A/N: this chapter is brought to you courtesy of Plummy and Happymelt. Go shower them with kisses, they are amazing.

Here's something wonderful to get you in the mood: www . youtube watch?v=Gj-ntawOBw4&feature=share(you have to remove the spaces).

Happy reading.

o o o

"Ready?"

Bella nodded. She took a deep breath, moved her neck from side to side, and shook her shoulders the way she used to before getting into the water. Years of practice had made the ritualistic gesture into reflex, her body preparing almost unconsciously.

In truth, she felt anything but ready. The smell of chlorine, the noise of splashing and limbs hitting water, the dense, humid air- all of it brought back memories of the last time she'd been in a pool. Her vision darkened, tunneling into nothingness. For a long, surreal moment the old, run-down Port Angeles public pool faded away to be replaced by the bright modern facility of her school in Arizona, and the hesitant confidence she'd felt in the run up to today disappeared, replaced with a mounting sense of panic.

Memories of the last time she'd been in the water came back to her: the intense physical discomfort she'd experienced, the traumatic emotional turmoil that had ensued. Just thinking about how she had felt that day made her limbs feel heavy and painful, her head sore, her heart full of the loneliness and fear that she had experienced for so many weeks afterwards. She had relived her last swim, distorted and amplified, so many times in her dreams that she could no longer remember what it had been like in reality.

The water looked cold, its surface forbidding.

Bella's breathing picked up, and her neck tensed again, despite her earlier stretching. She closed her eyes and felt the tight grip of panic all around her.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice and his hand on her arm snapped her out of it.

She opened her eyes and found him standing right in front of her, his body shielding hers, his hand gentle but steady. She was level with his chest, and she noticed, with a shock, the sparse blond hair that curled over it, soft-looking and surprisingly enticing. All fear was forgotten as she forced her hands to still, to resist a deep desire to touch it, to discover what it felt like under her fingers, to follow its path upwards, towards his pulsating Adam's apple, or downwards, towards his perfect, eye-shaped navel.

Bella had grown up around half-naked boys. Her teammates' shaved torsos and tight Speedos had been so familiar as to be irrelevant in their smooth perfection. But this—chest hair and baggy swimming trunks, the sort she imagined Californian boys wore to the beach—this was something else entirely. It made her stomach tighten and her fingers tingle; it went to her head and emptied it of all thought. It filled her body with purpose and relaxed it of all tension.

She looked up at Jasper, meeting his eyes, and smiled shyly, sure that her cheeks were burning, convinced that he could tell how badly she wanted to lay her cheek on his chest.

"Yeah," she answered in a breath, forgetting what he'd said, what he'd asked. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Everything okay?" Jasper's voice was soft and gentle, close to her, caressing her with its quiet concern.

She nodded quickly. "Let's do it."

She turned away from him and, without further thought, stepped all the way to the edge of the pool. She took a deep breath and dived in right away, her arms perfectly straight over her head, her legs springing powerfully away from the edge.

o o o

The second it took her to hit the water seemed to go on forever. A hint of fear rushed through her, the crazy notion she could somehow stop the inevitable, turn back to dry land, avoid the impact.

But then it was cold and fresh, and the adrenaline turned into something familiar and comforting. She opened her eyes underwater and swam as far as her breath could take her—nowhere near as fast or long as she used to be able to—and soon, too soon, she surfaced. Instead of swimming on, as she would have done in the past, she stilled and turned around, and there was Jasper standing at the end of the pool, looking at her intently, his face illuminated by a serious, solemn smile.

She smiled back, big this time, and called out to him.

"Come in!" she said, not loud enough for him to hear her.

Jasper read the words on her lips and the expectation in the way her brow furrowed. He walked to the edge of the pool slowly and paused for a long moment before jumping in.

He hesitated, partly because he was still reeling from Bella's perfect dive, from the way she'd sprung effortlessly and glided into the water with barely a splash, and was self-conscious at his comparative lack of skills, partly because the last few minutes had been so intense, and he had to rebalance himself before he could rejoin her.

