Time had trickled by slowly the first few months after the Cullen's left. I had felt as though I was trudging through the days, the minutes slugging by in no particular hurry. I wonder why it had to be so slow when I was miserable, yet when I'm finally content it just seems to speed by.
Spring Break swiftly came and went, my days spent either down at La Push, or more often, with Jasper. After Jasper's first week having 'Spring Break' in Forks came to an end, we winded up telling Charlie that Jasper decided to switch to online schooling so he could stay. Although Charlie was surprised, he ended up not asking any questions. It was almost hilarious how well the two got along, watching sports after dinner almost every day.
The days now passed on a swift routine—going to school, then to La Push to visit with Jake. Afterward, Jasper would always be waiting at the border after going hunting. We would either spend the rest of the day at my house while he sadly pretended to eat dinner, poking the food around on his plate. Or we would spend time with Peter and Charlotte if they were not out tracking Victoria.
When it came to Jasper's control, I could tell that he was growing stronger every day. Whether it was from the occasional motorcycle trips that I adored or just from sharing my constant company, it was truly making all the difference for him. Something simple that once would have been too much was now so much easier for him.
Of course, no matter how much better things have felt lately, there were still bumps in the road while the time passed. I remembered when Charlie's friend Harry had a heart attack, how devastated my father had been when he passed away. The funeral he had to attend. Seth and Leah Clearwater, Harry's kids, had both phased into wolves. In fact, according to Jacob, more and more Quileutes were turning—their ages younger as the time went on.
Lastly, Peter and Charlotte still have been unable to catch Victoria. Peter's description of her ability to evade sounded beyond frustrating. Remembering her feline quality, it wasn't all that shocking.
Now, Peter and Charlotte were currently out trying to track her down again, Jasper and I relaxing back at the house as we waited for them to return. We were sitting in his office, reading our traded stories—me on my second, while Jasper was currently about to finish his fifth.
"You think they will have better luck today?" I asked, Jasper's eyes flickering up from his book.
Pursing his lips, he shrugged. "Possibly. They've gotten a better understanding of how she works. It all boils down to whether or not they get on her trail and catch up."
I sighed. They've only managed that twice so far, once when they discovered the newborn she had created.
"Jasper... what are we going to do if they can't catch her. What if this just continues on—the nonstop game of cat and mouse?"
He was immediately shaking his head. "It won't. Even she can't possibly have enough patience to make it last forever, Bella. It will come to an end, I promise you. Until then, we'll be here," he added, although I did notice the hint of worry in his eyes. I felt it, too. They wouldn't remain in the dark forever.
Slumping back in my chair, I watched as Jasper sat down his book on his desk. It was obvious he wasn't going to be able to get back into his story, either. Looking out at the darkening window, I wondered when Peter and Charlotte would finally get back—if they were out this late it had to of meant something.
The silence within the room was broken just as Jasper's phone rang. I couldn't help but jump, my eyes snapping to him as he pulled the phone from his pocket.
"It's Charlotte," he nodded, putting it to his ear.
I was partially ashamed to say that I was glad it wasn't Alice. I could hear Charlotte's fast voice on the other end of the phone but was unable to make out her words.
"Yes, we're here," Jasper replied to her, standing from his seat at his desk. I stood as well, expecting them to be nearly home. I jolted when Jasper growled, curses spilling from his lips as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.
"What is it?"
Shock trailed throughout me when I saw the pure fury that adorned his expression. "Those damn wolves," he hissed, stalking for the door.
I had to almost run to keep up with him, following him down the stairs. The front door was just closing, a cursing, snarling Peter in the entry. When I really saw him and Charlotte, bile rose within my throat.
Peter's face was twisted in pain, venom leaking from his mouth. His arm... His arm was missing. Nausea flooded into my stomach as I looked at the broken off edge, venom oozing from it almost like a congealed, clear blood. Charlotte's furious expression made her eyes mimic fire as she tightly gripped Peter's missing arm, it twitching in her grasp.
I couldn't help it as I grabbed hold of Jasper's hand, feeling almost as if I were in a horror movie. His severed arm was moving! It was jerking, almost as if it was trying to get away from Charlotte as she tightly held on.
"Those fuckin' mutts!" Peter growled, it rumbling deep in his throat. His pointed black eyes landed on me, holding me in place. "Who is that fuckin' silver one? I'm killin' that son of a bitch!"
