I'm sorry I haven't updated in a really long time. I was trying to get my ideas together for this chapter, which will be very emotional and a lot of frustration. It's about two months after the last chapter.

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Two months.

Two months since I had started dating Joel.

Two months since I had talked to Johnson.

Two months since I had felt normal.

It was driving me insane! The only thing I wanted was for everyone to be happy but I seemed to just be letting everyone down. So, instead of facing it like I should have, I hid in my room, and Kendie, being the most annoyingly overprotective brother on the planet, invaded my privacy to see what was wrong.

"What the hell is going on? You're not one to moap" he stated, sitting on my bed. What did he know? He had barely paid attention the last two months.

"UGH! Just go away!" I complained.

"No, Joel's been waiting around for a half hour" he said. I wasn't about to get up. It seemed like ever since I started seeing Joel things got worse and worse.

"GO AWAY! TELL HIM TO GO HOME OR SOMETHING I DONT CARE!" I screamed at my brother, who had gotten off the bed and backed away.

"What the hell Faye" he said more as a statement than a question.

"I DONT WANT ANYONE AROUND HERE TODAY ALRIGHT? GO TO THEIR HOUSES OR SOMETHING I REALLY DON'T CARE!" I shouted into my pillow so my dad wouldn't come up. Kendie put his hand on my back but I shoved it away.

"DID YOU NOT GET THE MESSAGE? I SAID GO AWAY! NOW!" I shouted and he finally left my room.

I was severly frustrated, and I knew it was wrong to take it out on other people and as I cried in my room I thought 'why aren't things getting easier?' but I already knew the answer.

I wouldn't let things get easier. Instead I bottled everything up and when I finally exploded I went off on the nearest person. At school, I had punched a socy guy, and thank God for Russ because otherwise I would have gotten my ass kicked.

I didn't want to see anyone. I didnt want to see Joel, or Johnson, or Johnny or anyone. I couldn't even get out of bed. I was so mad I was shaking, not just a little either. I was shaking like I had just been attacked or something. I knew nobody would leave me alone, and I wasn't sure what I should do. I knew that as soon as Kendie got to everyone they'd be here standing in my room looking worried. Well, most of them would look worried. Johnson would just look plain pissed that he got dragged out on a saturday to stand in his ex best friends bedroom while she lied there waiting and hoping for everyone to go away.

Sure enough, a half hour later people were already walking into my room. I rolled my eyes and burried my head into the pillow. This was not a good time, being as mad as I was, for people to be around. My dad followed them in. Great, just what I needed, my father to be in the room when I attacked. I decided hiding wasn't going to work, and when I looked around there were more people than just the gang. Johnny was there, and Lucy, though I was surprised to see her since Russ never let her leave the house to go to any of our houses, and a girl I didn't recognize. That is, until Flip introduced her as Liliana, then I remembered her. It took a while but after talking to just my dad since I had kicked everyone else out becides Johnny and Kendie since they're my brothers, everything seemed to get better.

My biggest problem, that I didnt admit, was I didn't want to be with Joel. I thought it would make me happy but it just ended up making it so much worse.

The person I wanted to be with was Johnson, since fourth grade, and I had made the mistake of screwing that one up really bad. I hated it, I just couldnt seem to do anything right lately.

My father left my room though and I found myself spilling everything about my relationship and when I was done, Kendie stared at me. He went downstairs and a few minutes later Joel came running up, upset as ever, and I knew Kendie had told him. But I was speechless and I wanted him to go away. Kendie took his arm and brought him out of my room, Johnny hugged me. I hoped I had made the right decision but if I hadn't I'd be screwed and that just made me cry harder.

"Faye, you've got to follow your heart, not your mind" Johnny told me for the billionth time. I had went to him with these problems before and he'd told me that everytime.

I knew I was following my heart, so why did it feel like it was shattering into peices?

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So, Please tell me what you think. It took me a while to figure out how to write this so it would sound right. Please Please Please review