NOTE: VERY IMPORTANT AN at the bottom of this chapter, so please do read it! I need all of your opinions on something.

Happy 2018, everyone!

New Years resolution: Must. Update. Faster. I'm actually going to do it this time, guys. I'm determined. The days of six month updates are behind me. This is happening. #NewYearNewMe

I can't believe it's been three years and y'all are still here and sticking with me. I'm so immensely thankful for all of you.

Also, THE SHADOWHUNTERS SEASON TWO FINALE, GUYS. HOLY CRAP. JACE DYING – THE ANGEL – THE RESURRECTION – THE BOOK LINES – I AM DECEASED. Did anyone else absolutely love Sebastian? Will Tudor is so insanely good (I ship McTudor so hard, you don't even know).

Without wasting any more time, let's get straight into what you came for.

Happy reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments or The Infernal Devices.

"In your eyes, there's a heavy blue...one to love, and one to lose. Sweet divine, a heavy truth. Water or wine, don't make me choose. I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night, night. Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky. I've been running through the jungle, I've been running with the wolves, to get to you..."

- Wolves, Selena Gomez

Chapter Thirteen

Jace had always known that he was different.

He'd been six years old when he'd come home crying from school because he'd gotten teased for his eyes – goatface, the kids had yelled, laughing at him in the playground.

He'd tried to wipe his tears before his mother could see – she'd been sad lately, worse than usual. He didn't want to cause her more pain.

But she'd seen before he could wash his face.

What happened? She'd demanded, getting down on her knees in the kitchen so that she could be at eye level. Tell me now, Jonathan, she'd insisted when he'd said it was nothing and tried to go to his room.

So he had confessed everything.

When it was done, she'd given him a hug and a Hershey's Kiss – his favourite chocolate. He wasn't usually allowed treats – not when his fatherwas home – and he'd looked at her wide-eyed before she'd urged him to accept the treat.

There's nothing wrong with your eyes, Jace.

Yes there is! Little Jace had insisted, looking forlornly at his feet. No one else has eyes like me. I'm the only one who's different.

Jace, look at me.

He'd looked up to meet her own golden eyes – the eyes that she had passed on to him. They were blazing now with a kind of fierceness he'd rarely seen in his mother.

Yes, you're different, she'd said then. But different doesn't mean you're better or worse than anyone else. It just means you're you. Don't ever feel ashamed for being different. Not for one minute.

In that second, he'd seen Celine Herondale as she must have been before Edmund, before she'd fallen in love with the man who had beaten her and broken her until she was nothing but a shell of her former self, a fragile husk that could be blown away with the slightest whisper of a breeze.

He'd never seen that side of her again, not as the sadness in those once-fierce golden eyes deepened and she slipped further and further away from him with each passing day.

But her words had stuck.

Over the years, Jace had gotten used to being different. Taken pride in it, even. He'd turned it to his advantage, worn it like armour.

But even that couldn't stop the hurt every time he looked at Will or Cecily or Ella, couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was an impassable chasm separating him from the rest of the family – that he would always be an outsider, an intruder.

And yet how could he blame them?

He had brought this down on all of them, after all. It was because of him that their family had been torn apart, that their father had left and their mother had been taken from them.

Will had told him as much, in those days that they hated each other.

It had been six years since, and yet Jace couldn't help but wonder if those feelings had really vanished, if that hatred and resentment he'd been greeted with when he'd first arrived didn't still languish in some corner of Will's heart.

Could he even consider himself Will's brother when it was his fault that Will had lost everything he'd ever known?

A soft hand touched his wrist, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Jace blinked rapidly, the beautiful clearing in front of him coming back into focus. He shifted his gaze downwards to meet Clary's concerned eyes, the autumn wind whipping her fiery curls around her face.

Clary.

He was on a date with Clary.

He turned his eyes from her to look out at the setting sun, suddenly infuriated with himself. What was he doing? He was supposed to be focusing on the pact, on getting Clary to fall in love with him, and instead he was telling her things he hadn't told anyone in years.

Apart from his family, only Jem, Alec and Jonathan knew the truth about his parentage. He'd never been comfortable telling anyone else about it, always letting them assume that he was Will's real brother – and yet here he was revealing one of his deepest secrets to the girl who absolutely hated his guts.