Paul? Paul ripped off his arm? Out of all of the wolves, I guessed that I shouldn't be that surprised. Then again, Paul had already seen Peter and Charlotte. Could it have been Seth? Leah?
"What happened?" Jasper demanded, his ice cold fingers dangerously tight around mine. I momentarily wondered whether it was all too smart to grab his hand at a time like this—but I saw a severed arm move, having good enough reason in my book.
"We were chasin' that redheaded bitch," Peter snapped, throwing up his good arm.
"Almost had her, too. We had to pass over to their land, but we figured since you made that deal, things would be fine. She didn't expect us to come onto their territory. Right as Peter nearly caught her, that silver bastard charged forward, snaggin' his arm. He was there before the rest of the dogs. Guess he didn't know we weren't fuckin' newborns workin' with her," Charlotte spat.
"So close!" Peter snarled, while my heart sunk. "Inches, Major. Inches from that bitch. But a no good mutt had to fuck it up!"
Shutting my eyes, I felt the disappointment rage through me. Along with the guilt. Peter was now hurt because of me, and Victoria is still out there. Opening my eyes, I tried to ignore the twitching arm.
Jasper's gaze flickered over to meet mine, confusion mingling within the gold before he looked back up at Peter. "It's not over, Peter. You should get Char to fix you up—we can all talk about this more tomorrow," Jasper sighed, frustratedly running his fingers through his hair.
Peter's nod was stiff as Charlotte tugged him further into the house. My thoughts were twisted as Jasper gently tugged me forward, it being obvious that we were now leaving.
I was stunned into pure silence as Jasper somberly drove me home. His fists were tightly gripped around the steering wheel, although I did notice that the speed wasn't even close to the dreaded sixty. He was in no hurry to get back to my place, which I couldn't blame him. After all, we just saw one of his friends return with his arm ripped off.
Even though Jasper has taken away my nightmares, I was sure that the scene of Peter's missing arm would still manage to show up somehow. That was just something I couldn't erase from my memory.
The quiet atmosphere drug on until he parked outside my home, his frown harder to see due to the lack of light.
"I'll meet you in your room," he nodded, worried lines etched between his brows.
He knew good and well that I had lots of questions—my emotions were haywire. It was like my body could not just stick with one, unable to decide which was best. Guilt. Shock. Horror. Sorrow. Worry. I clipped a small nod, exiting the car right as he did. Only, when I shut my door, he was already gone.
Trudging inside, I saw Charlie lying on the couch, the TV happily blaring as usual.
"I'm home," I called, trying my best not to sound off. I was too eager to get to my room and try to sort out my head.
I saw his head twist around, peeking over the couch. "Have a nice night?" he grumbled, turning back. He seemed too engrossed with his current hockey game to pay much mind, which I was thankful for.
Shrugging off my jacket, I hung it up before replying. "Yep, I did. I'm going to go on to bed now, I'm pretty tired."
"Alright." His eyes didn't move from the screen.
Feeling that small pinch of relief, I hurried up the stairs, trying not to break my neck in the process. That was the last thing that we all needed. Stepping into the bathroom, I got ready for the night before opening the door to my room. I saw Jasper already waiting in his rocking chair, his gold eyes focused outside the window.
Biting my lip, I appreciated the small coat of calm that he laid over my shoulders, it being enough to get my thoughts on track. Shuffling over to my bed, I sat down, sucking in a large gulp of air.
"Is Peter going to be missing an arm, now?" I asked, my voice no higher than a whisper. A flash of pain shot through me, feeling as though if that were true, it would be all my fault.
"No," Jasper quickly replied, shaking his head. "Charlotte is helping him put it back on right now. He'll be fine, Bella. I don't appreciate those wolves ruining a perfect chance at catching her, but things will get back on track."
The amount of relief I felt was extraordinary. But... "Put it back on?" My voice was even quieter. Did he mean... just placing the lost appendage back in place, expecting it to... reattach itself? I quivered as I remembered the thing twitching while Charlotte tightly held it, almost like a living nightmare.
Jasper nodded, his frown thickening. "Yes... You see, when a piece of a vampire is torn from the rest of the body, it can always be reattached. The only way to truly destroy it is lighting it on fire. Venom is usually the key, helping to reattach what is lost. That is what I meant by Charlotte helping," he murmured, allowing the chair to gently sway.
