A/N: I know this isn't my most popular story but I still enjoy writing it all the same. Thanks to everyone who let's me know they are enjoying it too. I really do appreciate all the reviews I get each and every time. Sorry if I don't always respond – life just gets in the way sometimes. Here's another chapters. There are actually only a few more left. One more small jump in time and then we'll be out of anything that lines up with the show. After that, we'll be beyond and into that scary future frontier. Enjoy.
CHAPTER 14
It was later. It was done.
The chaos from the days before was gone. The Wolves were gone. The walkers were gone. The walls were at least patched and secured for tonight. Everyone in their family was safe. Maggie was reunited with Glenn. Sasha, Abraham and her Daryl had arrived in time to save them all. Carl was alive, not completely out of the woods, but alive. It was more than they'd had for days.
It was done for now, they were done for now. The sun was gone and they couldn't do anymore work even if there was daylight left. Both Beth and Daryl were just empty.
As they entered their bedroom, Beth could tell Daryl was hurting. His shoulder had to be on fire after the day of work they had just completed. Denise had done her best to patch him up, barely able to put a bandage on him before he was off. It had been a struggle for Beth to even convince him to even let the nervous doctor see him.
Last night they had struggled to survive against the dead, hours spent fighting for their lives and killing as many walkers as needed. Daylight had come and work seemed to double. There were more wounded to care for, there were bodies to burn and there was a wall to fix. This was the first moment of rest for most all the able bodied people in Alexandria.
The soot and dirt had been washed from their exhausted bodies. Daryl sat hunched, snapping his boots off from the bed. He looked utterly exhausted. Beth sure felt that way. She could barely raise her arms over her head to remove her grubby shirt, tossing it to the side without care. Tomorrow she'd care. Tonight she was too damn tired.
They both stripped further, not having enough energy to be concerned with all the bared flesh between them. Beth slipped into a larger t-shirt of Daryl's and nothing else. Daryl tossed his shirt to the side as well. He rose slowly, stiff and tired, but paused slightly before he took off his jeans. He had just started to do that, to sleep just in his boxers next to her. Any other night there would likely be more but as drained as they both were, intimacy was the last thing on their mind.
Both dropped hard into bed, the light shut off and leaving the darkness to take them. They curled into one another. Daryl pulled Beth close. His chin tucked her head in close, his arm hugging around her protectively.
Beth needed Daryl close. She hadn't thought she did, but now that he was next to her an intense surge in her chest told her she was wrong. The past few days had been so awful and he had been gone from her. Their lives had been filled again with so much hate, blood and death. Beth needed Daryl, the goodness, the tenderness, the light he had within.
In that desperate moment when she and Merle had fought hard against the torrid of walkers with Maggie in an attempt to save her, Daryl had appeared triumphantly to help save them all. He with Abraham and Sasha had arrived with an explosion of gunfire and walkers dropped around them. Beth had thought seeing him alive, knowing he was back, would have satisfied her. But it hadn't. She had gotten a fleeting look to know they were both safe and alive before they had been separated once again during the night of fighting.
It had been hard and desperate at times, but they had won. They'd taken back Alexandria. Now her family was safe and Daryl was in her arms. Now that they were together, there was an overwhelming need, desire really, to have him in there, his body, his warmth next to her. She didn't want to let go, this need frightening her a little as she further curled her body into his. Beth wasn't sure she'd ever let him go again.
Daryl cleared his throat. "Sorry I worried you." He seemed to know her thoughts, the desperate feeling she had churning in her.
Beth knew what had happened while they had been separated as he did with her. Both had been given a brief update. Beth knew the danger Daryl had been in, what he'd loss while trying to do good. Daryl still hadn't said it yet out right, but Beth knew the motorcycle and crossbow were losses that were hitting him hard. Beth had seen his eyes light up the first time he'd gotten that bike to start after days of working on it. And the loss of his crossbow… Daryl was almost never without it; the weapon was almost an extension of who he was.
After all that had happened to him, and here Daryl was apologizing to her. This is why she missed him.
"Daryl… it wasn't your fault," Beth murmured softly to him.
