A blank page stared up at Sera, like so many other blank pages in her life. It was usually exciting to fill the void with something, anything to fill the nothingness. Sera hated nothingness. It was partially why she could never sit still or be idle in anything. She had so much energy and saw so much beauty in living, in experiencing everything life could offer her. It was why she never stayed in one place too long, why she couldn't just settle for the simplicity of a job in a city to tie her down to a single location. She loved the freedom to roam, the freedom to change if she wanted.
But too much change?
She hated that, too.
Like the fact that earlier, when Shiny screamed and threw something so loudly that all of people on the lower terrace turned and stared at the cabin simultaneously. It was second nature for her to pick that lock to break inside and go to her, forgetting everything that had transpired just because something was wrong with Evelyn. All that the archer could think was that she needed to make sure she was okay, that she wasn't hurt.
Then a sharp reminder of where she stood in Shiny's life when Knifey Shivdark, Shadow of Birds appeared; the spymaster had shoved her hands full of vellum and charcoal, ordering her to the tavern to eat a real meal and to keep her distance from Evelyn for now.
She hated the change that it was Leliana that entered the cabin and shut the door behind her, leaving Sera out in the cold, staring at the same friggin' door she'd looked at for days now.
An empty plate now sat to her right, pushed aside in favor of the vellum that Sera now stroked the charcoal against, drawing the only thing that her mind would allow her to see.
Shoulder length dark hair, framing a perfectly lined jaw. A wide mouth, plump bottom lip extended in a sad pout, a crease between thin eyebrows. Sorrowful eyes. A long leather jacket. The strap of a traveling bag over one shoulder. Light smears down defined cheekbones, the tracks of tears falling. And behind the woman in the picture, a fireplace lit with flames that reminded Sera of the days caught inside with the subject of her drawing.
Sera hadn't ever seen that look on Shiny's face before that day, but now it haunted her constantly. It had made her feel like she was going to puke when Evelyn's dust had faded and revealed the woman's face to her. It had been easier to be pissed off and cruel enough to make her hurt when she couldn't see her lover. When the human rogue appeared, it had nearly gutted the elf with how much seeing Evelyn cry made her want to crawl in a hole for the things she was saying to her; whether the assassin deserved it or not. That had been the actual reason Sera couldn't look at the woman after. It was breaking her resolve to make her hurt like Evelyn had hurt her.
And Sera hadn't let herself forget that this was all her fault.
She still didn't know what had happened to Evelyn that day. It royally pissed her off that it seemed she was the only one that didn't know. Everyone else in the Inner Circle knew, Sera had heard the sympathies shared for Evelyn and Dorian. Dorian and his big mage friend had stayed in Haven after they returned, and Dorian was joining up. She hadn't approached the flamboyant moustached man to question him about what happened because fuck that, he was a friggin' mage from Tevinter. Cassandra and Varric both swore themselves out, telling her that it wasn't their story to tell. Bull had only ruffled her hair with a sympathetic grimace, and walked away when she'd asked him. He didn't want to get into their business, either.
The elf stopped for a moment and looked at the finished product, her hands covered in black soot from the charcoal. She shook her head at the image, and then wrote in a large, flowing hand beneath the picture, "Not this."
She pulled the picture from the stack of vellum, and started a fresh drawing, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she worked from sheer memory… One of her best memories.
A bare shoulder with stray hairs streaked across. A wide mouth with a small, peaceful smile. Long eyelashes resting against the same defined cheekbones. A detailed slender nose, shaded just as the firelight had fallen on it in the real life picture in her head. That dark hair scattered on a pillow. The hollow of a pale throat. The valley between high breasts, also shaded to perfection. Her own hand in the picture, touching the sleeping face just below the chin in a soft caress.
Beneath this, she wrote in the same manner as the first picture. "This."
The longer Sera stared at this one, the more her heart ached. She knew what that feeling was now, had accepted that it was what it was. But now she couldn't even get Shiny to open her door, much less tell her that she was sorry, and she herself was really the arse biscuit.
Don't even care anymore that she freed the curtain wearers… well, not much, anyway. Not so much that I don't want her back. I need her back.
She placed the charcoal to side, satisfied that she had captured the better memory in great enough detail. She wiped her hands on her leggings, still staring down at the smile Evelyn had worn in her sleep, remembering actually cupping her jaw that night as the elf laid awake beside her. Everything had changed that night. That change was good.
She glanced over at the first picture, feeling her belly sink with that memory. Everything had changed that night, too. That change friggin' blew balls.
