Just to say a huge THANK YOU for the gentle nudges to get this chapter out, however I also duck from the bog roll and rotten fruit being thrown at me for taking so long. To avoid dragging you down by over-sharing, let's just say life happened, the type of life things that stops one from being in comedy mode, and therefore able to write this stuff. However, all things are sunshine and bunnies again so brace yourself, here comes the next episode!
Disclaimer – I own nothing, am not making a profit from anything related to Labyrinth, all original characters owned by Henson et al.
AN: As always, thank you very much for the reviews and PMs. I try to respond to them all, but if you have not heard from me, know I am grateful for the feedback.
Quick reference character list at the bottom of Chapter 1.
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Reactions to Gown the Crown competition – Winner, Sarah Williams
Diary Room – Chun Ng
"Well, I think the whole thing was rigged. I mean, did you see that outfit? She must've had help. No way did she come up with that on her own!"
Diary Room – Jaime Barnett
"It's ridiculous. She's all 'I don't like the Goblin King, he stole my brother, blah blah blah'. And the next thing you know, she's practically giving him a floor show in front of the entire Underground. Talk about a two-faced slut!"
Diary Room – Sabine Lennear
"We 'ave a name for girls like that where I come from. And eet is not nice…"
Diary Room – Susan Briggs
"What do you mean interesting dress choice?! You have something to say to me Bitch?"
Diary Room – Shante Latimore
"That girl has some balls, ya know what I'm saying. But she should just come out and admit she wants a piece of that tasty ass! If it was me, I'd have climbed on top of that dais and wrapped my sweet self right around his-"
Cut transmission
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The next morning, following a communal breakfast, found the Goblinerettes in the Common Room.
Tariq breezed in and gave his little cough when no one acknowledged him. Politely stepping aside as Sarah rushed passed him and mouthed a quick, "Sorry I'm late!"
The girls started muttering when Sarah sat down behind Susan, there was some kissing of teeth and shaking of heads.
"Ladies, how lovely you all look this morning!" Tariq chirped.
"Save it Tariq, can't you feel the tension in the room? Or are you always this annoyingly optimistic?" Susan said in a bored tone.
"Hey," snapped Crystal, "that was a bit harsh, it's not his fault."
Before Susan could work up a head of steam, Sarah reached over Susan's shoulder and offered her the bagel that she had snatched from the dining room. The baked good appealing more to Susan than the potential confrontation, she shrugged and took a bite, giving Sarah the nod and ignoring Crystal's reprimanding look.
"Your attention please. I am very excited to announce the next contest," Tariq declared. This was met by a mixture of groans and squeals.
"Where's His Majesty?" asked Darla.
"I am afraid His Majesty has business to attend to this morning, hence his not being able to make the breakfast meeting with Miss Cherry."
"Yeah, I wonder what he was up to?" Rhiannon sing-songed sarcastically.
"You were late down this morning, weren't you Sarah?" Jaime added.
"I had a late night and overslept," Sarah responded.
"I bet you did, wear him out did you, Champion?" prompted Shante.
"Hey, keep your lewd assumptions to yourself!" Sarah snapped.
"Can I please bring your attention back to the next challenge?" Tariq interjected with a slightly raised voice. "Thank you. Today, you will be requested to bake a cake for afternoon tea. It can either be a whole cake, or a selection of individual cakes. You have creative license on the ingredients and colours you wish to use. The winning cake or cakes will be judged by His Majesty. Your entry will be assessed on taste as well as presentation. The winning cake will not only be consumed over afternoon tea with His Majesty, but there will also be the additional evening entertainment with the King. So, double prize today!" Tariq trilled, basking in the excited response of the girls.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Susan mumbled to Sarah, whilst the other girls clapped and cheered. "I get that I have to stay here for these stupid contests, but can't the prizes be even the least bit worth it? Fucking tea and evening entertainment! I'd settle for a crate of beer and not having to look at his smug face for the night!"
Sarah giggled and leaned towards her. "I feel your pain girl. However, I have some good news that should cheer you up!"
"Say what?" Susan asked.
"I would've told you last night, but you were asleep when I got back. I went to this cool club with Jareth last night."
"Jareth is it now?" Susan teased. "How did the hot date go?"
