PART THIRTY

As i walked towards the town centre shops i took my phone out, plugging the headphones in to listen to some tunes i had downloaded before coming to Blackpool. I told myself i'd give it until half past before ringing him. Something felt off about the whole situation and i was beginning to feel nervous. Had i done something or said something to make him want to avoid me? I didn't think so and although i had a few drinks last night i didn't think there was anything i was forgetting.

I scrolled down to Craigs name, my thumb pausing over the call button before pressing. I waited for it to ring, willing it not to go to voicemail. It didn't but he didn't pick up either.

Dejected, i put the phone back in my pocket listening to the lyrics to the Maroon 5 song that was playing. There were loads of fast food places but i felt like something more substantial so i went into one of the cafes instead. As i looked around i saw that it was a throwback to the seventies complete with formica tables and checkered tablecloths. I sat down as the waitress came over, taking her order pad from the front of her apron. After ordering a hot chocolate and an English breakfast with extra toast, i reached over and took the morning paper off the empty table next to me. My phone started vibrating in my pocket and i breathed a sigh of relief as i took it out and saw Craigs name flashing.

"Hiya, where are you?" i asked, my voice sounding breathless even to my own ears. He said he was in the centre near the Tower. "Oh right, well.....your just around the corner from me if you wanna join me for some lunch". I felt oddly awkward, as if i was talking to a stranger instead of Craig. He said he'd be there soon and i gave him the directions, saying i'd order something for him. "Right, see you soon then" i finished, ending the call. The waitress came over with my drink and i ordered the same for Craig but with whipped cream and marshmallows too.

PART THIRTY ONE

CRAIG

I pocketed the phone and looked around for the Argos store that John Paul said the cafe was near. I still didn't feel ready to see him but neither could i avoid him all day. I spent the last couple of hours wandering listlessly from shop to shop not really paying attention to what i was looking at. When his message came through i read it but hadn't wanted to reply in case he wanted to join me straight away. I still hadn't remembered everything from the night before, i was sure, and i didn't know what to do about it.

I knew i was being stupid and that i would either have to ask him outright if something had happened between us, or i'd have to drop it altogether and never think on the subject again. And that was the other thing, i was more freaked out about something having happened and me not remembering it, than i was about the possibility of something having happened in the first place and that confused me....What the f*ck did that mean.

I was browsing around Burtons, a mens clothing store, looking at the accessories when his call came, the phone vibrating in my pocket. I knew it was inevitable that he would ring eventually and i took the mobile out, staring at it as if it was a foreign object. I must have been looking at it too long as it eventually stopped it's persistent buzzing, showing i had a missed call.

The sales assistant came over and asked if he could help. I declined, continuing to look at the brown leather bracelet on the stand in front of me. I fingered the tough cords, turning it over in my hands before deciding on the purchase and taking it to the counter. I paid for it and stepped outside with the little bag, folding it over and pocketing it. I took out my phone and rang John Paul back.

When he spoke, he sounded almost as nervous as i felt. I told him where i was and agreed to join him for lunch. There was something about the exchange that bothered me. It was like i wasn't speaking to my best friend, it was like speaking to a stranger, the conversation awkward and forced. Aside from when he initially told people he was gay and the events soon after that, we had never felt weird around each other and i didn't like it. I told him i would be there soon and he said he'd order something for me.

The cafe was right where he said it would be and it didn't take me long to get there. As i approached from across the street i could see John Paul sitting in the window, reading a newspaper. I stood still as i watched him pick up a mug and sip from it leaving a foamy brown mustache on his upper lip. I was smiling as i stepped through the door and he must have sensed it was me because he looked up smiling too.

I took a deep breath and sat down opposite him.

"Anything new going on in the world?" i asked gesturing to the paper.

"Not much" he showed me the front of the paper, it was a local one which he promptly put down as the waitress brought our food and my drink.

"Thanks" we said in unison. I picked up my knife and fork. "This looks good" i said, tucking into the bacon with gusto. I was famished, i hadn't eaten yet even though i'd been up for ages because it was only after talking to John Paul that my stomach had settled down.

We stayed silent for a while as we ate. My excuse was that i was too busy eating but i don't know why he was so quiet. Usually it takes more than a fry up to get him to stop talking. He seemed to be avoiding looking at me and it started to make me paranoid. It was another sign to me that things had taken place last night, why else was he not being himself around me.