"Well, that's me, short stuff," Jace let his breath out, allowing a smirk to slip onto his lips as he turned to face her again. "Any skeletons in your closet that you'd like to share?"

He was used to this, to letting the careless, cocky, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude take over, the mask that he wore nearly every day of his life. It was easier, he'd learned years ago, to act like you didn't care – to make people think that nothing in the world mattered to you.

It was easier still if you stopped caring at all.

To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.

A lesson he'd learned through pain and death.

One he couldn't – wouldn't – forget.

He waited for Clary to respond, but she didn't say a word, didn't move her hand from where it rested on his. She only kept looking at him with those brilliant, piercing emerald eyes as if he was nothing but clear glass and she could see through to the heart of him, to the things he'd kept concealed for so long.

"It doesn't matter," she said finally. "It doesn't matter that you're their half-brother, or that you don't look like them. They love you."

Of course they do, he'd meant to joke, to break the tension that was slowly building up between them. Who wouldn't?

"How do you know?"

The words slipped from his mouth unwittingly, bitter and caustic, but even to his ears they sounded pathetically hopeful, like a little boy desperate for the truth.

And yet Clary didn't laugh, didn't look at him with one ounce of pity or derision, didn't turn it into a jibe the way he thought she would have. Her eyes remained steady on his, his heart thundering in his chest as he waited for her answer.

"Family isn't blood," she said in a voice gentler than he'd ever heard. "It's the people who love you. The people you choose – the people who choose you. The people who have your back, no matter what. Will, Alec, Jem, Jon, Cecy, Ella, even your grandmother...they love you because of who you are. That won't ever change."

They love you.

Jace hadn't heard that word in six years, not since the day his mother had kissed his hair and whispered I love you before sending him off to school. His family didn't say things like that, preferring to show their care and love rather than say it. He'd assumed they were used to him, liked him, but the thought of them loving him, seeing him as an inextricable part of their family...he hadn't been able to believe that, believe it with the kind of unshakeable certainty Ella and Cecily and Will had in each other.

But hearing it from Clary, the truth of it reflected in her clear, steady eyes and the conviction in her voice – it struck home in a way that nothing else ever really had.

"For what it's worth," Clary continued softly, "you have my family too, you know. Always."

His breath caught in his chest.

Thank you, he wanted to say but it didn't seem enough for what she'd just offered him. He struggled to think of something to say but his mind was utterly blank, empty of everything but Clary, the soft flush of her cheeks and the rose pink of her lips. Time seemed to have slowed entirely as he turned his hand face-up, still resting under hers, and weaved his fingers through hers.

The sun had set, the world around them turning to twilight and shadow, but he could still see the jade green of Clary's eyes, bright and lovely as they stayed fixed on him. A soft wind wound through the trees, whipping around them, but Jace hardly heard it over the blood rush in his head. His body felt super-wired, as if a single touch could ignite the blood in his veins into a wildfire.

He moved toward her at the same time that she took a step toward him, so that they were pressed nearly chest-to-chest, barely an inch of space between their bodies. He could feel the heat of her skin, the smell of her lavender perfume. He lifted a hand to cup her cheek, thumb gently tracing the curve of her cheekbone.

His eyes fell to her lips, and the urge to kiss her rose up in him, stronger than it had ever been before, stronger even than when she'd asked him why he didn't take her up to his bed.

God, what was it about this girl that drove him crazy?

He was about to lean down and press his lips to hers – consequences be damned – when a thought flickered into his mind.

Will I still have your family when I break your heart?

Cecily was a hairsbreadth away from flinging her math textbook out the window and tearing her hair out while screaming hysterically.

She couldn't believe she had descended to studying math on a Friday evening, but with the placement exam just a week away, she had no choice but to try and squeeze in all of the information she'd spent days procrastinating on.

Only nothing was going in.

Cecily bit back the scream of frustration that had been threatening to escape her all night and leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and resting her forehead in her arms.

Her hands felt cool against the overheated skin of her face, the darkness against her eyelids a welcome sight after the pages of equations and formulas she'd been staring at all night.

She didn't want to imagine her grandmother's face if she succeeded in screwing herself over in the test next week.

Unless...

Cecily bit her lip, unable to believe she was seriously considering this option, and then sighed. What choice did she have?