"Long story, I will fill you in later," Sarah deflected. "Anyway, there were various games and we placed a few bets. Well, I won a prize of my choice and I asked for a night out for us two; just us, no men, no Goblinerettes, no glitter! To blow off some steam and party! You in?"
"Hell yes! I'm starting to lose the will to live. You're the only person worth speaking to, and Maleficent has kept you busy since the fashion show."
"I know. I'll check with Tariq if we can do it tomorrow night, if there are no contests then," Sarah suggested.
"What's wrong with today?"
"Didn't you hear? The winner gets to share the evening with the twinkly one," Sarah grinned.
"Planning on taking the crown for this too huh?"
"There's no point taking part if you're not in it to win it!" she smiled and turned her attention back to Tariq.
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Tariq led the girls to the same room in which they had prepared their gowns. Instead of sewing and design workstations, the room had been transformed to accommodate nine separate kitchenettes. The layout was open planned, with every conceivable baking device that might be needed.
Sarah wasted no time grabbing the kitchen closest to Susan, feeling like a leper amongst the other contestants. She hadn't felt this uncomfortable since high school, and despite not understanding the Goblinerettes' reasons for wanting to be there, she didn't want to be enemies either. If it wasn't for Susan, she would have thrown the contest and gotten herself eliminated, despite wanting to correct the unfortunate matter of the summons finding its way into the Aboveground public domain.
"So, what you gonna make?" Susan asked as she put on an apron and pulled her bright red hair up into a makeshift bun.
"I'm going to go with my grandmother's apple and cinnamon muffins. They always go down a treat and are simple to make. How about you?"
"Rock cakes, with extra rocks!" Susan replied smiling sweetly.
"It has to be edible Susan. You have to look like you're trying, remember?" Sarah warned.
"Relax Princess! They will be edible, and in honour of the great final battle of the Champion of the Labyrinth," Susan continued to smile serenely.
"Passive aggressive, but brilliant!" Sarah laughed. "I thank you for the confectionary shout out!"
Sarah and Susan were so engrossed in their conversation that they missed seeing Crystal, Chun and Darla quietly leaving the room.
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Preparations for the 'Let Them Eat Cake Off' competition
Diary Room – Crystal Hudson
"After the Champion's success with the dress, I decided to get smarter and do my homework properly. So, Chun, Darla and I headed over to the library to look up recipes on what Fae like to eat, Court delicacies and so on. I mean, after all, it's about us assimilating into the Underground. And Sarah had the right idea with the dress, it represented what mattered to the Goblin Kingdom and its King. I'm just applying the same logic to this challenge."
Diary Room – Chun Ng
"Crystal had this great idea about researching recipes in the Library. She's such a team player, unlike some I could mention. She didn't have to share her idea with us, but I guess the more of us who put in a good entry, the more we can detract from a certain attention hungry Princess."
Diary Room – Darla Foxe
"I've got the best idea for a recipe. It's not from the Underground, but the books gave me the idea, so I'm gonna use the dietary advice from the books but give it an Aboveground twist. The Goblin King ain't gonna know what hit him!"
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"That's it, they're done," Sarah sighed, wiping her forearm against her brow. "You wanna get some lunch, Detroit?"
"Sure, count me in," Susan called from the oven doorway in her kitchenette, before bursting into a coughing fit as smoke poured out of the now open oven door. "Fuck it!"
Sarah's hands raised to her mouth as she tried to gasp in sympathy, but it turned into a full-blown guffaw. "What the hell did you do?"
"Nothing! I turned the oven on and put the bloody things in as normal, but they have disintegrated!" Susan snapped.
Sarah headed towards her friend, guessing that if her cakes were not already charred, the look she gave them would've finished them off. "Let me see." Taking a look at the oven, Sarah started laughing, "I'm not surprised!"
"What?"
"You've set the oven way too high."
"It's what I've always set it at, 350 Fahrenheit," Susan exclaimed.
"350! This is a Celsius oven! You've cooked these things at nearly 700F!" Sarah explained, biting her lip to control the giggle fit.
"Is it a fucking Kiln?! Why on earth would a domestic oven go up that high?" Susan threw her oven gloves across the kitchen, and shoved her hands onto her hips.