She slid the stack of paper away, and folded her arms on the table, leaning her forehead down to them to rest a moment. She had tears in her eyes, and she didn't want anyone to see it. Beardy, Bull, Krem, an elf named Skinner, and Varric were all playing Wicked Grace across the tavern. She'd seen Varric give glances her way every now and again since she'd taken her solitary position with the vellum and charcoal. Sera knew he was worried about her and Shiny, he'd done all he could to keep her spirits up since the night everything ended. It wasn't that Sera didn't appreciate his efforts, she just wanted to be left alone unless it was Evelyn that spoke to her. That was all she could think about, and it was driving her loony.
She'd even prayed about it, in the Chantry. Vivienne had stumbled across her standing in front of a small statue of Andraste, and made a snide remark to her.
"There's nothing worth any value to steal, my dear," the mage had said in her arrogant way, looking down her nose at the elf. "I suggest you run along back to the tavern where you belong."
Sera hadn't responded with words. She gave the woman a nasty look, and spit on the ground at her feet, making the "loyalist" take a step back in disgust. Then the elf stormed out of the Chantry building and marched directly to Shiny's doorstep, where she'd been ever since.
Until Leliana had shooed her away that night. But Sera wasn't stupid enough to argue with that one. She had taken the paper and nearly broken her ankle sliding in the mushy snow melt, running for Flissa's. She'd forced dinner down without tasting any of it, washing it down with ale because drinking whiskey just reminded her of Shiny. She'd had a bottle a few days ago, just because it was the strongest thing Flissa kept behind the bar; but it was no secret that bottles of it were disappearing overnight, after Flissa had locked up and gone to bed. Everyone knew it was Evelyn, sneaking around with her shadow powder and superb lock picking skills that made Sera slightly envious; she could pick some doozies, but Evelyn had shown her up more than once.
"It's a perk of being me," she would say smugly as the fancy locks clicked open. "Deft hands, fine tools."
So now here she was, wondering what was going on in the cabin down the hill. Resting her forehead on her arms was doing her no good: she wanted so badly to curl up with her Shiny, kiss the shite out of her, and pass out together. The assassin was so warm, and soft, and her tits were perfect pillows. Their bodies fit so well, like sculpted clay meant to fit snugly. That was nothing to say of the looks, the whispers, the touches…
Sera groaned loudly at the memory of how easy it was to be with the infuriating human.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID! Bloody daft, I am.
She pulled her head up and gave a look around at the dwindling patrons inside the tavern, knowing that if it was just Bull, Krem, Skinner, and Varric left at the game table, it was getting late. Beardy wasn't a late nighter, he preferred to be up with the sun, Sera knew. That meant it had been long enough for Shadow of Birds to have come and gone, and the elf wanted to take her place back on Shiny's stoop for the night.
Grabbing her drawings, she left the rest of the vellum and the unused charcoal sticks stacked neatly to the side of her table, knowing that no one would mess with it because Flissa wouldn't allow it. She was pulling her bedroll from her bag to carry with her when a voice surprised her from behind.
"Hello," the light and feminine tone said to her, and Sera twirled around with a suspicious look. When Sera didn't reply, the human woman that she recognized as the minstrel that sang by the fireplace held out a hand. "I'm Maryden. I couldn't help but notice you're alone tonight."
"So?" Sera asked with a scowl, shooting a look over to the table where Varric sat. The dwarf looked away quickly, studying the hand of cards he held too hard for Sera to think he'd not been paying attention to her side of the room.
The open smile on the minstrel's face faltered at bit at the archer's harsh tone, but she hitched it back up and pulled her hand back to her when it became apparent that Sera wasn't going to shake it. "I just… thought you looked sad, and would like some company. I've noticed you before, but you're usually… much livelier," she said quietly, eyes scanning up and down the elf's lean form. Then her eyes swept down to the drawings in Sera's hand, and the elf pulled them behind her back, out of sight. "Your name is Sera, right?"
Sera's eyes narrowed into razor slits. "What's it to you? I'm not feelin' chatty."
"Ah," the minstrel said under her breath, averting her eyes with a slight blush. "Then I won't bother you any longer. I just wanted to meet you." She looked back up at Sera, nibbling a bit on her bottom lip. "You're… fascinating."
Sera's face turned red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment, hearing Evelyn say that to her in that very tavern months ago.
"I'm fascinated, what can I say?"
