Chapter 14

The wind picked up and a few leaves blew off the trees, skittering around the Parkman Bandstand. It was a beautiful day on the Common, and there was an even more beautiful woman walking beside Jane.

"Just two more weeks before we come here to say our vows," Maura said happily, leaning her head against Jane's shoulder.

"I know. It's creeping up on us." Jane hugged the blonde close and kissed her head. "By the time we get back, it'll be time for the baby shower to start."

"Let's start walking then. You know I don't move very fast!"

It was true. Maura was seven months along now, and she wore down quickly. It was a shame that she had so much to work on all the time now. There was so much to do with their whirlwind wedding sneaking up on them. Last week they'd planned out their ceremony to the last detail, booked a hotel suite in the Berkshires for their mini-honeymoon (or so Jane had come to think of it; of course their real honeymoon would be abroad, but they would have to wait a few years, until Tori was old enough to be left with her Grandma for a while), and ordered their wedding rings. Jane had consented to the ring Maura most wanted – a gold band encircled with tiny diamonds – even though it was fancier than anything she would have picked. Jane was happy to wear anything that permanently linked her to Maura, and they'd already had to scale the wedding down so much from what Maura had really wanted. The least Jane could do was give her the perfect ring.

But today was all about little Tori. As they walked past the park's carousel, from which issued the laughter of various children, Jane caught Maura watching wistfully and squeezed her hand. "Before you know it, we'll be bringing Tori here to ride the carousel," she told her.

"Yes!" said Maura. "And we can show her the spot where we got married."

"We'll have lots of stories to tell her." She gave Maura's hand another squeeze. "You know all those things you were worried about at first, about Tori coming home from nursery school and asking where her daddy is?"

"Yes, and trying to find an age-appropriate way to explain that I was raped."

"But that was when you thought you were gonna be a single mother. I don't think you have to worry about that now. She has two mommies, and she'll probably know other kids with two mommies, so why would she even wonder about her father? If she asks, we'll tell her some kids have two moms instead of a mom and dad. When she gets older, she'll assume we used a sperm donor, and by the time she's old enough to ask for details on her sperm donor, if she ever does, she'll probably be old enough to understand the whole story."

"You're right. You may have spared me from trying to find a way to explain sexual assault to a five-year-old."

"At least in that kind of detail. I mean, I'm a cop, I believe little kids need to know their private parts are private and to tell someone if somebody tries to touch them inappropriately. If someone even thought about doing that to my daughter, I'd—"

"Handle it the way you handled Joe Harris?"

Jane smiled. "You're damn right I would. How's she doing in there, anyway? Is she moving or sleeping?"

"Sleeping, I think. My walking seems to lull her to sleep."

"She's probably resting up for her big party."

"Well, if she kicks during the party, you're the only one I'm going to tell. I don't want everyone crowding around and putting their hands on me."

"I'll guard you." Jane had been appalled by how many people had put their hands on Maura's stomach without even asking her first since she'd gotten big, and she saw it as her duty to ward them off. Poor Maura had gone through enough degradation at Joe Harris's hands; Jane wasn't about to let her go through any more, however small.

Maura was a little out of breath by the time they got back to the house. This was normal for her now, a consequence of the growing baby starting to crowd her lungs, but it bothered Jane. Any of the unpleasant pregnancy stuff bothered her. When all was well and they were just feeling the baby move, she was ecstatic. This pregnancy was something they owned, and the baby was theirs. But when she saw Maura out of breath or uncomfortable, anger would bloom in her chest as she thought, he did this to her. She supposed what she wanted was the impossible: for Maura to experience all the joyful little moments of pregnancy without any of the bad stuff. While the pleasant moments were theirs alone, the less pleasant ones made her feel like Harris and Sands were still hurting Maura.

A few of the shower guests were already there when they got in. Maura's eyes went immediately to one guest she hadn't been expecting: Constance Isles. "Mom!" she gasped. "I didn't know you were coming all the way here just for my shower!"

"I had to rearrange my schedule, but it's my first grandchild, darling. I wouldn't miss it," Constance said, stepping forwards to give her daughter a kiss on each cheek. "I thought it would be fun to surprise you."

"If I'd known, I would have cleaned the house," said Maura, eyes widening in fear as she glanced around the spotless foyer.

"And that's exactly why we didn't tell you," Jane said "We didn't want you to drive yourself crazy trying to make the house perfect for your mother. You've been doing too much as it is."

"Come look at the decorations!" exclaimed Angela. "They look gorgeous."

