"Ivy? Ivy? Matinee's about to start."
"I'll be out in a second" she called, as she slumped to the floor next to the toilet. This was the 7th day and counting she'd spent the morning being sick. She'd been in denial for most of the week, thinking, hoping, that it was just a bug or virus. But other than the nausea she felt okay, and she knew what that probably meant. She couldn't handle this. Just the thought of it was immediately overwhelming. She tried to push it to one side as she dragged herself up off the floor, and out of the door towards the stage. She needed to clear her mind for the next few hours, and then she knew what she needed to do.
"Karen, congratulations!" Eileen said, warmly greeting her former leading lady, kissing her on both cheeks. "And you look beautiful as always."
"Thank you Eileen. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I'll never forget the faith you showed in me by giving me my first shot at Broadway!"
"Well I think I may regret that if you continue to sweep all the awards!" she laughed. "But if it can't be Ivy, then there's no one else I'd want it to be."
They were at the Outer Critics awards lunch, and Karen had won for Lead Actress in a musical, much to her surprise. She was of course delighted with the win, but she couldn't help but think it should have been Ivy, and despite everything she felt the disappoint on Ivy's behalf. No performance this year had been as compelling as Ivy's Marilyn, and Karen knew that it was probably Ivy's reputation that had held her back somewhat. Not that she was doing down her own performance. It was just that the passion, the intensity that Ivy brought to the roll of 'Bombshell' was one of the things that had attracted Karen to her so much in the first place.
"Well there's still the Tonys" Karen winked. "And if Hit List can't win then I'm for 'Bombshell' all the way. Just don't let Jerry hear me say that!"
"Ah yes, Jerry! How is my delightful ex husband!?"
"Ruthless, as always" laughed Karen. "I won't deny he's a wonderful producer, but he's not much of a human being" laughed Karen, suddenly blushing at the awkwardness, remembering that Eileen had actually been married to him for 25 years! "Sorry, I hope you don't mind me saying that,"
"I couldn't have said it better myself" Eileen smiled. "Anyway, I better head over to the 'Bombshell' table before Jerry berates you for fraternising with the enemy."
"See you later" laughed Karen. "Oh Eileen?!" she called after her unable to help herself. "I, I thought Ivy might be here today, seeing as Bombshell and Hit List got a table. I mean, I know I won ... nevermind" she smiled, feeling herself blush again.
"She's meant to be here. I don't know where she is! She hasn't exactly been Miss Reliable recently."
"I thought, well Tom said she was okay again after her 'illness'?" implored Karen.
"Well she's not missed any more performances if that's what you mean, but the last couple of weeks she's been, how shall I put it. ... a little erratic."
"Karen darling" Derek suddenly interrupted as he made his way over to his leading lady. "I've been told by Jerry to get you away from Eileen" he smiled, rolling his eyes. "I can't tell you how happy I was the day you divorced him Eileen! Come on you" he said to Karen, as he began to lead her away. "Eileen, I'll talk to you later darling" he smiled.
"So no pressure girl" Ana said to Karen, a week or so later, as they were having a well deserved night off from 'Hit List' by chilling out on the sofa, watching rom coms and eating ice cream. "But now you've won the audience choice award as well, if you don't get the clean sweep by getting the Tony that'll just be embarrassing!"
"Gee thanks!" laughed Karen. "No pressure then! ... Ivy deserves it anyway!"
"Jesus Karen!"
"What?"
"You're still defending her, after everything she's done to you!"
"I'm not! I just ... I just. I don't know. Something doesn't feel right. It's like, she was so obsessed with explaining everything, and then when I finally asked her to she closed down."
"Because she knew she couldn't defend what she did!"
"No, it's not that. You didn't see her. She was drinking herself into oblivion Ana. She told me her life was in ruins. It just, I don't know ... if it was her just sleeping with someone else and a break up, I don't think she'd be acting like this. It feels more than that."
"Karen, look what she did to you in Boston! She tried to destroy your life because why? Because she was jealous of you. I'm pretty sure she's capable of anything."
"She was a different person in Boston" said Karen defensively.
"No Karen. She's the same person as she's always been. The only difference is that you fell in love with her, and forgave her, and chose to overlook her deficiencies."
"I never said she was perfect Ana ... but you don't know her like I do."
"Maybe not. But twice now I've helped you pick up the pieces because she broke your heart. What is it with you and Ivy Lynn?!" she smiled!
"I don't know" smiled Karen. "You're probably right!"
"I'm always right!" joked Ana. "Seriously though Karen. I'm only saying this because I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt any more than you have been already."