"Yeah, well, sucks for you that I'm also taken," she spat now, tucking her bedroll under her arm and pushing past the woman for the door.
"Are you?" The voice carried over to her ears, even though she wasn't meant to hear it. Humans constantly forgot that elves could hear fives times better than they could. "I can't tell, anymore… stupid woman, giving up someone like you."
Sera was in her face before she even thought about what she doing, a finger pointed right between the bard's eyes. "If you ever call her stupid again, it won't be my finger pressin' right here; it'll be arrows," Sera growled lowly, fury radiating off of her body. She felt massive hands gripping her upper arms, pulling her backwards away from the frightened minstrel.
She shook Bull's hands off of her, giving him a dirty look without saying anything, then giving Maryden one more warning glare that clearly stated she was playing around. "No one talks about Shiny like that, yeah?"
Bull's eye fixed on the minstrel, and the woman shrank back further from the qunari's even stare. "Got a problem with the Boss?" he asked her quietly, and the minstrel shook her head quickly, wide eyed. "Good. Come on, Sera, I'll walk you out."
Once they were outside in the dark, the qunari looked down at the elf, giving her a grin. "Nice reaction time, limber as hell," he murmured appreciatively with a single nod of approval. "I heard what she said. I get why it pissed you off."
"Then why'd you stop me from breaking her face?" Sera pouted hotly, walking towards Shiny's cabin.
"Because there's enough going on without you taking your frustration out on people that don't deserve it. If you'd just slapped her around, that would have been different. But you're angry. And angry people don't stop when they get started. Trust me, I know."
A hand on her shoulder stopped her from walking and she looked up into Bull's sympathetic face. "Look, what happened to the Boss was… rough. It was really rough. But what happened between the two of you, well… I think that was worse, for her. I don't think it will be much longer before she's ready to talk. Just don't give up. Show her you care." He didn't wait for a reply, just turned around and went back to the tavern.
Sera didn't waste anymore time to make it back to her self-appointed post, shivering a bit in the cutting wind that had started to blow. It was all she could do to pray another whiteout storm wouldn't come in, because there was no way she could stay out in it. It wouldn't matter how badly she wanted to.
She settled down against the front of the cabin, giving a heavy sigh that she just couldn't walk inside like she used to. Her head fell back against the door, looking down at the drawings in her hands, chewing her plump bottom lip in thought. Maybe if Shiny saw what she was thinking, she would tell the elf what was on her mind?
Couldn't frig things up anymore than I've frigged them up, right?
Sera turned her upper body around, and slid the two sheets of vellum beneath the gap between the door and the floor before she could change her mind.
Ain't good with words like she is, but I can show her what I feel, reckon.
She pulled the blanket from her bedroll tighter around her, eyes looking around the muddy street in front of her, noticing that all the lights were burning low. It was later than she'd figured. And something else was out of sorts, but she was finding it hard to put her finger on it.
Wait… there's no footsteps inside Shiny's cabin. Did she finally go to sleep?
Curiosity burned at her, and she warred internally on whether she could peek into a window without being caught. She just wanted to make sure Shiny was resting, and if she were, maybe she could close her eyes without feeling guilty for it. She shrugged her way out of the blanket and crept around the side of the cabin, keeping low to the ground to avoid being seen as she came up beneath a window that looked directly into the room where the bed sat.
She slowly craned her neck up, quietly dusting some snow off the bottom window pane to see through. The fire had burned down, but there were a few candles still lit, so there was enough light to see a pile of familiar clothes on a chair, the purple cloak giving away the owner of the garments. Sera felt her heart drop into her stomach when she looked at the bed and saw not one, but two occupants, both sound asleep. What took her breath was the way her Shiny's head rested on Knifey Shivdark's chest, and the way the other rogue held Shiny tightly. It looked like they had done it a thousand times before.
Sera's knees gave out from beneath her, and she felt that miserable feeling creep over her again, making her stomach lurch. She found it was hard to breathe, but… it couldn't be more than friendly, could it? They were both still wearing clothes, anyway.
Shadow of Birds is married, Andraste's tits. Calm down, calm down, it's not what it looks like… it fuckin' better not be. I don't care how friggin' scary she is, Shiny's mine.
She cradled her head in her hands for a minute to try and steady the spinning that had started, feeling even worse when she reminded herself that she couldn't even be mad about this. She'd ended it. They weren't what they were, no matter how she felt. Even if they… She shook her head violently, refusing to let that thought complete itself. It made her feel worse when she imagined what others would do with Evelyn, no matter what she had said, no matter that she had been the big dummy that ended it. It felt like… something was tearing out of her insides.
