Disclaimer: this is very annoying to write but I don't own Hollyoaks. The only things that are mine are Alex and Shane. Everything else ain't mine!

Hiya! It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry for the delay but, unfortunately, I have no excuse. I was just being lazy :(

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and who has kept reading. I love you guys!

Please review or send me a message, even if it's just to shout at me for taking so long!

Enjoy!

Brendan (Three months after Ste left Hollyoaks)

Every day just blended together into a mess of fights, regrets and whiskey. It was like I'd lost all purpose, like I had nothing to look forward too, nothing to work towards. Running the club became a dull routine and, more often that not, one of the punters would grate on my nerves so much that I'd snap and, as Cheryl put it, "cause a scene". And if they were mouthy it might even get into a fight. Not that I minded.

It felt like time was suspended. It felt like I was waiting for something to happen, for anything to happen. Hell, who was I kidding? There was only one thing that I wanted to happen and that was for Stephen to waltz back into my life.

I was lying on the couch with my arms resting behind my head: thinking. I did that an awful lot those days, just sat thinking. I did my best to avoid it but, when I was home alone with nothing to destract me, then I would find my mind wondering. And there was only one place my mind wondered - to thoughts of him. Thoughts of Stephen Hay. I was wondering what he was thinking of, in that exact moment, and whether he would be thinking about me. I doubted it. He'd probably moved on, forgotten about me. Then I thought of the crusifix. My fingers went to my chest where the cross used to be. Would he be wearing it? Or would he have discarded it and forgetten, just like our relationship? If you could've called it a relationship.

Cheryl burst into the room, waking me from my day-dreams. "Oh, hiya love." She said, walking through to the kitchen with her price-slice bags in tow. "What've you been up to?"

"Nothing." I said, only half-listening to her ramblings. It took skill to block Cherly Brady's voice out but I'd had plenty of practice. However, something she said caught my attention.

"Wait, what did you say about Amy Barnes?" I asked.

"Well, I was just talking to her. Apparently, her and the kids are moving today. Isn't that exciting?" She smiled but frowned when she looked at me. "What's up, Bren?"

Did she not realize what that meant? I knew where she'd be going. She'd be going to live with Stephen. Then the last thing that kept him tied to the village, the last thing that kept that spark of hope alive in my heart, would be gone. I'd always thought that he'd come back, that as long as his family was here - as long as his kids were here - then he'd have to come back. But now, now there was nothing. Ste would start a new life and forget all about Hollyoaks. Forget all about me. It all suddenly hit me. Stephen was gone. This was the final nail in the coffin, every trace of him would disappear until only memories remained. He wasn't coming back. Not tomorrow, not next year. Never.

I was up and out of the door before Cheryl could respond. I knew exactly where I was going. I was going to see Amy Barnes. Never let it be said that Brandan Brady gave up without a fight.

I turned around a corner and saw them. Amy was standing next to a cab with Leah by her side and little Lucas in her arms. Michaela Mc Queen was there and some bloke was there as well. Some aussie I didn't know. The cabby put a final suitcase into the boot before getting into the car.

I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't move as the scene unfolded before me it reminded me too much of a certain goodbye that took place three months previous. They all said goodbye and the McQueen hugged Amy before kissing Lucas on the head and smiling.

It was all very touching but there was only one thing that really got me. Something Amy said. "Manchester - here we come."

I smiled. Manchester. Stephen was in Manchester.

Now, I know Manchester isn't exactly a small place but it didn't matter. I would find him, all I had to do was look. This gave me somewhere to start.

Stephen may think we were over but we weren't. Far from it, in fact we were only just begining.

Ste (one week later)

Everything was great, almost perfect. Almost. Amy and the kids were living in a place really close by and I saw them all the time. I had loads of new mates that I'd met in Manchester. I had two jobs, both I enjoyed. I liked working in the bar because I got to work with Alex, plus I just liked the atmosphere there. I liked working in the resteraunt because it felt like I'd finally found something I was good at - something besides nickin' cars, scamming people and generally messing things up.

However, there was something missing. Amy said that I needed a relationship. She was constantly nagging me about it, saying it was time I "got back out there". What did she expect me to do? Get into something serious, invest my heart and my time into a relationship? What was the point? I knew it would only end in tears - it always ends in tears. Mine, usually. So, instead of anything heavy, I just had flings. One night stands. I never went back to someone twice, I didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. Most were okay with it that way, hell, most wanted it that way. I'd go to a club and pick someone up. It wasn't hard, see someone half-decent, get talking and, by the end of the night, you'd end up at their's. Never mine, though. It was too personal. By the next day, everything was forgotten. We both went our seperate ways and everything was okay again. But things are never that simple, are they? No, there's always someone, isn't there? Someone who had to mess up my routine.

