14. Help I'm Alive

EPOV

I took my seat at the table and awaited Bella's voice. Ever since hearing my name on her lips, multiple times, last night in her room I have fed off it like an unhealthy addiction. Instead of instant conversation and the normally friendly Bella I was met with a cold shoulder. She had scooted her chair as close to the window as possible and built an obvious barrier between us with her textbooks on the table. She sat with her head resting on her hand and tilted her face away from me. Maybe something was wrong or, even worse, she had awoken when I left her room that night and is entirely creeped out by me.

Class began and the teacher handed out another round of worksheets. Still in our sex education unit our desks were graced with an STD assignment. I rolled my eyes at the teacher as he walked by. Why was he torturing us with all with these awful assignments? I'm convinced teachers secretly enjoy making adolescents work through awkward moments like this. And by my true age, I have been tortured one too many times with the sex Ed unit. I slid the other worksheet over to Bella's side of the table, maneuvering around her fortress of textbooks.

Bella still hadn't looked at me and certainly hadn't made any effort to say hello. Maybe she was waiting for me to make the first move. Perhaps humor was the best route, I decided. The worksheet had a list of STDs and a list of symptoms; our job was to match them to their correct pair. "So I'll do Chlamydia, if you want Herpes?" I joked hoping for at least a small laugh. Still, without turning her head or so much as making a noise at my joke she began working on her own worksheet.

Shamefully, I tried again, "Well, if you really want Chlamydia I'll trade you, I don't mind!" She stared down at her worksheet, shaking her head in disgust at my distasteful jokes. Sheesh, this girl was ironclad. Where did the bubbly girl from last week ago? Where did the girl who kept saying my name in her sleep go? I worked on my assignment and decided to leave her alone for a bit.

After ten minutes had passed and I was utterly bored with re-reading my STD worksheet, I made my third attempt. "So, are you as experienced in STDs as you are in labeling parts of the male sexual anatomy?" What the hell was I saying? I instantly wanted to slap my hand over my mouth; I was talking like a complete idiot. I had the capability of completely wooing a woman with poetic jargon and could make my voice as silky as butter and here I was sounding like a complete ass to the girl who I couldn't stop thinking about.

I was just about to speak again when she interjected, "I'm not talking to you, so quit trying." She spoke the words so quickly I barely had time to let the words register. Besides sneaking into her room, I couldn't think of any other reason why she'd have such distaste for me. I had to get to the bottom of this.

"What do you mean you're not talking to me?" I asked hoping she'd reply.

"What don't you get? Stop speaking to me," she whispered intensely, trying not to let the others in the classroom hear. Beyond perplexed by her recently developed ill feelings towards me I decided not to drop the subject. She could ask me to stay out of her life, which was probably a good idea, and I would try to abide it, but I demanded an explanation. "We're lab partners Bella, we have to talk sometime." I reasoned being it was the only ammo I had. "I'm not supposed to talk to you," she mumbled even quieter like she was trying to avoid the discussion completely. It was faint but there was definitely a hint of disappointment in the way she said it. I clung to that disappointment. "Says who?" I blurted out a little too loudly. "Says people whose opinion I trust," she responded glaring at me for pushing the issue.

"Well, being as I'm new here, and I'm pretty sure no one knows me, I'd love to hear who this all-knowing person is," I said curiously.

She started doodling furiously on her notebook, digging the pencil into the paper deeper and deeper till it needed sharpening again. She didn't respond, so I tried again to pry it out of her, "Don't I deserve to know who is bad mouthing me?" Whoever was badmouthing me had a death wish. She gritted her teeth and replied reluctantly, "We'll talk about this later." All I could think was later; no we will talk about this now. I was furious and needed to know the culprit's name. "Later?" I questioned, "When, later?"

She then resorted to biting at her nails since the pencil was done for. "I don't know, after school or something," she replied keeping her eyes off me as much as possible. "Fine," I settled, "I'll wait for you at the gym door."