Ugh. This is stupid, she thought as she went back to her blanket. I don't know why I care this much. She sniffed hard, wiping her eyes clear of tears that were gathering over her irises. Andraste's bloomin' knickers...
Jader
A shaky left hand held a long feathered quill poised over thick vellum, and its owner watched as drops of black ink dripped off it's tip and splashed onto the paper. Ellen had been sitting just like that for the better portion of an hour, while Bethany and Merrill played cards on the other side of the table. Her right hand was twisted through her short mop of dark brown hair, her green-blue eyes trained on the blank sheet. She was trying to write Evelyn, but she hadn't gotten past "Dear Evelyn". This was harder than she thought it would be. It had been eleven years since they were torn apart. She had no idea who her sister had become, or even if this letter would be welcome.
"You cheated!" Merrill's shrill complaint lanced through her concentration, but Bethany's answering cackle smoothed over the irritation the interruption caused.
"You have to be quicker than that," Bethany teased their friend, and Ellen glanced over at the pair to see Merrill's cheeks blow outwards with a heavy breath.
"Fenedhis. That trick Isabela showed me isn't working," Merrill said with an adorable pout.
"That's because I'm dealing. Her trick only works when you can stack the deck," Bethany laughed. Ellen found herself staring at the way her dimples sank with the expression, and her mind wandering away from the letter she planned to write.
She's going to be my wife. This intelligent, caring, sweet, powerful, beautiful woman agreed to be my wife.
Suddenly, she knew what to write.
Dear Evelyn,
I'm writing you now, because I know I don't have to send it to Ostwick and risk Father knowing I am sending you correspondence. The Herald of Andraste, eh? Maker, I couldn't believe it when I heard. I know this letter is sudden, and that it will not be postmarked, but please know that I want to see you, and soon would be better than later.
There's someone in my life I need you to meet. You're going to be a sister-in-law. I'm getting married to an incredible woman named Bethany. We met years ago, in a Circle we both served. Once the Circles disbanded, we left together and have not been apart since. I would like for you to meet before we have the ceremony, because I'd like you to be a part of it as my best friend. It wouldn't be right to place the pieces of my heart together while one major corner piece is missing.
I don't know where you stand with Father, or any Trevelyans, for that matter. But if you could keep this mum for a while, I'd really appreciate it.
Maker, how I miss you. I hope that I will see you soon, and that we can discuss this further in person. I love you.
Your loving sister,
El
When she'd finished the letter, she sat back in her chair and read over it, making sure there were no signs or clues of their location. She assumed that anyone that would read it before Evelyn would assume her to be at Bethany's side, regardless of whether she wrote it or not. Satisfied that Hawke wouldn't be displeased with her words, she lightly blew upon the ink to hurry it to dry, then carefully rolled it up. She didn't dare place a wax seal on it, knowing that it had to pass through her soon-to-be-sister-in-law.
Bethany caught her eyes across the table, giving her a wink and a smile, happy that Ellen seemed to finally find the words to say. "You want to play the next hand? Merrill is dealing, so you'll have to count cards to win. She's practicing stacking the deck." Bethany reached over to push Merrill's shoulder slightly. "She's taking her mind off the pretty elf in the market, right, Merrill?"
Merrill blushed deeply, hiking her shoulders up so that her face was partially hidden by the five cards she held in her hand. "It isn't like that. At least, I don't think it's like that. Could it be like that?" the blood mage asked her friends, eyes sliding back and forth between the healer and storm mage.
"You're blushing pretty hard over there, Merrill," Ellen said with a sly grin, giving a wink back to Beth. "I think she's pretty enough to have caught your eye, at the very least."
"What is it with you and eyes?" Merrill complained, giving a shudder. "Always talking about touching them."
Ellen gave a snort, pouring herself another cup of wine as Bethany and Merrill showed their cards to each other and Bethany won again. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I bet you're thinking about her, even now."
"We're talking about her!" Merrill trilled, sitting up in her seat defensively. "Of course I am thinking about her."
Bethany held her cup over to Ellen, silently asking for a refill of her own as the two giggled at Merrill's fluster. "Okay, okay," Ellen relented, raising her cup to her lips. She sipped then gestured at the elf as she lowered it to the table. "What's she look like?"
