A random parody of the Walking Dead and the reality TV show 'The Real World.' This is purely for humor and enjoyment and not to be taken seriously.

I do not own the 'Walking Dead' or the 'Real World'.

Slap Happy

After staying with Carl all night, a tired Rick walks into his bedroom when suddenly he hears his walkie talkie creating static. He quickly yanks it up thinking he'd hear from Morgan. "Morgan! Are you alright? Over."

"Rick it's me Michonne. Over."

"Michonne where are you? Over."

"I'm in the woods and I need your help..." Michonne jumps as the ground around her lights up with Carol's enthusiastic bullets.

"Michonne! Michonne!" He screams into the walkie talkie then rushes out of his bedroom tripping over a cameraman. He angrily finds Marteniez and grabs him pinning a gun to his temple. "WHERE ARE OUR PEOPLE?!"

Martinez wails. "I don't know what you're talking about man!"

"Michonne's being shot at in the woods. You tell me where she is right beeping now!" Rick screams into Martinez's ear.

Martinez isn't giving up information, so Rick shoots at the hallway camera blocking out footage, before his pursuit in gaining Intel on Michonne's whereabouts.

Rick rushes out of the house to see Lori already in the car, she pokes her head out to see Rick before she drives right into Rick's overly cared for garden.

Lori's confessional. "I've tried everything to get him to yell at me... to give me some sort of, I don't know? Rush." Lori complains into the camera as she ponders different scenarios that could get Rick upset in the future.

"Um, don't you think it's a bit unhealthy to want Rick to... harm you?" The camera man uncomfortably questions.

"Listen, I don't tell you how to get your jollies, so don't judge me... maybe I should go after what he cares for the most... a precious life which he has taken such care of... yesss, I'll snuff out the symbol of his hope and happiness."

The cameraman doesn't even speak as he's growing more uncomfortable.

"Rick is just so calm, it can be so infuriating sometimes... I've seen him yell at other women, so why not me? What makes them so special?!" Lori sighs before getting up and leaving the confessional room.

"Noooooo!" Rick stumbles towards his ruined patch of happiness before he collapses on the hood of the car.

"I guess a woman's place isn't behind the wheel of a car, is it Rick?"

"Loooorrrriiiiii!" He screams in anger.

Suddenly Beth pops out from the backseat and grabs Lori's shoulder, shocking her out of the car, as she assumes it's a walker. While Lori's rushing out of the car, she backs right into Andrea who is waiting.

"Hurry up and grab her!" Beth commands then Andrea tackles Lori to the ground.

"Beth... but why-" Lori screams.

Beth gets out of the car and looks at Rick. "Go to her Rick, we'll deal with this."

Rick nods before jumping into the car, as the vision of his garden fuels his anger, he pull away from his fallen plants and drives straight through the gates.

"How dare you take charge, a woman isn't supposed to-"

Beth sucks her teeth. "Shut up beep, there's a new Sharif in town. Now gag her, we gotta hold down the fort while Rick is gone!"

Back in the woods, Carol's team of child soldiers are on the job.

"Alright Mommy we see the target heading towards us, initiating capture."

Sophia whispered into the headpiece before pointing towards Lizzy and Mika then towards the river. With a nod, the two sisters crate a lasso and throw it over Merle's flailing hand to retrieve him.

"How come you get to call her mommy and we can't?!" Lizzy whined as she and her sister drags Merle towards land.

"Uhhh... because I can!" Sophia pointed towards a tree and told Mika to tie him there.

"Now my friend has a new playmate, huh Billy?!" Lizzie says to a walker, tied adjacent to the tree Merle is now being bound to. The walker swipes at Mika's head just as she's walking out of its reach.

Merle began to struggle and shout out for help. "unh tir meh-heerrrpppp! Misssonneee!"

"Shut up!" Lizzy slapped him across the face, making everyone stare at her in fear and confusion.

"Uh, Lizzy, he's tied up, you don't need to slap him-"

"Yurrrp, yarrr crrrasyy-"

"I said shut up!" Lizzy slapped him even harder before eying his bayonet. Bending down to pry it off of his arm, she begins to poke him with it.

"Chill out Lizzy, we need him alive remember?!" Sophia sighs as Lizzy's sister, Mika, tries to lead her away from Merle's squirming body.

"Look Lizz, your walker friend looks sad, maybe you could play with him instead?" Mika says.

"Sure, let's play fetch..." Lizzy smirked before she walked back to Merle with his bayonet in one hand and a tranquilizer dart in the other.

"We can use this guy as the stick, cut him loose Mika..."

