I want to say thank you to my seven faithful readers. I really appreciate your feedback. I was hoping that fanfic readers would like this story better than my last where an OC was involved. I guess L/M 'shippers have declined since the death of Mara in the profics.

Thanks again!

~JL~

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Chapter 14

Mara broke away from the Jedi. "Oh no, no, no, no, I'm not going to see a therapist,"

"Why not, Mara?"

Mara knitted her brow from a moment. "I don't know why, but I have an aversion to counselors…I think." There was a memory of her past that she could almost grasp concerning psychologists or psychiatrists, but she couldn't quite pull it out of the tangle of images spilling back into her brain. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "It doesn't matter, we can't go to couple's therapy because we're not a couple."

"True," Luke admitted, "but we want to be a couple…or at least I do."

"This is crazy!" Mara said hotly as she started pacing the room nervously. "Yesterday we were in love and today part of me hates you with a passion." She stopped to glare at him. "If you had taken the last month to sit me down and prepare me for this I wouldn't be this upset." She punctuated the last few words by poking her finger into his chest.

"I'm sorry," He uttered apologetically. "You're right, I should have prepared you for what was coming."

"Damn right you should have!" She shouted back.

He could sense the anger rise in Mara as she continued circling around the room in a highly agitated state. Luke frowned when he noticed her right hand was shaking almost uncontrollably. Luke had seen that type tremor before during the Rebellion. Some of the pilots of his old squadron would exhibit hand trembling after a particular horrific space battle. It was a sign of severe stress.

"Have you any clue what it is like to wake up and suddenly realize you have murdered people in your past and you hate the man you declared your love for the day before!" Mara continued infuriated. "What were you thinking? If you really loved me you would either have let me stay on the medication or prepare me for what I would remember!"

She was building up into a rage and Luke was getting worried that a seizure could reoccur if she didn't calm down soon, but he was temporarily at a loss as to how he could soothe the fiery redhead.

When Mara paced by him again he made a sudden and brash decision. He unceremoniously grabbed her in a firm embrace and kissed her.

Luke could feel the shock projecting off of Mara. She tried to protest, but with his mouth over hers it made difficult to voice her objection. She made a symbolic show of resistance by trying to push Luke away, but the effort was minimal and within seconds stopped all together as she reached around his waist and pulled him closer. He deepened the kiss and his Force senses soared from her touch. He knew he was taking a big risk, but Mara was worth it.

Eventually he could feel her trembling subside and woman in his arms calmed down to the point where he thought he might live through the day if he released her.

He gently broke off the kiss and stepped back to look at Mara and accept the consequences of his actions.

To his surprise Mara didn't lash out. Her eyes were wide and she simply stared at Luke with a bewildered look on her face. Finally her voice returned, albeit shaky, "what did you do that for?"

Luke smiled weakly, "You were becoming overwrought. I needed to distract you. I figured I could either slap you or kiss you…I thought I had a better chance of survival with the latter."

Mara sat back down on her bed and rubbed her hand over her face. "If what I remember is correct, I would say your odds were about equal. You like to live dangerously, don't you?"

"Haven't I always?" Luke smiled.

Mara turned to look at him. "I don't know, all I remember is I wanted to kill you, but for some reason I never took the shot."

"For that I am truly grateful."

"Fierfek!" Mara cursed, "What in the worlds are we going to do about this?"

"I told you what I thought would help," Luke replied. "Think about it."

She shook her head. "I don't know…I would need to remember more before I even consider a counselor." Mara countered.

"Fair enough," Luke said. "Mara, we probably should arrange another appointment with Dr. Defel. It looks like the abrupt return of your memories many be causing you more anxiety than we anticipated."

Mara simply nodded her agreement while taking deep calming breaths. Luke was pretty sure she just experienced a full-blown panic attack.

"Come on," Luke said softly, "I just finished preparing breakfast before you woke up. We'll eat and I will tell you everything and answer all of your questions."

Mara looked like she was going to refuse, but then her stomach started to rumble. "Okay, but you better tell me the complete truth this time. No sugarcoating my past!" Mara warned him.

"You have my promise," Luke agreed as he let her out of her bedroom and to the breakfast table.

He had prepared a Gartro egg omelet with mushrooms and Ojomian onions. Luke held out Mara's chair and helped her be seated and then took a seat across from her.

Mara looked at the food he prepared and smiled tentatively. "Thank you, it looks wonderful."