"Beautiful," Merrill gushed reflexively, then caught herself with another blush, clearing her throat. "She's tanned. Red haired. Eyes like mine. Her vallaslin is representative of Elgar'nan. She seems funny, but I don't know, that could be just me."
"What about her tits, like…?" Ellen moved her hands back and forth over her own breasts, as if there were larger ones in her hands, and Bethany nearly spit a mouthful of wine at her as she tried to hold in her laughter. "Nicely plump like Bethany's? Or huge like Isabela's?"
"Small like yours," Merrill shot across the table, making Ellen laugh hard at the jibe.
"Oh, 'nicely plump', huh?" Bethany challenged Ellen's description of her breast size, and Ellen gave a helpless shrug in her mirth.
"I suppose I could have said, 'Bloody perfect, ivory handfuls with gorgeous rose nips', but that seemed a bit much," Ellen replied smoothly, bouncing her eyebrows at her lover, whose face colored pink at the more detailed–and apt–description.
"You're almost as terrible as Isabela," Merrill murmured as she shuffled the deck for another round.
"No, no, she's not," Bethany sighed with a slight head shake that made her black mane ripple with the movement. "There are just some things about my sister I wish I did not know."
"Like the fact that you both have the same freckle on your left butt cheek?" Ellen crowed, nearly falling out of her chair laughing at the memory of that rum-induced conversation. "Or that you both like when you touch on that certain side of your—"
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean, for Andraste's sake, Ellen," Bethany gasped, reaching over and slapping her on the upper arm hard. "Maybe you are as bad as Isabela."
Ellen took another drink from her cup, the wine making her face warm and her head fuzzy. "No, if I were as bad as Isabela, I'd tell Merrill that you like it when I use a bit of…." Ellen held her hand up and let a small stream of static electricity crackle over her fingertips, and Bethany's face darkened with an infusion of blood to her cheeks.
"Well, you just lost that privilege for a week, Trevelyan," Bethany said coolly, despite her hot face. Ellen blew a raspberry and refilled her cup as Merrill finally started handing out cards.
Yeah, right. It's our first night in a private room without the crew pressing their ears on doors. I know how you work, Bethany Hawke. You're not fooling me.
"It's only this bad when she's drinking, though," Merrill said helpfully. "Isabela is like that all the time."
"Isabela is always drinking," Bethany deadpanned as she picked up the five cards dealt to her. "I have no hope of winning this. I was too distracted to count."
Ellen looked at her own cards, making sure not to give anything away, even though her own hand was shit. "Hmm. Maybe you should fold while you're ahead, my love. Save some face so I can kiss it later."
Bethany shot her a warning look, but Ellen only gave her an innocent smile, batting her long eyelashes at her. The healer reached to the pile and drew one card, giving another to the discard pile instead. "I think I'll play it, thanks."
Merrill looked back and forth between her friends, an unreadable expression on her face. Ellen knew she'd been working really hard to not show her cards in her eyes, because that was always something that gave the elf away in every deal. It also was telling that the elf had the winning hand, indeed. She'd stacked the cards in her own favor successfully, and Ellen couldn't bluff her way out if she tried. Not that she wanted to, really, because Merrill hardly ever got to win when they played.
Ellen threw her cards down face up. "I'm out."
An uncharacteristically evil grin curled up on Bethany's face, and Ellen knew she'd been played a fool.
Son of a bitch. Well played, Bethany. Well fucking played.
"Too distracted to count, right," Ellen scoffed, pushing back from the table and flopping down on the bed behind it instead.
"You love me," Bethany said in a sing-song tone as she also displayed her hand, making Merrill sigh deeply when she saw she'd also been outplayed.
"Drat! I thought I had you," Merrill said accusingly, miffed that the trick didn't work, after all.
"Next time use blood magic," Ellen yawned from the bed, using her toes to kick off the flats she was wearing. "If you two are done, or even if you're not, I'd like to sleep before sunrise."
"Hush, you big baby," Beth chided her, reaching to shuffle the deck again, but Merrill shook her head.
"No, she's right. I should try and sleep, too. I have to meet Dora again tomorrow, and the sooner I sleep, the sooner it comes." She stood up and took her staff from where it leaned against the wall with Ellen's and Bethany's. "I'm across the hall, right? Like, directly?"
Bethany nodded, moving back so that Merrill could pass her. "We will see you to break fast, Merrill. Sleep well, don't fret so much on meeting her again."
"I fret more about how Hawke will treat her," Merrill admitted. Ellen had to agree. Hawke wasn't the friendliest with people she didn't know. But it could also be worse.