He grumbled deep in his chest, shifting a little next to her. "Shoulda left 'em when I had the chance. Should just came back here to you, almost didn't get back in time."
Beth couldn't help the small smile that came to her at his words. "That's not who you are. That's not what you do, Daryl. You help, you try."
She was proud that Daryl had tried to help those people. Daryl tried to make the world a better place. Not everyone did that, even in the world they lived in before.
A low grunt escaped Daryl, one that told Beth he still didn't like what happened. The events in the burned out woods still laid heavy on him. Daryl had explained some, she was sure he had glossed over parts he didn't think she needed to hear. It sounded like Daryl had done what Daryl always did. He tried to help two desperate people. He thought they were good people who deserved a chance, a shot at what they all thought Alexandria could be. A home, a safe haven, a place for a community and families to actually live.
In the end the couple had turned on Daryl, not taking him up on the offer of sanctuary. The man and woman had robbed him of his weapon and his bike, leaving him stranded and almost defenseless in the scorched forest. Beth knew he felt like his radar was off, his judgement of the man and woman had been wrong. She couldn't say having never met the couple but Beth knew Daryl was rarely wrong about people. Her man was generally overly cautious when it came to new people.
Daryl drew in and released a deep breath. "They just went back to that shit. They were so fuckin' scared of whatever place they'd left but those two stupid shits just took off back to that bad situation even when I offered them this place, a better place," he said, his voice telling her just how messed up their decision was making him.
It was hard to understand why they would run away from something good, something safe. Perhaps they had thought it was too good to be true. Or maybe the unknown was just too frightening. They would just never know.
What Beth did know was what Daryl was telling her; those people had been scared. "We're all afraid of something," Beth replied softly as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to stop the vision of Officer Gorman from entering her mind.
A snort of agitation escaped Daryl. "Yeah but we don't run back to it like damn fools."
"Maybe they needed to face it… their fear. Maybe they just didn't know another way," Beth offered as an explanation, not sure why she felt the need to argue for the couple that had abandoned Daryl alone and practically defenseless in the wilderness except to try and give Daryl ease.
Daryl didn't seem to have response for her, but Beth felt his body tensing tightly next to her. She didn't want to upset him further. She was only trying to help him process why those people had gone against what he had been offering. Apparently Beth wasn't going a very good job.
"Fear can control us," Beth continued her attempt an explanation. "Look at Carol. Who would have ever thought she was who she was before all of this happened. That she had been hit and beaten and controlled by that awful husband of hers. The strength in her now… I just don't know if I'd ever believe that she endured what she said happened to her before if it hadn't come straight from her own mouth. Just saying we don't always know what everyone is going through or has happened to them."
Despite her attempt to soothe, it seemed like her last words had made it worse. Daryl started to withdraw from her. His arm drifted from back, his body completely rigid next to her. His jaw was tense and tight, perhaps clenching against refuting words.
Daryl further shifted next to her, gently removing his arm from under and around her. "I can't lay like that no more. My shoulder" he mumbled his half-hearted explanation.
Beth accepted the seemingly half-truth without argument and let him pull his arm from her more easily by shifting up. Daryl twisted in bed, turning away from her and onto his stomach. His strong arms gather up under his pillow. A white bandage covered the new damage to his shoulder while all the twisted scars on his back were exposed. It was a road map of pain from another time for him, some were smaller and shiny while others were nasty and raised and almost too heavy to comprehend. Beth had seen them before but Daryl never seemed comfortable with the exposure, she still got that feeling from him. So this was different, a little unsettling that he'd rather turn from her and expose himself further than be okay with what had happened in that charred forrest.
Beth wasn't sure if Daryl was upset with her words or at the mysterious couple, or maybe he was mad at both. There was no need to press the subject now. They had all been through enough in the past few days so she let it be. Beth stayed close to him despite his withdraw, laying her head on the pillow next to him with her body hoovering just next to him. She offered what comfort should could, her hand tracing and touching his skin. After all the pain and confusion, Beth just needed to touch him, to feel him. Daryl seemed to need it too, a tension melted from his shoulders at her small smoothing circular motions over his warm skin.