Luke smiled. "You're welcome, dig in, it's probably getting cold."

Mara cut off a piece of omelet with the side of her fork and then gave it a taste. "This is good," she said quietly. Despite the fact that she just woke up, she sounded exhausted.

"I'm glad you like it." Luke hesitated for a moment. "I guess I should start from the beginning. You were trained by the Emperor to be an assassin, but also to act as an extension of his eyes and ears. He was able to communicate with you telepathically all away across the galaxy."

"How did I end up with the Emperor?" Mara inquired between bites. "Was he my father?"

Luke almost choked on a mushroom. "Force, I hope not."

Mara gave him an inquisitive look.

"He was an awful person Mara," Luke emphasized, "you watched 'The Death of the Empire' "

Mara frowned, "Sure, I watched the movie, but I thought the Emperor was more like a caricature of the real thing…after all the actor playing Luke Skywalker wasn't anything like you."

"Should I take offense to that comment?"

"I just mean he was more cocky and brash…and much bigger. I thought the Emperor was also exaggerated"

Luke glowered at Mara, "My master Yoda always told me 'size matters not'."

Mara rolled her eyes, "Let me guess, Yoda was a guy."

Luke wasn't going to be pulled into that type of particular conversation. He chewed on his food silently for a moment. "What I am trying to say is the Emperor was just as bad in real life as in the holofilm."

Mara shuddered. "Ack, that's a disturbing thought, in the movie Palpatine's face looked like a Thanu's butt."

Luke coughed up the water he was drinking. "Mara!"

"Well he did look awful. Why would I work for such an horrible person?" Mara asked.

"I don't think you had a choice. I believe you were taken from your parents as a child and brought to the Emperor because of your Force abilities."

"We don't know what happened to my family?" She asked sadly.

Luke shook his head. "You never could find out anything about them."

Mara looked down at her plate gloomily. "Go on," she finally said.

"Leia already told you Darth Vader was our father, right."

Mara nodded her head while chewing on food and signaled for him to continue.

"Well, our father was the Emperor's apprentice." Luke paused, "This story is way too long. I think there are a couple documentaries you could watch to help you get a better idea of what happened. To make a long story short, my father captures me and brings me to the Death Star to face the Emperor."

"I don't remember that part in the movie," Mara interjected, "didn't you blow up the Death Star?"

"That was the first one." Luke clarified. "There were two."

"Two? Holy Sith, the Emperor must have had one hell of a line of credit."

"He had the whole galaxy to plunder," Luke commented dryly, "anyway the Emperor tried to kill me with Force lightning, and at the last minute my father turns from the Dark Side and saves my life by throwing the Emperor down a reactor core shaft."

"What were you guys doing near a reactor core shaft?" Mara asked.

"It was in the Emperor's throne room." Luke explained.

Mara put down her fork and looked at Luke incredulously. "The Emperor had a reactor core shaft in his throne room? What? Did a brain-dead Gungan design this station? Who would design a throne room with a reactor core shaft running through it?"

Luke shrugged his shoulders, "I guess the same person who would design a moon-size battle station with thousands of turbo blasters and not bother to put a metal grate over a small thermal exhaust port."

"Oh, I remember that in the movie," Mara smirked. "I used to bulls-eye womp rats back home,"Mara said in a mocking, slightly whiny, Luke Skywalker voice. "You do know killing small animals for sport is a sign of mental illness."

"So is kissing a former assassin while she is having a full-blown anxiety attack." Luke countered.

Mara scowled at him, "I wasn't having an anxiety attack! And you're lucky I didn't have my lightsaber. I don't like being manhandled."

Luke made a snorting sound, "Mara, you may not realize it, but your ability to shield your emotions through the Force has been severely hindered. You liked it just fine."

Mara turned red in embarrassment and glared daggers at the Jedi. "Why you conceited, rimworld, piece of Dianoga Dung! No wonder we never dated."

"I am just telling you what I felt through the Force." Luke said honestly, " and yes we may have never dated, but we were good friends. Other than maybe my sister and Han, you were my best friend."

"If we were best friends, why didn't we become more than that?" Mara queried Luke.

Luke could only shrug his shoulders. "I think you hated me for so long that it was hard to move in the other direction. When we finally got to the point where we were good friends, neither one of us wanted to risk the next step."

"So how did I ended up hating you." Mara asked Luke.

