All of Me
Chapter 14
Disclaimer: I only own Jess. I still plan on own Mr. Stu Bennett, but apparently that's not happening any time soon.
A/N: I appreciate the reviews, reads, follows and favorites, as always. You guys are seriously so awesome. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. JoMode, you're my girl. You know that 3 Love you guys! XoXoXo
The next day was extremely uncomfortable for Jess. Jon slept later than he usually did because he had been out so late the night before. It only gave Jess more time to feel guilty and like more of an asshole than she had the night before. She had already had most of her things packed to leave. She needed to talk to Stu and tell him that she was going to talk to Jon about what had been going on. She couldn't lie to Jon anymore. Not after having slept with Stu. That would be even more unfair of her to do.
Jess sent Stu a text. 'Can we talk real quick?'
Within moments, she received her reply. 'Sure. Would you like to meet in the room with the ice machine on your floor?'
'Okay. Thanks.'
'Of course, love.'
Jess quietly grabbed her room key and left the room. She headed to the room where she would be meeting up with Stu.
He quickly joined her there. "Hey beautiful," the large Brit greeted with a genuine smile, giving her a peck on the lips.
"Hey Stu."
"So, what's going on?"
"I have to tell Jon what happened. The guilt is making me feel horrible. I have to tell him about everything."
"Okay…um…I know we didn't really discuss anything…but…are you breaking up with him?" he questioned.
"I don't know…"
"Well, do you want to stay with him? Or do you want to be with me?"
"I don't know. What do you want?"
"I want you. You're all I've wanted since the moment I first saw you," Stu replied. "And if you're willing to leave your boyfriend, I am only too happy to be with you."
"I don't know, Stu. I mean, I do want to be with you. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to leave Jon yet…not that I'll necessarily have a choice about it."
"I understand, love. Well, I'll be ready to have him attempt my murder. Are you telling him today?"
"To tell you the truth, I don't know. I think I have to. I can't handle lying to him. I can't be around him if I know that I cheated on him."
"That's alright, sweetheart. Just let me know what happens."
"I will."
"I'll see you later." Stu leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jess's lips.
"Bye Stu." The two parted ways, and Jess returned to the room that she shared with her boyfriend…who was already awake and dressed.
"Good morning," he greeted her.
"Hi Jon," she reciprocated, feeling her entire body become overwhelmed with fear, guilt, and just complete dread.
"You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you alright?" he questioned.
"Um…I'm just not feeling very well."
"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, seeming genuinely concerned about his girlfriend's well-being.
And with that, Jess burst into tears and made her way into the bathroom, locking herself inside. Jon was left out confused and dumbfounded.
"Jess?! What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked through the door. He heard her sobs. "Please let me in, baby. I hate it when you're upset."
"I can't," she sobbed.
"Why not?" he pleaded with her. "I just want to help you." Jon was desperate to figure out what was going on with his girlfriend.
It made Jess feel so much worse for doing what she had done. She got up and opened the door. Jon immediately pulled her into his arms. "Sweetheart, what's going on? What has you this upset?" he questioned.
"Jon, I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything. You need to know that I truly do love you. I promise that I do. And you're so amazing and so wonderful. You're perfect. You really are."
"I'm not perfect at all, sweetheart. I'm just very confused right now. Why are you saying all of this? What is going on?" he continued questioned, becoming even more confused with each passing second.
"I don't deserve you, Jon. I really don't," she said, pulling back from him.
"What are you talking about, Jess? Quite honestly, I don't deserve you. I've left you so many times for so long, and you didn't deserve that. Joe even made a comment about it last night…how I should make sure that I spend time with you more than I do because if I don't, I could lose you. I love you. I have loved you from the first time I saw you, and I always will love you. Jess, you need to tell me what has you so upset. You're really scaring the hell out of me, baby. Please just talk to me," Jon begged her.
"Jon…I'm just…I'm not good enough for you," Jess spoke, knowing that she had to tell him the truth about what happened…now.
"You're more than good enough. Jess, please…tell me what this is all about."
"I'm sorry. I just…I can't be with you anymore, Jon," she spoke, as the tears continued to fall from her eyes.
Jon felt his entire world start to fall apart, once those words came out of her mouth. "W-what?" was all he could muster.
