His tiny hand held the bigger one of his mother while they walked out of the big house the royal family used for vacation. It was surrounded by a beautiful forest and was very close to the sea. He had always loved the sea and was so happy they were here now, away from the castle. He never liked to be trapped between the cold castle walls.
"Mommy? Where are we going?" he asked, and a boyish smile came across his lips when his mother looked down to him, ruffling his hair with her free hand.
"To the sea." Killian's eyes started to shine, and he grinned. "Are we going to see Ariel?" He sounded almost excited, and it made his mother laugh before she lifted him up and sat him down on his shoulders. "Among other things."
"Awesome!" He threw his little arms in the air, almost falling backwards before he put them around the neck of his mother, hugging her while she held his legs so he wouldn't fall down.
"But why can't Liam come with us?" he asked, his voice lower than before, and he put his chin down on his mother's head, pouting slightly. "He has to study with your father. You'll get to do it at that age too." Killian groaned and shook his head, leaning back to play with her black hair.
"I don't wanna study. I don't wanna be a king or prince." He exhaled heavily and got a brief giggle out of his mother who shook her head slowly, her fingers caressing his little leg, and with this single touch, she could express all the love she had for the little boy.
"What do you want to be then?" The little boy was silent for a moment, not quite sure what to answer before he put his chin back down, sighing heavily. "Free." He couldn't see it, but the happy smile that had been on his mother's lips was replaced with a sad one.
"Hey, wake up!"
Killian groaned when he heard the female voice and felt her slapping him against his leg, opening one eye, still tired after his long night. He looked into the unamused face of Ariel and groaned loudly, his arms spread out over the bed, two women in his arms, their heads on his chest, playing with his chest hair and drawing circles on his stomach.
"Why, why do you have to wake me up? I had a rough night." He still had one eye pressed shut while he looked at her, gritting his teeth slightly. Her presence was annoying him but more so because he was hungover, and he had two women in his arms and really better things to do than having a conversation with the mermaid now.
"Yeah, Killian, I can see that. Now get your ass out of bed you…have to go." He could see how she was side eyeing the girls, and he growled again, sitting up in bed. "Leave," he hissed at the girls, and they pouted at him, but he just slapped one of them playfully on her ass while they got up and dressed, and a few minutes later the door fell shut behind them.
He pulled the blanket up a bit more to cover his lap as good as he could, the woman in front of him didn't need to see his prominent erection. He ran his hand through his messy hair and tilted his head, looking at her. "What do you want?"
Ariel groaned loudly and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. "I want you to go back to your castle and do what's right!" Killian tensed up at her words and let himself fall back into the pillows with a sigh, shaking his head before he put his arms behind his head. It was easy for her to say that, she didn't have to do it.
"How can I do the right thing when I don't know what's right and wrong anymore? My world is grey, nothing is black and white, good or evil." His voice was almost a whisper while he looked up at the ceiling. He spoke the truth, he couldn't lie to her, it felt wrong. The colors in his life had started to fade as soon as his heart was taken, and not even Milah had been able to bring them back. His life was grey and so was his morality, not sure what's good or bad.
"What do you feel, Killian?" Ariel said, and her voice was calm when she sat on the bed next to him, looking down with a soft smile. He frowned at her question and turned his head so he could look at her, lifting himself up on his forearms. "Nothing." He shrugged and looked away but heard how she huffed.
"I'm serious, Killian. You're changing. Close your eyes and think about it again." He groaned at her suggestion, really not in the mood to play, but he listened to her anyway, probably because he respected her more than anyone else. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths, missing the sound of the heartbeat in his ears.
Killian shook his head slightly. "I…I don't know." He sighed and looked up at her again, biting his bottom lip and didn't understand what his words actually meant. "I don't know what I feel." Ariel smiled and ruffled his hair like he was still the little boy she saw in him instead of the ruthless prince he pretended to be. "That's what I mean. You feel, you just don't know what it is, right?"
He frowned again and thought about her words, letting out a gasp, and his eyes widened slightly. "You're right-" He felt something and just didn't know what it was. This couldn't be, it wasn't possible, it wasn't supposed to be like this. His hand moved to his chest where the void was, and he gritted his teeth, shaking his head. "That's not right. It's not possible. It's a lie, the same with Milah." He shook his head more and more, refusing to believe, but she put a hand on his cheek, making him look at her.
