A/N: Hehe. Sorry; I know I haven't updated. I think the last time was before Christmas (authoress attempts to hide from disappointed readers, but fails miserably). And around that time, the e-mail caught the stupid. I'm very sorry if I gave this potentially life-threatening disease to your computer. Then again, it could have come from anything on right? That makes me feel so much better.
Anyway, it's seven in the morning and I'm up about three hours too early for a Saturday. Regardless, I can't sleep. Therefore, I thought that I would write a new chapter. Oh, anyone heard of Love Pistols? I want it; a manga that actually has Mpreg! Yahoo! I would also like to have Enzai: Falsely Accused--but for that I have to have: 1. More money 2. My mom's permission (it's rated A).
Ed: You do realize that she probably won't approve of you playing that, don't you?
Ame: But Guys is so cute! Poor Guys; he get raped lots….
Wrath: If that happens, then why exactly do you want it?
Ame: For the pretty pictures, of course!
Everyone: Ooookaaay.
Envy: Why haven't you finished your stories yet? Or at least one chapter?
Ame: (catches bad case of shifty eyes) The mushrooms are not the boss of me!
Ed: She's afraid that she'll get thrown off if she puts in lemons without a proper link, despite the fact that many people do it and that she herself dislikes having to use links for the whole story.
Envy: She's strange. Lots of people just put up warnings.
Ed: When's she ever been normal?
Wrath: (pointing to the door) Yay! Al's back!
Ame: Why, hello there Alphonse. Would you care for a biscuit?
Envy: To offer them, don't you actually have to have biscuits first?
Ed: I don't think that matters to her.
Al: (growling) I thought you'd sent me on stupid missions before, but this one's the worst!
Wrath: (consolingly patting Al's shoulder) What was it this time Ally-Wally?
Al: I had to get mangos.
Envy: That doesn't seem so bad.
Al: From Greenland.
Envy: Oh.
Ed: (turning to Ame) Why Greenland?
Ame: I had to get them from their native environment.
Ed: (twitching) Don't mangos grow in tropical places?
Wrath: And can't you just get them at a supermarket?
Ame: (ignoring Wrath's question) Precisely why I sent him to Greenland! (very smug) 'Tis green there!
Envy: She's being an idiot again.
Ame: I have five toes on each foot.
Ed: (tying not to blow blood vessel) Yes, yes you do.
Wrath: (still patting Al) Where'd you get them then?
Al: I figured as long as I had a credit card, I'd get them from somewhere else. Those Bahamavention ads are right. It's really relaxing there.
Wrath: (bursting into tears) Why didn't you take me too? I love you Ally! I wanna go skinny-dipping in the ocean!
Envy: That actually sounds like fun. (turning to Ed with evil smirk) What'dya say to going on a vacation with me Chibi?
Ame: Ed can't go anywhere. He has to wash all of my friend's thongs. He promised.
Ed: (livid) When did I do that?
Ame: In my head at two o'clock yesterday. You, me, and the Dwarves of Nimamamamama were talking about parachutes and you volunteered.
Wrath: (attacking Ame) You're wrong! Dwarves don't exist!
Ame: Noooooooo! You're wrong! They shined my shoes and walked my dog!
Wrath: You don't have a dog!
Ame: Yes I do! He's purple with green spots and he sings children's songs!
Envy: Er…isn't that Barney©? Ya know, the guy in the Dinosaur costume?
Ame: (extra shifty eyes) His name is Francesca.
Al: (walking off) I'm going to bed.
Wrath: Wait for me Ally! I wanna do naughty stuff! I missed you sooooo much!
Al: Missed you too. Let's double lock the door. (two go toward the back of the house together)
Ed: Hey, Envy, why don't we have two locks?
Envy: Dunno. But they've got the right idea. (starts singing a song he wrote called "Screwing my chibi")
Ed: (the color of an apple)
Ame: Nope! You have to do the disclaimer!
