CHAPTER 14: A Falling Out

SPENCER'S POV:

"Spencer…I know I have no right to call you…and you probably hate me but I wanted to check on you."

Toby's voice echoed through my brain.

"What the hell do think you're doing." I replied, my voice stone cold. I was so done with him. What more did he want?

"Emily called me earlier, she was worried about you…are you okay?" His voice rang with worry.

I couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't a joyful laugh, but one that was cruel and cold.

"No, I'm not okay, but what the hell do you care? You obviously don't, because when I was here falling apart, where the fuck were you?" I yelled.

"Spencer…I know I haven't been the best boyfriend but-"

"You haven't been a boyfriend at all!" I cried. "You betrayed me and my friends, yet you have the nerve to call me and apologize? You can't even apologize to my face?" Tears were flowing down my face freely.

"Spencer! Everything I have done was to protect you! I only joined the A team to protect you!" Toby cried from the other end.

"Well thank you." I snapped.

"Spencer…."

"You see Toby, you've spent so much of your time protecting me from A, when you should have been protecting me from myself." I rasped.

"I'm so sorry Spencer, I didn't know what I did would-"

"Would what? Hurt me so much? No, you didn't think about it. But that's okay, I don't need you anymore."

"No, Spencer please, don't do this…"

"No. I'm done Toby. You hurt me more than I've ever been hurt, and you knew it, but what did you do? You knew I was hurting yet you did nothing. I'm sorry Toby, but I….I don't want to see you again. Goodbye Toby." I cried, and pressed the red button at the bottom of the screen. My legs were shaking, and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Spencer….." Aria had walked up to me, and was rubbing my back slowly. "I'm so proud of you…" She mumbled in my ear. "You did what you had to do."

I turned around and fell into her embrace. "Then why…why did it hurt so much…" I sobbed.

"Shhhh, it's okay. Everything will be okay." Aria soothed. We stood there for about ten minutes before I broke the embrace.

"I'm sorry, I feel like I've done a lot of crying lately." I looked down at my feet.

"Oh please, this is nothing. You should see me when I watch chick flicks." Aria smiled. I laughed, my heart already feeling warmer.

"Thank you Aria, thank you so much." I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"I'm always here for you." Aria smiled back. "Don't forget that, don't ever forget that."

"I won't."

Aria looked down at her watch. "Oh shoot, I've got to go. Ezra wanted to meet up and get lunch. Is it okay if I leave?" She questioned.

"No no, you're fine! Go ahead, have fun." I grinned.

"Okay, let me get Hanna. I'm her ride." Aria walked over and lightly punched Hanna in the arm.

"Get up lazy butt, we're leaving." She explained.

"What, why? What happened?" Hanna rubbed her eyes drowsily.

"Nothing, it's just time to go. I have to get to lunch with Ezra in an hour or so." Aria sighed. "Come on!"

"Okay, okay, let me get my shoes." Hanna got up and slipped her boots on. She walked over to me.

"Spencer, if you ever need anything-"

"You'll be there." I chimed in. She smiled.

"Of course." She replied.

I gave her a tight hug and waved as her and Aria got in Aria's car.

Seeing them leave made me sad, but they couldn't stay over here for forever. They had other people they needed to spend time with.

I turned around as my phone buzzed. I regretted picking it up for fear it might be Toby, but ended up getting it anyways.

Hey honey, we're on our way home. We might stop and get lunch, is there anything you want? Otherwise I'll see you in twenty minutes.

-Mom

I sighed and looked around at the kitchen. I still had some things to get cleaned up before my parents got home. Melissa was still asleep, so I put the pancakes in a tuber-ware and wrote a note to her letting her know they were all hers. I also texted my mom back, and let her know I didn't want lunch. Pancakes were filling.

I threw away what was left of the breakfast, and tossed all the dishes into the dishwasher. Once everything was cleaned up, I grabbed my phone and walked upstairs to my room to get some clothes on.

I pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt before realizing I didn't want to get changed. Instead, I jumped on my bed and laid my head back on the pillows. Suddenly I felt my phone go off again.

Oh what does she want now..

I pulled it out and opened the screen, but wasn't pleased with what I found.

First Wren…
Now Toby…
Will you ever get anyone to stay?
-A

I groaned and sat up. I looked at my phone, my mind filling with hate. Maybe Toby sent this, who knows? My brain sought out someone to blame, but eventually I started blaming myself.

Why did they leave you?

Why did Toby betray you?

Was it really to protect you?

Or was it an excuse to get away from you?

Did he ever really love you?

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself down. This is what A wants, to get me worked up. I need to stay calm. I walked over to my window and glanced outside. The trees looked gloomy without leaves, and the ground was a dull color. Everything appeared lifeless and sad, which didn't help how I was feeling. I turned away and decided to walk downstairs.

I sighed as I walked down the steps. Just walking down them was tiring, and all I could focus on was the anxiety building up in my chest.

I walked over to the counter and sat down, hoping a change of scenery from my room would help calm me down. As usual, my hope was short lived, because the anxiety kept building, and my heart beat faster than a running train.

Gasping for air I brought my knees to my chest, and buried my head in my arms. The chair under me rocked uneasily, but stayed, allowing me to remain in my fetal position. I was so out of it I didn't hear Melissa come up to me.

"Spencer?" She placed a hand on my shoulder and I jumped and nearly fell off the chair.

"Huh? Oh, hey Melissa."

"Spence…are you alright?" She asked me.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine." I smiled. My anxiety had passed for the time being, I guess Melissa must have distracted me enough to forget about it.

I hopped down from the chair and went to sit on the couch instead. Maybe here I won't fall off… I thought to myself.

Melissa followed me over and sat next to me, not saying a word. We sat in silence for a good ten minutes before she finally spoke up.

"Spencer…I know it might not be a good time right now, but I need to know. Are you...are you hurting yourself?" She asked, tears welling in her eyes as she turned to face me. My eyes dropped to the ground. "I'm not trying to intrude…it's just, you were so out of it when I helped you get pajamas on, and I saw a little more than I was…. intending….." She explained slowly.

"I…I'm so sorry Melissa." I choked.

I could hear her sigh, and she scooted closer to me.

"Spencer…I don't know what's going on to make you hurt so much, and it's none of my business. I just want you to know, there's other ways out….you can talk to me. I know I may give you a hard time sometimes, but I still love you. I love you too much to sit here while you hurt yourself…" She stated.

I raised my head to look her in the eye. "I know. I love you too Melissa…I'm just… I'm having a hard time right now." I explained. "I get so anxious and so worried about stupid things, and it builds up so much…I didn't know what to do about it. I don't know what happened, but eventually I found my way out. I know…it's not okay, and I promised my friends that I'd try to stop. Just like I'll promise you."

I exhaled slowly, confident with what I was saying. Tears were streaming down Melissa's face, and she leaned forward and brought me into a hug.

"I love you so much Spencer, you're my only sister. I couldn't live without you. I'll help you any way I possibly can, I promise." She cried.

"I know…." I muttered. She pulled out of the hug and looked me in the face.

"You're beautiful Spencer, and you have some of the best friends I've ever met. They love you just as much as I do. You can get through this, I know it." She smiled sadly.

I felt myself choking up, those were the nicest things she'd said to me in a long long time.

"Thank you Melissa…I love you too." I smiled back.

We sat in silence for a little while again.

"So…what are you going to tell mom…" I asked after a while.

"I'll tell her everything you just told me. She'll understand." Melissa sighed. "Unless you'd rather tell her."

I shook my head. "No, that's okay. If you don't mind telling her I'd rather you do it. I'd be too nervous." I replied.

She nodded her understanding. The garage door rumbled, and I frantically looked at Melissa.

"It's okay, I got it. Why don't you go upstairs and rest for a minute." Melissa patted me on the back and walked over to the counter. I headed back upstairs, my anxiety starting up again. What is mom going to think?