"Come on, let's get lunch, and you can make up another batch when we get back," Sarah offered, dragging her friend by the arm and sniggering as Susan stomped passed her.
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Sarah and Susan managed to grab the table on the balcony outside the common room, where they proceeded to consume some grilled cheese sandwiches and soup. As she had missed breakfast that morning, Sarah found she was rather famished, but also eager to share the previous night's adventure with a friend. Susan listened without interrupting as Sarah filled her in on everything, concluding with how she threw Couric 'under the bus'.
"Good for you, that smarmy pretty boy deserved it," Susan commented, before stuffing the rest of her sandwich in her mouth. "I gotta say, you're sure acting all bipolar around His Arseness. I bet he doesn't know whether he's coming or going."
"Oh I know which of the two he'd like to be doing. And to be honest, it wasn't easy not getting swept away in the snogfest. I mean, when he turns his full attention on you, it's really something," Sarah said.
"I'll take your word for it," Susan replied, her nose wrinkling slightly in distaste.
"Oh come on Susan, you mean to tell me that you don't think he's even a tiny bit attractive?"
"To be honest Princess, I tend to go more the other way, and just because he looks like a gender confused Christmas tree half the time, it doesn't make him my ideal fuck buddy," Susan said.
"The other way?" Sarah asked puzzled.
"Remember the break up I mentioned I was dealing with when I wished Jerome away?" At Sarah's nod, Susan continued. "Well, her name was Debbie."
"Ohhhh! Um, I mean, that's cool," Sarah shrugged, then grinned. "If that's the case I'm surprised they dragged you into the competition. Considering the GK is technically the prize, how did they think you would be suitable, if you don't play that way?"
"I didn't say I didn't play that way. I just tend not to as often," Susan replied, shaking her head as if talking to a five-year-old, before shovelling a spoonful of soup into her mouth.
"Well if we're going to get another batch of your Rock cakes cooked, we should think about heading back," Sarah offered, finishing up her lunch. "We need to think of a name for them, how about 'Get your rocks off'?"
"Yeah, cause that doesn't sound the lease bit suggestive! The goal is to get sent home without Jerome taking a trip back here, not offer His Highness an ambiguous come-on wrapped up in pastry," Susan frowned as she stood up and brushed the crumbs from her combat trousers.
"Okay, so what do you think of the name Crumbly Hard-ons?" Sarah teased.
"Only if we can call your cakes Grandma's Muffs," Susan chuckled as they entered the kitchen area and headed over to their workstations.
"You'll win points for originality if you call them Raisin Lumpy Love Mounds-"
"Ladies, how is everything coming along?" Tariq enquired as he approached the girls, followed by the film crew who were pointing their cameras at the girl's work surfaces. Tariq's smile faded as he peered at their offerings, giving a startled look at the grey dust that was Susan's first batch of cakes.
"Just peachy, Tariq," Susan scowled as she grabbed her mixing bowl and started all over again.
"Ask her what she's making Tariq, I guarantee you the King will not be able to resist her hard, firm crumbly texture," Sarah said with a bright innocent smile.
Whilst Tariq tried to process what the girls were actually referring to, Susan gave Sarah a bright smile and in her loudest voice announced.
"Sarah's making Snatch Cake!"
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Final Preparations for the 'Let Them Eat Cake Off' competition
Diary Room – Sarah Williams
"I don't want to sound too presumptuous, but I think the Goblin King will go crazy for my Grandma's Apple and Cinnamon muffins. It's a tried and tested recipe, passed down through my family for generations. The story that passed down along with the recipe, is that every man that married into our family was enthralled by the taste of this sweet offering. Seeing as how my ties with the Goblin Kingdom and its ruler began with a story, I thought it'd be fitting to continue the storytelling tradition. I wanted to use the recipe that travelled down my family and work it into our story."
Sarah smiled sweetly at the camera, whilst crossing her fingers behind her back and internally cringing at the fluff she had just recited.
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The afternoon sped by, and each of the contestants were buzzing around their kitchenettes, making sure that each of their cakes were presented to perfection. When the bell rang through the castle, a team of goblins appeared, taking the cakes out of the working area and into the ballroom. The Goblinerettes were encouraged to follow.