Bella had been nervous and hesitant during the drive here and then downright scared as they had approached the water. He'd seen it all flash through her eyes; he'd seen her body tense and release, her breath catch and then even out as wave after wave of feeling crashed through her, her face incapable of hiding any of it. She was like an open book, so easy to read, yet no less enticing for it. He'd taken her confused emotions and wrapped them around himself, absorbing them, deflecting them.

Above all, he'd seen her body, unclothed, uncovered, real.

He had known before today that she was tall and lithe, but he had no idea she was so physically perfect. Her shoulders were strong, and her back straight, her neck truly like a swan's, her collarbone sharp and delicate, appealing in a maddening, incomprehensible way.

He'd appreciated her long legs, but he had no idea that they were so lean and muscular, and, above all, he could not have possibly imagined that her baggy jeans and sweaters had hidden such a fine, gorgeous ass.

And the rest of her—he'd tried not to stare, he'd forced himself to be satisfied with a brief glimpse, but he had seen her breasts through the simple black swimsuit, small and round and inviting. He was sure he was not going to be able to think of anything else from now on.

He had thought her pretty before today, a lovely thing, beautiful even when she looked at him with her brown eyes wide open in wonder and apprehension; he'd thought about her a lot, had surprised himself with the sweet desire to be near enough that he could smell her.

But now… now that he'd seen her almost naked, now that he'd seen her beautiful body and the way she inhabited it with confidence and strength—now he wanted to kiss her, to feel her. She was not the child his brothers had befriended, not the girl his parents seemed so worried about. She was a woman, and everything about her sang to him.

Conscious of Bella's gaze on him, Jasper shook his head to clear his thoughts and jumped into the water clumsily, not even attempting to dive. He swam the few yards out to her slowly, his eyes fixed on hers, wanting to stretch their distance out for as long as he could. A few people were swimming leisurely around them, but the pool was half empty in the early afternoon.

Bella waited for him, almost still, her face serene, expectant. Like a flower, he thought, a water lily, floating gently, aloof, completely in her element.

"How does it feel?" he asked when he reached her. Her lips and eyelashes were glistening with diamond-like droplets.

"It's fine." Her smile was wide and sincere. She moved her arms lazily, just enough to keep her afloat, expending the least possible amount of energy. "It's better than fine. It's great."

"See? It was just a matter of taking the plunge."

She nodded. "I want to swim a bit. Is that okay?"

"That's what we're here for. Go for it."

"Race me?"

Did she have any idea how suggestive she sounded, how much her words made him want to lose his mind? He had to laugh, purely to clear his head of the possibility that she might.

"No fucking way," he laughed, "I didn't come here to be humiliated. You do your thing. I'll do mine."

She nodded and dived in, gently at first, an easy, unhurried freestyle, effortless to watch, beautifully precise. Jasper admired her from an increasing distance, taking his time to start swimming himself. She reached the end of the lane, then flipped over and started a faster, powerful backstroke that soon had people clearing out of the lane to make way for her. Jasper himself moved over and swam slowly, leisurely, keeping an eye on her, stopping to observe her from time to time.

They kept going for half an hour—Bella swimming in a lane of her own, alternating different styles and paces, but ultimately reverting back to the backstroke that seemed to come easiest to her. Jasper found a steady rhythm of his own which soon allowed him to lose himself in thought, until his mind was beautifully still, and he felt completely, utterly balanced. Every once in a while he stopped and looked out for her, admiring how striking and purposeful she was, how commanding. A strange feeling, a mix of pride and awe, and a stinging desire to own some her power and talent, to possess it, took hold of him.

He noticed now that she had slowed down somewhat and that her movements were becoming jerkier, less coordinated. He swam out to her while she rested, holding on to the ledge of the pool, and stopped next to her.

Their elbows touched. Her skin was glistening wet, her hair dark and long against her shoulders, a striking contrast to her pale, fine skin. Her goggles, which now rested atop her head, had left red marks all around her eyes, which only served to emphasize their beautiful almond shape and the depth of their color. She was panting lightly with the effort, her chest heaving rhythmically, the vibrations reverberating in his own body through their single point of contact.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she answered, a little out of breath, "it's great. Thank you so much for making me do this."

