A/N: Sneaking on again, while the hubby is out shoveling! Thank you for all the reviews and support of this story! You continue to amaze me! I am reading your reviews and will be responding as soon as my inlaws leave! Thanks again and keep them coming! :)

TISSUE WARNING...just sayin!

mustlovertp...this story wouldn't have happened without her!

*DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!

BPOV

Asshole with a comfortable bed is right! This thing is amazing! I stretched a little bit more and then rolled over on my side, so Edward and I were facing each other.

"Tell me more about the symptoms. How it all works, I mean. I don't want to make another mistake like in the car earlier."

Edward rolled over onto his back, folding his hands under his head and sighed.

"What do you want to know, exactly?"

"I don't know. I have a lot of questions. I barely know where to start," I huffed, rolling onto my back as well.

"Well asking too many questions is asking for trouble, Bella," he murmured, almost as if he was embarrassed. "So how about you pick three for now."

I thought it over for a minute and then asked the first one on my list. Yeah, I had a list.

"Why are you so happy right now? I mean I know you're happy to be back and all. But I've never seen you this happy."

"Endorphins. I am really excited about being back and seeing you again," he smiled at me. "So I have a lot of endorphins in my system right now. They are kind of a natural anti-depressant. So in someone like me, that would enhance the anti-depressant qualities of the Depakote."

I thought over his answer for a minute. "So what you're saying is, it's kind of like drinking alcohol and taking medication at the same time? Like the medication can increase the effects of the alcohol?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," he smiled.

"So you won't always be this happy?"

"No," he said sadly, turning his head to look at me. "My brain is never going to function right, Bella. Life with me is roller coaster. I really need you to understand that."

"I do!" I blurted. Causing him to give me a skeptical look. "I mean, I'm learning."

He seemed happy with that and smiled as he returned his eyes to the ceiling.

"OK, so next question." I knew I was risking putting him in a bad mood with this one. But it was like pulling off a band aid, right?

"What happened with Jake? Did you have James buy him out of the club as payback?"

I watched as his whole body went into a tense lock down.

"How did you even know about that, Bella? You knew about the meeting, where it was and about James. How did you find out?"

"Oh, um, Jake kind of told me," I said, sitting up next to him, picking at the comforter.

"Kind of?" he asked, arching an eye brow at me.

"We went to the club one night and he shoved the letter in Jasper's face demanding to know where you were," I shrugged.

"And what did he tell you?"

"Oh well, he didn't actually talk to me. I think he's still pissed that I told him to go have breakfast with someone who cared about him, the day you left. But Jasper told me the gist of the letter and I kind of weaseled your lawyer's name out of him."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he turned his eyes back to the ceiling.

"No. It wasn't payback," he said with a smirk. "It turns out Jake was dipping into the cash receipts at the bar and taking alcohol out the back door. We threatened prosecution if he didn't let James buy him out."

"What an ass!" I muttered. "I knew Jake had issues with you, but I never thought he'd steal from you."

His head turned toward me and he looked confused.

"Issues with me? What fucking issues?"

"The night I got drunk with him he talked to me about you. He said you were damaged and it almost felt like he was trying to warn me off of you."

"Motherfucker!" Edward spat between gritted teeth.

"I mean, it wasn't all bad." I hurried to clarify. "He said that you were really good at what you did and that you never let the club fall to the wayside."

Edward just gave a sarcastic snort and turned his head away. I could tell that he was either battling a mood shift or anxiety. So I hurried up and changed the subject.

"So I still get one more question, right?" I said, bouncing excitedly on the bed, trying to distract him from his thoughts.

He turned his head back to me and smiled.

"I told you three. So yeah, one more and then we're done for right now." He was kind when he said it, but there was a finality to it also.

"Why haven't you kissed me?" I asked quietly, going back to picking at the comforter.

The room was dead quiet. You could've heard a fucking pin drop! I don't even think Edward was breathing for a good minute. Suddenly I felt like getting up and running from the room. I should have asked if he saw anything developing between us and gone from there. Fuck! Fuck, shit, fuck!

If I could have gotten up and started banging my head on the wall without looking like a lunatic, I would have.

"I…um…I didn't think…that…you…would, um… want me to," he finally answered, stuttering with nerves.

It was like we were in high school again and he was trying to tell me he liked me, without telling me he liked me. Silly boy!

"Do you want to kiss me, Edward?" I smiled, while biting my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

He looked up at me and rolled his eyes, reaching up with his hand to tug my lip out of my teeth and then bringing it to the back of my neck and pulling me down to him.

"I've wanted to kiss you since the first time I laid eyes on you, Princess," he whispered right before his lips connected with mine.

My whole body was hit with a jolt of electricity. His lips were soft like pillows. Last time he'd kissed me, they had been tight with tension and almost violent. This was soft, sweet and fucking hot.

He had one hand at the back of my neck and the other around my waist, cradling me to him as he rolled me over so he was on top. I felt his tongue on my lips and opened my mouth to deepen the kiss.

