A/N: This one is a little longer. I tried to work in what I wanted it to say, but as per usual, these two crazy kids are running the show and are stubborn as ever. Thank you so much for your reviews and words of encouragement!
Disclaimed, as always.
Chapter 14
When they walked through the cavernous entryway, she was reminded of a museum maybe, but certainly not a house she lived in.
She concentrated so hard on finding anything familiar. A rug, a piece of art. Nothing.
There was no denying the house was gorgeous. More like a mansion, so stylish she knew she couldn't have anything to do with its décor.
"Are you sure I belong here?"
He pulled her into his arms "You belong wherever I am. You belong with me. Always. I know you are overwhelmed, but we will get through this. I just want you to promise me you'll tell me if something is wrong, if you aren't feeling well or are afraid of something so I can make it better, alright?"
She squeezed him as hard as she could. She breathed in his scent and once again felt nothing but reassurance and a sense of home.
She smiled, so content for that moment "Show me around?"
"Absolutely, sweetheart. I'd love to." He led her from room to room, telling her little stories about things that occurred there. "I'd tell you more, but most of our time in these rooms were spent honeymooning'" His grin was positively wolfish, all teeth. He looked so carefree, so familiar, she knew she had witnessed that smile many times.
As they wandered room to room, Red asked "Anything familiar yet?"
She shook her head. She wanted to run, as far and as fast as she could, to find a home where she belonged. Every part of this house' mocked her as a fraud. She was no one.
But then they reached their suite. "This is our bedroom and right through that door is the master bath."
Everything was so feminine. Deep blues were mixed with lavender from floor to ceiling. The four-poster bed was decorated in sheer scarves that looked as decadent as they did lovely. It was hard for her to imagine Red being comfortable here.
"It doesn't look like you." She said slowly, hoping he wouldn't be offended.
His smile was loving, tender "This was all chosen by you."
She was still lost "But it doesn't look like me either."
She knew she sounded desperate, but Red's voice was nothing but cool, calm waters "Beautiful, feminine, uncluttered; I'd say this room is exactly you."
The words he'd utilized fit the room exactly, but not her. She was a mess, a box full of puzzle pieces thrown carelessly to the floor. She walked towards the bathroom, hoped to escape even temporarily from her inadequacy.
The bathroom was large, a Jacuzzi tub large enough to swim in, separated from the toilet and the his-and-hers sinks along the wall. Her gaze locked on the tub.
Memories, one after one, bubbled to the surface. Laughter, the splash of water. Her sitting in the tub up to her chest. Red. In one memory, Red was kneeling behind her, fully dressed as he poured water over her hair, his arms gliding over his slick curves, worshiping her. In another, Red was in the tub with her as she straddled his waist, her fingers clutched at his chest hair.
The third, most vivid memory came sharply into focus on a gasp. She was in his arms with her back to his chest, his hands cupped her breasts to tease and play with her nipples, his tongue and teeth at her neck. He told her over and over how lovely she was, how much he loved her and couldn't get enough of her. His hands were elegant as they reached up to soap her hair, massaging her scalp, making her moan.
She shivered. She wanted that feeling of love and security again. She blurted "Will you take a bath with me?"
His head jerked back in surprise. He didn't respond, the twitch in his cheek, the movement of his mouth told her that he was grappling, unsure of precisely which words to use.
"You used to wash my hair. I remember you touching me. Caring for me."
There was fire in his eyes, but he swallowed "Are you sure? I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable."
He was so sweet. She felt so awkward. She hated asking her husband, the man she was married to, to do something so intimate with her again. She stepped towards him for a hug, needed at least a small connection. He was trembling.
She realized that this was probably harder on him than it was for her. He had many more memories of them together than she did. He could remember how she was and miss what he'd lost.
He kissed her temple. "I'll draw the bath. Your clothes are in the closet out and to the left if you want to choose some pajamas"
She went out and went through the myriad of drawers and shelves to find loose pants and a Red tank top. She spied the underwear drawer and was reminded that she hadn't worn a bra in what seemed like forever by the ache in her tender breasts.
She looked down at her body. It felt foreign. Her bones protruded unattractively. Suddenly, she was unsure if she wanted Red to see her like this. A shell of the woman he married.
A few minutes later, he appeared looking as tense as she felt "Are you ready, sweetheart?"
She couldn't force herself to meet his eyes as she admitted "I feel…Maybe I could go in first and you come in a minute or two later?"
His eyes were warm, his face concerned "Absolutely. Take as much time as you need. You let me know when you're ready. Even if you just want company while you bathe. Just be careful."
She entered the bathroom, undressed hurriedly. Finally looking at herself in the mirror, she was startled. She had no association with this foreign body. So gaunt, she nearly laughed. She wouldn't be inciting any passionate embraces any time soon. Her belly protruded slightly, she rubbed it, was surprised at how hard it felt.
There was another memory, just at the edge of her periphery. She closed her eyes in frustration. When she opened them again, she looked at the vanity. Why was her brain telling her to look in there?
She opened the door slowly, as if she were handling a dangerous animal. Toiletries, extra tissues, makeup remover, shaving kit, tampons, and a hair clipper. All of the normal things that she expected to see.
She sighed, no revelations coming from that.
The clippers. She shaved Red's hair short. She laughed as he tried to distract her by fondling her behind. Minutes later he had her up against the vanity, buried deep inside of her. Her clearest memories, the ones that were the easiest to remember, were when he was with her, loving her.
She gave up even trying to remember.
As she stepped into the tub, she let out a surprised squeal as she felt a fluttering in her abdomen.
Red burst through the door "What's the matter?" His face was a mixture of worry and fear as his gaze raked her naked body from head to toe, looking for a reason behind her distress.
She was terrified as memories assaulted her. She whispered "Red, am I pregnant?"
Tbc…
A/N: Let me know what you think!