Chapter 14.
Ross came home from the office a little later than usual on that unseasonably chilly September day…even unseasonable for Royston Vasey. He had his shoes kicked off and keys tossed to the end table before he even noticed Sarah standing in the kitchen. Even though her back was facing him, he could see that she was still in her prenatal yoga clothes. It was a class she had started herself after noticing a rise in pregnancies following the various disasters that had befallen this ridiculous town.
"Sorry I'm late." Ross shrugged off his coat and rested his file case in its usual spot. Silence was the only reply.
"Did you need help with dinner? Or did we have plans for tonight? Sorry Pauline kept me with this idiotic claim on one of Mickey's cousins….or brothers…or both…I could believe all thre-"
"For god sakes, shut up!"
She hadn't moved a muscle but her voice carried through the house as though she had shouted into a loud speaker. "Just for a few more moments…I need to savor this silence…"
Shaken and confused, Ross moved to the kitchen to see what was wrong before he slipped and fell directly onto his tailbone.
"If you think you've broken something, now might be the time to tell you that my water broke five minutes ago and we should probably head to the hospital."
Ross, not even feeling the pain in his ass at this point, could only look up in shock. "Are-are you sure?"
"About us needing to go to the hospital, or my water breaking? Because what do you think you're sitting in?" She waddled past him to get her jacket and started heading towards the door. "Let's go! I want to get to the pain meds before I need them!"
By the time the realization of what was happening actually hit Ross, Sarah was honking the car horn. "Come on! I put a grocery bag on the seat, but I don't know how long that's going to last!"
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Ross didn't even remember driving to the hospital. He remembered running through his surely bruised tailbone to the car, then suddenly a nurse had Sarah in a wheel chair and she was gripping his hand.
"Are you doing your Lamaze breathing, love?"
"I'M SHITTING OUT A HUMAN, LADY! I DON'T THINK I EVEN REMEMBER HOW TO BLINK! I'm sorry, that was mean, I'm just- GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH!"
Ross held her hand as best he could through the contractions. He wanted to offer up some advice or words of comfort, but nothing was leaping to mind. Nothing that wouldn't have gotten him punched in the face, that is. Instead, he awkwardly leaned down and kissed her on the head as they sped through the hospital to the delivery ward.
Much to their collective chagrins, the private rooms were either occupied or in the process of sanitation. Some more choice words were spurted, until they were directed to a lounge area with some privacy curtains and a bed with stirrups. Once she was put in the bed, she seemed to be able to calm down enough to perform the proper breathing, but it didn't cut down on the swearing any. Nurses rushed in and out, taking Sarah's vitals and assuring her that a room would be free shortly. Tired of feeling helpless, Ross staggered for something to say.
"I-I want you to know that I'm here with you. Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?"
The glare that red-faced, sweating, Sarah shot at him could've killed him right there, but he could tell she was holding back. Even at a time like this, she was interpreting him.
"…..ice…chips….please…." she said in as carefully measured tone as she could muster. He hadn't seen himself since before she had gone into labor, but he could only image how pathetic and frightened he must've looked, if even Sarah was being patient with him in her current state.
It must've been even worse than that. As he walked down the hall to the ice machine in a daze, Ross was met with concerned looks by doctors, nurses, and patients alike, before everything went fuzzy then black.
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When Ross came to, he found himself in a hospital bed and gown. His shock and confusion only worsened when he noticed an all too familiar figure in garish colors siting near the window.
"Is this hell? Did I die?" his flat monotone barely masking his deep displeasure at waking up to Pauline in his company.
"Oh, if only it were true, Ross. How lovely that would be." Pauline responded casually as she mindlessly flipped through a magazine.
"I don't suppose you can tell me what happened?" He surveyed his surroundings and noticed a drip attached to his arm.
"Sarah called me when the nurses told her you collapsed. Sad, Ross. Sad." She shot him a judgmental look that couldn't mask her pure delight at the situation. "Something about a bruised coccyx, pinched nerve, maybe broken, I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention."
Ross was desperate for more information but could tell whatever he was going to get out of Pauline was going to be at her demented discretion. "How long have I been out?"
"Oh, I dunno, Ross. I've been here twenty minutes now, but your blooming beloved called me an hour or so ago. "
"Has she…"
"No, Ross…"He hated the way she loved to drag out his name. "A nurse said they would send someone in when anything of note happens. Not that I take much stock in that. I can hardly imagine whatever you've produced with that poor American is 'of note'."
"THAT'S ENOUGH, PAULINE!" His burst in temper called the attention of a few passerbys, so hopefully someone would pass the information on to Sarah. He sank back into his bed and fought off tears. Could this possibly get any worse? Here he was, injured in the stupidest possible way, missing the birth of his first child, in a room with what he would easily classify as his nemesis, and causing the mother of said child even more stress than she has any right to at the moment.
