Clarisse felt like he had just stabbed her with that comment, she hadn't believed in him and it was the biggest mistake she had ever made'

'We all did boss'

'I wish that was true' he replied looking at Clarisse, who removed eye contact trying to control her forming tears. Charlotte had witnessed the exchange and could see Clarisse was getting upset so she decided to quickly change the subject 'Well you've had a long day, perhaps we should get you to your suite, yeah?'

'Yes I am tired' he agreed 'Thank you everyone for a lovely welcome back' he said before heading up the stairs to his suite.

Charlotte helped him with his case and then left him alone to settle back in. Once he was alone he looked around the room and smiled, she had had the room cleaned just like he has suspected she would. He smelt the roses and tears filled his eyes, why couldn't everything be like it used to be before they had both said and done things to hurt each other. He made his way over to the sofa where he found a diary with a short note stuck to the front 'Boss, this is the diary of truth! Only the police and myself have read its entire contents, whether any one else finds out is completely your choice. I am around if you want to talk about it, Shades. Joe sat down on the sofa and stared at the pink book in his hands, knowing that if he wanted to know what really happened to him all he had to do was read the diaries contents. He placed the book into the top drawer of the table and covered it with a tablecloth; he wasn't ready to read it yet. He needed sometime to think and get his head around being free and being in close proximity of Clarisse. He decided he needed a shower to help wash off the smell of the hospital and clear his head. Since he had been back which had only been about half hour he could stop thinking about Clarisse, he knew his comments would have hurt her and he hadn't meant to humiliate her in front of all her staff but he couldn't help it.

A few hours later Joe lay awake in bed, he threw back the covers and put his dressing gown on before making his way down to the kitchen for a cup of hot milk. As he sat by the table staring at the clock he heard light footsteps behind him, he knew who it was before even turning around and his whole body tensed up. 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you would be down here, it's late' Clarisse said

'I couldn't sleep' he replied

'Same here, I will go and come back later' she turned to leave before she felt his hand on her shoulder 'don't leave on my account. I will take this up to my room' he said as he held his hot milk

'Is this what it's going to be like from now on, us avoiding each other, with one of us leaving a room as another enters. Joseph, it's like we are strangers, I don't want it to be like this'

'It's the only way I can deal with it, I'm sorry if that upsets you, now if you'll excuse me' he went to leave but she placed her arm across the doorway blocking him 'Joseph we need to talk'

'We are all talked out Clarisse, it wasn't meant to be'

'Is that what you really think?' she asked as tears formed in her eyes 'Can you just forget about everything we shared together because I can't Joseph, I think about you every minute of everyday, no matter what I do to try and change my thoughts, nothing works. I can't get you out of my head, your face the night I said no still plays over and over'

'A lot has happened since then'

'Yes it has and I know it's all my fault'

'Now that's not true' he replied

'Isn't it? If I had said yes that night like I should have done, none of this would have happened because you wouldn't have been out of my sight, you would have been with me'

'We can go over ifs, buts and what ifs all we like Clarisse but it wont change what's happened'

'I know' she sobbed quietly 'I'm sorry I hurt you'

'And I'm sorry too' he replied 'And don't think that I don't think about you everyday too because I do, I couldn't sleep tonight because I knew you were in the room next to mine. It's harder to stay away from you than to be with you believe me. I sat there tonight in bed and all I could think of was coming to see you, taking you into my arms and loving you like you deserve to be loved'

'Well I'm here now' she said 'Hold me Joseph'

'I can't, if I hold you know I won't want to let go'

'I don't want you to let go'

'I can't do this' he shook his head 'No matter how much I want everything to back to how it was, it can't. I love you Clarisse but I can't forgive you' a tear escaped down his cheek 'you though I was capable of raping a woman'

'No' she cried 'No Joseph that's not true'

'It is, remember at the hospital, I took your hand and I asked you to tell me you didn't believe what she was saying and you said you couldn't. Do you know what that did to me Clarisse, I felt like my whole world had collapsed around me and if I am honest I didn't see the point in living anymore'

'Don't say that' she sobbed

'It's the truth, if the one person in the whole world that I trusted and thought loved me could believe I was capable of such a disgusting act then I didn't see a point anymore'

'I know you wouldn't hurt anyone Joseph, please you have to let me explain' she cried

'I don't think there is anything to explain' he said sadly 'I have gone over and over it in my head, trying to search for excuses for you. I don't want to feel like this Clarisse, but there is no explanation other than you doubted me'

'Joseph listen to me please' she placed her hand on his cheek so that he had to look at her. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, a sensation he hadn't felt for a while 'I never doubted you, the man I fell in love with over 20 years ago, I know you would never hurt anyone let alone a woman. What you have to understand is when you came back to Genovia, you weren't the Joseph I knew, and you were like a lost sole, unable to control yourself or remember a thing. That is the Joseph I doubted for a short few moments and that was because you couldn't remember anything, you just seemed drunk'

'But I wasn't'

'No and we know that now. Joseph please don't let this ruin what we had' she moved closer to him 'I have missed you' she whispered as she closed her eyes and allowed her lips to find his, kissing him softly. She didn't know what to expect but was pleasantly surprised when he returned her kiss making it deeper. 'I'm sorry' he said as he pulled away

'What for?' she asked looking confused 'I have missed that' she smiled

'I have too but I let myself get carried away, that should never have happened'

'Joseph'

'I'm sorry' he said before rushing off up the steps leaving Clarisse alone sobbing.