The women stepped into the living room and were greeted by a profusion of pink and green. The walls were hung with some gauzy fabric, and a special skirt that looked like a giant tutu had been placed around the sideboard. On the sideboard were elaborate flower arrangements surrounded by glowing candles, a cake in the center with a big crown on it as if to signal that a royal baby was on the way, and an array of snacks (which Maura was already eyeing). The table was set with an elegant ivory tablecloth and a sparkly gold table runner, each place set with a shiny gold plate and a pink cloth napkin wrapping up gold silverware. There was another flower arrangement in the middle, flanked by two framed pictures. One was from their engagement session and showed Jane and Maura in the park, both their hands on Maura's pregnant belly. The other frame held a picture from the 20-week ultrasound.

There was another frilly skirt surrounding the kitchen counter, which had been set up with activities for guests. There was a stack of papers, each with a letter of the alphabet, and a collection of markers, inviting guests to choose a letter and draw an illustration for it, so they could all be made into a complete alphabet book for the baby. There was a little wooden box with a bunch of slips of paper and a sign that read 2034 Time Capsule: Write a prediction of what you think Victoria will be when she grows up! To be opened on her 18th birthday! There were also little fill-in-the-blank notes for guests to write to Jane and Maura, detailing who they were, where they came from, and their wishes for the baby, so they would always remember who came to the shower. There was even a photo booth set up with goofy baby-themed props.

In the living room, a sparkly gold cloth was draped over the coffee table, which was piled high with gifts (some larger gifts were set to the side, over by the fireplace). The fireplace bore more flowers and candles, and above the mantle hung two banners. One read WELCOME BABY GIRL and the other read CONGRATULATIONS JANE AND MAURA.

"Wow, Ma," said Jane. "This looks…expensive. You didn't buy all this, did you?"

"Of course not! I can't throw a baby shower for my own grandchild!" insisted Angela. "I was planning to throw it before I knew it would be my grandchild, of course, but when I found out, I called Constance with my dilemma, and she told me she had a friend in Boston, a retired art professor at Harvard, who knew Maura when she was little and loved planning parties. So she did most of the work, but I gave her some input, of course."

Jane didn't doubt that Angela had plenty of "input," but there was not a paper plate in sight, so the knowledge and budget of Constance's friend must have won out.

"It looks beautiful!" Maura gushed. "Thank you, all of you!"

"It was Heather Zimmerman who planned the shower, and I think she did a lovely job," Constance told Maura. "You remember her, don't you? She used to attend my dinner parties."

"Yes, I remember her! She was always nice."

"Yes, it was very kind of her to do this. She's here, of course, just stepped into the powder room. She doesn't know how the baby was conceived," Constance added in a low voice. "Most people just assume you and Jane used a sperm donor. It's probably best to let them think that. Of course I believe the upbringing is all that matters, but some people would feel…differently, if they knew the truth."

"Yes, I suppose so," Maura agreed uncertainly.

"Well, if anyone were to judge the baby based on things that aren't her fault, I would say they don't deserve to know her anyway," said Jane. "But Maura certainly has the right to decide who she will and won't share personal information with. Sit down, I'll get you some snacks," she said, turning to her fiancée. She helped Maura to the couch, went to the sideboard, and piled a plate with cookies and fruit. By the time she returned to the couch and handed the plate to a grateful Maura, more guests were arriving, including Hope. Maura tried to get to her feet upon seeing her birth mother, but Jane held her back.

"It's okay, I'll come to you," Hope assured her, setting her gift down and coming to the couch to hug Maura. "I know how hard it can be to get up when you're this pregnant."

"Cailin didn't come?" asked Maura.

"No. She, uh, she couldn't make it." Hope looked nervous, and Jane guessed that Cailin could have made it if she'd wanted to.

"We don't need her," Jane said softly. "We're going to have fun without her."

"I just hoped she was…feeling differently, now," Maura said.

Hope smiled grimly. "I'm afraid she still doesn't think this is anything to…celebrate, but I'm sure she'll come around."

Hope looked around for a place to sit just as Constance took the spot next to Maura, and Jane realized the drama wasn't over yet: Maura's two mothers had never met each other.

"Oh, Mom, I haven't introduced you to my birth mother, Hope," said Maura, realizing the same thing. Jane noticed Maura's face turning red as Hope reached out to shake Constance's hand.

"Maura's told me only good things about you," said Hope. "Clearly you did a wonderful job raising her. She's a truly amazing person."