Her eyes were heavy but she found they wouldn't close completely. She was utterly exhausted but sleep wouldn't find her. Instead, she watched the calming rhythm of Daryl breathing calmly next to her, hoping he was at least finding sleep easily as she continued her calming caress. One of them should.
Enough time had passed that Beth found herself in a sleepy haze between awake and slumber when his voice brought her back.
"My old man was a mean son of a bitch."
His words were muffled by the pillow before him, making Beth almost doubt she'd heard him say anything. But then Daryl turned his head back to her and looked at her with very serious and tired eyes. Beth found herself captivated by the look in his dark blue eyes. Daryl had never talked about much his pained past before. She'd never asked. Beth had promised him all the time he needed and she had never pressed the issue. She had her speculations about what happened to cause the road map of ruined skin that covered his back but never any confirmation from him. It hurt to know she was right.
Daryl took a deep breath and shut his eyes against the words when he spoke again. "Ma took most of it. Then she died and it was Merle, but he left about a year later. Said he had to leave or he'd kill the old man. Didn't bother to think that with both of 'em gone it was just gonna be me. Just me."
Beth saw him shake with the memory, a tremble coursing through his body. Whatever memory it was, it was something horrible, something awful. She knew Daryl had been worried she'd pity him because of his scars, that's she'd only see weakness or shame in them. Beth didn't, she never could.
The emotion that swelled forth in her was fury. She was irate, out right pissed off. It blurred her vision for a moment. The pain and indignity this man had been force to endure, it just made her furious. She wasn't exactly sure who at, definitely the bastard that had hurt him, maybe the world in general for letting it happen, perhaps even her God for allowing such a monster to exist. It was a fierce and surging anger that was hard to contain, but Beth did. For Daryl she would, for him Beth bit down on the inside of her mouth until she tasted coppery blood. She held the bite, letting the anger swell, before releasing it with a long, hard breath. There was nothing to be done but to listen, to help him and support him. Beth needed to do that for him, as he had done for her.
"Just me," Daryl repeated, his voice so low it was almost a rasp. "When he was drunk and it was dark, it was just me there in that stupid fuckin' dump of a house. No one ever came around. He was just too damn mean. Couldn't even get a whore to stay more than a few hours, let alone another old lady to stick it out and set up house."
Daryl gulped down a lump in his throat that had formed from the memory, his eyes tightening. "He hit with his hands mostly but his favorite was that damn belt. Kept it for when he was in an especially nasty mood. Saved it just for me."
Beth couldn't stand just listening for one more second. The pain on his face along with the stringy tension that had returned to his hard body called for her comfort. Beth pressed a tender kiss to his shoulder, then his arm, his back and his face. Daryl shuddered under her gentleness. She had no words to make it better, nothing to chase away the darkness but she had to let him know she was there next to him. She'd always be right beside him through it all.
His face was red with the effort but no tears were falling. Beth fought back the angry tears that were threatening at her own eyes, he didn't need that. With a quick movement that almost startled her completely, Daryl shifted and took her into his arms, pulling her into a fierce hug. She embraced him back, her face buried in neck as he clung to her like he was drowning.
His voice was so low but so loud in her ear, his lip grazing it as he spoke. "Never told anyone that. Not even Merle."
Beth was a loss of what to say, unable to find the necessary words to make better what Daryl had just confessed to her. She wasn't even sure he needed to hear any. She was certain it was just her that he needed, the same as it was for her. Together was all each other needed. Instead of the words, Beth pressed her lips to his neck and kissed him sweetly there, feeling the blood beating under his skin.
His body hitched under her gentle kiss. "I never left either. Not even when I could, when I was old enough. Still saw that mean ole bastard up until the day he died," Daryl admitted, biting his words out with obvious anger.
Beth hadn't connected why Daryl had started talking about his scars, about his past, so out of the blue until that moment. She finally understood most of his troubled jumble of emotions from the other incident had been directed back at himself. He had never left his own bad situation.
