CHAPTER 13

Bella sat in her car, unable to start driving. Her head was spinning and her heart hammered furiously. Bella had not felt this shaken in a very long time. She pulled her hair and groaned loudly, letting her head fall against the steering wheel.

The drama that had taken place in the kitchen had been so intense that Bella now felt weak and dizzy. Edward's pure agony had been so very heartbreaking. She couldn't stop picturing his eyes. The torment deep in his green orbs was haunting her. She remembered how, throughout the years, there had been days that she had wished for him to suffer the way she had, but the truth was that seeing him in such pain was not gratifying at all. It only added more to her own sorrow. She hated that they were both suffering.

Bella wiped the few tears that had escaped and took a deep breath. She started the car then and drove away from Jasper's place. She couldn't stop but think about the way they'd hugged in the kitchen, the way Edward held her so strongly against his chest as she sobbed, the way his lips slightly brushed against her forehead as he apologized and vowed that he loved her.

Her heart squeezed and flipped. The fear of the word love stung her insides.

"I can't," she confessed out loud, repeating the same words she had told him.

But why did it feel so comforting? Why did she wish he could hug her again?

Bella shook her head to rid of these thoughts. She reminded herself of the reality. No matter the reason, Edward had hurt her. He had broken her. He had rejected her. He had used her.

He could do the same again.

It was too easy for him to just tell her now that he loved her. Love was not enough. His actions had been wrong and she had to think about Tony as well. He'd hurt him too.

Bella forced herself to focus on driving and decided to park by the pier to clear her mind before heading back home. She still had a few hours before picking Tony from school and since she had taken the day off, she went to sit down by the water. She stared at the boats passing by and the mountains in the background, glad that the weather was dry for once.

Her mind kept going back to Edward. She couldn't believe that, after all these years, her body had molded so perfectly against his. It had felt so natural to be in his arms. She was furious that it had felt so good. It had been exactly what she had needed and she hated that. She didn't want to need him. She had taken care of herself and Tony for all these years. She was strong and independent and she didn't need Edward.

Her phone rang and she looked at it, not recognizing the number, and answered anyway.

"Hey, Bella, it's me. Edward."

Her stomach twisted at his voice so close to her ear. She didn't say anything.

"I was wondering if we could talk? Please."

Bella took a deep breath before answering.

"Okay."

After telling him where she was by the waterfront, they hung up. Bella felt like she should prepare a speech. How come she didn't have a speech ready after all these years? She felt nervous and scared.

When he approached her with two coffees, she wanted to smile at him despite everything. But she didn't. Smiling wasn't appropriate right now. He gave her a small, crooked smile anyway before sitting next to her on the bench.

"I got you coffee," he told her, handing her one of the cups. " Thank you for meeting me. I really appreciate it."

Bella stared at the water. She decided that she was going to listen to what he had to say first.

She heard him exhale deeply, facing the water as well.

"Tanya wrote the check and the note. I just spoke to her and she confirmed it." He finally said.

Bella's head spun to face him in a snap. She stared, eyes wide. She had been so certain it had been his parents. He looked at her, their eyes locking. She could see anger in his.

He shook his head and broke their connection. He stared back at the water, his jaw clenched.

"I asked her to get a divorce." He said next. "We were never together and we've never loved each other. I've asked her for a divorce before and she'd begged me to still try. But now, I can't."

Bella took a sip of her coffee, listening intently to his words. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear any of it but yet she listened to every word carefully.

She glanced at him and saw his fists digging into his thighs. She wondered if it would be okay to take his hands into hers so he would calm down. But she held on to her cup and stared back at the water instead.

"Why would she want to stay married if you didn't love each other?" she wondered out loud.

She felt him shrug next to her.

"She's very superficial. The truth doesn't matter to her as long as it appears perfect. Status is her ultimate goal. And we appeared as the perfect couple to the outside world. We both have money. We come from similar background. It… It was all pretend. And that's what I had agreed to do when I married her."

Bella frowned but didn't say anything else. She had never had money. She couldn't understand, she thought.

"I hate her. I utterly hate her for what she did. She tried to kill our son," he said, his voice suddenly rough and low.

Her whole body shuddered at the thought. Her baby. Her eyes watered and she blinked a few times.

"I hate that you received this check and note while pregnant. I hate… that you thought I…" his voice broke and he stayed quiet.

She looked at him and saw tears rolling down his cheeks. She bit her lips hard to not let her own tears escape.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and their eyes met again. His red and wet, hers bleak and overcast.

"You really thought I wrote it," he whispered as a statement but she knew it was still a question.

She tore her eyes away and gazed at the horizon.

"I don't know what you're capable of, Edward. I… I don't know you," she explained. "I thought I knew you and then… You did things that I would've never thought you capable of. I realized I never knew you."

The silence grew between them as the words sunk in. They both sipped on their coffee quietly.

Edward twisted his body so he could face her better.

"Bella," he said, waiting for her to look at him. Finally, she turned around, her expression controlled, and met his gaze. "You do know me. You were the person who knew me the best. And I haven't been myself since I've lost you."

Bella shook her head, the anger starting to boil inside of her.

"You told me lies and you made me believe you, and then you ripped me apart and threw me away like a dirty whore!"

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He nodded slowly.

"I know. I did that. I'm sorry. What I did to you was beyond horrible. And I'm not blaming anybody else for my choices and my actions. I take responsibility for it. But I'm so sorry for it. I want to make amends. I know I was wrong. So very wrong, Bella. If I could, I would take it away. I would go back and do it so completely different. I would never leave you. I would never hurt you. I would never destroy our happiness for money and business."

Edward reached for Bella's hand and squeezed her soft hand in his warm one before she quickly pulled away, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Would've and could've are not enough, Edward," Bella told him in a broken voice.

"I understand," he responded weakly, his heart twisting so hard he could barely breathe. "I'm grateful that you agreed to listen to me so I could apologize. I regret everything that has happened since that Christmas day six years ago, Bella. I love you. I loved you then and I still love you today. And I love Tony. No matter if I ever get to really meet him or not. I… I never felt so wounded and protective for another human being as I felt for him when I read that note. I would've run back to you in a second if I had ever found out you were pregnant, Bella. I promise you, I would've never done what Tanya did."

Bella couldn't hold her tears any longer. She let them fall freely, gasping for air. Edward watched her as she cried next to him. He didn't try to touch her again, understanding that she needed space. She couldn't forgive him but his words brought some relief to her pain. Hearing him repent and apologize had a magical way to help release all the hurt she had been holding in for so long.

After a while, when her tears ceased, they both got up and walked side by side, without touching, without talking, and they each went to their respective cars and left, going their own way.

...

Hey everybody! Thank you so much for being so patient! I'm so sorry for the delay. Sometimes life happens and you lose some control but I'm back. Until now, I've been really consistent with updating weekly and I'll try my best to keep up with my schedule but I still have to deal with some personal things... I promise I will try my best to be consistent and that I will not give up on this story!

In the meanwhile, send me some love :)