She smiled and leaned her head down on her arms so that she looked at him sideways, in an intimate, almost childlike gesture.

"You're welcome." He smiled back, wishing he could move even closer.

From the corner of his eye, Jasper noticed something dark on Bella's shoulder. Instinctively, he reached out to touch it, and startled when he realized what it was.

"A tattoo?" he asked, his brow arched.

Bella nodded and turned her face towards it, focusing her gaze on the same spot as Jasper's, their faces now so close.

"What is it?" he asked, tracing it again, this time more slowly, his fingerpad sliding easily on the wet skin. Bella shivered in response, and a small sound escaped her lips. Jasper pulled away, surprised as much by her reaction as by the white-hot desire to touch her again.

"It's… letters. E and S." She waited to see whether that made sense to Jasper, then continued when she saw that this provoked no reaction. "Edward and Seth."

Jasper's eyes darted quickly from her shoulder blade to her face. He was surprised and, she thought, a little hurt.

"My brothers," he said, with odd finality. "Right."

He turned away, overwhelmed by a sudden surge of irrational jealousy. It means nothing, he told himself. Something they did as kids. Yet the fact she was branded with their names, that she had, at some point in her life, felt so much for his brothers that she'd want to have their initials emblazoned forever on her skin served as a painful reminder that they shared an intense bond he knew nothing about.

He put some distance between them and looked away.

Next to him, Bella shivered again, distracting him from his confused thoughts, bringing him back to the here and now. To her.

"Are you getting tired?" he said instead. "Should we get out?" His voice had an edge of tenderness that was unfamiliar to his own ears.

"I'm just cold… we can stay longer if you want."

She sounded hesitant; her ease and lightheartedness from just a few minutes before dissipated in the awkwardness that had followed the discovery of her tiny inked symbol.

"No, no that's fine. We should get out."

He pushed away from the edge, aiming to get to the ladder a few yards away. But instead of pushing right past Bella, he stopped just behind her, placing his arms on either side of her as he rested his hands on the edge of the pool. He got as close as he could without actually touching her, aiming to keep a thin layer of water between them. But perhaps because she didn't appreciate how close he was, or maybe precisely because she wanted to get closer, she turned around so her whole body came into contact with his.

They stood still, gazing at each other, each shocked by their sudden physical intimacy. Jasper felt her everywhere- around his legs, against his groin, on his chest.

Rational thought left him. All he could feel was Bella. All he could see was Bella. All he could hear was the sound of blood pounding in his ears.

All he wanted was to taste her. And so he did. It took no time at all— her mouth was already so close, her lips already wet, her eyes wide open—waiting for him.

He kissed her before he realized he was doing it. Before he could consider whether he should or why he shouldn't. He kissed her, and she was sweet and soft and stunned.

He kissed her and pulled away before she realized, before she could respond.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Yeah," she answered, low and hoarse.

"You're an amazing swimmer. I loved watching you today."

His gaze was intent, his voice eager, and he swore he could feel the vibrations of her heart beating through the water around them.

"Jasper…," she answered longingly, and his name on her lips in this strange suspended moment was like a sweet siren song, tender and soothing the very depths of his soul.

"Thank you," he said, and meant it, even though it was an awkward thing to say right then.

"Thank you," she answered, and she smiled big, her red and trembling.

Jasper let go abruptly and reached out for the ladder. Bella climbed up before him, her skin covered in goosebumps as the chilled air hit it. He followed quickly after her, then grabbed her towel from the nearby rail. He opened it up for her and hugged it tight against her.

He held her snug in her blue towel, keeping her close against his chest. She kept her head bent because she couldn't imagine looking up at him right now, overwhelmed with emotion and feeling and desire.

