A/N

I know, I know, Edward and Bella friends with benefits and that's it? Who'd think that's gonna work? Right. Me neither.

That's why I wrote this chapter.

I'm sorry for the delay, but I have been on vacation for a week without any access to internet. I hope this chapter makes up for it, let me know!

Chapter 14: The truth

Edward

Weeks gone by and I felt more like shit every stinking day. I was around Bella's almost 24/7 except during school. She'd ask me to come over after school and most of the time I'd spend the night. Every day the same routine. Make out, feel like shit, fall asleep with the girl of your dreams within your arms but yet so far out of reach. I couldn't fucking take this anymore and I decided I was going to tell her. If today was like any other day she'd ask me in a few hours to come to her place. And of course I was going to say yes.

I made my way to Mrs Lanette's class room and sat down on my seat. I saw Bella approaching me, going through my way while she walked past me and sat down next to me. I smiled but didn't say a thing. It felt so fucking good to have her be the one to mess my hair up, but it also felt like fucking torture because she didn't mean it the way I wanted her to mean it. It made me heave a sigh and I turned my head down.

"You okay?" I heard a soft, little voice beside me whisper.
Shit, if this was so hard already how was I going to survive this afternoon?
"Yeah, it's nothing."
"Do you want to come over later?" I heard the same voice ask.
I looked beside me, seeing those beautiful, big brown eyes and I felt like drowning again. Then she smiled and my heart dropped.
"Yeah," was all I could choke out.

We didn't talk for the rest of the hour.

The bell rang and she happily said: "See you soon, Edward!" while she went playfully through my hair again. I swallowed hard.

I dragged my ass down the hallways of Forks High and got through the last period today. I numbly got into my Volvo and raced down the familiar road to the Swan residence.

The green trees, the dirty roads and the rain all passed me but for some reason I couldn't exactly see them. My mind was somewhere else.

I knocked on the white wooden door I've gotten to know all too well these past couple of weeks. Of course Bella was there within seconds, eager to let me in.

"Hey, you!" she said and made her way into the living room, with a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. I simply nodded and followed.
"You want some too?" she asked, while she pointed to her cup.
"No, thanks," I said, nervously fidgeting with my hands.

She was silent for a moment.

"Okay, what's wrong? You've been acting weird, Edward. Not just now but the last two weeks or something. What's up?"

Her words came out in a rush and I had too little time to process it all.

"I… erh…"

She took my hand. It made me feel shittier than downright shit. I looked down, at our hands, intertwined. Then I looked up and saw her watching our hands too. Her gaze went to my eyes and she closed them, leaning in to me. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for what may be the last kiss I would ever have with her.

Her lips softly pressed against mine and it hurt. It just fucking hurt. She loosened her hand from mine and made her way to my hair. I cupped her face in my hands and placed a few soft kisses on her lips again. Fuck, the way she tasted was fucking delicious. I let my tongue trace her upper lip one short time and what followed was a sweet, wet kiss.

When I stroked her cheek gently with my thumb while leaning back, she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back, even though I felt hollow.

I needed to tell her. Now.

"I love you."

I still had her face caught between my hands so I could look at her. She blinked a few times and then started laughing.

"Okay, what's the punch line?"

I placed one finger pressed to her mouth so she was quiet again. I decided to tell her again.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. I am in love with you."

Now she seemed to take it seriously.

"You… can't…"

I knew I hoped for the I love you too, even though I knew she wouldn't, but when she didn't say it, it still stung like hell. I dropped my hands from her face.

"Is that why…?" she asked, careful.

"Why I've felt horrible these last couple of weeks? Yes. I can be with you, but I can't. I want you and I have you, but at the same time I don't. That's really fucking hard, Bella."

She didn't even react to my cursing. I felt an impulse to just let everything I held in for so long flow.

"I don't think we can work this out, Bella. I know I can't. I'm fucking broken. I really am. And I know that sounds really lame, especially for a guy, but I can't do this anymore. I love you, I love the way you smell, I love the way you smile, you talk, you kiss me… I love all of you."

I saw tears welling up in her eyes. I instinctively grabbed both her hands. She didn't pull them away, but she took my hands too.

I decided to ask her. I already had everything to lose, I could handle this.

"Could you… love me too? The same way I love you?"

One tear fell from her eye and she looked at our hands again. I bit my lip.

"Edward…"

She looked up to meet my eyes and I knew her answer. She was about to speak again but I silenced her.

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

I loosened my hands from hers, kissing her palm while looking her in the eye.

Then I left.

I didn't even know why but it was too fucking much to handle. The pain built up in my chest and I drove home, without noticing anything going on.

Bella

He… loved… me. Edward Cullen was in love with me. I sure as heck didn't see that one coming.

Here I was, sitting on our couch, sobbing over the guy who was in love with me.