"Well, I think it started when the Emperor sent you to kill me at Jabba's Palace. You once told me that he portrayed me as a monster and enemy of the Empire." Luke paused to drink some water. "Later, right before his death, he gave you his last command through the Force. It was an order to kill me. He also projected to you a false image of what happened. He made it look like my Father and I turned on him and killed him together."

Luke took another bite of egg before continuing the story. "After the death of the Emperor you lost everything and all that remained was the Emperor's voice reverberating through your mind constantly. You hated me for supposedly killing your Master, for ending your position in the Empire, and because as long as I was alive the Emperor would continue to torment you from beyond the grave. The voice in your head didn't stop until you finally killed my clone."

Mara sat back in her chair. "You weren't kidding when you said we had a complicated relationship." She closed her eyes in thought. "I remember a lot of what you told me. It is slowly coming back."

She massaged her temples and frowned. "I'm getting a headache from all these images and conflicting emotions. I think I will take some headache medication and lay down. Thank you for breakfast."

She stood and cleared her dish from the table. "Luke, go ahead and make what appointments you think I need. Dr. Defel or a therapist." She hesitated, "I think you're right. We can't do this alone."

A couple days later, Luke and Mara sat nervously in a therapy waiting room. Dr. Defel recommended them to see a Dr. Sola Nidor because she was not only a licensed Doctor of Psychology and a successful couple's therapist, but she also specialized in disorders involving past trauma/stress and obsessive-compulsive difficulties.

After more and more memories returned to Mara she realized why Dr. Defel felt those particular areas of expertise might be needed. In fact, in the past few days Mara thought she might need a specialist in multiple personality disorders also.

Her memory re-emergence was strange, to say the least. It appeared that Mara's pre-accident personality hadn't quite merged and reconciled with her newest memories. There was a constant struggle between the two.

Mara found herself viewing her memories from before the accident with some disconnection. It was like she was watching a holothriller of another person's life. But she knew that wasn't true. She knew the redheaded child in her memory being tortured by Palpatine with Force lightning was her.

She suffered those past abuses and the Emperor was far from her only tormentor. There were also her trainers: weapons experts, hand-to-hand combat trainers, sniper instructors and worse of all lightsaber training with Vader. Her entire childhood was like a decade long shocktrooper emersion course.

And the one thing that was constantly stressed in every aspect of her training was detachment, detachment, detachment.

'It isn't a sentient being you're killing, it's just a target,' she remembers her trainers screaming at her. She couldn't have been older than ten years old at the time.

And now she is hoped to detach from her decades long training so she could continue loving this man sitting next to her.

She shook her head. 'This was going to be impossible,' Mara thought miserably.

"Hey," Luke said with concern in his voice. "We can do this." He reached over the armrest of his seat to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Mara could only smile at him weakly. "Sure," she whispered halfheartedly.

She now knew why she never started a relationship with Luke years ago. Her heart might have wanted to, but her defiant brain betrayed her and refused to let him break through the barriers she spent years putting up.

These were not weak barriers constructed from mild nervousness and unease, but instead built by torturous, obsessive thoughts that rolled through her mind like an endless loop. She was sure the compulsiveness of her thinking served her well in her job as an assassin, but it was of no help for a woman who wanted to start a new life and relationship. She was constantly bombarded with doubts, fear, suspicions and anxiety about trusting or caring for another person. To Mara, depending on others was a weakness.

The thoughts were pervasive. They wormed their way into her forethought constantly during every minute of every day. Only when she is completely preoccupied did she find some relief.

'Like the day Luke kissed me,' she thought fondly. Just as soon as the thought flittered through her mind the old Mara fought back mentally, 'You can't spend the rest of your life in his arms just to get through the day!' she silently fumed.

'You could try,' a voice came back in her head. It took her a few seconds before she realized that thought wasn't coming from her.

"Get out of my head, Skywalker!" She spat. Luke tried to look contrite, but he wasn't quite pulling it off. Everyday her Force powers were returning and to her dismay she found that she and Luke could often pick up on each other's thoughts. Luke tried to teach her a shielding technique, but she hadn't quite mastered that particular skill yet.

"You know I hate it when you do that!" She admonished the Jedi.

"I am not doing it on purpose, you are just projecting," Luke defended himself.

Mara huffed and turned away from him and back to her thoughts.

