The new Defense teacher was as offensive as they come. In the kindest of terms, she could only be described as a humanoid toad with the Dark Lord's morals and a blast-ended skrewt's charisma, and this was how the ministry chose to punish the school for Dumbledore's refusal to toe the line.
Severus was positive that this year's students won't know how to defend themselves against an itching hex when she was done with them. He was certain he will end up having to teach Potter's class for an extra year to catch them up on everything the incompetent, girly tyrant in pink was failing to teach them, and that was in the best case scenario in which they all survive. Maybe Dumbledore will let me kill myself when the Dark Lord is defeated , he thought to write to Arabella.
If he was honest with himself, he was growing very fond of her, and armed with her unwavering faith in him, he found it easier to continue to lie to the Dark Lord.
He didn't give Dumbledore the satisfaction of telling him they ended up establishing a sort of friendship after all, but Dumbledore noticed his spy was able to meet with Voldemort regularly, and always came back to tell the tale.
But then, it was almost Christmas. It was almost Christmas, and Arthur Weasley was attacked. Weasley was attacked, and Dumbledore told Severus he was now also in charge of teaching the boy Occlumency.
His head started to spin immediately with possibilities of how this could go wrong. For one thing, he would have to somehow get another complex branch of magic through the thick skull he doubtlessly inherited from his father. Second, there was no way to hide this from the Dark Lord - he will be seeing the lessons through Potter's eyes. He had just realized he and Potter were linked, and what an incredible asset this was.
But Dumbledore insisted. He still seemed to have very little regard for Snape's own safety, but who could blame him. He accepted the order - there truly seemed to be no other way.
He and Arabella came up with a plan together. They decided that after informing Potter of the new class on his schedule, he would rush straight to the Dark Lord and do his best to present this as a victory. They met in person to plan how they will do that. They practiced their premeditated lies and prepared for every line of questioning they could dream up.
Severus walked into the house in Little Hangleton, smiling ear to ear, maintaining the expression of a man barely able to contain himself with excitement. "You will never guess what the old fool asked me to do, my Lord. He thinks I can train Potter to close his mind, to protect it from you!"
"Does he now." His master replied.
"He seems to believe me able to vest in him abilities I do not possess. He might as well have asked me to teach Potter to make a philosopher's stone. Don't you see what this means?" He asked, feigning disappointment and confusion.
"Enlighten me."
"He truly believes I am fooling you! He is handing the boy over to me to uncover everything he knows, to assess his every weakness and hand it to you on a platter! We will be foolish to let this opportunity go to waste!"
Under his slits, Voldemort smiled a thin smile. "You continue to serve me well, Severus."
"Thank you, my Lord".
"But I ask that you do not let this new role distract you from your primary task," he said, ominously.
Getting the second half of the prophecy, He remembered, after a moment of confusion.
He and Arabella did not practice this scenario - that the Dark Lord will find the news simply uninteresting.
Fear crept through him, consuming him with a chill that went from his lungs to his extremities. His master drank the fear, devoured it as if eager to make up for the long years he spent without a body, feared by no one.
It was only in the presence of true fear that he seemed warmer, more human.
Of course Severus did not like thinking about the dratted prophecy. It instantly and mercilessly transported him to the hallway outside Dumbledore's room at the Hog's Head, where he crouched like a vile, despicable insect or small predator, eager to deliver the news to his master and to finally prove his value to him. The first time he felt lucky .
As he remembered this awful moment, he looked at himself from above, full of loathing and contempt for the eager, gleeful, ugly man he saw in his mind's eye eavesdropping at the door.
The Dark Lord must have sensed the shame and remorse that were clutching at his servant's throat and viscera, as his servant's eyes looked down.
"Severus," he said with false kindness.
"I am so ashamed, my Lord. It is my deepest regret that I brought the prophecy to you, knowing what it did to you. I cannot apologize enough".
His eyes glistened.
"Get me the second half, and you will be forgiven." The Dark Lord was never so dangerous as when he was kind.
Faking profound gratitude, devotion, and love made Severus feel as if he was corrupting his own soul as he uttered the filthy lies, and he wondered if Dumbledore appreciated that this part was the most truly frightful thing about becoming a Death Eater again.
In his office, he wrote to Arabella.
"Once again, you prove to be a more skilled legilimens than the Dark Lord himself, as I have yet to fool you once. Our plan was a success, but not for the reasons we expected. The boy's mind seems of little consequence to the Dark Lord, and as much as I might agree with him in that respect, I was unsuccessful in getting him to forget the other task he assigned me."
It was finally time to come clean to her. He needed her to know.
"As a Death Eater, I was the one who sent him after the Potters. I eavesdropped on a seer making a prophecy about a boy who will grow up to defeat the Dark Lord and I delivered it to my master without hesitation."
"It was you? After everything? How could you do that to Lily?" Arabella asked.
"I didn't know it might be her. How could I know? I tried to stop him as soon as I realized, but obviously, I failed".
He stared and stared at the box, waiting for comfort for his inconsolable heart to materialize in front of him.
Sirius was able to resist the Dementors because he knew he was innocent. Even Wormtail only betrayed his friends to Voldemort after being tortured. The two complete lowlives hadn't rushed happily to kill Lily Potter, brimming with pride.
Arabella knew honesty had to be met with honesty, and finally, there was the truth. The real reason he switched sides. It was guilt, not love. Love alone could never explain his willingness to protect a boy he truly hated at risk to his own life. She was appalled. The wizard she had come to believe in, even love, sent the most powerful dark wizard in history to kill a baby. This was beyond what she could believe, even of faithful death eaters.
Yet, despite herself, she felt profound sorrow for the young man who lost so much, so soon, whose desperate bargain to find his place in the world cost him so dearly.
Severus was growing tired of staring down the box, but finally, it was no longer empty. Her note read: "Goes to show you how arrogant wizards are. Not to brag, but Muggles kill infants successfully every day with pillows, that don't backfire quite as catastrophically as the Killing Curse. Are you OK?"
She never failed to surprise him. He could understand disgust, false attempts at absolution, utter refusal to ever communicate with him again. But he did not expect plain concern, and certainly not a joke.
Too surprised to worry about the second half of the prophecy, he finally felt relief.
"In the sense that I got our lie past him, yes. Otherwise, I am still rather shaken. I had to tell him the rush of remorse I felt when he mentioned the prophecy was about what happened to him. I am disgusted with myself."
"Well done!" she wrote. "You're very quick on your feet!"
"So, you're simply going to say nothing about how I killed Lily."
"I find it appalling, Severus, but you seem to hate yourself enough for the two of us, so what can I say?"
"You can always throw out your box", he suggested.
"If 21 year old Severus had communicated with a Squib at all, I most certainly would have, but as it were, I do not wish to stop communicating with you now, though I admit I surprise myself."
That makes two of us , he thought.