Summary: Sometimes small annoyances can overshadow the reason people fell in love in the first place. Sasuke slowly realizes that he might have let something irreplaceable slip away without a fight. Not a cheating fic! YAOI (boy x boy) main pairing: SasuNaruSasu, some SasuNeji, some GaaNaruGaa, Naruto x others

Warning: This chapter was edited to remove the sex scene per FF's Terms of Service (and a complaint from a reader).

A/N: So I know most people view canon Sasuke as cold-hearted, but I actually view him more as… closed off but very emotionally fragile. He keeps people out because he can't handle emotions, not because he doesn't have them. That is an important nuance for people to just know to make sense of probably the rest of this story. Sasuke will come off as OOC if you view him as someone who truly has no emotion. Thanks as always to Tandy_Hard for reading this over for me!

Chapter 14 - Memories

Sasuke drove back to his apartment, the moon was full overhead, a fall wind starting to blow. His eyes were trained on the road as he worked his way through the evening traffic, but he wasn't really concentrating on it. He kept his mind carefully blank, not thinking about what had just happened. He didn't need to think about it. It was no big deal. His body felt loose and satiated, the typical after-effects of sex. It had been a long time, he thought vaguely, careful not to connect any specific memory with that statement.

He didn't want to think about the last time he had sex. And everything that he thought it was that it hadn't been.

Sasuke parked his car and went inside. The apartment was just as he left it. Nothing out of place. The kitchen hadn't seen much use of late, so its emptiness was no surprise. Somehow, the orderliness felt more sterile than satisfying that night as he removed his shoes and hung his jacket up by the door.

His phone buzzed and Sasuke picked it up, seeing a text from Neji.

I had a great time. Dinner at my place on Wednesday?

Sasuke felt the automatic masculine pride at being able to please his lover, evidenced by the fact that Neji had barely waited until he was home to text him. Neither man felt the need to be coy or play games and it settled some of Sasuke's edginess. There was nothing complicated here.

Sure. I'll bring the food this time.

Sasuke knew Neji enough to know that there would be no further reply... Neji was never one to waste words. He went to his bedroom, checking his clothes to make sure he didn't need to do laundry before the next day. He had moved his suits to the empty half of the closet that used to have Naruto's clothes, but there was still more hanger space than what he was using. Everything was hung precisely in its place, no clothing on the floor or in the corners, no sloppily folded T-shirts preventing the drawers from closing.

Sasuke walked past the small linen closet in the hallway that led to his bedroom. He refused to think about the orange towel that was sitting inside, cleaned and neatly folded.

His mind went back to the events that had transpired at Neji's that evening. Neji's bedroom had been equally orderly. Both men were reserved and organized. Structured in their approach to life. While Sasuke had never really put much time into thinking about dating before he met Naruto, if he had thought about it, he probably would have imagined himself eventually with someone like Neji. They had the same career interests and the same priorities around putting work first. In the weeks that they'd been dating, Neji had never once complained when Sasuke was late or had to cancel. Just as Sasuke had never complained when Neji was held up.

Sasuke undressed and got ready for bed, having already showered at Neji's. He felt like he was rationalizing his relationship with Neji to himself, and it annoyed him. He had nothing to explain. Neji had made it clear that there were no expectations between them. Honestly, Sasuke wouldn't have had sex with him if that hadn't been true. He was tired of trying and failing to meet other people's expectations. Fuck all of them. Neji was direct about what he wanted, and had put boundaries on things from the very beginning. This arrangement suited both of them.

Sasuke folded down the blanket on the bed, slipping between the sheets and adjusting his pillow beneath his head. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling restless and annoyed by that fact. There was absolutely no reason for it. He should be feeling relaxed. Happy. Tonight had shown that - physically - he and Neji were well-matched in addition to everything else they had in common. Neji was an extremely attractive man and a skilled lover. Things with Neji made sense. He didn't understand why there hadn't been the same rush that there had been with Naruto, but it was probably a good thing. He didn't want another train-wreck of a relationship like what had happened with Naruto. He wasn't going to get blindsided again. Control was better.

It was what he wanted.

Unbidden and unwelcome, the memories from six years ago in Naruto's dorm room that had plagued him at Neji's house came crashing back. The absolute last thing Sasuke had been back then was in control.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked, looking even angrier as he took a step towards Sasuke.

Sasuke hadn't even meant it as an insult, but after an entire semester of poking at each other, Naruto clearly assumed it was.