He held her until he started shivering himself, until he felt her stiffen in his embrace. Reluctantly, he pulled away, keeping his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him, then raised her head to meet his gaze straight on. There was fire and trepidation; there was a question. He smiled and ran his hand across her cheek. Her eyes fluttered shut in response. He saw her mouth, waiting, inviting, and for a moment he wanted to do it again, to kiss her properly, to see how different it would be if it wasn't a surprise. Instead, he moved his hand towards her lips, running a finger against them slowly, relishing the sweet torture he was inflicting on her.

o o o

Later, after each had taken their time showering and getting dressed in their separate changing rooms, they met in the cafeteria, a simple area overlooking the pool, separated by a large glass window. They could see the swimmers below but couldn't hear any noise. The restaurant was almost empty, and they carried their trays to the table in the furthest corner.

Bella let go of her shoulder bag heavily, letting it hit the ground with a thud. She sat down and let out a huge sigh.

"I'm starving," she said as she unwrapped a large tuna sandwich. She tried to act nonchalant, to ignore what had happened, flustered and confused by it all.

Jasper sat down in front of her slowly. Her wet hair hung loosely on her shoulders; her cheeks were flushed from the shower. She smelled of fruity shampoo and clean skin, and her eyes were dancing with joy. The tiredness and self-consciousness that had hung over her ever since their first encounter in his mother's kitchen seemed to have lifted, and she was illuminated with energy and purpose. He watched her take a large bite out of her sandwich and smiled.

"That sandwich looks awesome," he said, ironically.

"Mmmhh," she answered, swallowing quickly, "it isn't, actually, but right now, it's exactly what I need."

Jasper opened the pack of chips he'd picked up and started eating them slowly.

"I guess the Port Angeles public pool is not exactly a culinary hotspot."

"It could be worse."

"I find it hard to believe."

"Trust me, I speak from experience. I think I've been to every single public swimming pool in Arizona and New Mexico, and anything better than a vending machine counts as major success."

Jasper smiled, considering her.

"Do you miss home?"

"No... not really. I like it here." She didn't dare looking at him, in case he read too much—or too little—into her words. "It used to be my favorite place in the world."

Jasper arched eyebrow, urging her to go on. He leaned a bit further into the table, to catch her words and catch her scent.

"I had a freedom here than I could never have in Phoenix. My life there... it was always so regimented. School and practice and those horrible social events my stepfather insisted I attend." She paused, thinking that Phil and Renee were probably in the thick of their grueling Christmas season. "But here, here I roamed. My Dad let me do whatever I wanted. I could wake up at noon and be outside all day and get as muddy and sweaty as I wanted. No one was on my back to tell me to brush my hair, to tuck in my blouse, to not chew my nails."

Jasper smiled, half-remembering, half-inventing the little girl she was describing, tomboyish and serious and determined.

"And your family took me in," Bella continued, on a roll now, "and I felt safe, and loved, and... I don't know. It's like anything that ever mattered in my life happened here, which is crazy, 'cause it was only a few weeks a year."

He looked at her intently. He wondered whether he was one of the things that mattered in her life. He wanted to be the thing that mattered most in her life, here, now. He remembered the feeling of her body against his and knew that, to him, she mattered more than anything.

"My brothers, my parents… They all love you so much. It's kind of scary, actually."

"Why scary?"

"Because they know you... they own you." He paused, astonished at the violence of his possessiveness. "And I don't."

The only sound in Bella's ears was her own heart and the pulsing of her blood in her veins. She was incredulous, unsettled, and turned on by his harsh words.

"You want to own me?" She tried to make it sound as a joke, to keep her tone light, but it came out strangled and hoarse.

"No." Yes. "Of course not." He was suddenly caught off-guard, torn between wanting to spell out the truth and coating it in a way that seemed less aggressive, less predatory. "But I want to know you. That's… that's okay, right?"

"Sure. I mean, I want you to know me, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So... where do we start?"

"Now? You wanna do it now, like… a thing?" She laughed, flustered.

"Yeah, like a thing. Why not?" he laughed back, loving the way she seemed shy under his gaze, shy but not reticent, intrigued and wanting to hide it.

"Okay, then. Fine. You tell me what you want to know."

"Well, I already know that you're an only child, your parents are divorced... You're a great swimmer"

"Were."

"Are. I've seen you."

She looked away, away from his compliments and his intense stare. He continued.