She knew Jace was out on a date with Clary, but maybe if she asked Will...he'd have some pointers for her. Will and Jace had both scored straight As in their placement tests (although that was more out of fear of their grandmother than anything else) and at this point she was desperate enough for the help that she could put her pride aside for a little.

She sat up, pushing her dark hair back behind her ear, and glanced from the book to her closed bedroom door.

No matter how annoying Will was, he'd never turned her away when she needed help. Will wasn't one of those overly protective brothers – the way she knew Jonathan was with Clary and Tessa – but he'd always been there when she needed him. Whether it was a scraped knee when she was three years old, or a window she'd broken while playing at ten, he had never hesitated when she'd gone to him.

Even if it involved taking the blame upon himself and enduring Imogen's fierce scoldings.

It was ironic really, Cecily thought as she picked up her book and made her way down the hallway to Will and Jace's room. When it came to those he loved, Will was fiercely loyal and selfless. He gave his love with his entire heart, with all and everything.

And yet...she'd seen the way that he treated the girls who slept with him. He never lied, never made a secret of the fact that it was just sex, but that didn't excuse his callous treatment of them. It was as if the Will she saw and the Will the world saw were entirely different people, not one and the same.

Cecily shook her head, surprised to find that she was already standing in front of Will's door. Really, it was no wonder her math was suffering so terribly when her mind wandered so easily.

She grasped the doorknob and pushed the door open.

"Will, can you help me with – "

Cecily stopped short.

The room was empty.

Will's bed lay unmade, clothes scattered across the sheets and hanging from the ladder that led to Jace's bunk. His chemistry homework lay half-done on the desk, the pen lying uncapped on top of it.

Cecily's puzzlement grew as she surveyed the room. She and Will didn't keep tabs on each other's movements, but he usually told her if he was going out – even if he didn't specify where.

Where had he gone?

The doorbell rang abruptly, loud and shrill.

Cecily's confusion cleared as she headed downstairs to open the door, taking the stairs two at a time. Will had probably just gone out to get food or something and forgotten to mention it to her.

She opened the door to find Jem standing on the doorstep.

"What are you doing here?" Cecily blurted, realizing too late how rude she'd sounded.

"Hey Cecy," Jem greeted with an amused grin, his usually pale cheeks slightly pink with the chill. "Nice to see you too."

"I didn't mean it like that," Cecily flushed. "It's just that I thought it was Will at the door, not you."

Jem's grin disappeared, his brows drawing together in concern. "Will's not here? I thought he had no plans today."

Cecily shook her head. "Maybe he's hanging out with Alec or Jon."

Jem frowned. "Alec's out with his cousins today and Jon has a big project due. Jace is busy too, which means..."

His words trailed off and she could see that some unknown realization had dawned on him, the revelation clear in his face. "He's with Tessa."

"With Tessa?"

Cecily knew they'd been spending a lot of time together lately because of their Lit assignment, but she could hardly fathom Will wanting to spend his Friday night doing Lit with Tessa of all people.

An image flashed into Cecily's mind at the thought, an image of Jace dripping wet, returning home after having gone after Clary in the rain.

Her bewilderment deepened as she put it together with what she'd just discovered.

Jace running out into the pouring storm after Clary.

Will going to the Morgensterns' to see Tessa.

None of it made sense.

Her brothers didn't operate that way. They made their interest clear, but they always let whoever they were interested in make the first move, made sure it was their choice. They let girls come to them, not the other way around.

What was going on?

Cecily's gaze drifted to Jem, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were unreadable silver, fixed somewhere over her head, but she knew he was seeing nothing of what was before him. His lips tightened in a thin line, jaw clenched tight. There was tension in every line of his face, the kind of tension that came from knowing something you wished you didn't.

There was something he wasn't saying.

"What is it?" Cecily asked, the words leaving her mouth before she could think them through, and Jem's eyes snapped to hers. "What do you know, Jem?"

Jem hesitated for just a fraction of a heartbeat. "Nothing."

Cecily didn't believe it for a second but she knew better than to push. Jem might care for her as his best friend's little sister, but his loyalty would always, always be to Will.

His eyes narrowed then, silver irises trained on her own, and she knew her face had given her away before he even asked. "What about you, Cecily? What is it that you know?"

Silence fell between them, stretching and twisting with the weight of all the secrets they could never tell, and Cecily wondered what Jem would say if he knew that she was planning to break her brother's heart.

Then she looked up to meet those steady grey eyes and shrugged.