"You don't work harder than me, Sasuke," Naruto's voice was edged with anger as he shoved a finger hard into Sasuke's chest, forcing him to take a half-step back. "I didn't spend the whole semester partying, if that's what you're trying to say. Finals week was hell. I'm stressed and exhausted and I've gotta keep my fucking scholarship, and I just want one night to -"

Sasuke wasn't quite sure what happened. He had grabbed Naruto's wrist, tugging it aside to get the annoying finger off his chest. He had meant to let the wrist go and tell Naruto that he'd jumped to a stupid assumption about what Sasuke was trying to say. But somehow, he found himself tugging on Naruto's wrist and pulling him closer, instead. Naruto's body bumped against his as blue eyes widened into a look of shocked wariness an instant before Sasuke was leaning in and kissing him. It was just a hard press of his lips against Naruto's. He drew back slightly, fully expecting Naruto's fist in his face. But the blond appeared frozen, his body pressed against Sasuke's tense but making no move to pull away.

Sasuke blamed the extreme stress of finals and lack of sleep for his next actions as he pulled harder on Naruto's wrist, drawing him even closer as his other hand gripped the nape of Naruto's neck and brought their mouths more forcefully together. Sasuke moved his dry lips against Naruto's moist ones, feeling how full and soft the mouth was despite the hard words it was capable of forming. The thought made him suck firmly against the pink lips before pressing in again, his only thought was that he was kissing NARUTO's mouth. The mouth that had pissed him off and driven him crazy from the very first moment he'd met him.

Sasuke NEVER acted impulsively like this and he knew Naruto was probably going to kill him for it, but it seemed completely worth it in that moment. If it totally blew up in his face, Sasuke would likely never run into Naruto on campus again and he could pretend this whole thing never happened. He'd never had anyone get under his skin like this before… his mind was flooded by bits and pieces of all the things about Naruto that had driven him crazy all semester. The way Naruto would sprawl into his desk in the classroom, long, lean legs splayed out in front of him. The way Naruto would always get right in Sasuke's face, ready to argue about anything and everything. The way Naruto didn't even flinch when Sasuke would narrow his eyes and rip into him. The way Naruto's blue eyes had SEEN Sasuke that night at the bar...

Sasuke realized that Naruto was still standing there, frozen, and tried to force himself to let go of Naruto's wrist and step away from him. He braced himself to take the punch that was likely going to be headed his way. But then he felt Naruto's hands sliding along his jaw as Naruto angled his head, moulding his lips more fully against Sasuke's. Sasuke could feel the hot puff of air from Naruto's breath against his face as the abrupt realization that Naruto was actually kissing him BACK filtered into his sleep-deprived brain. He didn't even have time to process that singularly impossible fact before he felt Naruto's body shift forward aggressively, pressing Sasuke back against the dresser.

Sasuke was not a man who thought with his dick. Not ever. Sex for him had never been a 'must have'. But when Naruto inserted a leg between Sasuke's and leaned in, bringing the top of his hard thigh up against Sasuke's groin, it wasn't so much that Sasuke started thinking with his dick as it was that he simply stopped thinking entirely.

"Fucking FINALLY," Naruto growled, fisting his fingers into Sasuke's hair and tightening them, fusing their mouths together and pressing Sasuke's lips open as he thrust his tongue deep into Sasuke's mouth.

They lay joined together panting, sweaty, and utterly sated. Sasuke felt a dark sort of satisfaction that he didn't understand as he noticed that they were both covered in scratches, finger-sized bruises, and hickies. The bed springs hadn't been able to stand up to their efforts, and the thin mattress was sagging down nearly to the floor.

"Holy shit," Naruto said succinctly after a few minutes.

Sasuke breathed out a huff of a laugh in agreement as his mind slowly processed what had just happened. He turned his head to look at Naruto, unable to shake the odd feeling that this was exactly what he'd been waiting for, though he didn't know for how long… when the waiting had started.

"So… since the first day of class?" Sasuke asked, remembering the words Naruto had slurred out as he rode him.

Naruto blushed slightly, turning his head to look up to the ceiling as he laughed a bit. "Yeah, well. I'm sure you know how attractive you are, so don't act all surprised or anything."

Sasuke felt torn between smugness at Naruto's words and annoyance that they could have potentially gotten to this point much earlier. "You didn't seem particularly interested until about twenty minutes ago."

Naruto looked back at him, rolling his eyes. "Are you kidding? You shoot down anyone who even looks at you, Sasuke. All semester long. I just figured that if I tried to make a move, I'd be just like everyone else and you'd write me off the same way you did them," he shrugged. "Plus, you are kind of an ass a lot of the time. So, uh… the whole 'wanting to fuck you' thing was sometimes replaced by wanting to beat the crap out of you."

Sasuke couldn't really deny any of that. "I don't like most people." Which was true. In general, it just pissed him off when people tried to get in his pants. Which was a lot of people.

Naruto snickered. "Yeah, no shit. But after we got paired up on the project, I mean… I was sort of hoping things would be different."

They looked at each other for a while, neither knowing what to say or where this temporary insanity was going to take them. Sasuke's eyes drifted over to the trail of ruined clothing strewn from one side of Naruto's room to the other. Naruto misinterpreted Sasuke's intentions.