The ballroom was filled with large round tables, where different members of the fae nobility sat. Each table consisted of an elaborate tea set and an enormous cake stand containing various gourmet sweets. To Sarah, it was all very Mad Hatter's tea party, with the Mad Hatter himself, the Goblin King, who sat at the top table where each of the entries had been placed. Next to him sat the same older lady and gentleman from the fashion show, who Sarah had since learned were Jareth's parents, the High King and Queen of the Underground.
Sarah's gaze strayed to Jareth, willing him to look her way. She was disappointed when he did not glance at her even once.
After the cakes had been presented, and the girls led to a table directly in front of the dais, Tariq scurried around to stand behind the King and commence the proceedings.
"Your Majesty, Honourable members of the Fae Court, Winners of the Labyrinth Challenge, the time has come for the 'Let Them Eat Cake Off' competition to be judged. Please can we have your attention, and as this is going out live to the rest of the Underground, can I ask that you do not curse."
Sarah rolled her eyeballs and leaned towards Susan, who was staring at Tariq as if he had lost his marbles. "He's obviously been watching other reality TV shows. I wouldn't be surprised if the next challenge is eating bugs!"
At Susan's alarmed look, Sarah sniggered and turned her attention back to the royal steward.
Tariq motioned towards the cake at the far end of the table, and picked up the place card in front of it. "We shall start with Miss Latimore's creation, um 'Aphrodite's Pussion.' Er, have I read this correctly Miss Latimore?"
At Shante's enthusiastic nod, Tariq flushed and coughed as a goblin sliced the elaborately large chocolatey looking cake and took a bite.
"Hey," called out Shante, "that Pussion is for His Majesty!"
"Yes Miss Latimore, but protocol dictates that any food items not prepared by the goblin chefs must be tasted by one of them, prior to it being given to the King. You understand of course," Tariq replied.
"I wonder why," whispered Susan as she leaned towards Sarah. "I guess I'm not the only person that would like to poison that pompous troll doll!"
"SSSHHH!" giggled Sarah.
The goblin took an inordinately long time chewing before taking a large swallow. After a couple of moments, he nodded enthusiastically and cut another slice of cake. Skipping his way around the table and presenting it to the Goblin King.
Jareth eyed the cake suspiciously, before paring a small bite sized portion with a dessert fork and sampling a taste. He too took a very long time chewing, a slight grimace appearing on his features as he continued masticating, eventually swallowing and then pressing a napkin delicately to his mouth.
"Miss Latimore, may I enquire as to the ingredients of this cake," Jareth asked.
"I used a couple of pounds of chocolate, cookies, raisins, toffee, marshmallows and jelly beans, Your Majesty. It's all sugary goodness, just like my-"
"That explains the sharp chewy sensation," the Goblin King replied with a saccharine smile. "My thanks for your efforts." At a glare from Jareth, Tariq quickly prodded the goblin chef for the next sample.
"Ah Miss Foxe, this is called 'Tune in and Drop out'?" Tariq queried as he read the card.
"Yep, one bite and you will see what I mean," Darla winked at the Goblin King.
The goblin chef took one bite and chewed, and chewed. The chewing began to slow down and a rather large string of drool appeared at the side of his mouth, just as a brainless grin stretched across his face.
"What's wrong with him?" Susan whispered to Sarah.
"Oh no," Sarah replied, just as the goblin swayed from left to right before hitting the ground hard, snoring like a St. Bernard.
"Miss Foxe," the Goblin King called. "Am I to understand that you have baked a narcotic into your entry?"
"Yeah, they're hash brownies. But made with top quality hashish. At Crystal's suggestion, I checked out the recipes in the library to see what kind of cake was popular, but thought I would add my own herbal accompaniment," Darla chattered, talking with elaborate hand gestures and grinning inanely.
"And how did you procure this, Aboveground herbal accompaniment?" Jareth asked, glancing slightly towards his mother who was apoplectic in shock.
"Well, Hoggle said he knows this guy at the Jolly Gobbler-
"Right, I see," Jareth cut in, frowning at the spaced-out Goblinerette before turning to Tariq. "It appears we need another member of the kitchen staff to take the chef's place." With a wave of his hand, the sleeping goblin vanished and the Goblin King motioned for Tariq to move on to the next contestant.