"Nothing."

Thirty minutes later, Clary still wasn't quite sure what had happened.

One second, she had been pressed up against Jace, his hand in hers and his fingers on her cheek, his golden eyes dark and fixed on her lips – and the next he had dropped her hand like she had the plague and strode off towards the end of the little balcony, saying something over his shoulder about how the food was getting cold.

Clary couldn't give a damn about the food.

Unfortunately, being so near Jace – the musky smell of his cologne and the heat of his body and that look in his eyes – had left her dazed for quite a few minutes after he'd pulled away, so she'd been unable to yell at him and demand that he come back and -

None of this is real, that elusive voice of reason whispered in her head, finally deciding to make itself known. You're only doing this to break his heart. Remember that.

Of course she'd known that every part of this was fake – every smile, look, word and move was planned and orchestrated.

Even if it felt strangely real.

But this could only end in heartbreak, and Clary didn't plan for that heart to be hers.

So she'd cleared all traitorous thoughts from her brain and followed Jace to the edge of the balcony, where he'd laid out a little picnic.

And yet, even as she ate her third ham sandwich and listened to Jace's countless prank stories (really it was a miracle no one had murdered him yet), her treacherous mind continued to drift back to the almost-kiss, to how good it had felt to have her fingers interlocked with his and how badly she'd wanted to reach up and press herself closer –

"Clary?"

She blinked. "What?"

Jace was grinning at her from where he sat leaning against the balcony railing, one leg stretched out in front of him. "Off with the fairies again, Morgenstern?"

"I'm sure they'd be better company than you, in any case."

Jace placed a hand to his heart, pouting. "That hurt, Clary."

"And I care, why?"

"Is that any way to talk to the love of your life?"

"We've been on one date," Clary scoffed, "which you cheated me into, by the way. I'd hardly say that seems like the beginning of a beautiful, long-lasting relationship."

"Okay, so maybe we aren't exactly like other couples," Jace said thoughtfully. "That doesn't mean we don't have a fighting chance."

"I think to be like other couples, you have to be a couple," Clary pointed out. "It seems a rather fundamental requirement."

"How quickly you dismiss our love," Jace sighed.

Clary grabbed the cushion next to her and chucked it at his face.

Annoying as he might have been, she had to admit that Jace knew how to do dates. The little corner of the balcony had been arranged beautifully – fairy lights draped over the railings, woollen rugs blanketing the cold wooden floor, silk cushions scattered around the edges. In the middle of it all sat an enormous picnic basket that they'd just about emptied, except for the basket of strawberries and box of chocolate brownies.

Twilight had descended fully now, and the sky was a beautiful shade of violet-blue. The branches of the tree pressed in around them, the leafy canopy above them swaying gently in the night breeze. The fairy lights lit the balcony with a soft, warm glow – illuminating the secret treehouse, a hidden place far above the rest of the world that seemed like it was just for the two of them.

She could see why girls had fallen hard and fast for Jace Herondale if he'd brought them on dates like this.

The thought of the other girls he'd undoubtedly brought up here curdled a tight knot in her stomach, a twisted tangle of anger and irritation and something bitter that she couldn't put a name to.

"So this is how you do it," Clary blurted out, unable to keep her thoughts to herself any longer.

Jace shot her a confused look, clearly surprised by the sudden change in direction of the conversation. "Do what?"

"Get the girl," she shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant manner. "They must fall at your feet once you bring them up here. It has that whole romantic candlelit dinner vibe."

She trained her gaze on the strawberry in her hands, carefully plucking off the green leaves. For some reason, she didn't want to see the casual assurance in Jace's face as he responded, didn't want to think of the various other girls who'd been in her place, didn't want to imagine Jace looking at them as he'd looked at her that evening.

And she'd nearly let him kiss her –

"I've never brought anyone else up here."

Clary nearly cricked her neck as she jerked her head up in astonishment, looking across to where Jace leaned against the wooden railing, his gaze trained on her.

"No one...no one else has been up here?" She couldn't mask the disbelief in her voice, the slight edge of hope that traced her words.

"No one but Will. Not until you." Jace's voice was carefully measured, giving nothing away, but his eyes flicked over her face. Watching – waiting for her response.

The soft breeze suddenly became stronger, a cold wind rustling the leaves of the trees and sweeping into the little nook of the balcony. Clary shivered inadvertently, her off-shoulder shirt and shorts doing little to protect her exposed skin from the night chill.