"You know the thing with Milah was different. It was his fault, not yours. She fell in love with you, and he enchanted her, you had no choice. The feelings you had for her - if you can even call it that - weren't real." He swallowed hard and sat up, leaning against the headboard while he looked down, shaking his head. That bloody demon had used his own wife to get to his heart. Enchanted her so he would think he would feel something for her, but he never did. As soon as she died his world had fallen apart, and he had sworn revenge. But Ariel was right, this time was different. He was quite sure Emma was untouched by the magic of the Dark One.
"I know that, thank you for reminding me," he growled at her and rolled his eyes and shifted down so his back was pressed against the bed again. The memories still hurt him in a way.
„Move over." He looked at her and raised an eyebrow but saw her impatient look before he moved from the middle of the bed to one side, watching how she laid down next to him.
For a moment, they were silent, both staring at the ceiling.
"What's happening to me, Ariel?" He swallowed and gritted his teeth when he heard the slight hint of desperation in his voice, closing his eyes for a long moment, feeling like a little boy who was lost in the world. It had never been like this before. The reaction of his body was so different. That one time he almost collapsed must have something to do with his feelings coming back or whatever they were doing, and it scared him.
"I'm not sure. I heard stories while I was in another land, another realm, not so different from this one, but I'm not sure how far they apply to here." He frowned, the folds on his forehead deep. Another realm. He had always wanted to go to different worlds, but he was a prisoner of his own life. "Tell me about it." He felt the mattress shift, and she turned around to him, her eyes on his side. When he was younger, he had always loved the stories she had told him. For a while, he could pretend to have another life, pretend to be somewhere else. He had listened to her with his eyes closed while she told him about another world with more magic, more mysterious things, and he had been the hero. But now? Now he was the villain in his own world.
"Have you ever heard of a soulmate?" she asked him, poking him in the cheek with her forefinger, trying to get his full attention. He groaned and turned on his side, the blanket still over his hips to cover himself up some more, even though she knew how he looked naked but still, he was grown up now.
"Yeah, all the romantic books with love stories have it." He shrugged, and it wasn't a big deal for him. He had read a lot about this thing, but for him it was utterly unrealistic. "Oh, you're reading such books?" she teased and poked his nose, and he groaned, slapping her hand away with a small smirk. That woman was unbelievable.
"Get to the point," he growled warningly but still in a playful way, and she seemed to think about what to say. She ran her hand through his hair, waving some strains out of his face like she had done with him when he had been a boy.
„It's not exactly like in the books you read, but it's similar. In these lands, they were stories about people who were drawn to each other like they were connected with an invisible bond, stronger than anything, and they say it makes people feel with their soul instead of their hearts. And the soul feels stronger than any heart. They can take your heart but not your soul."
He was silent while she spoke and tried to understand what she was saying. Feeling with the soul but without a heart? It sounded really strange to his ears, but he also couldn't ignore the part with the invisible bond. He had felt something like that between him and Emma, that's why he used a servant girl for his anger and not her, that's why he had the huge urge to protect her from the fire and the Dark One. He couldn't deny the attraction towards her, and now that he was thinking about it, he was really different around her.
She was his light.
"Please, those are just stories," he huffed and shook his head, trying to deny it somehow. A moment later Ariel had put his nose between her forefinger and thumb and was pulling on it. "Oi! What the fuck are you doing?!" he scolded and pulled his face back, glaring at her while he was rubbing his nose.
"You're talking shit again. I can see that you at least thought about what I told you, and you know that I'm not completely wrong. To find a soulmate is really hard and only a few people find theirs, sometimes they're worlds apart," she said in a calm voice.
"Oh, and you think Emma is my soulmate?" he huffed and raised an eyebrow, tilting his head slightly while he lifted himself up on an elbow, head in his hand. "She might be. I can't say for sure, but when she's the one who makes you feel…don't miss the chance. Take it. Take the chance to become the man your mother wanted you to be. Protect this girl, no matter what."
Killian wasn't even quite sure if he wanted to feel again. He felt a lot of pain anyway, but what if he would feel even worse as soon as his feeling would come back? He had nothing to be happy about in his life but a lot to hate, a lot that caused him pain. What if she brought his feelings back and he drowned in all the bad things? Hate, guilt, pain? It would swallow him alive.
He gritted his teeth and tensed up when she mentioned his mother again, his gaze dropping down on the dirty sheet under him. "Stop mentioning her…" His voice wasn't more than a whisper and a hint of sadness was in it, but Ariel took her hand and lifted his head, smiling at her. "But she's the only one who can get through to you, despite your heart problem. A bond between mother and child is stronger than that. I think she is the reason why you're not completely drowned in the darkness yet." She let go of his head, and he snorted, nodding slightly.