My face twisted sourly as I imagined such. Putting pieces of yourself back together like a puzzle... Along with that burning venom. "It... it was moving," I shook my head, still unable to forget that sight. It made no sense for a missing piece to move on its own.
Jasper laughed, his disappointed demeanor fading. "Yes, that happens. Missing appendages try to return to where they were lost, instinctually. It doesn't make much sense—it's just the way things are."
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them as if I were holding myself together. Edward never mentioned any of this, and I could see why. Truthfully, however, I was glad Jasper didn't hold details like these back. It was better to know everything—the bad included.
"Did that ever happen to you?"
My eyes flickered up to meet his gaze, noticing how the light dimmed from the gold immediately. It was almost as if a veil covered him, a haunted gleam within his eyes. I wanted to gulp my words back down, his answer clear.
"Yes. Many times," he nodded, the corners of his lips halfheartedly twitching upward.
Cringing, I rubbed the back of my neck, hating to think of that especially. "I'm sorry, Jasper."
"It's in the past," he brushed off, shaking his head. "Most of the times were part of training as a newborn. Knowing how to proceed if it happened. The decapitation was the worst," he grimaced, returning his gaze to the window as my heart dropped, "But I did learn from it. Ensured it never happened again," he bitterly laughed.
He... was decapitated? Peter was right when he had said Jasper must have not gone into detail with his story. Pain and compassion welled inside of me, a lump growing in my throat. He was even more amazing than I had already thought. And here I was, forcing him to almost relive the days he had to break away from.
"Bella, stop," he ordered, his eyes snapping back to meet mine. "It was over one hundred years ago. Still, that gives you no reason to feel guilty about something that you were not even a part of. It made no sense earlier, either, when you saw Peter."
"I'm the reason he was hurt. And I'm the reason you have to reminisce all of those days, not to mention relive it if Victoria really is going to make an army. I have plenty of reason," I shot back, crossing my arms.
His eyes narrowed. "The wolves are the reason Peter was hurt. And I have remembered and relived those times every day since they happened. Darlin', you need to learn that not everything revolves around you. I ain't tryin' to be rude because I know that you only put yourself at fault for everything due to the amount of kindness in you. But sometimes you have to draw a line somewhere. I'm not gonna feel like shit because you stubbed your toe on a rock and I wasn't there to kick it out of the way in time," he cracked a grin.
I frowned, tracing patterns on my bedspread. The more Jasper has been talking about my views of myself and everything else, the more he was truly bringing it to light. I still couldn't help but think of the fact that if Jasper would have never met me, he wouldn't be dealing with this right now. That Peter and Charlotte wouldn't be in danger right along with him. But as he has made pretty clear, people have choices. And they have made their's pretty clear.
I would just have to grow a bigger backbone and learn how to push that guilt away.
"I just wish that you would finally see the worth in yourself," he continued, stopping movement altogether in the rocking chair. "If you did, you would see the value in what we are doing—protecting you. You act as though it is the biggest waste of our time. Like we are making a mistake when it is your life that is in jeopardy."
"You are doing the same thing," I argued, loathing this conversation. "You don't seem to care that you or your best friends could get hurt or die by protecting me."
"We're a lot less breakable than you," he scoffed, brushing off my words. "Not to mention a hell of a lot more skilled at fighting than Victoria. We are confident in what we can do—you, however, can't say that. It doesn't just boil down to our safety, either. When you were with Edward, I felt that from you before James was even in the picture. Towards every one of us, there was that constant feeling of worthlessness, self-consciousness. We talked about it before. But the answer you gave wasn't half the truth."
My jaw dropped, heat scalding my cheeks as I thought back to that conversation from what seems like ages ago. How did the conversation about Peter's arm turn into this?
"What do you mean half the truth?" I demanded, wishing more than anything that I could just go to sleep right now. That this entire conversation could wither away and be forgotten.
"You said that your life has been dull—that was why you felt that way. But believe me, there are plenty who have lives even more meager than you, and are completely content. What's the real reason?"
"Why do you want to know? What could you possibly want from this?" I snapped, my fists tightening. It angered me even more when he tried to calm me. Today was already rough; this was only making it worse.
"I want you to see that you are wrong. For you to finally hold your head high and be happy with yourself. For you to be confident when it comes to the current predicament instead of wallowing in self-pity. To finally push Edward behind you instead of feeling like you deserve his departure. That's what I want," he hissed. "I want to know why you feel below vampires, of all things."