"Well, I can see where she gets her good looks from," said Constance graciously, but Jane noted that she seemed eager to drop Hope's hand. She reclaimed the seat next to Maura, sending a clear signal that she was the real mother here. Angela took the spot on Jane's other side, and Hope found a chair facing them.

Once everyone had arrived, they set about playing silly games while eating the snacks, and then caterers arrived – caterers! – and set up a fancy lunch, so everyone moved to the dining table. After lunch and cake, they moved back to the living room for the part Jane was most looking forward to: opening presents. She knew they'd get a lot of expensive stuff from Maura's rich friends and relatives, but at least there would be some more down-to-Earth presents from the Rizzoli side as well. Anyway, it was fun to open things, and she knew Maura would have fun organizing it all later.

Angela quickly appointed herself as the official present-passer-outer. "These are from Frankie and Tommy," she said, passing over two wrapped packages.

"Great," said Jane, tearing into one while Maura carefully unwrapped the other. One held a pair of wooden Red Sox rattles, while the other was a wooden Patriots helmet on wheels with a string to pull it by. "Ahh, I love it!" Jane squealed. "Gotta teach the kid an appreciation for the finer things in life early."

Maura gave her a wry smile. "Well, she is your child too. No one will doubt that now."

Next Angela passed over one of the presents from herself, which turned out to be a sort of C-shaped cushion called a Boppy. Maura had insisted when they made the registry that this was essential baby gear.

"I'm still not sure what this is for," said Jane.

"It has multiple uses," Maura insisted. "When she's nursing, I can use it to rest my arm on, and you can when you're giving her a bottle. It can also be used to prop her up in different positions when she's too small to sit up on her own."

"Maybe I just need to see it in action so I can understand," said Jane dubiously.

"You will soon enough!" said Angela, passing over two more presents. "These are from Constance."

Maura unwrapped one small box, revealing a teeny gold bracelet with Victoria engraved on it.

"Look, Maura! Now we don't have to worry about forgetting her name!" Jane said, unwrapping the other present. This one was matching silver spoon and egg cup. "Oh, wow. She's literally going to be born with a silver spoon in her mouth."

"It's very lovely, Mom," said Maura. "She'll look darling with this bracelet."

"And she can eat eggs out of a cup," said Jane. "I've never even done that."

"You haven't?" said Maura, giving her a puzzled look. "Then how do you eat hard boiled eggs?"

"I just eat them."

"On a plate?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"How do you keep the egg from rolling around?"

"I hold it with my other hand."

Maura appeared stunned by this information, but Angela quickly moved things forward by handing them more gifts to unwrap. They ended up getting all kinds of stuff. There were tiny shoes and tiny designer dresses, a set of little padded hangers to put the tiny dresses on, bibs that looked too fancy to mess up, little blankets, soft dolls, odd and end baby toys including that ubiquitous rubber giraffe, a crib mobile, a baby video monitor, a really fancy stroller, and all the onesies they could ever need. Constance dutifully marked down everything they opened and who it was from so they could send thank-you notes later.

They had just opened the last gift when Jane produced a very small box and handed it to Maura. "Oh, look, we forgot one!" she exclaimed in mock surprise. "I think you should open it."

Maura gave her a knowing smile. "It's from you, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

"Janie, you don't need to buy a baby shower gift for your own baby," Angela admonished.

"It's not for the baby. It's for her mommy."

Maura opened the box to find a gold necklace with a rose quartz pendant delicately carved in the shape of a rose. There were matching earrings in the box as well. "Oh, Jane…"

"Tori got lots of pretty things today, but her mommy deserves to feel pretty too," said Jane softly. She gave Maura a kiss on the cheek.

Jane could see tears welling in Maura's eyes. It certainly didn't take much to make that happen right now, with her hormones raging like crazy. To ward them off, Jane fastened the necklace on her and exclaimed over how beautiful she looked. The shower guests agreed.

"You really are the most thoughtful person I know," Maura told her. "I didn't get you anything!"

"Well, you got me a baby, so I'd say that's more than enough," Jane reasoned. "I could give you presents for the rest of your life and it would never make up for that."

Maura smiled.

When the guests had left, Jane and Maura hauled as much baby stuff as they could carry upstairs to put away while Angela and Constance started picking up downstairs, chatting happily about their shared grandbaby.

"Well, it was kind of tense having both Hope and Constance here, but I think they handled it well," said Jane. "It sorta felt like they were sizing each other up all afternoon, but I guess you can't blame them for that. And maybe they got it all out of their system today so they won't need to be so tense at the wedding."

