Disclaimer: This is me. Not owning it.

A/N: For everyone.

Her stomach is no longer protesting loudly from being empty. Her body no longer craving some type of sustenance - well nothing more than the strawberry shake she's slurping down. She hadn't even realized until the first sip that she's been wanting one, actually craving one, for days. Sweet, a little tang and just absolutely amazing. This was a great idea. For both her cravings and her peace of mind. Because in the week and a half it's taken to actually meet with Alexis for lunch, shes managed to worry herself as much as Castle.

So many what-ifs dancing around in her head and then she'd mistakenly joked about his daughter being pregnant which almost ended in her writer having a panic attack. She was only teasing. But if came back to bite her in the ass. Now it's in her head too. And she's been texting Alexis almost daily, knows that Castle has been as well. The girl is probably fed up with both of them. So yes, she jumped when Alexis asked to meet today.

It's been a comfortable silence while eating. A bit of small talk and now Kate is just waiting for the big reveal. The secret or whatever it is that's had both her and her partner discussing wild theories before bed and trying not to take any of them too seriously. And right now, her company looks as though she's about to spill and Kate is more than ready to hear it. To put any crazy ideas to rest. To calm her partner who is currently at home, probably pacing back and forth with Wes on his hip.

She takes another gulp of her shake, eyes the redhead and then gently nudges her foot with her own. Coaxes her into confessing with words.

"Did you need to talk about something?" She'll be blunt because small talk clearly hasn't worked. "Your dad is pretty worried, ya know, I am too."

"I didn't mean to scare anybody. It's not...it's...how did you know that you..." Those nervous eyes drop, words dying before they meet the air and Kate feels her heart start to race as her brain fills in the blanks.

She was joking. It was only a joke. There's no way his daughter is actually pregnant. She's thinking about this too much. Letting herself jump to conclusions and getting too worked up over something that hasn't been confirmed. There's no evidence, only speculation. So she waits some more, sips at her shake and lets Alexis gather her thoughts.

"I guess what I'm trying to ask is: how did you know you wanted to marry Dad? I mean...I know you guys had Wes but you wouldn't have married him if he wasn't the right one, right?" Despite the cautious, almost terrified look on Alexis' face, Kate breathes out a sigh of relief, stroking her thumb over the twins. Okay. This, she can handle. She can be honest and deal with questions like she's still not sure where this is going...unless...

"Alexis, are you engaged?" The sharp intake of air and the shake of her head tells the detective that it's a bit more complex.

"No, I don't think so...I don't really know."

"Okay, did your boyfriend propose?" A nod is her reply and she watches the young woman twiddle her thumbs, pick at some invisible hangnail.

"I didn't say yes. We're young and still in school, I just don't know if this is something I want to add onto that stress. Should I have said yes?"

"No, I think you're on the right track. There's a lot to think about and if you aren't comfortable with the idea of being with him forever then you shouldn't agree to marry him."

"But how am I supposed to know if we'll be together forever? How do you know that you and Dad will?" It's an innocent question but it stirs something dark in her chest.

It hasn't been easy for them - to make it to this point and she doesn't know how to explain everything to his daughter. She doesn't know how much he's shared with her. If she oversteps, says something she shouldn't, she doesn't know what will happen. She bites her lip, furrows her brow as she tries to come up with an answer. One that is not only true but keeps out the messy details.

It takes her a few minutes, blue eyes staring at her, confused and seeking answers. And now Kate really wishes Castle was sitting next to her. He's the one who is good with words. But after stealing another drink of her strawberry milkshake, she finds what she hopes is good enough.

"Your father and I will always be connected now that we have Wes and these two," she rubs a hand over her stomach as she mentions the sixteen week old babies nestled inside. "I guess it's always just hope and wanting it to work. Love. And you have to fight for it. It's not easy but if it's something you both want and you both love each other then it's worth every argument, every bump in the road. Even the ones that are the size of a crater."

"I want to say yes. Does that make me naive? That I want to do it even though I'm still figuring out school and where I want to go in life?"

"No. It makes you smart because you're thinking ahead. You know you want to finish getting an education and honestly, Lex, I really don't know if I'm the best at giving advice on this stuff but maybe you could talk to him, explain why you're hesitating." She knows she isn't the most reliable source when it comes to relationship advice but she's doing okay, she's trying and she's married. That's got to count for something.

"I already told him all of my reasons for not answering and he said he understands, that he'll wait."

"He seems like a good guy. I know you've only brought him over a few times but I like him." She does. Even if the dinners were brief and Wes had been cranky due to teething, Kate remembers liking the guy.

"He is. I - I do love him."

"Then I think you already know your answer." She offers a smile, lets out a small quiet laugh. "You should really call your dad though, he's convinced you're pregnant."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah, he's been losing sleep. And complaining that he's too young to be a grandpa."

"We both know that's a stretch." It's a dead-pun delivery and Kate doesn't stop herself from smiling around her straw as she finishes off her drink.

