Song: Human by Christina Perri
Hello everyone! Oh my gosh, finally finished my summer class, I am now officially free for about two weeks! And when I say free I mean I'm going to be packing, so much packing. School is starting and I'm super excited, but also kind of nervous. It's not my first time, but I think first days are always a bit jittery, aren't they? I got a whole ton of reviews for the last chapter, so thank you to everyone who took the time to write to me! As a general comfort, no, I don't plan on abandoning this story at all ever. No one responded about the Harry Potter fic I was thinking about posting, so if you would read a Harry Potter fic that I wrote, let me know! Okay, enough of me talking, here we go.
James firmly planted himself next to Nova, watching her carefully as she stared up at him. Her warm, chocolate eyes were hidden behind bright pink sunglasses, a sight he didn't particularly like. With the dark lenses over her eyes, he couldn't read what she was thinking as easily. At least, that was what he was telling himself.
Sitting in the semi-darkness of her lab, Nova had been completely oblivious to his presence when he had dropped in from the ceiling tiles. She'd been in the middle of her conversation with Tony Stark and he had just asked her to tell him what was really bothering her. When she finally broke and gave him the story, she gave a quick summary and James had slipped into the shadows, careful to stay away from the camera connected to the screen she was using. If Stark saw him, it would be over in an instant.
He had almost interceded when Stark had suggested he was bad for her. Maybe the other man was right. James had managed to make her cry. She'd been angry with him. Maybe she would be happier without him around. But the dangerous side of his thoughts took over, demanding a say in his decisions. He could have turned around and left. Nova would never have known he was there and she would be as safe as she could be without him around. A low, cruel laugh had echoed through his mind, though, and asked him if he could forgive himself if something happened to her after he'd left. What if she drank too much one day? What if she really did fall off a counter like he guessed she would? What if HYDRA attacked and he wasn't there to stop them?
It was possible he wasn't the best thing for her, but he was better than nothing.
Of course, he hadn't gotten a word in. Nova had immediately took offense and stood up for him. Before he could break in, tell her that he hadn't been upset, she was already spilling everything and he had frozen, unable to move as he listened.
Nova cared for him. She thought they were friends. He could count his friends in this world on one hand. They were people he knew he could trust to help him, who would do what they could to save him. It had never really crossed his mind to add Nova to that list. Did he trust her? Could he? Should he? Even if he did trust her, should she trust him? The answer to that was a firm no. But it seemed she had already chosen that path.
If she had asked, he would have warned her off. But here, now, standing near her and staring down at her face, he couldn't force himself to say anything against it. When she learned more about him, she would understand. He wasn't safe to be around and she was smart. Smarter than he usually gave her credit for. Someday, she would learn that he was dangerous and then he wouldn't have to worry about telling her.
"How did you even get in here?!" Nova suddenly cried, bursting to her feet. James skittered back a step, blinking in surprise. It was amazing that she could still startle him so easily. He should have expected it. "I put the lab on lockdown! Do you see that red button there? LOCKDOWN. It should be literally impossible to get in here and you just-"
James cocked his head to the side curiously when Nova simply cut herself off midsentence, a hand flying up to cover her mouth. It was like she couldn't stop talking without some sort of physical barrier to stop the noise from escaping. It wouldn't surprise him in the least if that were true.
When he didn't answer her immediately, Nova's hand dropped from her lips and he looked down at them, his own lips tilting down to mirror her frown. Something about it made him uncomfortable, his shoulders tensing as he shifted into a looser stance. A fight wasn't coming, but he felt the same rush of concern as if one were just around the corner, his senses flaring.
Silence reigned, a song James didn't know slipping through the speakers. There were no words, just the long drawn out notes of a violin. It was a soothing melody, one that would calm him immensely if he wasn't watching Nova, who was now watching him back, shifting from foot to foot and flickering her eyes around her lab nervously. Most of the time, Nova was surprisingly calm in his presence. It bothered him immensely that she was now so uncomfortable, ready to run at a moment's notice.