"If you leave this room in the next twenty-four hours, I will castrate you," Naruto warned with a thoroughly, deliciously fucked-out voice that sent goosebumps over Sasuke's arms. "I thought about this all semester. We're not done yet. I get my turn next."

Naruto threaded his fingers through Sasuke's hair in a surprisingly gentle caress, so different from their earlier, more frantically violent touches. Sasuke looked into the steady blue eyes, seeing an intensity of emotion there that went well beyond lust. Sasuke closed his eyes, recording the sight in his memory.

"Ok. I'll stay."

Sasuke knew he should withdraw before the condom slipped off, but he didn't want to move. He'd never imagined anything like this.

But the one thing he knew was that he would never let Naruto go.

Sasuke turned his face towards the window, the moonlight casting his face in harsh shadows. He told himself that what he had felt back then had been due to teenage hormones, the stress of college, and the euphoria of being free of his parents' disregard for him for the first time. It had been too intense to last. Too intense to be real.

His forced his hands to unclench as he thought about how it had all ended. Itachi might have said that Naruto thought Sasuke was the one to step back first, but that didn't make any sense. They'd always fought things out before. Even the small, annoying shit. It didn't make sense that for the one thing that had mattered most, Naruto had just -

Sasuke shut the useless thoughts down. That relationship was over, and he was in a new one now. It didn't matter anymore. He fell asleep on the right-hand side of the bed, repeating to himself that the relationship he was in now was the one he wanted.

Naruto unlocked the door to his apartment. It was his first night in his new place and Kiba had helped him buy a mattress and move it in, along with a set of shelves to keep his camera equipment on. He had borrowed a folding table and two chairs from Kiba's sister, not wanting to shop for a bunch of furniture until he was really sure he was going to like living alone.

It would be an experiment.

The apartment was quiet but somehow Naruto didn't mind like he used to when he had been living with Sasuke. He supposed that part of it was the fact that he'd gotten used to being alone over the past several months of traveling around.

After the latest date that Kiba had set Naruto up on, he felt almost grateful for the solitude. He'd forgotten what it had been like to date before he'd gotten together with Sasuke. Naruto liked people. He really did. But most people were so… normal. Stable. Naruto could laugh and joke and entertain them, but he knew he'd never open up to any of them, or be able to relate to them. Not really. After all, how could someone who'd grown up in a loving home with a supportive family their whole fucking life understand anything about Naruto's background, and how it had shaped him? He'd learned from experience that talking about his past with someone like that either resulted in them feeling uncomfortable or - worse - pitying him.

So he'd gone out with the girl Kiba had lined up for him, taken her to dinner and charmed her, then dropped her back off at her house and left. He had pretended to have not seen the signals she'd sent that he would have been more than welcome to come inside.

He sighed, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. He really needed to tell Kiba to stop trying to hook him up, already. Eyeing the stack of unpacked boxes in the corner of his living room, Naruto headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.

Gaara had finally arranged a group of people who were ok with having their photos appear in Kakashi's book, so Naruto would be going back to the club Tuesday night for the photo shoot. The thought of the enigmatic club owner always caused Naruto to need to draw a steadying breath. He couldn't deny he was interested in Gaara, but right now, he was just there to do a job. Not to mention that Gaara was a sex club owner. What did that even mean, in terms of relationship possibilities? Did sex club owners even have relationships? If they did, Naruto was pretty sure it would be with someone who had a broader sexual repertoire than he did. He still found Gaara interesting, though. Even without the chance of anything more than friendship.

Naruto felt the same flicker of anxiety he'd felt as a child, wondering if he'd always be alone. If he'd ever find someone who actually wanted to be with him. To know him. He shoved the thought away, already wondering if getting an apartment on his own was a good idea.

The thought of Sasuke flickered through Naruto's head as he turned out the light and climbed into bed. He wondered again how Itachi could have been telling the truth that Sasuke had been upset when he'd left. Sasuke had pulled away from him so much that Naruto didn't really think it was possible. Though the look on Sasuke's face the night of the break-up still haunted him.

But it hadn't been working. Nothing Naruto had done or said had made any difference. And in the end, it was better to be alone by choice then it was to be alone waiting for someone who never showed up.

And in any case, it was too late now. It was over and he was sure Sasuke had already moved on.

Naruto rolled over, closing his eyes against the moonlight that filtered through the thin curtains of his new bedroom window. His body curved by habit on the left side of the bed as he fell asleep.

To be continued...

A/N: - Just as a warning, there will be some drama ahead. I am not totally sure if it will be in the next chapter or not but… there will be some in the not-too-distant-future. Along with many more flashbacks as we move along in the story. ;-)

Also, for some reason I have been listening to "Don't Let Me Down" by the Chainsmokers obsessively.