"At least Bela isn't coming along," Ellen said in a light hearted tone that perked the elf up immediately.
"Yes, that is good. She scares everyone that comes near me," Merrill agreed as she opened their door. "Good night to both of you."
Ellen gave a wave from the bed as the door clicked shut behind the Dalish woman, and watched as Bethany moved to slide the lock into place firmly. She looked over her shoulder at Ellen as she pulled their shared travel bag from the dresser and opened it.
"Are you not going to change before bed?" she asked her, eyeing the tunic and slacks the mage still wore.
Ellen gave a shrug as she watched Beth dig through the contents of the bag. "Didn't really see a point, considering we'll both end up naked, anyway."
"A week, El, I told you," Bethany reminded her, and Ellen made the raspberry noise again.
"Seriously, Beth? It's our first night docked," Ellen whined, throwing herself backwards against the mattress dramatically. "And besides, you said a week for the thing, not for sex in general!"
Bethany gave her look to show her she was not amused as she pulled her night gown from the bag. "You know what I meant. Don't play stupid."
"I was just kidding around, love," Ellen insisted, rolling over the width of the bed and getting to her feet on the side which Bethany stood. "We never go a full week without it unless it's our moon's blood."
"Well, I guess we'll have an extra week this cycle," Bethany answered factually, not giving Ellen an inch. "Please change into a night shirt. That tunic is scratchy, and I don't want you itching me to death all night."
"Nope," Ellen disagreed, shaking her head as she slid her arms around Bethany's waist and propped her chin on her shoulder from behind. "I'm sleeping naked, whether you choose to or not. Gonna have some fun by myself, too, since you don't want to."
Bethany went rigid in her arms with the words, and Ellen grinned like a cat with a bird in its mouth. But then she relaxed, and shrugged the shoulder that Ellen's head wasn't resting on. "Do what you have to do, I suppose," she said indifferently.
Ellen gave a groan as she straightened back up, rolling her eyes at the stubborn streak this woman possessed. It was certainly something that ran in her blood, much like Ellen's own. "You're killing me, you know that, right?" she told Bethany as the healer pulled her robes off her shoulders and let them pool around her ankles. Ellen's eyes couldn't help but to map the snowy plane of her back when it was on display, letting her eyes dip down to the curve of her ass clad in tight smalls.
"You're killing yourself, Trevelyan," Bethany retorted, slowly reaching back to undo the knot of her breast band. "If seeing me naked is so painful, avert your gaze."
"But the pain is bliss," Ellen breathed back, unable to stop her fingers from reaching out and tracing down the line of Bethany's spine, then brushing her hair over one shoulder. Goosebumps prickled across her pale skin, and Ellen automatically leaned down to press a tender kiss between her shoulder blades. Bethany shivered in spite of herself as Ellen's lips carefully made their way up the nape of her neck and to her ear.
"If I promise not touch you there, can I at least kiss you?" she whispered, letting her arms encircle the older woman's waist once more. "Please?" She kissed the patch of skin just below Bethany's ear, loving the sound of Beth's breath catching in her throat with the action. "Just come to bed with me. I swear I won't do anything you tell me not to."
"Like I could ever tell you no and mean it," Bethany sighed, defeated. She turned in Ellen's embrace and looked up at her with a half-lidded gaze that sent chills through the storm mage's entire body. She tucked a small lock of hair behind Ellen's ear, then rose onto her tip toes to catch her mouth with hers.
Thank the Maker. I thought she was serious. I have to be careful about joking, or she's really going to cut me off one day.
Ellen felt Bethany's hands come up between them, deftly undoing the buttons of the tunic she wore, not even waiting until it was completely undone to slide her hands inside of it. She ran the flat of her palms up and down Ellen's stomach, making the storm mage mewl into their slow kiss. It looked like Bethany was taking charge of this particular time, with the way her hands cupped Ellen's breasts and teased their tips into hard peaks.
"Take this thing off already," Bethany murmured against her lips a moment later, making Ellen grin into their intermittent lip locks. "I hate it. I'm buying you a new one that doesn't feel like straw."
Ellen would have made a remark about the healer taking it off for her, if Beth's hands weren't already tugging at the waist of her slacks. Instead she obeyed, shrugging out of the rough spun cotton just as Bethany managed to get her pants to fall. Bethany pulled back just a bit with a smirk on her face. "Now we're even," she said in almost a purr.
