The next time Blaine woke up, he didn't remember where he was. He stretched out his legs and yawned. He was tangled in the sheets and but he couldn't really bother to kick them off.
With a lot of effort he managed to open his eyes and try to take in his surroundings.
Where was he? He didn't recognise anything around him. Instead of his dormitory's stone walls he was staring at beautiful warm-looking wooden panels. There was no window, but that part he was well used to as his dormitory was in the dungeons.
Suddenly he felt movement on his right side and his entire body went stiff. Was someone next to him? Who the hell was in his bed? A few names raced through his head but they all seemed unlikely. Was it Sebastian, who had found a new "fun" way of waking him up?
But then his mind awoke properly and he remembered why he wasn't in his dormitory, and just who he was sleeping next to.
Then Kurt rolled over and almost pushed Blaine over the edge of the bed.
He clinged to the side of the bed and managed to avoid falling to the floor.
He gently rolled Kurt, who was still asleep, over again and moved after him so he wouldn't be too close to the edge. Kurt was using Blaine's right arm as a pillow so it was quite impossible for him to move any further without waking Kurt up. He looked so peaceful. He seemed even more angelic when he was asleep.
But why would Blaine even want to move? He had Kurt merely inches away, the bed was really warm and comfortable and he didn't have any plans for the day. He did have some studying to do, but that could wait.
He caught a glance at his digital watch that displayed the time. It was just five in the morning. He should get back to sleep.
With a pang of disappointment he realised that Kurt did have plans, and that he should probably wake him up, otherwise he would be really mad. He really didn't want to.
Blaine had never felt more at peace than now. Kurt's presence usually had that effect on him, but particularly now when they weren't fighting or going through a big drama. They just calmly existed next to each other, safely hidden from the prying eyes of the judgemental world. It was just the two of them.
Kurt's otherwise impeccable hair was slightly messy and he just looked so vulnerable.
Kurt usually had a protective wall built up around him, but in this state he was completely defenceless. Not that Blaine would ever use that as an advantage, it was just an amazing experience to see him so free of care. He had the feeling that Kurt didn't let too many people come this close and he felt extremely lucky.
With great reluctance he leaned over and gently woke him up.
Kurt stirred and slowly opened his eyes partially. He looked awfully tired and Blaine instantly regretted waking him.
He yawned, admiringly gracefully given how tired he must be, and stretched out his body just like a cat. Then he turned his back on Blaine and curled into a little ball to get back to sleep.
Another great gathering of strength made Blaine pull Kurt back so they were face to face.
"I'm sorry, you have to wake up", he mumbled.
Kurt groaned quietly and kept his eyes firmly shut.
"Leave me alone", he moaned as Blaine kept prodding him gently as to get his attention.
"Kurt-", Blaine began.
He really didn't want to force him awake, but if he didn't he would probably get scolded about it later. Kurt had made him promise, after all.
"You said you needed to get up early", Blaine reminded him, hoping it would stir something in him.
"I need to sleep. Nothing matters more than sleep", Kurt said grumpily.
"But what about Mercedes? And her date? You can't let her go unprepared, can you?", Blaine coaxed.
That certainly did the trick.
Kurt's eyes opened and he sat up so quickly he got dizzy and had to grab hold of Blaine for support.
Blaine carefully pulled him back down on his back.
Kurt struggled against him for a while, feverishly rambling on about how important it was for him to get back to his dormitory and prepare.
"It's only 5am, do you have to go at once?", Blaine asked and let go of him as he was too hysterical to calm down any time soon.
Kurt stopped while halfway out of the bed. Then he sat down again and rubbed his eyes.
"I can stay to 6am", he said, and yawned.
Blaine nodded.
Kurt glanced at him for a few seconds, as though wondering how to act or what to say.
To save him from further hesitation, Blaine opened his arms as an invite.
Kurt immediately settled down in his arms and buried his face in Blaine's shirt.
It didn't take long until he had fallen asleep again. Once again Blaine had to wake him, but Kurt wasn't as reluctant to wake up this time.
"Sorry", he mumbled and sat up to stretch out his arms again. He had been too still for too long. "Maybe I should just go before I fall asleep again."
"Can't you stay a little longer?", Blaine asked. He hated feeling so needy and clingy but he couldn't stand the thought of Kurt leaving him yet.