"Oh I dunno, I kinda like him. I don't think he's that old...yet." She won't bore little Castle with the details of why her relationship works, of why their marriage has been pretty great so far. It's give and it's take. He brings out the best in her - sometimes the worst - and that's okay because they deal with it. They push and pull at each other and sometimes it leaves them both raw and aching but it's for the best.

It took her a long time to realize that but now that she knows, she doesn't plan to ever give him up. Not without one hell of a fight.

She's greeted by baby gibberish when she enters the loft, loud and happy. Filled with excitement and the moment she raises her gaze from the floor, she knows why her boy is so enthusiastic. His hands on gripping the edge of the coffee table, his body rising into a standing position as he pushes himself up from the floor. His legs wobble a little but he's getting better at this. Since the moment he accomplished this, he does it with everything. The couch, the coffee table, anything he can reach and it scares her.

She doesn't want him to fall. But he's so determined, his face scrunching in concentration as he steps cautiously around the edge of the table, holding on as tightly as he can and Castle is right behind him, making sure he doesn't lose his balance. She knows soon, he'll let go and he'll be her walking baby. No. She doesn't even want to think about him growing up. He's still little. He's still her baby boy. Her little Cub.

Even with him getting taller, doing more things on his own, and the two in her stomach stretching out her abdomen, she refuses to acknowledge that he's going to be a year old soon, that everything is changing and that she'll be a mother of three. Not just Wes, but two others.

"Easy there, Cub." He smacks a hand down on the surface of the coffee table as soon as he realizes that she's home. Hears her voice. It always puts a smile on her face.

"Hey, how'd it go - is she okay? Does she need something? Is -"

"Calm down, Castle. She's fine. Boy troubles but we smoothed it out." She watches his shoulders release the tension they've been carrying for days. A brief flash of relief taking over his features. It's hard for him sometimes - she sees it - to share his first child. He's too used to being the one she always turned to and it does bother Kate occasionally because she doesn't want him to be upset that his daughter has been choosing to open up to her a lot in the last couple of years.

"So she's not -"

"No, but I was tempted to tell you she was, just to see your reaction. She's a smart girl Castle." He raises an eyebrow as she squats to kiss her son on the head and part of her already knows she left the door wide open.

"So are you and yet, we still have Wes."

"Don't forget these two." His eyes follow her hands, caress over her expanding middle in a lovers gaze.

"Da-" She's used to the mumbling from her baby, the broken syllables but she's not used to Castle suddenly grabbing him up in a rush and tickling him to make him giggle.

"Somebody is a giggle box today." She narrows her eyes when her baby tries once again to make a sound but this time, his father places his finger over his mouth, moves it around to make underwater noises - as he calls them. And she knows that something is up.

With Cub squealing out a string of laughs and Castle letting his eyes dart around as if she's suddenly interrogating him, she knows that something happened. And as soon as he puts their son down, stops messing with him for more than a second, she hears exactly what it is that he's trying so hard to cover up.

"Dada. Dada." She whips her head around to watch Cub clap his hands, grin and say it again. "Dada."

It's not random syllables. It isn't just him muttering it's plain and clear and something like a vice grips her heart. Squeezing until she's almost sure it'll stop beating. Her eyes water as a sense of pure excitement floods through her but it's quickly tainted by disappointment. Not in him. He's just a baby but in herself because she's actually feeling upset. She's actually hurt by such an innocent being.

He's just said his first word. And it isn't 'Momma' but she guesses that makes sense considering he spends so much time with his father. That's what hurts, the thought of him not being able to say momma because he's so used to Castle being the one who is always there. It churns her stomach, makes her reach for him, kiss his chubby cheeks, nuzzle her face into his hair, nose against his ear. Whispering her love for him, how proud she is as she barely keeps it together.

She isn't going to ruin this moment with her stupid out of control hormones. She's just going to hold him, catch Castle's apologetic eyes and show him that she's okay. The fact that he knew she'd be like this and tried to hide it from her, makes her chest ache even more. Something heavy settling in, digging its claws down, refusing to be pulled out. But she has time to be petty later. For now she leans back, smiles down at her son as he babbles, and tangles his fingers in her hair.

She lets him. He doesn't pull anymore, he sort of pets at it, as if he's amazed by it or thinks it's pretty. She gives him time to admire it as she straightens and heads for the couch. She wants to sit with him, play for awhile and try to rid herself of the gnarled ball of emotion that's made its home in her throat. Making it hard to breathe and even harder to stave off tears.

"He says 'dada'."

"I thought it was a fluke but he keeps saying it. I know you really wanted him to -"

"It's okay, Castle. I'm a big girl and he's his own person. I'm just happy that he said his first word." She is. It's the truth but there's still a tightening around her heart. A fist clenching sensation. "Just next time, with the twins, don't try to hide it. You're terrible at it."

