You all may hate me after this one... but I still love you! Especially Mid, Annie, Missy and K!
That Fall Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie went to visit Edward because he hadn't come home for the summer. I knew why I wasn't invited to go, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I was so upset I posted a status to my Facebook. One of those vague ones where everyone asked you if you were okay, and were worried you were going to do something drastic—like go on a three day bender. But you were so mortified you posted that shit in the first place, you ignored it afterward, as if you didn't say anything at all.
I could admit, I was kind of a mess.
As if Edward falling in love right before my very eyes didn't strike a blow deep into the heart of me, the pictures of my two best friends hanging out with this girl finished me off. They were laughing at something she said, hugging one another, making goofy faces at each other and the boys—stuff the six of us used to do regularly.
The pictures I couldn't stop staring at the most were the ones of the girls they'd taken at a spa, getting ready for a "Night on the town!" as they were tagged. They looked like they didn't have a care in the world, giggling and smiling together, linking arms. They made me sick to my fucking stomach. The ones from the club were no better. Them drinking shots, toasting each other, laughing raucously and falling all over each other. They stomped my poor aching heart to bits. They weren't supposed to like her. They were supposed to hate her because she wasn't me.
The one of Edward and her dancing, though, drove a knife deep into my gut. She was in front of him, arms hooked around his neck; he had his hands tightly gripping her hips. You didn't even need to be there, to hear the pounding of the music, to know they were lost in it—the picture said it all. He'd never, ever danced with me that way, as if he owned every part of my body.
That night I drove out to the Rez and let Jacob Black finger me in his father's shed, while I closed my eyes and imagined it was Edward. I'd never felt so dirty, as I did in that moment. Surrounded by the smell of tobacco and grease, letting some guy use me I didn't even really like.
Again I toyed with the idea of removing Edward from my Facebook, so I wouldn't have to see the evidence of everyone moving on. Everyone but me. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I loved him, regardless, and I still held out hope that one day he'd realize he'd made a huge mistake. He'd come crawling back to me on hands and knees, begging for my forgiveness. I would hem and haw and make him grovel some more before throwing my arms around him, kissing him all over and telling him, "Of course I still love you, silly man, don't ever be stupid again."
But that was a dream, not my reality. I had to face facts. I had lost Edward Cullen, and he was never coming back to Forks... or to me.
To the guest reviewers who are kind: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading and reviewing and liking my little story! If you don't feel as if you want to sign in but want to talk or ask questions you can PM me... but I can't respond to your kind words directly if you aren't signed in!
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To the negative guest reviewer I've had since I can't reply to you directly: Nobody is forcing you to read this story. I've offered up the nopetopus several times. I appreciate that you love my other stories. I'm not forcing you to read this one. Take a ride on the nopetopus. I'm not even charging for rides. But for the love of God if you want to say something negative at least make it constructive. "This is crap" does NOT constitute as constructive.