Before she could blink, Jace had crossed the tiny space between them, settling himself beside her and draping a soft blanket over her shoulders. Clary hadn't even opened her mouth when his arm curled around her waist, drawing her in to his side.

Her body reacted instinctively, sinking into the warmth radiating off his skin. Her legs curled up beneath her, knees grazing the side of his thigh. Her head fell naturally against his shoulder, cheek resting on his collarbone. Every shred of logic, of reason, flew straight out of her mind, replaced only by the thought of how strangely natural it felt to be so close to Jace like this.

"I always knew you wanted a piece of me, Morgenstern," Jace murmured against her hair. "The Herondale charm is just too irresistible."

"You came onto me," Clary protested, but she was too warm and comfortable to care much. "I was perfectly fine over here all by myself."

"Now, what kind of gentleman would I be if I left the lady to freeze to death? I came to be of help, and nothing more."

"You're a gentleman?"

"Alas!" Jace clasped a hand to his chest dramatically. "This is how my chivalry is rewarded. My honour is questioned!"

"I know your lies, villain," Clary proclaimed, unable to help the smile that tugged at the edges of her lips. "You came here for your own benefit, not mine."

"How your accusations wound me, my dearest," Jace sighed, his breath stirring the top of her hair. "I sought only to help you."

Clary rolled her eyes.

"And yet I must admit," Jace's voice dropped lower as he leaned down, so close that his lips brushed her ear, "now that I am here, this position does have its advantages."

The soft murmur of his words brought back the memories of the last time they'd been this close, pressed chest-to-chest against the wooden balcony like they were now – and abruptly, Clary remembered the bombshell he'd dropped on her just before they'd ended up in their current situation.

The silence between them stretched for a few minutes before Clary mustered up the courage to ask.

"Why didn't you bring anyone up here?"

A heartbeat passed before he spoke.

"Will didn't come here often after we'd built the treehouse. He didn't need it – Will had his books. They were his solace just like this place was mine. No matter how bad the days were, I knew I could always come here. Sharing that with anyone else – it didn't feel right."

And yet he'd chosen to share it with her.

"You didn't have to do this for me," Clary said, feeling suddenly, inexplicably guilty. She lifted her head from his shoulder, sitting up to look at his face. "This place is yours. You didn't need to – "

Jace's hand covered her mouth, cutting her off mid-sentence.

"Of course I didn't have to," he said quietly, but with an unshakeable sort of firmness in his voice. "I wanted to."

She stared at him, eyes wide as he removed his hand from her mouth, his thumb tracing the curve of her lower lip before dropping to his side.

"Thank you," Clary said finally, the words seeming too inadequate for what he'd given her tonight. "For sharing this with me. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Jace smiled softly, a small, gentle smile unlike any he'd given her before, and the sight of it made Clary's heart stop in her chest.

And she couldn't help but wonder, as they sat pressed together at what seemed like the top of the world, if perhaps breaking Jace Herondale's heart wouldn't be as easy as she had thought.

Who else just wanted to smash their faces together and scream "KISS!"?

Oh wait - I'm the reason they didn't kiss.

Sorry about that but as they say, all good things come to those who wait. ;)

I know some of you will miss Wessa in this chapter but you'll get them in the very next chapter! I'm so excited for the upcoming chapters, and I hope you guys are as well!

*IMPORTANT AN EDIT* (PLEASE READ): This chapter was originally supposed to be up yesterday, but for some reason FanFiction absolutely refused to let me upload it. It was absolute torture knowing the chapter was written, ready to be up, but I couldn't do it bc FF was screwing up. I emailed them and finally got the issue fixed (hence the update today), but it got me thinking: how would you guys feel about a site where I could give you updates on this story?

I'm thinking of creating a Tumblr/Twitter where I'll be posting updates on my works. You'll be getting updates on how my writing process is going, when you can expect a chapter, and even short snippets from upcoming chapters. How many of you would be interested in something like that?

I'll be creating a poll to know your opinions, but you can always review and let me know what you think as well! If enough people are interested, I'll give you more information about this account in the next chapter.

As always, let me know your thoughts on this chapter, how you celebrated your new year, and your New Year Resolutions! We'll succeed at them together (hopefully).

Till next time!