"He loves you." He's going to make her cry. He's going to snap her last shred of control and she's going to end up being a mess of tears. She hates these hormones. She really really hates being like this. "Kate, you have to know that he adores you - just look at him."

Her vision is blurry, making it difficult to see much of anything but she can make out his smile and the hand reaching for her face. Patting her cheek. Yeah, she knows he loves her. She knows that he's always happy to see her when she comes home with the award winning grin and the kisses he gives.

"I know."

"Good. Because as soon as he learns 'momma', that's all I'll hear all day long."

She knows he's right she does but that doesn't stop her from letting her defenses drop a couple hours later. With Castle cooking dinner and Wes playing happily in a playpen, she's ducked out. She needs time to herself to deal with her irrational thoughts. She ends up in the bathroom, stripping out of her clothes and turning on the hot water.

A shower sounds too nice to pass up. With the twins growing, her back already aches and it always helps soothe it. Even though right now, her back feels fine and she's just making up an excuse to step into the heat of the spray. To justify her actions to herself. To let the water wash over her, whisk away the tears that finally break free. She doesn't know why she's crying and she hates that. But as she bites into the back of her hand to muffle a sob - tasting the water on her tongue - she knows it's ridiculous. She's hurt. Her feelings are hurt because of something so simple and innocent and she's a terrible person for this.

Who ends up crying alone in the shower because their son just said his first word? Oh that's right, she does. Her palm settles on her stomach, stroking over the swell as she watches tiny rivers spread out over her stretched skin. She cries harder, thinking of how perfect they'll be, of how she loves them so much and god, her baby boy just said his first word and he's going to be walking soon and she just doesn't know how to handle the emotions that come along with all of this.

There's a small - hardly noticeable - stretch mark on her side now - something she hasn't seen until this moment. Being completely exposed, vulnerable, actually staring down at her bare body and she almost smiles. Maybe she shouldn't. But she almost does. She got lucky with Wes, no marks but this time there are two little aliens - Castle's definition, not hers - taking over her body and she's shown the evidence every single day. The way her stomach grows, the overwhelming hormones, and now a tiny mark imprinted into her skin.

Her fingers trace over it, a bit self conscious, and she makes a note to use lotion when she gets out but for now, she'll welcome the distraction. She'll welcome any distraction. At least that's what she thinks until she hears the door open, knows that her alone time is being interrupted. She wipes at her face, realizes how dumb it is the second she remembers that she's standing under the spray of the shower. She hears the clink his jeans make when the zipper and button hit the floor and she hopes her eyes aren't too red.

He isn't saying anything as he undresses so she doesn't either, she just waits for the cool air to attack when he joins her. She doesn't turn around when it happens, doesn't face him until she feels his hand - slippery - against her elbow and then she's rounding to press her nose into his shoulder. To awkwardly push her stomach into his, their babies safe between them as she clings to his back, nails digging in.

"I heard you crying."

"M'sorry."

"Kate, it's okay. I know you're really excited that he's learning, that he said his first word but I know you were really hoping it would be 'Momma'. It's okay to be a little upset." She shakes her head against him, lifts her eyes to meet with his and watch as his hair sticks to his forehead. She pushes it back, lets him press his cheek into her palm.

"No. I'm just...pregnant."

"If it's taken you this long to notice, I fear for your mentality." She smiles at him, his face staying serious until he sees her suck her lower lip into her mouth and then he responds with his own tilt of his lips.

"Not what I meant."

"I know."

"Wes?"

"Mother is home, she wanted some time to dote on him." She feels better, a bit. Maybe all she needed was a good cry and a hug. "I thought we could do something fun while we shower."

"Castle, I'm not sure that's possible anymore." A quick glance between them and she's almost certain they'd have to get creative...but maybe...

"Not that, I actually thought we could bounce some baby names around. I'll wash your back if you wash mine?"

"Okay, deal." Of course he's the first to reach and it isn't body wash he grabs but shampoo. She turns, lets him lather it into her hair with gentle easy strokes, thumbs that push against her temples, massage over her scalp. He's too damn good at this and the name slips out before she realizes. "Ella."

"Ella?"

"I - I just," It's been in her head for years, tucked away safely and she's never shared it before. Ever. "Don't make fun, okay?"

"I won't."

"It's because of the comics. You know how I loved Elektra and when I was little I just wanted to be her. She was amazing. I always thought if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Ella even though it has nothing to do with Elektra. I just...I don't know, it sounds similar I guess. I know it's dumb."

"No." She feels his mouth press to her neck, knows he's probably tasting soap. "No, Kate. I...that's adorable."

And then she's pushing her back into his chest, her elbow meeting his ribs in a playful jab. He just has to ruin their moment, turn it into something teasing and childish. But he didn't hate the name and that's enough to have her closing her eyes, turning to face him and let the shampoo rinse from her hair. He didn't hate it.

a/n: Because I about died when Kate said she was an Elektra fan. (Elektra is my favorite)