The competition continued. Chun received a bright grin from the King on trying her blueberry cream cheese scones. Rhiannon's peach eclairs were also a huge hit. Sabine's Mille Fois were declared as 'decadent', whereas Jamie's Fairy cakes were colourful and delicate and seemed to draw attention from the High Queen, who requested to try one for herself.
"Next we have Miss Briggs' entry," Tariq declared, nervously picking up the place card "Uh, Ludo's Revenge?"
"Ah, Miss Briggs. And what, pray tell, are in these delightful cakes?" Jareth asked with his customary dry tone.
"They are Rock cakes, your Highness. A simple recipe of dried fruit, butter, milk, flour, sugar, eggs and a little vanilla," Susan replied with mock innocence.
The goblin chef took a bite of the cakes and after a great deal of chewing, he swallowed and nodded his head appreciatively, handing one to his Majesty.
Susan was surprised, "I made them extra crunchy for His Majesty."
On completion of the bite of Ludo's Revenge, Jareth smiled at Susan. "Thank you Miss Briggs, how did you know that fae and goblin teeth were so strong and would enjoy the textured challenge you have represented us with? Well done." Jareth smirked at Susan's irritated expression, not believing for a single moment, that she was privy to this information.
Sarah leaned towards her friend and put a hand on her arm "Bad luck Detroit. If it's any conciliation, I'm taking you out to get hammered within the next day or so."
"Make it tonight and I'll cheer up!"
"No can do, I may be on a date," Sarah smirked, as Tariq went to the next entry which happened to be the Champion's.
"Williams' Secret Spice L'amour!" Tariq declared with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, that isn't corny at all!" Susan scoffed at Sarah.
Whilst the goblin sampled the muffins, Sarah looked at Jareth, who was still refusing to engage eye contact. Sarah frowned at this snub, wondering what his problem was. He can't still be put out that I didn't put out, can he?
On being presented with the Champion's cake, Jareth's gaze briefly met Sarah's.
Sarah wished he had kept ignoring her, as to say his expression was frosty would be an understatement.
"Secret Spice L'amour? You wouldn't be trying to slip me a love potion would you, Champion?" Jareth asked as members of the Court began sniggering.
Sarah's back straightened and she ignored the catty whispers of the other Goblinerettes. "Why Your Majesty, are you saying that I need love potions to obtain your attention?"
Jareth dismissed Sarah's question and his expression grew bored. He took a bite of the cake and immediately started coughing, holding his napkin to his mouth and discreetly removing the half-eaten morsel.
Sarah's jaw dropped. "I don't understand," she whispered to Susan. "Those cakes were perfect, I tested them myself."
"Maybe he doesn't like Grandma's muff?" Susan offered, giving Sarah a supportive tap on the back.
Sarah's cheeks flushed scarlet as she heard the giggling from the other contestants and mutters of "Serves her right," and "take that bitch!"
On sipping a glass of water, Jareth waved his hand towards Tariq, encouraging him to move onto the final contestant.
"Ah, and lastly, Miss Hudson, 'Carrot and Marigold Cake'," Tariq announced as the goblin sampled a small piece and presented a slice to his King.
The Goblin King raised his eyebrow at the cake and grinned at Crystal. "Marigolds? Someone has done their research, Miss Hudson."
Crystal beamed at the Goblin King as he placed a forkful of the cake into his mouth. His eyes closed and a small hum rumbled from his chest. He quickly took another forkful and winked at Crystal before patting his mouth with a napkin.
"Now that the tasting has taken place, we will require a few moments for His Majesty to compile his favourite, and least favourite offerings. We will replicate the cakes sampled by the King and pass them around the tables for everyone to try. That way the members of the Court can give their feedback on what they think is the best cake," Tariq announced.
As the fae nobility began to tuck into the cakes that appeared on their tables, Sarah turned to Susan and urgently whispered. "Someone must have sabotaged my cakes! Did you see that? He spat it out!"
"I can't see how anyone got the opportunity, plus the goblin tasted them and didn't see a problem, maybe he just doesn't like cinnamon?" Susan replied.