There was this bloke. I was at a club and I caught him staring at me. He looked nice enough - tall, short brown hair, nice body - and I thought, why not? So we talked, same as always and it ended up with us lying naked in his bed after sleeping together. Now, he wasn't half bad in bed but there was still something missing. There was always something missing. I knew what it was - this guy wasn't him. I could pick up any guy in any club in any fucking country but he still wouldn't be him. There was only one Brendan Brady and it did my bloody head in. I thought by now that I would be over him. But, no, he was still in there, in my thoughts, taunting me. Sometimes, I'd forget, just for a moment. Usually when I was with the kids or when I was really busy at work. I would forget all about Brendan and I'd forget how much I missed him. But then I'd remember and I would be back to square one. And there was always something to remind me. Hell, I was even wearing the damn cross he gave me.

So, anyway, I was lying in bed with this bloke. Shane, that was his name. All I could think about was how dissipointed I was. This was supposed to help me forget but instead all it did was remind me of him. God, I needed help. Shane, however, did not seem to share my views though.

"Mmm." He murmered, looking extreamly pleased with himself, "Ste, that was fucking amazing."

I hated this part. The part after, when all people wanted to do was kiss and talk. I used to be like that, used to enjoy coming down of my high but now it was too personal. I didn't want to kiss or cuddle or talk. I just wanted to leave. This was not the escape I'd wanted.

"D'ya mind if I go in the shower?" I asked, already distangling myself from him.

"Be my guest." He grinned, giving me lustful looks, "D'ya want me to join you?"

"I'm alright." I groaned inwardly, I just wanted to get showered and to get out of there.

8 minutes later I was out and pulling on my clothes.

"You're leaving already?" asked Shane, frowning.

"Yeah." I replied, pulling my hoodie on before heading towards the door.

"Well, when can I see you again?"

I sighed, "Never, okay? This was a one-off." With that said, I headed out the door. Maybe I was a bit harsh but I needed to get out and get my thoughts back together. Shane would just have to get over it.

I was half way down the street when I heard him running after me. God, this wasn't going to end well.

"What are you doing?" I asked, turning around to face him.

"'What am I doing?' What are you doing?" He said, "You're just going to walk away?"

"That is exactly what I'm going to do." I told him before turning to leave. He grabbed my arm, however, and yanked me back. Now, my immediate thoughts were that this was going to turn violent. Maybe it's wrong of me to assume that but it's just the way I was. I sized him up. He was around my size, maybe a little taller but he had this way about him that made him seem younger, like he hadn't really been through anything. He reminded me of Noah - not that he looked like him but the sense of naivity and childishness that surrounded him was similar. It wasn't hard to tell that the guy hadn't been through anything remotely traumatic or hard in his life. I, on the other hand, had been to Hell and back and, although it had left me heavily scarred, it made sure that I wasn't afraid of much. I certainly wasn't afraid of this kid. It was funny that we were probably very close to the same age and yet he seemed so much more juvinile.

"Get off me." I said, my voice low.

He dropped my arm but moved close to me. "Come on Ste. Before was... it was amazing. I know you must have felt it too. It's like we had a connection."

"No, you've got it all wrong." I shook my head.

Shane tried to kiss me. Did he not hear a word I'd said? "Gerrof!" I shoved him away.

"Ste-" He started to speak but I cut him off. This situation was not going in the direction I wanted it to go, not at all.

"Look, Shane. This was a one-time thing. Never again." I sighed, "Just do yourself a favour, yeah? Just forget about me."

Shane looked hurt and his face went red with embarrasment. But it quickly turned to anger, "I can't believe you. You're a bastard." He spat before storming back home. He'd thank me one day. Now, he could go of and find some other guy to be with; one who was a little more normal and a little less broken; one who could sleep with a guy without unwanted memories plagueing their mind. Yeah, I'd done him a favour.

I turned around just in time to see someone quickly spin around and begin going back down the street. For a second, I could've swore my heart stopped. I stared, dumbstruck, at the retreating form. I'd only saw his face for a second but I'd know him anywhere.

"Brendan?" I shouted, already running.

Rachey Ayy xx