The following morning Charlotte entered Clarisse's suite and found her sleeping on the sofa, it was clear she had accidentally fallen asleep there 'Ma'am' she said softly trying to stir her 'Ma'am' she gently placed her hand on her shoulder and Clarisse woke suddenly 'Oh sorry ma'am I didn't mean to scare you'

'Oh what time is it?' she asked

'10am ma'am, I thought you may have wanted to be woken so that you don't miss Mia before she heads off to France for her annual visit

'Is that today?'

Charlotte nodded 'Ma'am if you don't mind me asking, are you all right? It's just you don't seem yourself this morning'

'I'm fine, thank you Charlotte, I will get ready and make sure I meet Mia before she leaves'

'Is there anything you need?'

'No I think I will be fine, thank you' she smiled as she watched Charlotte leave her suite. Once she was alone she leaned against the cushion and once again allowed her tears to flow freely, just as they had done all evening.

A few hours later Clarisse made her way down to the hall where Mia and Andrew where waiting 'Oh darling sorry to keep you waiting, I didn't sleep too well last night'

'It's ok grandma, no rush'

'Are you all packed?'

'Yes the cases are on board, I was just hoping I would see Joseph before we left but no one seems to know where he is. You haven't seen him have you?' she asked

'No darling' she replied as she remembered the last time she had seen him and tears foamed in her eyes 'I'm sure he will be sorry he has missed you, but you are only going for a few days, he will be here when you get back'

'Yeah I suppose' she smiled

'Right sweetheart are you ready?' Andrew asked kissing her head lovingly

Clarisse closed her eyes for a few seconds and remembered how Joseph used to do that to her when ever she was feeling stressed, he somehow always knew how to make her feel better

'Grandma? Are you alright?'

'Oh yes darling sorry. Now you have a lovely time and make sure you and Andrew get some time to visit the Eiffel Tower, you wont be disappointed' she smiled as she hugged her

'We will and you look after yourself while we are not around to watch over you' she laughed

'I'm sure I will manage for a few days'

'Ok well bye then, we'll see you in a few days'

'Bye darling' Clarisse said as she watched Mia and Andrew depart. Once the doors of the palace were closed Clarisse turned to Charlotte 'Have you seen Joseph this morning?' Clarisse asked

'No ma'am, I don't think anyone has. Jim did say Flower was gone from the stable so maybe he has gone for a ride, he loves riding that horse'

'Yes' she smiled, again memories followed into her mind, they always used to go riding together down deep into the estate where they couldn't be followed or found, where they would have a picnic, such perfect days she thought

'If I do see him would you like me to give him a message ma'am'?

'No, no it's fine thank you' she smiled before heading back to her room.

The following morning, there was still no sign of Joseph and Charlotte was becoming increasingly worried 'Morning ma'am' she bowed as she addressed Clarisse, who was up and dressed early 'You are up early this morning ma'am'

'Yes' she smiled 'I have plans for the rose garden this morning. I don't have anything else planned today do I?'

'No ma'am'

'Do you know what time Joseph arrived back yesterday?' Clarisse asked

'He didn't ma'am'

'What do you mean he didn't?' she looked confused

'This was a matter I wanted to discuss with you ma'am; Joseph hasn't been seen for more than 24 hours now. Flower is still missing from the stables ma'am, if I am honest I am rather concerned ma'am'

'Where could he be?'

'I know Joseph has been through a lot and he hasn't been himself throughout it all but this is definitely out of character ma'am'

'I agree' she nodded 'Let's go to his suite and see if he has left anything that may help us' she continued as she lead the way

A few moments later they were in Joseph's suite, his bed was untouched and his room was looking empty. Clarisse opened his wardrobes, praying his clothes were still there and she sighed with relief when the wardrobe was full 'Ma'am' Charlotte called 'Ma'am I found this in the roses' she handed Clarisse an envelope addressed to her. Clarisse nervously opened the envelope not knowing what it would contain. She pulled out a letter and she opened it up before starting to read it

To my darling Clarisse

How do I start a letter like this, I have sat here now for hours thinking of what to write but I am not good at goodbyes so here goes.

A lot has happened these past few months and we have both said and done things that have hurt each other. I never imagined that we would have ended up like this; I always thought we would grow old together, enjoying life together. When I ran of tonight I decided it was time I faced my fears and I sat and read the diary Victoria wrote and now I know I have no right to be angry with you and I want you to know that I forgive you, I understand why you didn't believe me, if I had been you I wouldn't have believed me either. I have hurt you so much, more than I ever imagined and that woman has taken away everything I ever stood for. The things she did to me make me feel physically sick and I can't deal with it, I feel dirty and violated. The fact I even went near another woman makes me sick.

I can't live with these thoughts anymore and I can't live knowing what I have done to you. I love you so much Clarisse and all I have done is hurt you, even tonight when we shared the best moment I have had since the last time we kissed I still managed to hurt you. I am no good for you and I know that now, there will be someone out there that will be perfect for you and treat you right, I just hope you find them.

You will always be in my heart and I don't want you to mourn for me, I want you to be happy that you are free from me.

I just ask two things of you, treasure the memories of out time together and always remember that I have and always will love you with all my heart.

I am so sorry darling

Goodbye, god bless

Your Joseph xxxx

P.S Sorry I borrowed Flower, you will find her at our special spot waiting for you xx

By the end of the letter Clarisse was shaking as tears flowed down her cheeks 'Ma'am are you alright?'

'He's saying goodbye' she sobbed

'Goodbye, oh not again, where is he going?'

'No this is different Charlotte….he's not leaving the palace, he's gone to end his life'