The words Beth needed to say came to her. She pulled back, slightly untangling the entwined mess they'd become. Beth pushed back the shaggy hair that had fallen over his brow and eyes so he could see the truth in her own blue eyes.
"You did leave. You found a family you wanted and you left all that behind. Even left Merle to come back to us… to me," Beth told him.
Beth remembered the gut punch she'd felt when Rick had announced Daryl had left them to go with his brother, Merle, while at the prison. She remembered the feeling of betrayal at his ability to leave them so quickly and easily after all they had been through. She had never been so happy to be proven wrong when Daryl had returned with his nasty older brother in tow. It was then she'd known they were family, all of them bonded by a connection deeper than blood would ever be.
She pressed a kiss lightly to his lips. "I don't know why those people didn't come back with you. Neither can you. We can only hope they get another chance, another way to escape the bad they've found themselves trapped in."
Daryl huffed at the idea. "Fuckers took my bike," he grumbled.
"I know. And for that, they'll pay if I ever get my hands on them," she teased fleetingly. "But we can still hope they get out of their situation. We can still want better for other people even when they can't see it for themselves."
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The corner of his lip twitched up at her joke, and then Daryl seemed to mull over the rest of what she was trying to say. A moment passed before he gave the briefest of nods, something less than an agreement but at least somewhat of an acceptance. The weight seemed to lift from the both of them, letting their bodies settle deep into the mattress. Sleep found them both much easier, bodies still partially entwined.
The dawn was just peaking up over the edges of the world. Beth didn't want to be awake, not yet. Despite her body's plea for more rest, Beth found herself wide awake in bed. She still ached horribly. She found herself full of restlessness even with Daryl still sound asleep next to her. She didn't want to wake him, knowing he needed the rest.
Beth wasn't certain what had poked her awake. So much had happened in the past few days. There was the death and destruction that had engulfed Alexandria. Daryl had bared part of his soul to her, opening up more of him than ever to her. Then there was the wisp of a dream that still lingered, one she couldn't really recall but drifted there in the haze one generally had upon waking up. A dream of a future to come that reminded her that there was a ticking clock on her time here on Earth.
Whatever it was, Beth knew she had to leave the bedroom before her edginess affected the slumbering man next to her. She snuck form the room, careful and quiet as possible, only pausing to toss on a pair of sweat pants.
With bare feet, Beth padded to the kitchen and gathered her supplies. She had decided upon a nice cup of tea to relax her. They had recently found boxes of it on a run. Coffee was close to running out there and someday it could be completely gone. Tea they could make on their own when needed. Today's selection was an orange herbal she had been favoring.
With a steaming mug and a small afghan wrapped around her shoulders, Beth escaped to the porch. Summer was almost upon them but the morning still had a slight chill to it. Beth curled herself onto the swing, tucking her feet under herself. Beth attempted to settle back and enjoy the quiet of the morning, sipping her new found luxury, but her mind just wouldn't let her. There was so much to do, so many things running around in her head and the day hadn't even fully started yet. She needed to check Daryl's stitches, stop by the infirmary to see if they needed help again today, check in with Rick on Judith, then there still more bodies against the far wall to haul away and burn, and still more to do.
That was probably the reason Beth didn't notice Merle until she heard the creak of his boots on the first porch step. Her head tipped up from the mug to see his approach. Merle was still dirty, the smudges from the day before still marking him. His rifle was slung over his tired shoulders as he tramped up the steps.
"Just getting off watch?" Beth asked, despite the obvious.
Merle grunted an affirmative. Neither of the Dixon men seemed to have much need for words.
Beth sipped at her hot tea again. She fully expected Merle to just keep walking by and into the house. He was tired, they were all tired. But more than that, Beth expected it because that's what they did. She and Merle avoided each other, dancing around being in each other's company. They knew truths that didn't lend well to further conversations. After that first exchange about keeping their experiences to themselves the tone had been set, they didn't really talk… ever. Oh, sure they ask to pass the salt or kill that walker for me, but the two didn't talk. Both Beth and Merle seemed to make sure they stayed away from each other, never being in the same room alone together and other little strange things like that. Even yesterday when they had been trapped for hours alone in that little house, there were few words between them that didn't have to do with their immediate survival.