Did she think he had come in to hurt her? If he had wanted to hurt her, he could think of better places to do it. If she thought they were friends, why did she look so scared?
"The ceiling tiles," James admitted, just to fill the awkward silence Nova had created. He pointed toward the ceiling and Nova's eye flicked up, immediately pinpointing his entrance. He hadn't bothered to put the tile back yet. In fact, he hadn't really expected to talk to her, not really. The point had been to check in, make sure she was alright after the crying and the yelling. Talking to her about it hadn't really been in the plan.
"I'm going to kill Barton…" she muttered angrily, glaring up at the ceiling. Obviously, she had already guessed where he had learned that particular trick. Not that it really mattered too much to James. If he needed to use the ceilings for transportation again, they were easier to break through than the walls and he'd do it in a heartbeat. And Clint Barton would probably find it funny that Nova was mad at him anyway. James was quickly learning that the other man was fairly relaxed when it came to his co-workers in the Tower. "What are you doing here? Like, not that you aren't welcome or whatever. Well, actually, no one was welcome because I locked the lab down. But what's going on?"
It seemed to physically pain Nova to stop talking, her lips pressed into a thin white line. James let out a breath, wishing that this was easier. Why did she have to be upset? It would have been a hell of a lot easier if she had just treated him how everyone else did. Mostly ignoring his pessimism or dismissing it as a phase he'd grow out of. He preferred their way of dealing with him.
"I wanted to make sure you were alright," James forced out, practically able to feel the part of him that was Bucky start to fight to the surface. Checking on a dame was acceptable back in his day. It was even appreciated. But James didn't know what was acceptable now. Was it alright to check on her? Was it within his standing to ask her how she was? Did friends do that? He did. There were a lot of times with Steve that Bucky didn't even have to ask what was wrong. It was his job to make sure Steve was healthy and strong. Bucky had done that to the best of his abilities. Now, Steve was a super soldier, practically immune to everything except his own stupidity. Bucky couldn't blame anyone for being unable to do anything about that, though.
"What? You mean with the crying thing?" Nova questioned, nibbling on her bottom lip. James shook Bucky out of his head violently, gritting his teeth to focus on the here and now. He could focus on Bucky later. Nova needed him now.
"You were upset," James reminded her firmly, keeping his attention on her. He stopped letting himself think too hard about what was going on, knowing that it was dangerous to let the other pieces of him out. At least Bucky was fairly tame. It was the Asset that was dangerous.
"I didn't mean to yell or whatever. I… I know that a lot of people have treated you like shit, but I really don't want to be one of those people. I just don't think it's fair that you're being down on yourself for something that's so out of your control. It's not like you chose to fall off that train or to become a part of HYDRA. And, when you did get a choice, you chose to help people. That should really count for something," Nova argued, nodding quickly along with her words. James felt a warmth fill his chest at the sight of the woman before him defending him like he wasn't a stone cold killer. She had no idea of the things he'd done and he didn't want her to. "It counts to me."
"I'm not agreeing with you," James informed her, jaw firmly set. Nova sighed deeply, but nodded, her lips pulling into a small frown. The sight of it sent a bolt of unease through James, his human palm scrubbing against his jeans as he tried to think of something else to say. He wouldn't agree with her just to make her feel better; that wasn't fair to her. And he wasn't about to lie to her about something like that. But he wanted to make her feel a little better, so she wouldn't frown anymore.
"You don't have to agree right away. But it's important to know there's someone out there rooting for you," Nova murmured, glancing up at him over the rim of her sunglasses shyly. James tilted his head just slightly, reaching out with his human hand to pull the sunglasses off of her face. She didn't flinch as he grabbed them, instead holding still for him. James made absolutely certain that he didn't touch her, not wanting to know what her reaction to his touch would be after everything that had happened.