Pauline, visibly shaken by his outburst, slowly stood and stiffly walked over to his bed. "Now let's get something clear..." She whispered in an icy tone, hate dripping out of her hideous glasses, "I despise you with every fiber of my being and am only here out of respect for my imbecile husband who considers you a friend." She leaned in closer with every syllable until their noses were almost touching.
"The feeling is mutual, Pauline."
"I'm not finished you egregious bastard." She adjusted her glasses and continued. "Seeing as today is what it is…consider this payback for my wedding."
"That hardly makes us even." Ross sneered as she stood and straightened her suit jacket.
She jutted her bottom jaw and made her way over to the door. "I'll just let the nurses know you're awake and see what they can do about getting you on your feet. I'm sure you don't want to miss whatever creature is going to fall out of your fiancé's unmentionables."
"Watch it, Pauline."
"Piss off, Ross." She opened the door and made to exit.
"Pauline?"
"What?!" She shoved her over-made up head back into the room.
"Thank you."
She nodded and shut the door quietly.
Whatever medicine the doctors had him on seemed to suddenly overpower him as he couldn't help but drift off to sleep again.
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When next Ross awoke, it was to a nurse fiddling with the drip in his arm. His glasses were off, but through the voices, he heard one that could only be Pauline.
"Come on, come on. It's not like he's critical! Just take him off the bloody hard stuff and get him in a chair. He's about to be a father!" For once, Ross was glad for the unnatural force that was Pauline.
"Is it time?" He groggily lulled out…drugged sleep slowly leaving his system.
"Yes, it's fucking time!" She paced frantically as she waited for the nurse to finish checking Ross's vitals. "They've had you on the heavy drugs and you've been passed out for three bloody hours!"
Ross gradually realized that he was being pulled out of bed and into a wheel chair.
"I'm sorry, dear. This being her first, we thought labor was going to take much longer." The nurse said, a little too gently as though she didn't realize the urgency of the situation. "It's going to take a wee bit for the medicine to work its way out of your system, so walking is out of the question right now, ok?"
"Just shut up and take me to see Sarah!"
The Nurse scrunched her face at the order, only to be pushed out of the way by Pauline.
"Enough of this nonsense, he needs to get down there now, or that screaming fiancé is going to kill 'm, then me." The wheel chair was yanked with such a force that Ross was almost knocked out of it in his semi numb state.
"Hold on, we've got two wards to cross and a fully dilated American."
They crossed the hospital with a speed Ross didn't think Pauline could maintain in those pumps she so loved to wear. Eventually, Ross began to hear a bevy of screams and various noises of labor, and he knew they made it to the delivery ward.
"Did they find her a room?"
"Yeah…she's inside no. 9. Now keep your gown on, we're almost there." Pauline grunted out as they made a sharp left turn down a hall and a familiar voice pierced the air.
"DON'T TELL ME TO PUSH! I'LL PUSH WHEN I'M GOOD AND FUCKING READY TO PUSH! WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!"
"Ma'am if we could keep the language down to a minimum-"
"FUCK OFF! WHERE IS HE?"
"Good luck with that." Pauline whispered into his ear as she launched his chair through the open door into Sarah's room.
"Ross! Thank Christ! Honey, are you okay?"
Ross barely managed to stop the chair from running into a table before he could force his drugged hands to roll himself over to the bed where Sarah was confined.
"I'm sorry! I don't know what happened, I went to get the ice, then Pauline was there…."
"I know, I know…It's ok, just get over here and hold my fucking hand, I'm feeling another contraction coming."
"Alrighty Miss Clarke." The doctor sighed and resumed his position between Sarah's legs. "Take a deep breathe now….and push…"
"Just get it out of me, NOW!" Sarah roared as she squeezed out what little feeling Ross had left in his hands.
Somehow, Ross found the strength to stand and lean his head against hers as another contraction hit. He brushed the hair off of her forehead as she grunted through the pain.
"You're doing amazing." He said in pure wonder at the pain she was biting through.
Sarah met his eyes as she let out a contented huff of air before yet another contraction started.
"That's it, Miss Clarke! Give me one more good push…" And with a final squeeze of Ross's hand, a high-pitched scream rang through the air.
"Well done you two! You've got a beautiful baby girl." Ross and Sarah let out a sigh of relief as the Doctor cut the chord, and passed the squealing baby off to one of the nurses.
Sarah had barely leaned up to kiss Ross before she jerked away in pain. "I've got another contraction! Is that the afterbirth?"
"No, Miss Clarke, that'll be the second baby?"
"The WHAT?"
"The twin? Surely you knew…Who was your attending Ob-gyn?" The doctor grabbed the chart off of the small table next to him.
"Chinnery. I might have known…" Was all Ross heard before passing out a second time.
A.N. - Yes, I went there. Bite me. I couldn't leave my Chekhov's Chinnery hanging there without a payoff.