"Jon, you're so wonderful, and you deserve so much better than me."
"I love you. I only want you. H-how can you not…how can we not be together?"
"Because I'm not good."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Jon…I did something."
Once the words left her lips, fear completely filled his eyes. "What did you do?"
"I slept with someone else."
"What?" he asked her, in complete disbelief.
"I'm sorry."
"Who is it? Do I know him?" he asked, his eyes full of hurt and confusion.
Jess nodded slowly. "You do."
"Who is he?"
She hesitated for a moment. "Stu…"
"What?! Stu?! How? When? Don't answer. I don't want to know."
"I'm sorry."
"Why? You kept saying that you love me. How could you do that if you love me?" he asked, hurt scrawled all over his face. Jess still couldn't understand why his demeanor didn't show much anger towards her.
"I don't know," she replied, her voice low.
"When did it happen?"
"Last night," she answered.
"Was that the first time you've been with him?" he asked, looking lost. Jess felt like the worst human being on earth.
"The first time I've slept with him," she replied.
"How long has this been going on?"
"A few weeks."
"I can't believe this. So, you've been lying to me this whole time?" he almost demanded an answer.
Jess slowly nodded. "Yes."
"Oh my God. Four years. We've been together for four years. How could you do this?" he asked, in disbelief.
She shrugged. "I don't know, Jon."
"And Stu. I work with Stu," he spoke, shaking his head in disbelief. "Do you remember that he has a girlfriend, too? Did you consider that? Did you think of me? Or did you just not care about how this would kill me? I love you, Jess. I've loved you since day one," he spoke, finally showing a little more anger.
"It was selfish of us. It wasn't planned or anything. It was thoughtless. It was wrong."
"Do you love him?" Jon asked
Jess hesitated for a couple of moments, not wanting to answer that question. "I…I don't know," she replied.
"Oh my God! Jessica, you love him! And what about me? Do you even give a shit about me?" he yelled.
"I love you, Jon."
"Not enough to stay faithful to me. Obviously. You don't love me. You never did."
"I always did. And I still do."
"Yeah. You love me so much that you went ahead and fell in love with a guy who I thought was a friend of mine…and that was before you fucked him. Wow! You're right. You must love me so much!"
Jess put her face in her hands and cried. She felt like the scum of the earth and knew that she was. "I'm sorry. I know it isn't okay. I know I messed up. I'm sorry."
Jon remained silent. He stood in front of her. "Jess, look at me," he spoke, his voice significantly softer. She hesitated before pulling her hands away from her face and looking at him. "I'm not stupid. I knew that something was wrong. I just didn't think it was this bad. And it hurts a lot, Jess. I know I've made some mistakes. Hell, I've made a lot of mistakes. And I'm sorry for that. I know I took you for granted. It had been so long that I've been on the road alone. I didn't think of you and take care of you like I should have since you've been here. I neglected you after the initial excitement passed. And I'm sorry I did that. I am so sorry. You needed me, and I wasn't there for you. You asked me to be so many times, and I yes'ed you to death and never did what I promised I would. That's my fault. Quite frankly, this is my fault."
"No, Jon. It isn't your fault. This is my fault. One hundred percent my fault," Jess stopped him. "You can't blame yourself. This is my fuck up. You made some mistakes, but that doesn't make it okay for me to do what I did."
"I love you, Jess. I love you so much," he spoke, his eyes filling with tears. "I love you more than anything on this earth. But I failed you. I wasn't doing right by you, and I wasn't giving you what you needed. I pushed you away. I pushed you to…to him."
"Jon…it wasn't…it's not…this isn't your fault."
"I made you do this."
"No, you didn't."
"I did. I should have been there for you. You asked me to time after time, and I blew it. Now you wanna be with someone else because I wasn't doing my job, and someone else started putting in the work that I should have been," he spoke, his voice reflecting the genuine devastation that he felt in this situation. She'd never felt like a bigger douchebag in all of her life. She cheated on her boyfriend, and he was blaming himself.
Jon sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry."
Jess sat next to him. "You have no reason to be."
"It's my fault that you love someone else."
"No. I don't know how I feel about Stu. I know that I do love you. But I guess…I don't know…" This was not going to be a good day.