Edward wasn't just kissing me. He was literally tongue fucking my mouth! This man must have a Gold Medal in kissing mounted somewhere on his wall. I felt his piercing roll over my tongue and shuddered. I could literally have an orgasm from his fucking kisses alone!

I couldn't stop my hands from wandering. They found the hem of his t-shirt. Before I knew it, my hands were completely up the back of his shirt, hooked around his strong shoulders anchoring him to me.

Our pelvis's were lined up perfectly and without any fore thought or preamble, my hips started grinding my jean covered crotch against his cock, which was impressively large and stiff.

A jolt of electricity shot through my veins and my mind instantly screamed "More". I went to raise my hips and do it again, but Edward beat me to it. He slammed his cock down on my candy and started grinding with a delicious rythmn that was guaranteed to make us both cum at this pace.

I felt his hand drift down my side, skirting the side of my breast, my rib cage, past my hip and down my thigh until he reached my knee. Where his large hand wrapped around it and pulled it up around his hip.

With this new angle and leverage, he was able to grind harder into me. It felt fucking amazing and judging by all the moans and non-sense spewing from my mouth, I was letting him know that too.

Just as I started feeling that fuckhot amazing burn in my stomach, signaling an impending release...he pulled away. I cracked one eye open and looked up and took in Edward smiling smugly down at me.

"That should have been our first kiss."

"Our first kiss?" I laughed. "That was my first real kiss! Where the fuck did you learn to kiss like that? But more importantly, why did you stop?"

Edward laughed as he sat up, pulling me up with him. My arms were still under his shirt and hooked around his shoulders. I was clinging to him like a Spider Monkey, pouting.

"Hey! Who said I was done with you yet?" I whined.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Edward sighed, giving me a chaste kiss. "If you don't fucking let me up, this going to turn into a hell of a lot more than kissing, Princess."

I gasped when I felt him grind his hard on into me again, as he bent down to my ear, giving the lobe a quick kiss.

"I think that it would be prudent for me to take a shower now, Princess. What do you think?" he whispered, the smile evident in his voice.

Fucker knew exactly what he was doing to me!

So I snickered and grabbed the hem of his shirt, yanking it over his head before he could stop me. I took a good look at it for the first time. It was the black vintage Ramone's t-shirt he wore the first night I met him.

"I like this shirt!" I said, holding it up to my face and sniffing as he rolled off of me and sat up. "I want it."

"Well you can't have it!" he laughed, reaching over and trying to grab it from me. "It's my favorite."

"Nope! It's mine now!" I said, slipping it over my head. "If you want it back, you're going to have to tear it off me!"

"Tearing that shirt would be sacrilegious, Bella." he scoffed. "It's the Ramone's!"

"Mine." I growled.

"Fine!" I'm getting in the shower. "Can I trust you stay out of trouble for five minutes, Princess?"

"It's going to take you five minutes to shower and get rid of that!" I laughed, pointing at his crotch.

"Fine! Fifteen minutes then." he winked, walking into the bathroom.

I love him! I smiled, pulling his shirt up over my nose and inhaling the fresh laundry with faint hint of cigarette smell that is so uniquely Edward.

EPOV

Best fucking kiss of my life just now! My body is still buzzing from it. It took everything in me not to just fuck her right then and there. My back is still tingling from where she ran her finger tips over it.

I'm so fucked.

Sighing, I quickly undress and flip the shower on. I look down and chuckle at my cock, which is rock fucking hard, and refusing to be ignored. I never had this problem with Jessica.

Honestly, aside from a few moments of anxiety and obsessive behavior, it's been one of the best days I've had in a long time. I'm relaxed, I'm home and the best part…I'm with Bella.

I quickly wash my hair and body, groaning when I realize that there is no way around it. I am going to have to molest myself in the shower while the gorgeous woman, who I am positive I'm in love with, is sprawled across my bed a mere twenty feet away. No. This situation isn't entirely fucked up.

Rolling my eyes and grabbing my cock in my hand, I close my eyes and begin to stroke. I call up my stock pile of images of Bella in compromising positions. They've served me well over the last five months, but right now they seem predictable. Especially when I have the real thing right outside the door.

I sigh and lean my forehead against the cool tiles of the shower wall. I was concentrating so hard, I totally missed the sound of the bathroom door opening. It wasn't until the shower door opened and Bella stood before me in nothing but her goddamn panties, that my situation registered.

"Oh God!" I yelled, turning myself into the corner. Please, tell me she did not just see me with my cock in my hand!

"God isn't going to help you out with that problem, Edward," she laughed, getting in the shower with me and closing door.

"Bella, you really, really need to go. NOW!"

Jesus, my cock is still rock fucking hard and my hand is still wrapped around the purple head. How much humiliation can one man endure?

"Edward, turn around and look at me. Please?" she said quietly, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Why the fuck are you even here, Bella? Do you always just barge in on people when they're in the shower?" I snapped.

This is so not happening.

Bella sighed dramatically and then squeezed in between me and the wall, so she was standing right in front of me. I closed eyes my tightly and asked myself why I had insisted on such a large enclosed shower.