"It's too convenient. Most of the girls here have it in for me, so I wouldn't put it past them!"
"Relax, what's the worst that can happen? You get eliminated and sent back home to your family?" Susan responded.
"Yeah, but…" Sarah paused. The realisation dawning on her that she didn't want to get eliminated, especially over cakes! After the evening she spent with Jareth, she thought that maybe there was something there to explore, possibly. Not that she wanted to become queen or anything so permanent, but she couldn't ignore how she felt on that dance floor. He certainly had a way of making her feel like she was the only person in the room. She looked towards the Royal dais and saw the High King nodding enthusiastically as he tasted a forkful of Crystal's cake, gesturing at Jareth and then to the cake with approval. Jareth responded with a laugh and smile, enjoying yet another bite himself. Her heart sank.
"Attention everyone, His Royal Highness King Jareth has made his decision. Can I ask the Winners of the Labyrinth Challenge to please stand," Tariq announced.
"Here goes nothing," Susan muttered.
Jareth stood, making sure his good side was presented to the nearest camera.
"Thank you Ladies, for your efforts. The challenge has brought forth some… interesting results, so I would like to address your entries individually. Miss Cherry, the peach eclairs were an inspired, if somewhat obvious choice, however I appreciate the sentiment as they are indeed one of my favourite fruits. Miss Lennear, the Mille Fois was exquisite, although a trifle rich for my own palette, they are indeed an excellent example of French pastry making. Miss Briggs, you have delighted me with your Rock cakes. I am so impressed, I commission you to make an entire batch of a thousand for all the goblins of the Goblin City, to commemorate the reconstruction following the Champion's attack on their homes!" Jareth grinned wickedly at Susan's dismay. "You Ladies may sit down, you will all move forward to the next round of the competitions, congratulations."
"Now, for those of you who were not as impressive," Jareth's tone became cynical and motioned towards Shante's cake. "Miss Latimore, your entry was literally choc-full of all manner of sweets and delicacies from Above. However, there is such a thing as excess and unfortunately you took the ingredients too far. If I were to have this cake in the Kingdom, the goblins would be rioting for a fortnight on the sugar high. I therefore must denounce this recipe and outlaw it throughout the Goblin Kingdom. I appreciate the sentiments behind the offering, but it would cause the Kingdom a high level security issue. Now, as for you Miss Foxe, were you aware when you concocted this recipe that trying to drug the King is tantamount to treason in the Underground?" Jareth glared at Darla.
"What? Oh, lighten up Kingy," Darla giggled "I thought it'd help you relax, what with running a Kingdom and all the Labyrinth runners you've been getting. I thought you'd appreciate the gesture!"
"You have obviously tried the Brownie cakes for yourself. And thanks to you, my head chef is now incapacitated for goodness knows how long and I have been inconvenienced. I am not impressed," Jareth rolled his eyes when he observed that Darla had ceased to listen to his reprimand and was making shadow hand puppets using the lighting crew's equipment.
"And you Champion, what can I say about your recipe," Jareth began, his eyes glinting coldly as he looked down his nose at Sarah.
Sarah looked him straight in the eye, refusing to show any emotion. Just don't react, whatever he says don't react, it will be over soon, only a few more moments… just picture him in his awful gold lamé trousers and you will get through this Williams.
"The texture was soggy, the ingredients lacklustre and I simply cannot abide apples! A fact you could have taken the time to check, considering you have had the advantage over the other contestants, as you have spent more time with me. I guess your mind was otherwise distracted!" Jareth smirked as the fae nobility all began chortling at Sarah's expense.
Sarah's facial expression and body language did not change. Her eyes, however, were communicating the biggest FUCK YOU! possible.
"So," Jareth returned his attention to the three reprimanded girls. "It is with those comments I alert you to the obvious fact that you are all standing as candidates for elimination."
"Without further ado, the Labyrinth Concubine who will be sent home today is…" This time Jareth relished the obligatory long pause that the Director had insisted on. "Darla!"
At the sound of her name, Darla raised her hand "Present, did someone need me?"
"Come with me Miss Foxe, it is time to return you home," Tariq declared, scurrying over to her and offering her his arm.