Did I feel the same? I didn't think so. Did I? No…

But I had to do something. I needed him to feel better. Maybe we could try.

No we couldn't, because I didn't feel the same. At least that's what I thought. Right?

Without thinking twice about it, I hopped on my bike and drove through the pouring rain. At first I just wanted to clear my head but somehow I ended up at his house.

Esme opened the door.
"Well, hello dear. Can I help you with something?"
She was such a nice person. Just like Edward…
"Yes, erh, is Edward here?"
"I think he's upstairs," she said, smiling lovely and opening the door for me.

I knew where his room was. I opened it without knocking.

He sat on the ground. He had his hands in his hair and when he looked up to me I saw that he was crying. Edward Cullen, crying. God, I had no idea this was so hard on him.

I hesitated in the doorway for a second when he looked into my eyes. Hurt and pain was all I saw.

"Oh, Edward!" I cried out, running toward him, crushing down on the ground too.

My arms flew around him and I caressed his back while he cried. His head laid on my chest. He didn't push me away but he didn't hold me either.

"It's okay, you can hold me. Just let it all out, it's okay."

He still didn't.

I grabbed his hands and placed them around my waist so he was hugging me. I went through his hair and made sure he felt loved, safe. At least that's what I hoped I did.

This reminded me of the first time I came into this room. He soothed me the way I soothed him now. For different reasons, but still, it felt the same.

Sometimes I mumbled a 'ssh' while tears started to well in my eyes too.

We were one fucked up couple.

No one interrupted us for the next two hours. We both sat like this the entire time. My back began to ache but I didn't want to move, because he was still crying and I wasn't going to leave him.

Suddenly he looked up from my chest, his intense gaze boring into my eyes. I dried his tears with my fingertips. I had never seen a man this broken. Not even my dad when my mom left him.

"Do you want to lay down?" I asked quietly, not breaking our locked gaze. He simply nodded.

He was so much more bigger than me but he looked so small when I led him to his bed. I pulled him onto the bed, laying down already. He laid down beside me, tears still streaming down his cheeks. While he looked at me like that I started to feel broken too. Before I knew it I was crying, again.

"Don't cry…" he choked out, his breath hitched.

I didn't respond. I just cuddled up to him, so his head was against my chest again. He didn't need to soothe me, I was here for him now. Not the other way around.

I felt my shirt getting wet from his tears.

About an hour later he stopped crying. I still went through his hair and mumbled sweet words into his ear.

It could have been six o'clock, it could have been eleven o'clock, I didn't know. But I felt him falling asleep. I knew the sound of his breath while he slept like no other. I was afraid to move, terrified to wake him from his peaceful sleep.

But I still needed to take care of my mom.

Alice.

Somehow I managed to get my phone out of my pocket and I dialed Alice's number. She didn't take long.

"Hey, I need your help," I whispered into the phone.
"Hey honey, what's up, why are you whispering?" Alice said a little worried.
"I can't tell you right now, but I will. I'm okay. Do you still have my key?"
Edward moved uneasily against my chest. I held my breath. Please don't wake up, please don't wake up.
"Yeah I have your key. Are you sure you're okay, Bells?"
I almost made no sound while talking, now.
"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I need you to go to my house and help my mom take her medicine. I can't go home until tomorrow. I will tell you everything about this weirdness, I promise."
"Of course. Call me first thing tomorrow when you can okay? I love you, be careful with whatever you're doing."
"I love you too, thanks honey."
I snapped the phone shut and relief washed through me. Edward hadn't woken up. Thank God.

I squeezed him tight one more time and I drifted off to dreamland too.

***

I opened my eyes and I still had Edward in my arms. Asleep.

I didn't care if he slept all day, I didn't care about school. As long as he felt somewhat better than yesterday, that would be more than enough.

I waited for half an hour and that's when Edward woke up. I could tell by his breathing, again. He didn't know I knew.

"Good morning," I whispered in his ear, afraid to scare him.
He looked up to me, with his eyes still tired of sleep.
"Hey…" then he looked down again, but he didn't let go of me.

I was glad he didn't.

"Did you get any sleep?" he asked with a muffled voice.
"Yeah, did you?" I whispered back.
"I've had worse."

We were silent.

"Didn't my parents come in or something?" he said while breaking the silence.
"I don't know… Maybe when we were asleep? I didn't hear them, anyway."
He didn't reply.

"Do you feel better?" I asked, afraid of his answer.
"Don't ask."
"Okay."

I sighed. This was so freaking complicated.

He sighed after me, saying: "I don't want to go to school."
I had a simple answer.
"Then we won't."

He didn't react, he just closed his eyes and we laid like that for another while.

"Do you want breakfast… or anything?" he said with his eyes still closed.
"Do you?"
I wasn't going to do anything he didn't want.
"Kind of."
"Alright, we'll fix something."

I went through his hair one more time and then he got up.