BPOV

I finally got myself so I was standing right in front of him. His eyes were closed and his jaw was tight. He must be doing one of his "if I can't see you, you can't see me" things that Jasper told me about.

I brought both of my hands up to his face and gently stroked his cheek until his eyes finally opened.

"Why?" he whispered, looking like he was fighting an anxiety attack.

"Because I've waited five months for you and now you're back, beating off in the shower, while I lay in your bed waiting for you…again. I'm done waiting for you. I want you, Edward."

"Bella." he sighed, looking down and shaking his head. "You don't know what you're asking for. I will hurt you. Intentionally or unintentionally, the only constant in my life has been that I have always hurt the people I love the most. Jasper's right. I'm being selfish. You deserve someone better than me. You deserve to know that the person you go to bed with at night, will be the same person you wake up with in the morning. You deserve consistency, Bella."

Is he kidding me with this shit?

"Fuck consistency, Edward! I've never had consistency in my whole life. My mother died when I was two. My dad and half the female population of Forks raised me. Rosalie had to tell me about crotch maintenance and how to use a tampon! I think if I survived all of that, I can handle you."

He still wasn't convinced. In fact he was laughing at my confession, but it was a cold hard laugh.

"That's not the same thing and you know it Bella! You've never had someone yell at you because you're an easy target. You've never had someone pace the room at night, instead of holding you in his arms, because he couldn't shut his fucking thoughts off. You've never had someone who's walked away from you, because it was easier then staying. And you've never had someone tell you they love you one minute and they hate you the next, simply because they can't control their moods! So don't give me that "I know what am I getting myself into" shit!"

"So that's it then!" I yelled. "You just came back here to push me away and tell me to fuck off for my own good. Because if that's the fucking case, you haven't done a very convincing job of it!"

There was a fire in Edward's eyes as he slammed both of hands on the wall on either side of my head, trapping me in the corner of the shower.

"I came back because I love you and couldn't be away from you anymore. Is that what you fucking want to hear?" he snarled. "Does that make everything clear to you? Does it warm your heart that a crazy man with a serious mental illness wants you?"

He dipped his head down then and attacked my neck with his lips.

"Does it turn you on to know that I've brought myself to orgasm everyday for the last five months while thinking of you? That I've defiled your memory and put you in disgusting situations to get myself off? Does it turn you on to know that I've used you like that? That I've fucked you a hundred different ways in my head? That I've treated you like a whore and gotten off on it?"

The tears came without my permission and before long I was a sobbing mess.

"See?" he said, pushing himself backwards to the other side of the shower, breathing hard. The fire in his eyes dwindling. "That's life with me everyday, Bella. Edward one minute, a selfish blood thirsty monster the next. That's who I am and I can't ever change it."

I looked up into his eyes as the water beat down on us both and choked out my words.

"I don't want you to change, Edward. And I've never asked you to change. I love you just the way you are. But you're never going to give me a chance to show you are you?"

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me and then finally turned his back to me.

I pushed passed him and got out of the shower, grabbing a towel and running into the bedroom. I threw on my jeans and his Ramone's shirt over my wet underwear and ran for the door. I barely heard him yelling my name as I got on the elevator.

I got off on Alice and Jasper's floor, beating on their apartment door until Alice finally answered. Her eyes went wide with shock.

"Bella what the hell happened to you?"

I could barely hear her over my chattering teeth. Alice quickly yelled to Jasper for towels and blankets. They kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn't say anything. I just cried.

Finally Jasper suggested that I just go lay down and we talk in the morning. Apparently he had put two and two together and figured out that this was an Edward induced break down.

Alice offered me clean underwear and dry clothes. I took the panties she offered, but refused to give up Edward's shirt. She laid down with me in the bed until I fell asleep, but must have left soon after, because I woke up alone at 4 a.m.

Deciding that I didn't want to deal with Alice and Jasper first thing in the morning, I slipped on my jeans, gathered my jacket and clothes and quietly backed out the front door.

I cringed as the door clicked shut, but breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't seem to wake anyone. I turned for the elevator and screamed, quickly slapping a hand over my mouth in an effort to shut myself up.

Edward was sitting on the floor across from their door.

"They wouldn't let me in," he said quietly, looking up at me with sad eyes. "They said that I'd hurt you enough for one night and that you cried yourself to sleep."

I swallowed hard and allowed one tear to escape, but otherwise didn't try to answer him. So he stood up slowly with his back pressed to the wall.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Princess," he said carefully, taking a cautious step towards me. "But this is reality. This is life with me. That… upstairs… was me at my worst."

What do you want from me? I asked him with my eyes, too afraid that my voice would betray me.

"Are you still with me? Do you still love me?" he asked, taking another step towards me reaching out his hand to let his fingers graze my cheek.

I reached up and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together and resting my face in his palm.

"I will always love you." I whispered.

Oh Edward...will he ever learn? Tell me what you think! You know I love to hear it! :)