"How did you know my last period is gym?" she asked, this time looking at me like I really was a creep. Shit, she was onto me. I slipped up once again, and I had paid way to much attention to her for my own good. "I saw your schedule on the desk the first day of school," I lied thinking back to that awful first day with her. "Fine," she acquiesced. The rest of the class neither of us spoke and the tension between us was palpable.

Listening to Mr. Banner talk about STD's the rest of class and flashing giant pictures on the projector made the time go by even slower. The bell rang and I exited before the rest of the class had left their seats. Gwen awaited me in the hallway and we took off to our next class. The rest of the day felt like an eternity and I still hadn't come up with an excuse as to why I wouldn't be following Gwen home.

The last bell rang, Gwen and I headed towards the parking lot when I let the first excuse I could think of roll off my lips. "I need to go run some errands, I'll see you later tonight," I stated nervously, hoping she wouldn't question me further. Of course, Gwen was a curious cat and asked, "Want any company?" "No, I'm just buying Emmett a new video game he wanted, it will be boring," I said convincingly. "Alright, I have some things to do as well, so I'll see you later," she resolved. She slapped her helmet on and took off out of the school parking lot. I hurriedly made my way to the gym side door, anticipating my rendezvous with Bella.

The meeting would not end till I got every answer I needed. When I rounded the corner of the building, there she was waiting. She was leaning up against the wall with her blue backpack, looking like some underage delinquent waiting to buy a pack of smokes. I approached her in as friendly of a manner that I could muster. Yelling and fighting to get answers didn't seem like it would work with her. That method of intimidation worked with Gwen, and even though Bella seemed much frailer than Gwen, something about the way she carried herself said she couldn't be intimidated.

Before I could say a word she started marching off towards the wooded area behind our school. She clutched her arms around her chest even though it wasn't that cold so it had to have been nerves. She kept walking till she had us stopped in a clearing right inside the forest. She apathetically dropped her backpack at the foot of the tree and leaned up against it. Once again I had Bella alone, and this time she was awake. She could try and run, she'd put up a fight, but I'd make sure it was quick and painless. The scenario playing in my head was sickening but her scent combined with the pine all around us caused my hunting instincts to kick in. I began salivating and snapped myself out of the hunger frenzy that Bella's scent was sending me into.

Here alone in the forest with just us two, her scent was very strong. There wasn't anybody else's scent around to downplay hers, and the situation was dangerous. I kept a safe distance from her in case some awful urge came about. "Who says you can't be my friend?" I choked out trying hard not to inhale her scent while I spoke. Ignoring my question altogether with she had intentions of her own for this discussion. "Why did your sister lie to my best friend?" she questioned angrily. I was confused by what she was asking, but then I slowly began to piece it together. "Gwen?" I asked just checking. "Yeah, Gwen, she lied to my friend Jacob," she accused. I knew exactly what lie she was referring to, the fact that Gwen had entirely hidden who she was to the Quileutes, but when I heard his name I was fuming with anger because he was the culprit in all this mess.

"Jacob," I laughed his name." Is that who told you not to talk to me?" I asked curiously. "Just because my sister lies doesn't mean I'm a liar," I replied knowing all the while I was completely selling out Gwen and referring to her as my sister felt awkward, very awkward. I stepped closer to her letting the scent flood over me; I was being such a masochist.

"You and I have nothing to do with your sister," she blurted out clinching her fists in frustration. I was distracted by Bella referring to me and her in the same sentence with complete disregard for Gwen. "Then what is it?" I continued, "If Jacob doesn't want you hanging out with the brother of a liar, then what's the problem?" If Jacob knew anything from his elders, there were many plausible reasons he could have given her, but I assumed he was clueless and naive which meant so was Bella.

Her voice trembled as she spoke, "He said you're dangerous. Your whole family is and I'm supposed to stay away from you." Everything about her response was entirely accurate, but I wondered just how much she knew. What had Jacob told her?