"I know you don't dry your hair when you wash it. That you have a tattoo."

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out. Is there anything you actually want to know?"

"Well... the obvious, I guess. Do you have a boyfriend?

"No. No boyfriend."

"No one special, back in Arizona?"

"No... no one back home."

Jasper looked at her, studying her intently. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. But the things he wanted couldn't be asked, not in words anyway. He went on, pushing her just a little bit farther, hoping to see her blush.

"Was there ever anyone special?"

He was rewarded with her eyes growing wide and her cheeks pinking up, and with the riveting sight of Bella struggling with how much truth she should reveal to a question that could mean so many different things.

He saw her inexperience, the embarrassment it brought her, the temptation to conceal her innocence, to evade his question.

In the end, she chose the simplest, hardest answer:

"No. Never."

They were silent for a few minutes after that, the remains of their food idle on the red plastic trays.

"What about you?" Bella asked finally, her voice snapping the pregnant silence.

"What about me?" Jasper echoed her words, still not looking up, his focus seemingly entirely absorbed by peeling off the paper label on his bottle of water.

"Is there anyone?" Bella swallowed. It was so hard to ask. "I mean… do you have a girlfriend, somewhere?"

He looked up, his blue eyes wide with astonishment. He hadn't had a girlfriend since Alice; there had been someone, but, right now, she seemed distant, irrelevant. A memory of Maria flashed past, black eyes and black hair and dark red lips, a tight skirt hitched up to her waist, her back against the wall and her nails digging in his scalp. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"There's no one."

Bella struggled for a few minutes to process what he'd told her and to find the courage to ask some questions of her own.

"Jasper... can I ask you something too?" she finally said, her voice small, irritatingly shy to her own ears. He nodded at her, curious and wary.

"Why are you here? What happened?"

He looked away from her, towards the water below them. It occurred to him that his being home might have been talked about, that Esme might have already given some explanation to Bella for his presence in Forks.

"My Mom didn't tell you?"

Bella shook her head.

"My Dad said... you had some kind of breakdown." She stopped, embarrassed to continue, afraid to hit a barrier. "I'm sorry, I don't know if this is okay."

Jasper let out a small, bitter laugh.

"Don't be sorry. Your Dad is right. That's what happened, more or less."

Bella swallowed, feeling out of her depth now, unsure how much she could push, how much she should let it go. But he'd said he wanted to know her, hadn't he? He'd kissed her. Surely it was okay to ask some questions, too, even if they were awkward and painful.

"Was it because of work?"

He shrugged.

"In part, yes. But it wasn't really just that."

He continued looking away, silent. Bella was quiet, too, holding her breath.

"There was a woman."

His words sounded harsh, final to Bella. A woman. Not a girl. A woman who wasn't a girlfriend.

"You want to tell me about her?"

Jasper shook his head. His mind was suddenly filled with images of Maria, of bodies and drugs, of the smell of sweat and booze and expensive car leather seats. In front of him stood Bella, pale and lovely and sweet, asking him about it all. The contrast between what he carried in his heart and what he saw before his eyes was so violent it made him nauseous.

"Do I want to tell you about her? I don't know. You'd probably want to run away in the opposite direction, if I did."

Bella smiled shyly. She wanted him to take her seriously. She wanted him to see her as someone who could be entrusted with secrets, challenged with unsavorable truths.

"I don't think that's possible."

"Bella... you're so sweet. Your sweetness kills me, sometimes."

"You make it sound like that's a problem."

He grabbed her hand across the table, folding it easily within his own.
"God Bella... no. It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

She moved her hand away.

"But you still won't tell me."

"Does it mean so much to you?"

"Yes. I want to know you, too."

He looked at her intently. She held his gaze.

"Her name was Maria," he began. "She was older. She was... married."

He let the words linger, hoping they would be enough.

"I understand."

"Do you Bella, really? How can you understand?" His voice was gently goading, incredulous.

"Is it so hard to understand?" Bella answered, animated by a growing passion. "That she fell in love with you, even though she was older and not free?"

Jasper laughed again.

"Love... it was nothing like that, trust me."

