A/N: How about a nice day out for Liv and Alex? Also, don't worry about Tucker. He won't be causing any more problems, I just wanted to touch on current events in Season 17.

CHAPTER 14

Alex lay in bed unable to sleep. She was upset Olivia hadn't told her about Tucker, and then, there was the fact that it was Tucker.

Mostly, though, she was feeling guilty and scared.

Guilty because she hadn't been there for Olivia and should have been. She saw the news. She heard the courthouse buzz, and yet she had been too afraid to pick up a phone until after Noah came along. They had always been better at dealing with the happy times.

She was also scared. She was growing to love Noah and wanted to be part of his life, but she still wasn't sure she would be good at the parenting thing. Seeing Tucker with Noah - how much Noah loved him and the care Tucker showed toward him - made her even more doubtful and even jealous. What if Olivia thought Tucker would be a better parent than Alex?

As Alex laid in bed, she heard Noah cry through the baby monitor. Shoot, Liv isn't in here, she thought. Alex debated waking up Olivia before deciding she could handle it and left for Noah's room.

Olivia heard the cries, too, and started to get up when she saw Alex go into Noah's room. She walked just outside Noah's room in case Alex needed her.

"Shhh, Noah," Alex said. "It's okay. Momma is sleeping. I'm here, though." Alex rocked him and patted his back to sooth him back to sleep.

"It's okay, baby," she said. "I'm here. Your mom is here, and we love you." Soon Noah was falling fast asleep.

Olivia could hear Alex's whisperers and her eyes filled with tears. She continued standing in the door with a smile on her face.

Once Noah had been asleep for a few minutes, Alex put him back in bed. She turned around and saw Olivia at the door.

"I was trying not to wake you," Alex said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Olivia replied. "You're amazing, Alex."

Alex took Olivia's hand and walked her back to the bedroom.

#

Sunday morning, Alex woke up to the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen.

"Something smells wonderful," Alex said as she sleepily walked up behind Olivia. Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex.

"You did so much work yesterday on the party, and got up with Noah last night, I thought you deserved a good meal," Olivia told her.

"You didn't have to do this, Liv," Alex said. However, she didn't waste time digging in. "Especially after I made you sleep on the couch in your own apartment."

"It was only part of the night," Olivia teased. "And I know I didn't have to; I wanted to."

"So, what's our plan for today?" Alex asked.

"Well, Lucy and her parents are going to the zoo today and offered to take Noah, since she missed his party yesterday," Olivia said.

Alex grinned. "Oh, so we have the day to ourselves?"

"Well, part of it, yes. And while I appreciate what's behind that grin of yours, I was thinking we could spend the day at Central Park, have a picnic, and maybe talk about some things," Olivia said.

Alex smiled. "Yes, we should probably do that. It sounds like a perfect day, Liv."

They finished breakfast and got Noah ready for his zoo trip. Shortly after he left with Lucy, they packed up the picnic basket and headed to the park for the afternoon. It was a nice day outside, and they found a spot with some shade near a tree where they could spread out.

After a short walk, they ate the sandwiches they had packed and laid down on the blanket.

"So," Olivia said.

"So," Alex replied. She wasn't sure she wanted to be the one to start the conversation.

"I guess we could start with Tucker and me," Olivia said. She saw Alex take a breath and clench her jaw slightly.

"I just don't understand, Liv," Alex said. "I mean, why him? After what he put Elliot and Nick through, not to mention the fact that he arrested you!"

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "And we've moved past that. He was just doing his job like the rest of us."

"Clearly not well if he's going after innocent cops!" Alex still didn't quite understand.

"Alex, you know it's more complicated than that," Olivia said calmly. "Besides, we both know that people change and grow. Tucker has done that, as have I."

Alex let out a deep sigh. "I can accept that, but you still should have told me about your relationship rather than dropping that bomb on me while he's out playing Dad to Noah."

"You're right," Olivia admitted. "I should have told you about Tucker and me, and for that, I'm sorry." Olivia paused for a moment and started again.

"However, I'm not sorry for our relationship, and I won't apologize or justify it to anyone anymore. It was good, and it was healthy for me," Olivia finished.

Alex nodded. She didn't understand fully but was willing to accept it. "No more secrets."

"No more secrets," Olivia agreed.

They sat quietly for a few moments before Alex spoke up again.

"I guess it was just shocking to me not knowing and then to see how he was with Noah. I mean, Liv, I'm nowhere near as parental as that," Alex admitted.

"You did a pretty good job last night," Olivia smiled and took Alex's hand.

Alex sighed.

"It comes," Olivia said. "I promise. And you will be wonderful. No, wait, you already are wonderful."

Alex smiled and was quiet as tears began to form in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Alex said softly.

"For what?" Olivia asked.

"For not being there," Alex said. "I knew, and I did nothing."

Olivia looked away. "Alex, we don't have to talk about this right now. I shouldn't have brought it up because we can't' change the past."

Maybe not, but we should talk about it," Alex said. "I mean, if you want to, of course. I want to know and to understand. I want to be here for you now...and forever."

"I missed you," Olivia admitted. "I wanted you to call so badly. I mean, I know I could have called you, but I wasn't very good at asking for help during that time."

"It's understandable," Alex told her. "I'm sorry I never called. I have no excuses except I was afraid I was the last person you would want to hear from. I was scared, but I should have known that you probably were, too."

"I still have nightmares," Olivia said after a short pause.

"I know," Alex replied. "And I promise from now on, you won't have to go through them, or anything else alone."

Olivia smiled and laid her head on Alex's shoulder.

"I'm not trying to rush us, Liv, but I want you to know that I am 110% in this for the long haul," Alex told her.

"Me, too." Olivia replied.