The prince knew what she meant. Normally, he should be consumed by the darkness inside of him, but he wasn't, something inside of him was still holding him up, only a little spark like a warrior, protecting him. He started to feel guilty because he hadn't become the man his mother wanted him to be. "You don't need a heart to love your mother, Killian, and she doesn't need to be alive to give you the love she has for you. She's watching over you, every second, guiding you until you don't need her help anymore, and I know you want to make her proud. I can't say for sure, but I think as soon as you forget her, the little light in you will be gone, and you'll drown. That's why I keep mentioning her, for your own good."
He swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to control the feelings that were inside of him. Maybe she was right, maybe she talked shit. She had told him such things for years now, pulling the mother card over and over again, but the woman beside him had never phrased it like this, and he had been blinded by the way the darkness was consuming him. He still wasn't able to control it, was still insecure, but the thought that his mother wasn't proud of him killed him inside. Could the red head be right? Could his mother be the reason he was still able to think straight? Not always, not often, but sometimes in the little moments that were important?
"She probably hates me." He laughed unamused and sat up in the bed, but Ariel just shook her head. "She could never do that. She loved you, and she still does. You were her everything." She reached forward and pressed her hand against his chest where no heart was beating. "She's always with you, you just keep forgetting. The darkness tries to destroy your memory of her."
He smiled slightly and took her hand, pressing a kiss to the palm. "I should really go." He knew his slightly hopeful mood wouldn't last long, he knew he would make mistakes, but he also needed to figure out if the story she had told him was real. Soulmates. It sounded strange in his head, not real, not possible and here he was, feeling something, not quite sure what it was, but it was there and it was killing him.
Emma had fallen asleep last night way too fast and after she had woken up this morning, she had tried to keep herself busy, not able to deny the fact that she was worried about him. She had met up with Ruby who wanted to make a girls night in the next days because they barely got together anymore. Emma had agreed, some time with her friends wouldn't be bad.
After some lunch and wandering through the castle, she went back to his - their - room. She was restless, not sure when he would come back to the castle, back to her. The princess knew how pirates handled the high born people, kidnapping them to get ransom for them. On the other hand she knew that Killian was able to defend himself in case something happened.
She sighed and sat down on her bed, seeing the letter that was still on the nightstand. She had been so eager to get this piece of paper but now that she actually had time to read it, she wasn't sure if she wanted to. What if he had been right about the baby and the sending away thing? What if the letter wasn't what she had expected?
Emma bit her bottom lip before she reached over and grabbed the letter, opening it carefully. For a moment, she just held the folded paper in her hand before she opened it slowly. She started to read and within seconds her face fell apart. She blinked. Once. Twice. Anger rising up in her chest, and she gritted her teeth. That damn bastard. Her eyes flew over the note again.
»Sorry, darling, were you looking for a letter from your parents? Not here yet. Oops. But I really enjoyed your mouth on me.«
She clenched her hand into a fist to crumple the piece of paper up in her hand, groaning loudly in annoyance. "Bastard!" she yelled, not caring if someone on the floor might have heard her. He had tricked her! That stupid asshole had tricked her! Gods, she had been so stupid and dumb. How could she believe him, how could she trust him? Despite everything, she did to a certain level, and she didn't even know why.
From one second to another the worries she had turned into anger. He had known all along that this wasn't the letter from her family she waited for, and he didn't say a thing, not even after the incident in the throne room! She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths before she decided to get out to get some air before the anger would eat her up.
Just in the moment where she opened the door, she bumped into someone. When she looked up, her face became harder, looking into his blue eyes and seeing his little smug grin in the corner of his mouth that made her feel like she needed to slap him again.
"In a hurry, princess?" he asked and tilted his head. She could see hickeys on his neck. For a moment she wondered if he had even dealt with the pirates at all or used it as a reason to get in town to sleep with some woman. She wrinkled her nose in disgust before she shook her head and grabbed his arm, pulling him inside, slamming the door shut behind her.
She made him sit in the chair in front of the desk, and normally she would smirk a little about the confused look on his face, but right now she really didn't feel like it. "You are a fucking asshole!" she yelled and threw the ball of crumpled paper in his face. He seemed to know what she was talking about but didn't seem to care.