Envy: AmethystBladedoesnotownFullmetalAlchemistoranythinginrelationtorightsorproduction. I'mgoingtoscrewmychibinow. (grabs a protesting Ed which he then pulls towards their bedroom)
Ame: I didn't know Envy could fly. (starts squawking and flapping wings)
DWSOP: (walking into house and observing scene) I told those four not to leave her alone…..C'mon honey. (leads Ame towards the couch)
Ame: Yay! Fluzz-fluzz is here! Fluzz-fluzz fry me some flip-flops please. They go good with mangos.
DWSOP: (practiced in the art of not listening to insanity) Sure honey. First you have to announce the story.
Ame: Okay! Bacon is in my pants. It feels weird. A nice kind of weird. The story does not involve any bacon.
DWSOP: (shakes head sadly)
Chapter Fourteen: The Sin of Perversion
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Edward Elric was seriously pissed. And, of course, everyone in the general vicinity was giving him a wide berth. This was most assuredly due to the fact that many of the citizens of Central had witnessed what a pissed Edward was capable of. It was certainly nothing pleasant, and would most likely be quite painful for the poor sap that just happened to be in the path of this terrible event. It's a given that no one spoke to the alchemist until he was home.
"Envy! I'm back!" With that announcement the blonde hung up his coat and lay down on the couch. He was tired. Very tired. Thus, he decided not to even go to his bed for a nap. Unfortunately, Envy, the teenager's lover, had no knowledge of his chibi's foul mood.
The homunculus creeped upon the couch, utterly soundless. He was beyond thrilled that the shorter---
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Ame: Ed's not here. I can call him short. Shortshortshortshortshort……
DWSOP: Now, honey, don't do that; how would you feel if they called you crazy?
Ame: But they do call Makona crazy. (big teary eyes) My hair will never be purple. 'Tis so sad.
DWSOP: (turning to the readers) Please go on with the story. Don't worry; I'll take care of her. (pats Ame)
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--boyfriend was home. This was probably due to the fact that Envy hadn't gotten any the night before. Something weird about Edward being "tired". This "tired" thing didn't sound very appealing to the Sin. It was much better to be a homunculus. Anyways, he'd been horny all day--and Al, that bastard, said that it was inappropriate for him to sing the "Screwing the Chibi" song in front of Wrath. Also, after awhile, drawing graphically detailed and very obscene pictures of Ed became boring. There were only so many times you could sketch S&M before you decided that you wanted the real thing. It never occurred to him that the alchemist disliked being whipped. After all, he could dream, right?
Thus, the Sin wanted nothing more than to lift his chibi up and pack him upstairs….Though that might take too long--ravishing him where he lay was a much better idea. "Chibi-san. Oh Chibi-san…."
"Mmm? Whaya wan' Nnnva?"
Envy grinned happily. "Why this, of course, Chibi-mine." With that statement, the four hundred-year-old pounced.
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The Sin of Envy was deeply upset. Edward had said he was supposed to sleep on the couch for a week. Well, that was the original punishment. Until those dirty pictures were discovered, that is. Now he was sleeping on the couch for a month with 1. No sex any time 2. No paper or pencils allowed anywhere near him 3. No singing his new song for the entire time 4. No food that could be used for an erotic purpose (basically everything as far as Envy was concerned) and the last, most horrible 4. No dirty thoughts. How would Ed even know?!
Envy's punishment was soon increased to two months for disobeying orders.
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Ame: Fluzz-fluzz is making it bacon. (sad expression) She says flip-flops are not edible, even if fried. Everybody else is having lots of fun!
Ed: (from somewhere towards the back of the house) Oh! Envy! Envy! Yes! Hell yes!
Ame: (extra smugness) I told them Scrabble© was fun.
DWSOP: (whispering) Poor thing. She doesn't even realize she doesn't own Scrabble©.
Ame: I think Ed's winning!
DWSOP: Review if you like. Please don't send condolences.
Ame: Yup! We gots enough of those! Send mangos. Every mango you send helps feed me. I like mangos.
DWSOP: We appologize in advance if you didn't enjoy this story. As metioned previously, this was written at 7:00 a.m.