So it mildly surprised Beth when Merle paused in front of her, turning to look down at her. "Daryl inside?" he questioned in a tired rasp.
"Sleeping," she replied as she took another sip of tea, so warm and nice in her stomach.
Merle started to take a step towards the door just like she expected but then he hesitated. He twisted to look back down at her again, a scowl on his darkened face.
"You pregnant yet too?" he asked with a spiteful twist, his cold blue eyes cast at her with loathing.
It was the same heated looked that had twisted his features when Merle had tried to stop her from saving her sister. Beth didn't know where or why Merle was coming down on her now. She didn't understand what his problem was with her sister being pregnant, let alone the thought of her as well.
"No," Beth snapped back at him, sending her own glaring look back at him.
"Tryin'?" Merle prodded harshly.
Beth jerked her head back at his forwardness. "No," she responded, too stunned by the question to muster much more, let alone the nasty retort he deserved.
Merle scoffed at her response in obvious disbelief.
If his demanding questions weren't enough to piss her off, his distrust of her certainly did. "What's your problem, Merle?"
"Just want to fuckin' know when my brother's gonna be forced to be a dad and give him a problem that he don't fuckin' need. Daryl don't want kids, never has. Just don't be gettin' any damn ideas in your head, Blondie. You best just keep that shit zipped up tight, not like your damn stupid shit of a sister," Merle snapped back at her.
Beth stared hard up at Merle, the good warm tea in her hands forgotten. "Just back off. That isn't any of your business," she snipped.
"Daryl is my damn family. He's my damn business," he growled back at her with snarl on his dirty face.
"Our bedroom is not any of your damn business," Beth barked back at him.
Merle shook his head away from her, obviously fuming from her contradictions. "Just keep your damn legs closed," he retorted before he turned and shoved his way through the front door.
His abrupt attack and stunning accusations had left Beth confused and unable to enjoy the morning as she had set out to do. She wasn't pregnant. There wasn't even the possibility yet. She and Daryl just hadn't made it that far yet. Close, so close some nights, but not there yet. The thought of those nights alone brought a little pink flush to her cheek bones.
Beth knew there would come a time when close meant more. She felt they were near, but she knew because of her dreams. Dreams that were about their future daughter.
Aubree.
The young woman in her visions was to be her daughter, Daryl's daughter. Beth knew that was the future. It was a certainty she knew down to her very own soul.
Despite that certainty, Beth rarely sat and thought about her dreams. She didn't like to think about them, to know about her impending death even if it was still decades away. Contemplating her dreams made her chest tight and difficult to breathe if she considered them too much. If Beth did happen to let a passing thought dwell on them then she tended to focus on the beautiful creation she knew that was to come... their Aubree.
The existence of Aubree meant a pregnancy would come whether she or Daryl wanted it. Beth had always wanted children. She didn't want this world to take that from her. She wanted to be brave like Maggie and Glenn. There would come a time and a place when she'd be ready for that next stage in life.
Merle had just tried to taint her with the supposed thoughts of Daryl on the subject. Beth wasn't certain if Daryl actually felt that way or not. It felt trivial to actually discuss the matter with him now and scare the man away. Aubree was a certainty but a future that could still be so far away.
What Beth didn't understand was why Merle was so angry at the thought of her being pregnant. Sure, the man's go to emotion was generally pissed off but this was different. She doubted prodding him further on the subject would lead to anything more than shouting and more cussing.
Beth blinked at the mystery of it. There was something in how quickly and angrily Merle had reacted that ticked away at her. It felt strangely like Merle knew of the certainty of a pregnancy. Beth felt her stomach twist in a familiar way at that thought. It was the same churning mess that had plagued her before in the halls of Grady, before they'd loss Tyreese and the one that had stopped Noah from joining a run. The twisted feeling was always associated with death, it was a telltale sign.
She glanced over to the kitchen window to see the profile of Merle. The feeling knotted even further into her stomach, solidifying a terrifying idea. Aubree and Merle were connected somehow. And not in a good way.