"You just wanted me down to my smalls? Really, Beth?" Ellen gave her a sardonic smile, moving backwards for the bed and tugging her along by the hand.
"Not all I want, but it's a nice start." Bethany swung a leg over Ellen's lap once they were on the bed, looping her arms around the taller woman's neck. "Guess what?"
"You're leaving me for a templar?"
Bethany snorted, rolling her light brown eyes at the joke. "You got it. Right in one," she said sarcastically, twisting her fingers into Ellen's short hair.
"Lucky templar," Ellen teased, leaning forward and kissing along Bethany's soft jaw. "Too bad I was never one, I would have loved playing 'mage and templar' with you in the pits."
"Mmm, you would look good in a suit of armor," Bethany conceded, smiling softly. "But no. Keep guessing."
"You want a mabari pup for Santanalia?"
"Not while we live on a ship, but yes, I'd like to have one, eventually. Guess on."
Ellen smirked, thinking that could be her wedding gift to her wife, once they found a suitable place to live. "You're hopelessly, madly in love with me?"
"Finally, you get it," Bethany chuckled lowly. Then she leaned forward and put her mouth against Ellen's ear to whisper into it. "That's why I brought something for you to fuck me with."
A rush of hot air left Ellen's chest, the rarity of such a word leaving Beth's mouth an absolute aphrodisiac that made her entire body start to pound. Her fingers tightened on Bethany's slightly shifting hips, eyes sliding closed when teeth nibbled at her neck. This woman would be her undoing. Granted, she had created the sexual being Bethany became, being the woman's sole sexual partner in all her twenty-nine summers; it shouldn't have surprised Ellen that she fit her personal tastes like no other woman had ever fit.
I was in love the moment I saw her, even before all of this ever happened. She's so good. Everything about her is beautiful.
"So I guess this means I can touch, huh?"
"Mmm hmm," Bethany hummed happily, gasping when Ellen leaned forward to slowly and languidly kiss across her chest. "I can't pass up the first night at port, finally having you to myself and not having to bite pillows to keep quiet when you make me want to scream."
"Thank the Maker," Ellen said deviously, rolling Bethany over onto her back and pushing between her thighs so that their centers touched. "I love hearing what I do to you."
Bethany giggled, wrapping her legs around Ellen's slender waist. "Cocky," she accused her, and Ellen gave a single shouldered shrug.
"Not yet," she joked, winking at the healer. "It's still in the bag, have to put it on first, then I can be as 'cocky' as you like."
"Shut up," Bethany laughed, rolling her eyes again. "You're not funny."
"You're laughing," Ellen pointed out, grinding herself into the hollow where their hips met.
Bethany gasped at the sensation, clutching Ellen's back harder. "I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you, silly."
Ellen opened her mouth to reply, but a loud commotion in the hall made her snap her head towards the door, all thoughts of bedding her fiancée flying from her head as a single cry for help registered immediately as Merrill. And it sounded like she was being killed.
Haven
"I have to go now, Shiny," Sera said to Evelyn sadly, letting go of her hands and taking a step backwards closer to where Cassandra waited for the elf, sword in hand.
"No," Evelyn pleaded, taking a step forward, but Leliana's hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Imp, please don't do this."
"Gotta," Sera sighed deeply, pulling her bow off her back. "You have to go back and fix this, yeah? I love you. Been wishin' I said it lots." Another wistful smile. "Maybe now I can, Shiny."
"I love you, too," Evelyn breathed, an oppressing feeling of guilt and longing settling over her.
"Herald!" Dorian's voice broke into their exchange. "You must come closer… if this is a one shot thing, we have to do it now."
Leliana's hand pulled her further back from the imp, further away from her heart as she watched Sera turn around and share a look with Cassandra before the Seeker nodded and they both made their way towards the doors to the throne room.
"Evelyn, you have to stop doing this to yourself," Leliana was saying as they left the room. "These dreams are not real."
"Dreams?" Evelyn asked distractedly, eyes on the closed the door at the end of the hall. "This is real."
"No, it's not," the former spymaster insisted, touching the side of her face. "She's alive, Cassandra's alive, and I'm alive. You just have to come back to us now. Let her go. Come fix this with your Sera."
When Evelyn finally looked at the woman speaking to her, she reeled back in shock that the wrinkled, red lyrium addled face was gone, and Leliana was whole again. She reached a cautious hand up to the red head's jaw, cupping it in wonder that the woman looked so much like when they'd first met. "You're… you're beautiful again," she whispered in disbelief, then felt embarrassed at her choice of phrasing.