"Victoria should be grateful that her two mothers will be married to each other," said Maura wearily. "She'll never have to put up with that kind of tension, or all the conflicting feelings that come with having two very different sets of parents."

"And she'll never have to freak out that her moms are coming to visit or feel awkward around us."

"Do you think she'll move far away from us when she grows up?" Maura asked sadly.

"Well, I guess it's possible, but it won't be because she wants to get away from us. Why would she want to get away from us? We're like, the coolest moms ever."

Maura smiled sadly. "Well, I know I won't look for things to criticize about her, the way my mother always did with me. And I'll never let her think for a second that I regret having her."

"She's never going to doubt that we love her more than anything in the world." Jane knelt in front of the elegantly carved toybox and began piling in new toys. The kid certainly wasn't going to be bored, although her parents might need earplugs when she got old enough to enjoy the box of musical instruments. She decided to leave a particularly cute teddy bear sitting out on top of the toybox, and then she stood and looked at Maura, who had gone quiet.

Maura was arranging a few items on the dresser: a wooden-handled hairbrush with soft bristles, a ceramic piggy bank in the shape of a castle, a little wooden box to put her baby teeth in when they fell out. She looked like she was working extra hard to make everything look just perfect, but on closer inspection, Jane noticed there were tears running down her face.

"Maura? Honey, what's wrong?"

Maura sniffled. "I just…" She looked around the room. "Look at her nursery. Everything looks so perfect."

"It looks like it's ready for a royal baby, yes."

"It looks like a nursery for a planned baby. You would never guess that she had been conceived through violence, that I was devastated when I found out I was having her."

"That's the idea, isn't it? We just want her to feel loved. She's our baby, our wanted baby, and he was just the sperm donor. He's irrelevant." She put an arm around Maura. "I mean, she might have been conceived through violence, but she's going to be born through love."

"Is it going to be enough? Are we going to be able to give her the same life we'd give to a baby we'd worked to conceive?"

"Yes, of course! Why are you asking these questions?"

"Because I know some people see her differently. She's not even here yet, but people are already judging her because of how she was conceived, judging me for having her. Cailin won't come near me. Mom is supportive, but she doesn't want her friends to know all the details. Hope is being nice, but I can tell she's still worried about it. Other people say all the right things, but there's something cautious in how they interact with me. Is it something I should be ashamed of?"

"What, of being raped? Considering that it wasn't your fault, no, I don't think you should be ashamed. The way you've handled it, I think, is something you should be extremely proud of. And you definitely shouldn't be ashamed of your own daughter. She's just a little baby, and none of this is her fault either."

"But will people treat her differently? It's not fair if they do. She's an innocent child. I thought I could just do this and it wouldn't matter how I got her as long as I know I want her, but what if I'm wrong? I'm afraid she'll know something's not right just from how people react to her."

"Of course we can do this. We've totally got this. And if people do treat her differently, I'll deal with them. I don't tolerate people mistreating my wife or my daughter." She hugged Maura close and kissed her cheek.

"Your wife," Maura said, unable to suppress a smile.

"That's what you'll be in two more weeks. And I take that very seriously. You know I've always been protective, but now with us tying the knot and having a baby…there is nothing I wouldn't do for you two. This is what my whole life it about now."

Maura gave her a bigger smile. "I guess I shouldn't worry too much. With you looking out for her, I don't think anyone will get by with mistreating her."

"She has both of us to protect her. She'll be fine. Really, I think she's a lucky little girl. Look at this room and all this nice stuff, and her two adoring parents! And look how many people came here today to give her presents, because even if they feel weird about how she came to be, they love her and love you enough to spend a hundred dollars on designer bibs for her. So I think once she's here and they really get to know her, that's she's just a regular baby, only better because she came out of you, they're all going to fall in love with her just like we already have. Even Cailin, I bet, although if she doesn't we'll just tell her to fuck off. Who needs that negativity?"

"I certainly don't," agreed Maura.

"You've been through enough shit already, and you didn't deserve any of it. From now on I'm making sure you get all the good things you deserve, and I'm making sure of that for her too." Jane kissed her soon-to-be wife tenderly.

"Speaking of good things," said Maura, "There's still cake left, isn't there?"

Jane chuckled. "Yeah, there's still cake left."

"Good, I think I'm ready for seconds."

"Come on, then, preggo. I'll get you a nice big slice."