Mika and Sophia looked at each other with a hint of worry and annoyance as Lizzy began to tie a single rope around Merle's ankle.

"Don't worry, if he gets too far, I'll just pull on this rope..." Lizzie then speaks to a helpless Merle. "My friend back there needs some exercise and his rope is just a few inches shorter than yours... if you can outrun him... than you win- "

"Look Lizzy, a bunny!" Mika shouts out in an attempt to distract her sister while Sophia calls Carol. Like her mother, Lizzy was yet another loose cannon.

"Mommy, we've captured the target... but we've come across a bit of a problem-"

"Lizzy wants to play with him." Carol speaks back to Sophia via her ear piece. "Well as long as he stays in one piece, I don't see the harm in a little game of tag, besides you children need to enjoy your childish games while you can, have fun honey."

Sophia presses down on her ear piece, "we'll get a new playmate later anyway... that samari woman looks pretty fast... good luck on your end mommy."

Out of nowhere Daryl emerges witnessing the insane display of his captured brother surrounded by three little girls. "Merle is that you, what the hell goin' on? Why you tied up for?"

Sophia gawks back at Daryl who suddenly spots her too.

"Sophia... is that you... I can't believe I finally found you-ha, suck it Rick! I told him I could do it."

Daryl knelt down before opening his arms to a slowly approaching Sophia.

"Deeerrrrl, yarg idooooot, ruuuuhhhn!" Merle's slurs as Lizzy slaps him again.

Daryl turns around to reprimand Lizzy before Sophia closes in on him and kicks him in the crotch. As he crumbles into the fetal position, she continues her attempt to destroy his family jewels.

"Tie him up with his brother, now we've got double the bounty on our end!" Sophia yells pulling her foot from Daryl.

As Mika begins to tie up Daryl, Lizzy stabs Daryl with a tranquilizer dart, then slaps him in the face.

"Dammit Lizzy, stop slapping people!" Sophia cries out in frustration.

"I can't help it... the life force of living things... oh, how it annoys me!" Lizzy laughed before she looked back at Merle and Billy, then down at the bayonet blade.

"Now, let's see if your big brother can outrun my Billy, let the chase begin!"

With a sigh, Sophia leaves and tells Mika to keep an eye on the situation while she contacts her mother, Carol.

"Mommy, mommy where are you? She's not picking up, something went wrong..." Sophia whispered before she yelled towards the two sisters, "change of plan, something's happened to mommy and we need to find her... she could be in the hands of the enemy."

"Oh no, like Penny was... we gotta get her... after she turns." Lizzy whispered the last part before Daryl kicked out to get her attention.

"You knew Penny?" Daryl wondered how she could have known The Governor's daughter.

"Yeah, her and I used to play hide and seek, it was fun until her dad kept locking her away, but I would always spring her free again... maybe that's why he thought she was still alive for so long, haha."

A few minutes earlier, elsewhere in the woods the camera records the showdown between Carol and Michonne. "Look at the flowers Michonne." Carol said from her pinned down position below Michonne.

"Yeah, like I'll fall for that-whoa!"

Michonne dodges a walker that emerges from the flowers before something trapped her foot and caused her to fall. Carol had used her legs to trip Michonne and now she begins to kick the samari with one leg while her other leg interlocked with one of Michonne's.

"I told you to look didn't I?!"

"Ow, dammit, I don't have time for this beep!" Michonne grunts.

Michonne used the side of her blade to whip Carol's leg free of her own before piercing the walker, whose limp corpse fell on top of her.

In a moment of Michonne being distracted by the walker falling on her, Carol reaches out for the trank gun. Michonne also reaches for the gun and manages to get a hold of it first, then quickly shot Carol in the shoulder and neck.

"Heh, that poison won't take effect for at least aaahhhhhh..." Carol's whole body went limp as she fell towards the ground with a thud. Michonne considered finishing her off, but the earpiece came alive and Daryl's voice comes on.

"Carol, is that you, I found Sophia!"

"Wellll nooooo beeeep!" Carol screamed as she attempted to squirm away from Michonne, who steps on her back to prevent her from getting away.

"Daryl, its Michonne, where are you?"

"Sorry Chonne for makin' you worr-ow, little brat, quit kickin' me! I said quit it, I'll turn this chock hold into a sleeper faster than you can say-whao, where'd you come from?!"

Michonne hears the earpiece go out for a moment "Daryl... Daryl..."

"Good job Mika... "Sophia says then speaks into the earpiece."Oh and Michonne... you're next!" Sophia's voice fizzled off form the line, as Michonne leered down at Carol who was grinning up at her.

"That's my girl!" Carol slurs.