My brain went into overdrive as i sat there chewing at my food. Had he made a pass at me and i'd knocked him back? Did i catch him with an erection again?. F*ck. Seriously. What the hell had happened?. I knew for definite, was absolutely positive that we hadn't.....You know.....because there was no way i wouldn't know.....if we'd done THAT. But other things, well there was no physical way of knowing was there?. If we'd kissed, for example, or....other stuff, maybe that would explain why i hadn't felt weird this morning when i woke up holding him, why it hadn't felt.....wrong.

I continued going through the motions of eating but i was dying to ask him. But, how to go about it though? What should i do, just blurt out.....'Did we get off with each other last night'? OR 'You know last night when you were ripping my shirt off and i told you i loved you....What happened next?'. Yeah right, i could just imagine the reaction that would get. Because of course, if something had happened he would be well offended that i didn't remember and if it hadn't happened, well....he'd just think i was a raving loony and call the men in the white coats.

It was only when John Paul cleared his throat and pointed at my t shirt with egg splattered down it, that i realised i'd been sat there with my mouth hanging open, staring into space for God knows how long. Who cares what had happened....or not, John Paul was going to think i was a freakin nut job either way, the way i was acting. I rubbed the back of my neck chastising myself. 'Snap out of it Dean'.

It was only as i pushed my plate away that i saw the hot chocolate that John Paul had ordered for me. It had marshmallows and whipped cream on the top that was slowly sinking into the now luke warm drink. I lifted my eyes to his and smiled. It always amazed me how thoughtful he could be.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small bag from Burtons, sliding it across the table towards him.

"Got this for you". He looked at it, then at me, his eyes questioning. "Thought you might like it" i said as he picked it up, opening it. His mouth opened in a silent oh, as he lifted the slim, leather wristband out, turning it between his fingers a smile lighting his whole face.

"Wha....why.....Thanks" he eventually managed to get out. He fumbled with the strap, trying and failing to fasten it around his wrist.

I reached over, tying the thin cords together, securing it in place. The brown leather stood out against his pale skin and it looked good on him, went with his clothing.

He lifted his eyes from his wrist to meet mine, a silent question lurking there.

"I wanted to get you something, you know.....like a friendship thing" i said gesturing, not wanting to sound like an idiot. God it was difficult, why did everything i say sound so stupid. I knew that i wanted to tell him how important his friendship is to me, how important he is to me, but i was cr*p at articulating what i wanted to say and i didn't want to sound like a girl, getting all emotional and stuff.

"Well thanks, it's.....great". It didn't sound like he was so good at saying what he wanted to either.

I poked the hot chocolate, eating the cream and marshmallows off the spoon, turning it over and licking the sticky pink goo off the back of it. He was looking at me again, staring at my mouth and i found myself unconsciously drawing the spoon into my mouth, watching him. F*ck! Things were getting tense again. This was ridiculous. I was flipping flirting with him again but i was well aware that this time it wasn't to win a game or gain the upper hand. This time i was testing him, wanting to see his reaction. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, clearing his throat, his blue eyes darting all over the place.

Jeez, what was wrong with me. My heart started beating faster and i had an almost uncontrollable urge to......No, i shook my head, i was taking John Pauls restraint too far, if i pushed too much he might run off or something. I was getting a kick out of seeing his desire for me, it was like nothing i've ever felt before, seeing how much he wanted me and my hand was starting to shake as i put the spoon back on the table, drinking from the mug instead. It wouldn't do for him to think i was some sort of cock tease, for him to think i was using him to stoke my ego, i wasn't, but the thrill that was going through me was undeniable.

I left to use the bathroom before things got too.....Heated.

Standing in front of the mirror, i didn't recognise the face looking back at me. This man had almost black eyes, hooded with heavy lids. His skin was flushed, making the tanned skin even darker and his hair looked unkempt as if he hadn't combed it for days. I splashed some water on my face, getting my breathing under control. I was starting to question my intentions with John Paul. We'd only been away a couple of days and my reaction towards him was coming as a big surprise. I wasn't gay, i knew that but i wasn't exactly being myself and the things i was thinking, and feeling, and doing weren't the actions of a bloke who is sexually ambivalent towards his friend.

Girls....That was it, that's what was missing, we weren't around any girls so my sexual frustrations were transferring to John Paul instead. That was it. Okay so now i had that cleared up, we could get on with our day.