"Dangerous?" I asked playfully, "how so?"

"I don't know!" she spat back. "Ever since the day Jacob picked me up from school, he and his friends have warned me to stay the hell away from you," she stated with defeated eyes.

"You told him Gwen was my sister didn't you, because he didn't know," I felt bad for Gwen. "How was I supposed to know she lied?" Bella yelled back in defense.

"It's not your fault," I declared.

Bella shook her head and her lips began to tremble like she was going to cry. "I should have just kept my mouth shut. I don't know why your sister lied but whatever the reason is now Jacob is done speaking to Gwen and it's better if we're not friends either," she said picking at the bark of the tree behind her.

I desperately wanted to explain everything; I wanted to tell her about the elders, and about how they're wrong about my family. I wanted her to know Gwen isn't that bad and meant Jacob no harm. There was so much to explain and I felt completely overwhelmed.

"You shouldn't listen to Jacob about my family." I protested confidently.

Bella perked up, "Then tell me why he doesn't want me around you. What's so bad about you?" she stammered.

I was helpless. What could I say to smooth the situation over, to convince her we weren't bad? Luckily Jacob hadn't unveiled any vampire rumors to her, but that didn't mean the hurdle was any less difficult to get over.

"Bella, I don't know what to tell you," I uttered. "You should probably listen to Jacob." I surrendered. Jacob was right, we were dangerous, and Bella shouldn't be around the Cullens, especially me. Maybe if I switched methods and convinced her how awful we were she'd stay away and be safe. I couldn't tear my eyes from her though, the green moss of the trees and the gloomy weather made Bella the brightest thing in the forest and her beauty was breathtaking to me.

She looked confused and frustrated, "What? First, you defend yourself and now Jacob is right?" she hissed. Seeing Bella all worked up like this made me feel awful. The poor girl didn't deserve to be in the middle of this any more than Gwen deserved to suffer for who we were. The only difference was Gwen made that choice for herself.

"Do you even want to be my friend?" I asked for my own selfish interest. Her porcelain cheeks flushed pink and I knew the answer before she even had to speak.

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be" she said with disappointment. "Jacob is my best friend. He has always looked out for me and I've never done him wrong. Being your friend is betrayal and, according to him, not safe," Bella trumpeted.

What a small world; being friends with Bella meant betrayal to Gwen, my best friend. Apparently Bella was in the same situation with Jacob. I knew already how this would all play out. Jacob knew too much and would never be friends with Gwen again. Jacob would never approve of Bella being my friend. Just as I would never approve of Gwen doing the same. Jacob and I were at a stalemate. Neither of us could befriend who we wanted and neither of us would allow those closest to us to befriend the other.

The long pause of silence was broken by the sound of Bella's buzzing cell phone in her backpack. She jumped and quickly pulled it from the front pocket. "I have to go," she declared.

No decision has been made; there were still too many questions and no answers. She couldn't leave yet. "You can't leave, we haven't finished discussing this," I pleaded trying to come up with some way to prolong the already dead-end discussion.

"What's there to discuss?" she questioned, "I'm not supposed to talk to you, end of story," she replied as she picked up her backpack and began stalking out of the woods.

"Where are you going?" I pried.

"Not that it's any of your business, but to Port Angeles with some friends," she yelled back. Just as I thought those would be the last words I hear from Miss Bella Swan's lips she yelled again, "Bye Edward!"

The goodbye could have been taken many different ways. Perhaps, it really was a last goodbye, maybe she was being polite, or maybe it was just a goodbye for now, until we figured things out. Bella wasn't aware that all I had was time, and I'd wait till she came around.

Once she was gone I recklessly reasoned that I had to go to Port Angeles as well, if I came home without a video game for Emmett, then Gwen would know something was up. It just so happened I'd be able to keep an eye on Bella too if need be. Coincidence was in my favor.