He walked downstairs, without talking. He fixed us breakfast without talking. He eat his sandwich without talking. He sat next to me without talking. He was showing no sign of life.

"Edward, talk."

He didn't react.

"I'm serious, talk to me."

He looked at me.

"About what? About how I love you but you don't love me back? I can't do that, Bella, I can't."

Well, at least he showed me some emotion right now. But maybe he wasn't the one that should be talking. Maybe it was me. I didn't say a single word yesterday in response to his words.

"Never mind, you don't have to talk. You only have to listen, okay?"

He nodded without granting me a look. I grabbed his chin and pointed it towards me, so our gazes met.

"I love you, too. I do. But…" he looked away again, but I held his face between my hands so he was forced to look at me, "not in the way you love me. You are one of the most important people in my life and I can't stand to be without you one day. If I ever lose you I will go fucking crazy."

His eyes widened at my cursing.

"You're the kindest person I know, Edward. I don't want to be the one to make you feel this way. Seeing you like this kills me. Because if I want anything, it's for you to be happy. And you're obviously not right now. If you need me to go away or to leave you alone, then I get that and I will. If that is what will make you happy then I'll do that."

I ran out of words.

"I don't want you to go away, Bells. I need you and you need me."

I nodded.

"And, I don't want to be rude, but… how you just described me? That's called love."

I blinked a few times.

"Yes, I said I loved you, but not in the way you love me."
"Are you sure?" he asked, sudden determination in his eyes.
"Yes."
"I'm not. You love me the same way. I didn't believe that until just now. But the way you talk about me, the way you want me to be around. That's not just friendship, Bella, it's not. What you have with Alice is friendship, but this… This is so much more and subconsciously you know that."

My jaw dropped. Was this the same guy I had lifeless in my arms for the past twelve hours?

"How can you say that? You have no idea how I feel, Edward."
"I do," he said, still that determination in his eyes, "you just told me how you felt, Bella. You love me, with more of you than you realize."

I was still stunned.

"You can't just tell me how I feel, because you have no idea, Edward."
"I do. And sooner or later you will get it, too."

He seemed a lot happier than yesterday evening and even just ten minutes ago. I loved him in a perfectly normal friendship way, right? Yes. I did.

"You want any more sandwiches?" he asked, suddenly while I was still lost in my thoughts.
"No… no, thanks. I think I'm going to head home."
"Okay."

He seemed to have no problem with that now. It was like he brainwashed himself.

I got the keys to the lock on my bike and was about to leave the house, when all of the sudden his hand grabbed my wrist. He turned me around, took my face between his hands and looked at me with such an intense gaze I would've collapsed if he wasn't holding me.

"I love you."

I swallowed hard and I felt like crying, but I didn't.

He looked at my lips and I saw him leaning in. I didn't pull away, because I wanted to kiss him too. I closed my eyes and let him take control.

He took my lower lip gently between his and he sucked a little on it. I felt a weird tingling in my stomach. My hand dropped the key and made its way to his chest. I pulled his shirt so we were closer. My tongue slipped out of my mouth and met his. Again that tingling.

Our foreheads rested against each other and he looked into my eyes intensely.

"See… You love me…" he whispered.

I closed my eyes, gave him one more kiss on his lips and rushed out of the house.

I was so confused. I hopped on my bike and raced home. I felt the rain soaking me but I didn't care.

When I came home I ran upstairs to my mom. This was when I needed her the most. Alice wouldn't do right now, I needed some love from my mother.

She wasn't awake, of course and it would kill me to wake her up.

I just laid down beside her, under her covers and wrapped my arm around her. I didn't cry but the lump in my throat was present.

"Hey, love," I heard a hoarse voice say. I looked up and saw my mom smiling halfheartedly.
"Hi mom," I said, hugging her tight.
"What's wrong? Why didn't Alice know where you were last night?"
She spoke really slow and hard for me to hear, but I understood every word.
"Edward…"
"That boy you told me about a while ago?"
She sounded so ill. I felt guilty for letting her talk, considering the effort she had to do to speak coherently.
"Yeah…"
"What happened?"
She closed her eyes. She looked so tired.
"He told me he loves me. I… kissed him," I could feel myself turning red but mom just smiled with her eyes still closed, "but I don't love him. I don't think I do. But I'm just so confused because I love him. I do love him. A lot. But not in that way. I think."

She was quiet, I was too.

"I don't know what to do anymore, mom…"

She was silent for a few more minutes and then she spoke:
"No wonder the boy loves you, Bells. You're the greatest person I know and I love you with all of me. Now, what do you feel when you kiss him?"
I felt embarrassed.
"Mom…"
"Come on, you can tell me. I've been your age too and I kissed guys too. It's not a crime. Tell me."
Somehow the determination in her voice pulled through.
"I feel… whole. Like some part of me gets ripped away when he's not around. He makes me feel special. He makes my stomach feel funny whenever he touches me. He listens to me, he's always there… He's a really, really awesome guy. And I love him."