"Oh, come on, it was just a joke. No reason to freak out." His voice was calm, and he shrugged, about to get up, but she put her hands on his shoulders, pressing him down to keep sitting. "Keep sitting. I'm not done with you!" she literally growled at him, and he raised an eyebrow, leaning back in the chair, interested in where this was going.
"You know I waited days for this letter, and it's still not here! I hate it that I'm not able to be with my family. Not hearing from them is killing me, and then you come along, letting me think this is a letter from them just to read your stupid note!" She stood in front of him, throwing her arms in the air in anger and despair, not even sure why she is telling him this. He didn't need to know about how she felt, it wasn't his business, and yet here she was, letting her walls down even if it was in anger.
She heard him chuckle and wanted to say something, but he started talking first. "I never said it was from your family. You automatically assumed it." A cocky grin was on his lips and she stopped for a moment, actually thinking about it. She tried to remember his words but wasn't able to recall them all, just shaking her head.
"That's not the point! I feel like an orphan again in these walls. I have no one! Sure, Ruby is here, Tink is here, but they can't replace my family! This letter is so important for me, and you don't seem to get it!" She groaned in annoyance and walked up and down in front of him, rubbing her hand over her face, trying to find the right words, not really thinking about them anyway.
"We're all orphans." His voice was low, and when she looked in his eyes, she recognized the look. She had seen the same one many years ago when she looked into the mirror. For a moment she frowned, not sure if he was playing with her or if he was being honest, her emotions all over the place. "At some point in life, we are all orphans. Some stay orphans forever, some don't." He shrugged, and she was surprised how honest his words were, making her think about what had happened to him that he would say that. Was it because of his mother? His brother? His father was still here, but he acted like a mad man, so maybe he meant that.
She decided to ignore his words and focus on the anger. This time he wouldn't get under her skin to stop her from complaining. "The thing is that you're acting like a complete ignorant asshole to me most of the time. How did you even become such an idiot?" She didn't even want an answer from him, but as soon as the smug grin was back on his lips she knew he would give her one.
"Ah well, I train hard every day," he said and grinned at her, shrugging slightly. She groaned loudly and shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "Well, maybe you should tell me how you do it so I can become an asshole that doesn't feel, just like you. Maybe it's better for the marriage!"
For a moment he didn't say anything before he tilted his head a little, the grin gone from his face. "Who says I don't feel?" Well, that took her off guard. There was something in his voice and his eyes that was different in this little moment. She swallowed slightly, not quite sure what to say, and the longer she looked into his eyes that told her a story she couldn't understand, the more she was calming down, the anger almost gone when he got up from the chair.
All she could do was look into his eyes that were so full of sadness right now that it almost scared her. Only when he stood right in front of her was she was able to look away from him, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her head to the side to look out of the window.
"Listen, Emma. I'm sorry. It was a really stupid joke. I didn't know that letter meant so much to you." She hated that he sounded honest, but she was still avoiding looking at his face again, just huffing slightly. He groaned, and she turned her head to see how he scratched the spot behind his ear slightly.
"Can you use a sword?" he asked, and she raised an eyebrow, surprised by the question. "A little." He nodded and bit his bottom lip for a moment, not looking at her. The anger was gone as fast as it had come to her, but her feelings were still a mess with him around. "How about I teach you how to do it? Now that the Dark One is after you for some reason and…" He stopped, and she waited for him to finish the sentence, but he never did.
"Meet me in the afternoon outside the stables. If you want to." A small smile was on his lips before he turned around, but she grabbed his arm again. "We still need to talk about the whole Graham thing." She felt how he flinched under her but nodded. "If you decide to meet me later, we can talk."
Emma licked her lips and looked at him for a long moment before she let go of his arm and he went out of the door. Gods, she hated that she couldn't control her feelings as good as usual when he was around. She was angry in one moment and calm in the other and all because she had looked into his eyes. He seemed to be her anchor, something to hold on to when the storm was raging inside of her, even when he was the reason why she was angry. Sometimes, a simple look was enough.
And somewhere deep inside of her she knew that she was falling for him.
A/N: Sorry this took me so long, school was eating me alive but now I'm free and can write more chapters or longer chapters, we will see. Funny thing in this one, the whole soulmate thing and feeling with the soul, I got that idea actually before they showed that in the show, idk why I wanted to say that here, whatever. Do you love Ariel as much as I do? Are you excited for more of Killian's background? Or Emma's background? Hope you liked this one, see you in the next chapter to some sword action~