"Cool, can I take the brownies with me, they love cake," Darla leaned onto Tariq and began chatting inanely, not even bothering to speak to the other contestants. Probably because she didn't know where she was, or indeed that she was leaving the Underground for good.
"I don't think a memory wipe is going to be necessary with that one!" Susan muttered to Sarah.
When Sarah didn't respond, Susan looked over at her friend. "You okay, Princess?"
At Sarah's curt nod, Susan returned her attention back to the Goblin King, but kept sneaking concerned glances at the Champion.
"Now to announce the finalists of this competition," Jareth declared with a broad smile on his face and rubbing his hands together. "Miss Barnett, your fairy cakes have enchanted us all, the aesthetic was pleasing and the taste light and fluffy with a hint of lavender. They are a huge hit with the High Queen, who will no doubt request the recipe for her own Chef, excellent work."
Jaime glowed with the praise and started hopping up and down on her heels.
"Miss Ng. Another one who has done her research. Blueberries are a rare fruit in the Underground and are much sought after. Combining them with the cream cheese gave an added flavour that I had not sampled before. I was very impressed, congratulations," Jareth added with a sensual grin.
"Oh for god's sake, it's turning into fucking Masterchef! With smut!" Susan grumbled, slouching lower in her seat and resting her booted foot onto the opposing knee, despite the shocked look from the High Queen.
Sarah remained silent.
"And finally, Miss Hudson. What can I say, Carrot and Marigold Cake. I am in ecstasy! When I wed, this will be the Royal Wedding Cake!" Jareth declared.
"Oh god, I think I'm going to throw up! Did he just say ecstasy? She won't need to bother to ice it next time, he can just wank over the damn thing!" Susan shuddered.
Again, Sarah remained uncharacteristically quiet.
"That's it, what's up? That last comment was definitely worth a laugh, or at least a SSSHHH!" Susan mimicked Sarah's earlier response. When Sarah still did not answer, Susan nudged her friend. "Williams?"
"So without further ado," Jareth announced. "I declare the Winner of the 'Let Them Eat Cake Off' Competition as..." Jareth paused, a beautiful grin breaking across his face. "It's no surprise, Crystal!"
The whole room erupted in applause and cheers, the Goblinerettes joining in on the congratulations, all except Sarah and Susan, who was at that moment shaking Sarah's shoulder.
"Williams! Hey, earth to Williams!" Susan's shaking become a bit rougher. "SARAH!"
Sarah snapped her attention to her friend, her eyes surprised as if only just realising that Susan was talking to her.
"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Susan demanded in a hushed whisper.
Sarah's eyes moved around the room and alighted on Couric, who stood a good fifty feet away. When their eyes met, he gave a panicked expression and turned to flee the ballroom.
"What the hell?" Sarah murmured. The wheels of her mind gradually started turning. Jareth's being a spiteful git and Couric is seemingly terrified to be in her company. She groaned, and felt like smacking her head with the palm of her hand, she couldn't believe she had missed the signs.
"He's jealous!" Sarah whispered.
"What?" Susan demanded.
"He's jealous… Jareth," Sarah explained, shaking her head at the absurdity of his behaviour. "You know I told you what I said to Jareth when I retired last night?"
"Yeah," Susan replied, her hand gesturing and…
"I wanted to give his ego a gentle tap, not send him into a full-blown Joan Collins! Couric is scared to be around me, I wonder what the hell Jareth did to him!"
"You sure he's jealous, Princess?" Susan asked, her eyes gesturing behind Sarah towards the Goblin King.
Sarah turned to see Jareth take Crystal's hand. He bent over it to give it a lingering kiss as he gazed into Crystal's eyes.
"BASTARD!" Sarah hissed. It was official, the Champion of the Labyrinth was pissed.
GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~ GK~GK~ GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~GK~
AN: Thankyou to the wonderful KBates for beta-ing this chapter! I hope this chapter made up for my TWO MONTH (cringes) absence. From here on in it will be getting sillier. Would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a review/PM.
Recommendations: As you have probably already seen, Startraveller776 is reposting her work. So, I recommend ALL of it, she was the first Labyrinth fanfiction author I discovered and since then I have been hooked on this fandom. So, she is probably indirectly responsible for this fic… so you can blame her HAHA!