She was quiet again. Ten minutes passed.

"I think you already know what you feel, love. Don't be afraid to admit it to him."

Was she saying that I loved him back in the way he loved me? She was, wasn't she?

"You think I'm in love with him?"
Her slim hand brushed my cheek and I closed my eyes to really feel it.
"Yes, and that's totally okay. Don't run away from what you feel because it's something you've never felt before. It's going to be great, Bells. You're in love with him. Just think about it, okay?"

Those few sentences took her five minutes. But I didn't mind, I would wait for her words forever.

"I'm… still confused. But… I'll think about it, I guess."

She didn't say anything about it after that.

"Love, I have to ask you…" she suddenly began after fifteen minutes of just laying down and breathing slowly. I had a feeling I knew what this was about. I swallowed.
"When do you think… you're ready to let me go?" her tired voice asked me.
"Not right now, mom. I was doing really good, even if I say so myself, but this whole thing with Edward made me realize that I need my mother."

I hated to talk about this. Why couldn't she just get better and be the best mom in the whole wide world? Life was so unfair.

"How is the scrapbook?" she then asked.
"It's okay, I didn't really have time to work on it anymore but I will later today."
"Show me the progress, okay, love?"
"Of course, mom. I love you," I said, a sign that she could go rest and wouldn't have to talk anymore because it exhausted her.

A soft I love you, too came from her mouth and she fell asleep within seconds. But I didn't go anywhere, I just laid beside her until I felt good enough to get up and walk downstairs.

Edward

I was in my room playing the guitar, when I heard a knock on my door. I hung the guitar on the wall and opened the door. Carlisle.

"Hello son, can I come in?" he asked, a smile on his face.
"Yeah, come on in," I replied, asking myself why he would come see me here.
"It's a little less crowded here than last night," he said while sitting down on my bed.
"What do you mean?"
Fuck, so my parents did come in? Shit. They wouldn't understand.
"I'm talking about Bella Swan, Edward. When your mother said there was a pretty girl looking for you yesterday and she hadn't gone home in the evening, I decided to go check. I didn't want one of your flings to sleep over, because you shouldn't be that guy…"

I rolled my eyes.

"… But when I came in, I saw you sleeping in her arms. And you both had your clothes on, which surprised me…"

Now he looked uncomfortable.

"…Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't mess around with that girl, Edward. She's more breakable than you know. I know I shouldn't tell you this, but remember that story I told you about that girl and her sick mother here in…"

I didn't let him finish.

"She told me, Carlisle. I already know it's her. I love her, I'm not using her."

It looked like his eyes were about to pop out of his head. I rolled my eyes. It bugged me when he thought I was only capable of having sex with a girl and then leave her. Okay, that was what I did in Miami, but I didn't do it here. Not with Bella.

"And for your information, I haven't had sex with her. We're not there yet. She's figuring out her feelings for me but I know she'll come around. She loves me, I know she does."

Carlisle was still stunned.

"I'm serious."

Apparently the numbness of Carlisle faded and he started talking again.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? If you two get involved with each other, you have to be really careful. Her mother is about to die and she couldn't handle you breaking up with her or hurting her, you know that right? Are you sure you love her?"

He was worried about her. That was good, but it wasn't good that he thought I didn't worry about her too.

"Dad," the word felt weird to say, but I continued, "I've never been so sure of anything my entire life. I am wretchedly in love with this girl. I'll be there every single time she needs me. I'll help her when her mom passes away. I take care of her when she cries…"

I wasn't finished with my explanation, but he cut me off.

"When she cries?" he asked, full of disbelief.
"Yes, she cries when I'm around. I don't know, it's weird, she only does when she's around me."
I didn't know if Bella wanted Carlisle to know that, but I decided it was okay to tell.
"Huh," was his only response.

"She's going to be here a lot, whenever she acknowledges her feelings. I'm there a lot. I love her, she loves me."

Carlisle nodded.

"It's good to hear you love her, son. But I'm asking you to be really careful with her. She's not some… some… bimbo, like the ones in Miami. She's different, she has issues."

"I have issues and she's never been a bimbo to me. She's beautiful and lovely. At first I thought she didn't feel the same about me. But then I heard her talk about me this morning and it is obvious she's in love with me, she just doesn't know it yet."

"She has more things to think about, Edward. Don't push her," he said, serious.

"I'm not pushing her, Carlisle. I'll give her all the time in the world."

Carlisle got up from my bed, a little confused looking. "Be careful."

"I will."

When he got out of my room, I started playing my guitar again and I felt so much more happier than these last couple of weeks. Bella Swan is in love with me, I know it.

Comments are better than Edward's determination towards Bella's feelings.