"What, then. What was it?"

She wasn't going to let it go. She wasn't going to let him go. It forced Jasper to articulate things he'd kept buried and murky.

"I guess... she wanted me. I don't know. she wanted to have me. I was like a game to her, or... I don't know. A diversion."

"She used you."

"It's not so simple. I was willing. I wanted her to. We did things..."

He paused for a long moment.

"She hurt you." Bella's voice was low but surprisingly steady, filled with trust and understanding.

"I was an idiot, Bella."

"You're too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes."

He reached out for her hand again and this time entwined his fingers with hers, holding it tight. He smiled at her, a tender smile only barely infused with regret.

"And what about you, Bella... have you made many mistakes?

"I don't know... I guess not." She paused. "Not yet, at least."

o o o

In her room, later that night, Bella kept replaying the events of the day, Jasper's words. His eyes, his body. His touch, the way his finger had lingered on her shoulder, the way she'd pressed herself against him in the water, what it had felt to be held in his arms— that heady combination of claustrophobia and surrender. But above all, his mouth, his lips- so sudden and so forceful, so fleeting. She touched her lips and felt herself go weak, remember the shock and the elation that he'd caused her, the sharp thrill of his words when he'd hinted at his past with that woman.

She was confused at the fact that he kissed her and then pulled away. What was holding him back? How much longer for?

The drive back from Port Angeles had been quiet and strangely tense; she had been exhausted with both the physical exertion and the emotional backlash of an afternoon of physical proximity and what had felt like incredibly intimate conversation. Jasper had been distant, absent, as if pulling back from everything. He hadn't touched her at all, not even to wish her goodbye.

Her computer beeped and pulled her out of her reverie. She sat up straighter and brought it back to her knees, then opened up her chat window.

Edward.

She hadn't spoken to him in months, hadn't seen him in almost two years; now, seeing his name and the little guitar icon pop up on her screen made her realize how much she had missed him.

"You there?"

"Yes!"

"Hi."

"How's New York?"

"Cold. Amazing."

"You'll have to tell me everything."

"Are you really in Forks?"

"Yeah. Seth told you?

"And Mom."

"Right. It's weird being here in winter, without you guys."

"You must be so bored."

No, she wanted to say. Strange and suspended and slow, but not bored. Alive.

"Yeah, I guess. Seth is coming the day after tomorrow, so… he said he wasn't sure you'd come for Christmas."

"Well, I wasn't gonna, but yeah… I'll be there on the 23rd"

"Cool. I want all the stories."

"What stories."

"Oh come on! All of them. Music girls work.. everything."

"Only if you tell me yours."

"Yeah well, I don't have any."

As she typed the words, she felt like a liar. Jasper and her… it was not a story yet, more of a prologue, a hope and a prayer. But even if it did become something more, would she have the words to tell it to Edward?

o o o

Jasper felt simultaneously like the biggest idiot on the planet and a self-flagellating martyr.

He'd held her. He'd had her. She had melted into him and looked in his eyes in a way that didn't leave any room for doubt. He had, inexplicably, let her go just as it had all become crystal clear to him: that he wanted her, that he wanted her naked, that he wanted to be inside her in every possible way.

Even now, just thinking of her made him hard and light-headed, angry that he had denied himself, confused at the reason behind it.

Her lack of experience, her innocence, her unadulterated desire—all of it only served to highlight his own less than edifying past. The fact that she'd barely flinched when he'd started telling her about Maria was further proof that she really had no clue what she was asking for.

Above all, if he was honest, he feared her lack of self-defense: for she was so willing, so ready, so open, and he was not sure that, once he started, he could ever refrain from taking it all, too quickly and too roughly.

When he closed his eyes all he could see was Bella's black bathing suit and her wet, smooth skin.

o o o

A/N: Thank you, lovely readers. You make it all worthwhile, and each and every one of you is precious to me.

I have a rec: In the Debris, by Believeitornot. Four beautiful, damaged teenagers navigating life, love, loss and friendship: "I write a poem about a boy and girl who fall in love in the eye of a tornado." I love this story so much.