Down, down, down …

"So you found something that can replace the high you used to get from Vicodin," Nyx observed sarcastically as she settled down next to House on the bed. "Not that I think your alternative is any safer."

"There was a pool!" House cried. "Nothing to worry there."

"Really?" Nyx lifted an eyebrow at him. "You're not a college kid anymore, you have a bum leg and I can't even remember the last time you did anything even remotely like this. You could have missed and from that height even hitting the pool is not safe. Water is not a soft substance."

"Ok, Mother, so there was some risk," House mocked. "But all in all it was a calculated risk."

"Did you calculate in the risk of a heart attack?" Nyx asked.

"Nothing wrong with my heart," House shrugged.

"I wasn't talking about your heart but Wilson's," Nyx told him. "He sure was on a verge of one when you jumped."

"He saw the pool," House muttered – like it was all Wilson's fault for getting things wrong.

"He had no way of knowing where you were aiming," Nyx reminded him. "At least not when you jumped. When you started to tuck in, he knew where you were aiming, but even so, there was no certainty that you would hit the pool and without injury."

"Wilson's a sissy," House dismissed the argument.

"And you don't really care how risky something is," Nyx sighed. "As long as you get your high."

"What else is there," House replied seriously. "I don't have a family, I have no responsibilities, I can go where I want and do what I want without asking anyone for permission."

"You have friends who care about what happens to you," Nyx countered. "And you do have responsibilities. You are a doctor, after all."

"Not the only doctor in town," House insisted.

"But the only one who knew how to save that bullfighter," Nyx pointed out.

"Yeah, he breathes because of me," House agreed. "And his heart beats – just not to the rhythm he wanted to. He is alive but will he live?"

"He told you that he would find something else to love," Nyx stated.

"I didn't believe him," House responded.

"Because you don't believe you will either?" Nyx asked.

"I know so," House replied. "Everything but medicine and the puzzles have been secondary to me until Cuddy. I was willing to love her more than the medicine, but apparently that wasn't a real option. So it's just not a case of finding something that you could love as much – or more – because, after all, you can't always get what you want."

"You're going to make her pay," Nyx worried.

"She feels guilty and she will give in to any of my crazy ideas as long as I can convince her that our failed relationship is not a factor in my decisions," House ground out. "There are times when I need to be stopped or at least slowed down for the good of the patients – and the good of the hospital. If she makes her decisions just on personal level and not for medical reasons, she will be useless to me as a doctor. I need to push her enough to get her past the guilt."

"So you're going to be cruel to be kind," Nyx concluded.

"No, I don't think so," House was in the mood for brutal honesty. "I'm going to be just cruel. If I can't be happy then I need to be the doctor I am. I'll push her for my own good. I do believe it will eventually benefit her, too, but that is not my first concern. I tried to make a life with her, she cut me off at the knees so now I just hobble on the best I can. I can't wait for her convenience to get on with my life anymore than she waited for me when I was in Mayfield for an undefined period of time."

"You haven't forgiven her for Lucas, either, then," Nyx wondered.

"Lucas is fine," House dismissed. "I have no problem with her trying to make it work with him. She had no way of knowing when or even if I would ever get out of Mayfield or if the rehab would work – as it clearly didn't in the end – so she had every right to get on with her life. She believed Lucas was what she needed and she did what she felt she had to do. Nope, the only beef I have with her is our relationship and how that went. And I'll get over it. As will she."

"Wilson will worry himself silly over you two," Nyx despaired.

"That should take his mind off Sam, at least," House replied seemingly unconcerned.

"You don't sound too worried," Nyx observed.

"Wilson is alive only when he has something or someone to worry over," House shrugged. "Amber tried to teach him to take care of himself first, because everyone else does, but she died before he learned the lesson properly."

"You make it sound like a crime," Nyx mused. "Caring about others. Yet you do care about your patients."

"Only up to a point," House pointed out. "I don't exchange Christmas – or any other – cards with them; I don't attend their birthdays, namings, wedding anniversaries or make 'life-long-friends' with them in any other way either. I save them, if I can, and then I shove them out of the door never to be seen again. Hopefully. Wilson takes on their whole families and lives and tries to make it all better. Nobody can do that. Doctors aren't supposed to do that. We save lives, literally. We don't fix relationships nor do we bring families together. Saving the lives is hard enough when the people don't matter. When they matter, you just burn out the faster and what use will you be then to anyone? You need to take care of yourself first; then you can help others."

"You didn't take care of yourself," Nyx pointed out. "And you burned out."

"Not by caring too much," House insisted.

"And certainly not by caring much about yourself," Nyx countered. "You just said it: if you don't take care of yourself what use can you be to others, either."

"None," House accepted. "But then, I don't need to be. I won't be a great loss."

"Yes, you would be," Nyx replied seriously. "You save lives no other can."

"I can't save everyone no matter what I do," House stated. "So what difference does it make that I stop saving the few I can a few years sooner? At least I have trained a few good doctors who can carry on after me. The world will be just as screwed up after me as it was before me and during my lifetime."

"I worry about you," Nyx confessed.

"Don't," House told her. "I'll be fine."

"I don't believe you," Nyx sighed. "I just can't."