I grit my teeth, the tense atmosphere choking. This was new. So very new. But if he wanted the answer, then he would finally get it.
"Do you not see yourself? All of you—every single one—are perfect. Positively perfect in every aspect. There isn't a thing you don't excel in, whether it comes to intellect, agility, or even appearance wise. All of you are flawless in every way. So how can I, a human with obvious flaws, come up to par? You wonder why I feel self-conscious—how could I not, Jasper?" I demanded, tears pricking within my eyes. How more humiliating could it be to say that? Shouldn't it have been obvious?
Daring a peek up, I saw Jasper reduced to a stone, his lips parted. His eyebrows were smashed together, although I did see a growing softness in his eyes. Slowly, he frowned before shaking his head.
"You are so wrong, darlin'. Could I show you somethin'?" he asked, his voice no longer harsh like before. Now it was almost... tender.
Scowling, I locked my eyes on my pillow before nodding. What could he possibly want to show me that connects to this?
Standing from the rocking chair, he silently crossed over to my bed, sitting down beside me. His jaw was tightly clenched, but I could see that it wasn't from the burn in his throat. Holding out his arms, he slowly rolled up his sleeves.
Allowing myself to look down, I could see his pale skin reflecting from the moonlight through the window. At first, I was confused over why he was doing this. But looking closer at his right wrist, I could make out thin crescent, slightly raised higher than the rest of his skin. Connecting the dots, I held my arm next to his, our scars side by side.
"You have a scar like mine," I nodded, my eyes crossing back and forth between the two.
I noticed the corners of his lips twitch, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. "I have a lot of scars like yours," he quietly replied, causing me to look back at his arms.
Taking a closer look, the more I searched, the more I noticed. A ragged gasp broke through my lips as I saw the multiple bite marks that coated his skin, overlapping like the strangest, almost hidden tattoo. It was impossible to count the number that covered him as I wondered how he managed to endure such. I also wondered if they continued, up the remainder of his sleeves and the rest of his body? A saddened part of me already knew that they did.
With a shaking hand, I carefully reached out, tracing just one of the dozens of scars that marked his icy skin. I didn't miss the shiver that rolled through him, the muscle in his arm tightening only briefly.
"They're from the newborns?" I whispered, my finger as light as a feather as it outlined the marks.
His nod was clipped. "Yes." Looking up, I noticed his head was cocked to the side, what seemed to be awe mixed within his expression. What for, I didn't know. He cracked a hesitant smile. "I expected a different reaction. I need to learn not to do that with you," he smiled softly.
I returned it, allowing my gaze to fall back to his scarred flesh. "Why did you show me?"
"To show you that we're not as perfect as you believe," he responded, shrugging his shoulders. "All of us are scarred in some way. Some mentally. Some physically. Some both," he chuckled.
"Some scars on your skin doesn't make you any less perfect," I still managed to contradict, although warmth spread throughout me.
He stared for a moment, a flicker of curiosity flashing within his eyes. Afterward, they were just as warm as I felt.
"In your opinion, perhaps, which I appreciate. But, they are still flaws, Bella. My point is, no matter how things may seem, there isn't a thing in the world that is perfect. If you really want to think about it, all of our gifts were given. Not earned or the truth in any form. We've all killed—not one of us a saint. There is no reason for you to look down on yourself when we are far from better."
My eyes were burning, and I knew that if I tried to speak now, I wouldn't get a single word out. I couldn't help it as I rested my head against his shoulder, my thoughts flickering one hundred miles a second. All I could do was focus on sending out as much compassion and love as I could possibly muster.
Lifting the stone arm I was resting against, he gently wrapped it around me in reply. "Just promise me that you'll try to see that. I told you once that you were worth it. Perhaps you'll start to believe me, now."
Peeking up at him, I returned his smile, nodding my head. "I promise. And I will," I swore, unable to tell him no. I didn't see how that was even possible.
It was beginning to worry me, all of the different feelings that were swirling around inside me. But at this moment, I simply didn't care what they were. I had long ago gotten over the fact that I was partially grateful that Edward left so that I could get to know Jasper. Now it was almost scary how thankful I really was.
"Good," he smiled, carefully tightening his arm. "Tomorrow you can start off fresh, then."
I laughed lightly, enjoying the cold chill that now clung to me.
"The start of a new chapter," I agreed.
Thanks so much everyone for the reviews! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I will update when I can! Please review and let me know what you think!