"Can I stay here for a while?" James slowly asked, setting her sunglasses on the desk and turning to take in the surprising beauty that was Dr. Nova Maddox. In a pair of ripped overalls with one button drooping, her hair shoved into a wild bun at the top of her head, and two screwdrivers, one flathead and one Phillips, stabbed through her bun at a crossed angle, Nova looked ready to work. Aside from the fact that she was barely wearing a shirt under her overalls and her feet were bare, that is. Either way, he felt his lips wanting to twist up at the corners as he stared down at her, waiting for an answer.
Her chocolate eyes warmed as she seemed to realize the connotation of what he'd said, a smile blooming along her lips as she lit up. Her arms flew out and James braced himself for anything, expecting a hit or a smack, anything to display her displeasure easily. Instead, Nova threw herself at him, barreling right into his chest.
James caught them both without even stumbling, his prosthetic whirring as he wrapped it around her waist to catch her. Pain slid up his spine, blooming along his scalp and causing several sharp reactions along those nerves. Tensing, James focused immediately on his arm, making sure that he wasn't gripping Nova too tightly as she…
"What are you doing?" James asked, staring at a mess of red hair while Nova wrapped her arms around his shoulders and squeezed. Was she… was she hugging him? Why would she hug him? The only person James really ever hugged was Steve and that was because the other man always initiated it. James couldn't remember the last time he'd been hugged by someone else and he froze under her ministrations, unsure how to respond. Usually, a slap on the back settled Steve down, but a hit Steve could take could seriously injure Nova.
"I'm hugging you. Don't freak out; just go with it. It's not an attack or anything, just a form of affection. I forgot no one is bothering to reintroduce you to this kind of stuff. Hugs are good. I give Evie a hug every time I see her. I'll probably even hug Steve next time I see him, but only because I'm gonna be so happy to have Evie home. You'll have to get used to hugs if you're coming for Christmas, you know. We're a close family and there will be lots of hugs. Especially with the kids. But the kids aren't dangerous. Well, they can be, but you don't have to worry about that," Nova laughed at some memory while James stood completely still, his mind racing.
He had to have other experiences with hugs. Bucky had been a brother, right? That was what the memorial wall had said. Three younger sisters, if he was remembering right. Sometimes, he got vague images of them from his memory. One with big brown eyes and brown curls. She was feisty and climbing a tree while Bucky chased after her, the slight panic the only emotion James associated with the memory besides a warmth he didn't remember. There was another, smaller than the rest, with her hair in pigtails. Always in pigtails. Her hair was lighter than the others, but she had dimples on either side of her cheeks and was always smiling. James remembered specifically a gapped tooth smile beaming up at him with ribbons of purple in her hair. His last sister was the oldest. Her memory was a little clearer, sharper. Not quite in-focus, but still more than the others, mostly because he remembered her name: Rebecca.
His little sister by two years. He didn't know why he couldn't remember the others until after having looked them up. Ida, the youngest, had been full of life and he couldn't figure out why he couldn't put a name to the dimples when he tried to remember them. Winnie had been much more daring than the others and James had encouraged that sort of behavior. It was only fitting that someone else receive his athletic edge. Yet the memories were buried beneath a layer of fuzz, twisted and distorted.
He did remember hugs, though. Vaguely. An image rushed to his mind of his oldest sister running toward him, plowing into him at full speed with tears in her eyes and lips wobbling. The man with her, Bucky, the one he was, wrapped his arms around her with an easy laugh, holding her to him tightly. They hugged for a minute or two as Rebecca's tears started to fall and Bucky just held onto her, murmuring jokes in her ear and promising to come back.
Bucky had never come back.
Slowly, oh so slowly, James raised his human arm up and rested it gently against Nova's back. She tightened her hold on contact and James's fingers curled into a fist around the back of her overalls, holding her to him reassuringly. Even if Bucky hadn't gotten to go back for his sisters, at least James could come back for Nova.
"Oh my god, you're hugging me," Nova squeaked excitedly. James rolled his eyes in a familiar, exasperated gesture, hoping that no one was watching the camera feed at the moment.