"I know. Now come on. Are we going to watch this movie or what?!"
Ivy stared at herself in the mirror, and hardly recognised the woman staring back at her. She'd been on autopilot for the past couple of weeks and it was her only coping mechanism at the moment. She was stirred from her thoughts by a knock at the door, and the interruption wasn't unwelcome.
"Come in" she replied, expecting one of the stagehands to enter.
"Hey."
Ivy span around in shock at the sound of the voice behind her, to see Karen standing nervously at the door.
"Karen! What ... what the hell are you doing here?"
"I, I had to talk to you" Karen replied.
"Well I'm busy."
"Yeah well that's too bad, cos I'm not leaving until we talk, so ..." said Karen, shutting the door behind her and locking it. "Ana told me I shouldn't come" she added.
"Yeah well Ana's right ... Look Karen, I ha ..."
"I need to know what happened" interrupted Karen. "Because here's the thing. If what we ever had was real. If you really did love me like you said you did, well then, well I don't believe you could just sleep with someone like that. Not when you loved me. I, I know something happened, and I just need to know. Tom said you left the party early, that you were upset. I need to know the truth Ivy. Because, because I just don't understand ... please Ivy." she added, her voice trembling, her eyes getting watery.
Ivy looked at Karen and her heart ached. She wanted nothing more than to tell her everything but she was scared. Terrified in fact. Terrified of the consequences. She would rather Karen hated her for being unfaithful than the fallout of knowing the truth. Ivy could barely even admit it to herself. And she had someone else to think about now. She couldn't let anyone know that this baby inside her, her baby, was the result of ... she couldn't even think it. She knew what a cruel world it was. It would have to be her secret, forever.
"There's nothing to tell" Ivy said coldly. "I slept with someone because that's who I am. Because I'll always be the cold-hearted bitch you knew me as."
"But that's not who you are. I know the real you Ivy ..."
"Jesus Christ Karen, just stop! This is pathetic, even by your extreme standards of patheticness!" she sneered. "I'm sitting here telling you I slept with someone else because I could and you're still trying to excuse me. Have some self-respect."
"Why are you doing this?" Karen asked, her voice laced with hurt. "I know you loved me. That was real."
"Real? The only thing that was ever real Karen was how gullible you are. First Dev and now me. It's just sad. Don't you see how easy it all was."
She looked at Karen and her crumpling face and hated herself for what she was doing, but she knew there was no other way.
"Who was he?"
"Oh my god Karen, it doesn't matter!" laughed Ivy bitterly.
"Well it matters to me!" shouted Karen. "Why are you being like this?! It's, it's like you're forgetting everything. The promises we made to each other, to look after each other. Ivy, if you're scared, then ..."
"Scared?! The only thing scary right now is watching this pathetic show. Just leave me alone Karen. Haven't you got some awards to go home to and polish!"
"You know what Ivy, I do!" snapped Karen, as she finally reached her breaking point, turning to head for the door, before turning back to look at Ivy once more. "... I'll never regret that I took a chance with you. I thought it was worth it. I thought we were worth it. So don't you dare sit there and tell me I'm pathetic, because compared to you I'm only scratching the surface. At least I've always been true to myself. You don't even know what you are! Goodbye Ivy ... and don't worry, this time I mean it!"
She slammed the door hard as she left, jolting Ivy in her seat. Ivy wanted to call after her, but remained rooted to the spot. That self destruct button again. But Karen was wrong. She was being true to herself, she always had been. That's why her life was always such a complete disaster.
... "Karen!" Anna exclaimed, her voice a mixture of relief and concern, as Karen came rushing into the theatre. "We were thinking of sending out the search party. Where've you been?"
"I'm sorry ... I went to see Ivy" Karen said guiltily, offering an apologetic smile.
"Karen!" Ana began to protest, before Karen cut her off abruptly.
"Just don't say it Ana okay, because everything you're about to say I know is right. I should have listened to you in the first place, I feel like such a fool. Ivy was playing me this whole time" she said, as her voice began to break, before Ana rushed over to give wrap her bestie in a big comforting hug.
"Thank you Ana" Karen whispered. "Right, I better go and get myself ready" she said, breaking away from Ana. "Let's kill it tonight ... the place is going to be full of Tony voters, and there's nothing I'd love more than to win the big one and wave it gleefully in front of Ivy's face!" she joked, but with real anger behind the facade.
"That's the spirit girl!" laughed Ana. "It's not called 'Hit List' for nothing.