She couldn't believe she was going to see a counselor. If somebody told her she would be doing this a couple months ago she would have that person committed to an asylum… but here she was. Mara came to therapy with Luke because she had one big advantage that she did not have months ago. She knew it was possible to be happy and to love. She experienced true happiness in the last few weeks, and like a spice addict she wanted that feeling again desperately. No matter how much the old Mara tried to make her see the futility of the situation, those happy memories drove her forward.

"Hello, I am Dr. Nidor," said a late-middle-aged woman from the office door, startling Mara out of her musings. The doctor smiled and came forward to shake Luke and Mara's hand. "I look forward to working with you two," the doctor said brightly.

Mara looked at her, slightly surprised by her appearance. She was expecting somebody like the Imperial psychoanalysts that she occasionally had to see as a child. They were cold and callous military doctors who appeared to enjoy antagonizing her. Of course, those medical experts were not there to make her life better, but to make sure she was mentally tough enough to fillet a human if she needed to. No, this doctor was different. She wore casual clothing, jewelry, a stylish braided hairstyle and appeared to be relaxed and outgoing.

"Thank you for seeing us so soon," Luke remarked politely as the doctor led them into a large office with various seats. Mara and Luke opted to sit together on a small couch.

Dr. Nidor sat across from them with an enthusiastic grin still on her face. "Master Skywalker, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised to have you recommended to see me…congratulations to both of you!"

Mara and Luke gave each other a puzzled look. Both turned to the doctor and said almost in unison, "For what?"

A confused look came across the therapists face, "Well, I assumed you were sent here for pre-marital counseling."

Luke looked a little shocked, but when Mara started laughing he chuckled also.

"No," he said. "We are not exactly to that point. It is more like pre-dating counseling."

Now it was the therapist's turn to look puzzled. "I'm sorry, but Dr. Defel didn't give me any details about your situation other than your request for couple's therapy. We need a reciprocal agreement signed by both of you to allow Dr. Defel and I to discuss patient information." She paused for a moment pursing her lips in thought. "Pre-dating counseling? I am afraid I never really experienced that in my career. Usually couples date and then run into issues they want to resolve."

"Well, Luke and I are not your usual couple," Mara said matter-of-factly. Luke smiled and shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

"I guess we should sign those reciprocal information forms because I think you'll definitely need to consult with Dr. Defel." Mara said with resignation, doubting if all the doctors in the world could help her.

"I will make sure you both have the paperwork before you leave. Maybe you should give me a quick synopsis of what is troubling you two."

'A quick synopsis' Mara snorted mentally. But before she could comment Luke decided to take a shot at it.

"Our problems all started with Emperor Palpatine," Luke began his story. Mara couldn't help but smirk. Luke's words sounded just like one of those preambles that would scroll across the holoprojector in the beginning of those old cliffhanger adventure holos.

Mara sat quietly as she listened to him chronicle her life. Luke soldiered on admirably telling the doctor all about their past, their adventures together, their problems, the amnesia and Mara's abrupt personality change, her desire to have a romantic relationship with Luke and Luke's refusal to go that route until her memory returned. And, just like Luke predicted, the return of Mara's memory resulted in her old defensive behaviors returning despite her continued desire to return to what she sometimes referred to as her post-accident happy place.

By the time Luke completed his story Mara felt she might now have the complete picture. She probably would never know for sure if her memories returned fully, but she fairly certain she had a somewhat complete picture of her life.

When Luke finished the therapist appeared to be at a loss of words. As she sat quietly, Mara worried that she was contemplating referring them to somebody else. Finally she spoke. "I would like to warn you that I have never worked a case anywhere similar to yours, but with that said let me assure you I have dealt with patients that had horrific emotional issues, to include infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse, childhood abuse, dysfunctional families, depression, sexual abuse. Until today I used to say, 'I've seen it all', but after talking to you today I think I was a little premature with that claim."

She turned to Mara. "You know you cannot rid yourself of these memories, but we can try to not let them control your life and impede your happiness."

"That would be nice," Mara said unemotionally.

"Mara, I think you may be suffering from a disorder caused by extreme traumatic events. Some of the symptoms are hyper vigilance, compulsive thoughts, irritability, distancing yourself from others, explosive anger, a sense of despair or suicidal thoughts. Did you then or now experience any of these symptoms?"

Mara closed her eyes, not wanting to answer or wanting to lie, but she knew if she wanted a chance of a happy life she had to commit to 100% honesty.

"Yes," she finally admitted.

The doctor tapped some notes into her datapad. "Which symptoms apply to you exactly?"

Mara took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, "All of them."