"Well, thank you," Leliana giggled softly, biting her lip. "Are you awake, now? Are you back here, with us?"
"Awake?" She let her eyes scan their surroundings, seeing wooden beams above them, and a fireplace to their right. "I… where am I? What happened? I was in Redcliffe and then…." A finger over her lips stopped her words, and she looked from an overturned bookcase to the same face she'd seen, light blue eyes twinkling in gentility.
"You're in Haven, Evelyn, as you have been for six days. I need you to remember this. You're having dreams about things that have passed, but are not real, any longer."
Evelyn stared at her as her mind raced to fill in the blanks of what happened from the moment she and Dorian left that place, until now. And as things began to click into place in her memory, she found she barely felt any better about it. She'd freed the mages, declared the rebels as free to choose their own destinies. But it had taken her imp from her, just as the demons had before. Only….
"Sera's alive," she breathed in relief, feeling lighter. "She just… hates me."
"You're getting closer to what happened, but she doesn't hate you. You were awake and drunk for quite some time, yes? I only convinced you to try to sleep last night. It is past dawn, and I must return to my duties."
"You stayed with me," Evelyn realized, pushing herself up in the bed. "Leliana, I… I don't know how to thank you. I somewhat feel like myself again."
Leliana also sat up, leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to Evelyn's cheek. "You don't have to thank me. Just go take a bath. You smell a bit like cheese." Though she said so with a joking air, Evelyn indeed could smell herself, and she wrinkled her nose in distaste.
"Ugh, you're right. I'll bathe, and then meet everyone in the council chambers. I need to apologize for being a selfish bitch for the past week."
"Everyone deals with grief differently. No one is faulting you for how you've dealt with yours," Leliana replied with a dismissive wave of her hand as she stood and stretched beside the bed. She quietly began to dress herself as Evelyn sat amidst the rumpled bed linens, still slowly coming into reality. "I'll see you when you're ready. I'll send word to Josephine and Cullen that you're ready to meet."
Evelyn gave a slow nod as Leliana pulled her cowl over her hair and moved for the door. She watched the spymaster pause, looking down at the floor, then she bent and lifted two sheets of vellum from in front of the door.
"What's that?" Evelyn yawned, scooting towards the edge of the bed to join her. She halted her movements when a curious smile lit the red head's features and she began to walk back towards her.
"One of the most heartfelt apologies I've ever seen," Leliana said softly, holding them out to Evelyn. "You should talk to her, Evelyn. She cares deeply for you, as you do for her."
Evelyn took the papers from Leliana, feeling her heart move up her esophagus and into her throat when she saw the drawings on each. They were of her, in two extremes: one blissfully happy, and one incomparably distraught. She recognized the situation in the one of her distraught. It was in Sera's room in Redcliffe Castle. Under the sketch of her crying were words.
"Not this," Evelyn read aloud in barely a whisper, tears beginning to gather over her eyes.
She looked at the other, knowing now for the first time that Sera had watched her sleep at least once, and finding that it made her ache with pressure in her chest. The hand in the picture touching her resting face was clearly familiar. There was a single word on this one.
"This." Evelyn swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Maker… I don't know what to say." The drawings were beautiful, done with thought and care in every stroke. Evelyn pulled the drawings to her chest, holding them close to her heart. Two single tears slipped down her cheeks.
"Talk to her," Leliana said gently, laying a hand on Evelyn's shoulder. "You owe it to her, and to yourself."
Evelyn nodded. "I'll find her today."
Leliana tinkled a laugh. "You won't have to look far. She's been outside your door for days, so I'm sure she'll still be there."
Evelyn nodded again, mentally kicking herself for not seeing this sooner. Fixing things would be the first big step for her to get her head back where it should be. She followed Leliana to the door, allowing the spymaster to leave before she stepped outside into the sunlight for the first time in days. Her eyes immediately fell onto the slumped form against the front wall of her cabin, onto the stormy grey eyes looking up at her in a mix of suspicion and hopefulness.
"Come in, Sera," she said quietly, holding a hand out to help the elf to her feet. She almost shivered when their skin touched as tingles flooded her palm. "Let's talk."
Author's Note.
Weak chapter. Unbeta'd. Kinda losing my gusto for this story, honestly. Going through the ringer right now with life. Also playing FFXV. Kind of playing with a Korrasami one shot. Debating on whether to post on AO3.
There's a lot. Sorry if this story sucks ass.