Kurt smiled and leaned in to kiss him.
"I really should go", he said. He was sitting with his legs folded underneath him.
"Just twenty minutes", Blaine coaxed, and rubbed his thumb slowly against Kurt's cheek.
Kurt smiled, as though tempted by his offer.
"Alright. Twenty minutes", he agreed.
Blaine smiled and pulled him into a head-spinning kiss that left them both feeling slightly dizzy.
Then they settled down comfortably again, Blaine with his arm around Kurt's shoulder and Kurt with his head securely propped up against Blaine's chest. He could feel Blaine's heart beating steadily beneath him and it almost made him fall asleep again.
He forced himself to remain awake and tried to focus his thoughts to make sure he didn't fall asleep again.
Blaine had his eyes closed and was trying his hardest to relax and not dwell on the fact that Kurt had to leave soon. There was nothing he hated more than parting from him. It always felt like he was leaving a little piece of him with Kurt. He never really felt at home without him.
They remained that way for about twenty minutes, and even though Kurt really didn't want to leave, he still untangled himself from Blaine's arms and got to his feet. Blaine straightened up and crossed his legs loosely. He stayed put and watched Kurt fix his hair in a mirror on the wall. He felt irrationally sad.
Kurt took his time, and spent at least ten minutes fixing his hair and straightening out his clothes as much as possible.
"I look horrible", he concluded, giving his reflection in the mirror a critical glare.
"You look great", Blaine argued.
Kurt rolled his eyes.
"You're just saying that because you're my boyf-"
He didn't get any further as he got interrupted by the deep blush that spread all across his face.
Blaine sat up yet a little straighter, eagerly waiting for him to continue. Had he heard what he thought he had heard?
"Er, well, I have to go. I'll see you later", Kurt said quickly, grabbed his bag and hurried out of the room without even kissing Blaine goodbye.
Blaine dropped down against the pillows as the door closed behind Kurt.
He pulled the covers over his head, a number of furious curses escaping his lips.
Blaine couldn't stop thinking about that Sunday morning. He played the scene over and over again in his head, twisting and turning every single word Kurt had uttered.
He had the feeling that Kurt was avoiding him slightly, because he hadn't tried to contact him to set the date of their next meeting yet. And it had been more than five days now.
Blaine had recently decided to go looking for Kurt himself, when suddenly one day when he was heading for his next class, someone grabbed his arm and pulled him from the main hallway into a hidden one. His friends were ahead of him and no one even noticed his disappearance.
He was just trying to decide on which spell to use on the one with the firm hold of his arm when a hand covered his mouth to prevent him from arguing.
He could identify that smell anywhere.
He pulled the hand off his mouth and turned to his attacker.
"Was that really necessary?", he asked, his eyebrows slightly raised as he looked straight into Kurt's blue eyes.
"Sorry, just didn't want you to scream", Kurt said with a small grin.
"I'm not that easily frightened", Blaine said indignantly.
"Of course not", Kurt said soothingly, though he didn't seem convinced.
Blaine glared at him but soon got distracted as Kurt changed the subject.
"So...", he began, fidgeting slightly. "We haven't really talked in a while. Do you have time?"
"I have class now, but maybe tonight?", Blaine suggested.
"I have Quidditch practise at six", Kurt said hesitantly.
"What about eight o'clock then?", Blaine asked.
Kurt counted the hours in his head to make sure he had time to both practise, change out of his Quidditch robes and get to the Room of Requirement.
"Alright, eight o'clock is fine", he finished.
"That's settled then", Blaine said.
He wasn't sure whether he should bring up the whole thing where Kurt had almost referred to him as his boyfriend. He decided not to. After all, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to be Kurt's boyfriend.
Of course he wanted to. In a perfect world he wouldn't hesitate a second. He would take Kurt out on a proper date and he wouldn't be afraid to kiss him in public. They would graduate and move to a big city, because Kurt always said how much he liked big cities, and live there for a couple of years.
Then they would move out onto the country side and settle down in some nice little house and get married and adopt lots and lots of children and live happily ever after.
Blaine felt a jolt through his stomach as he realised just how much he wanted all that, and also how he could never have it.
In a perfect world, yes, that was all really plausible. But in the harsh world in which they were living, it was just foolish to even bother dreaming about it.
How could he possibly introduce Kurt to his parents?
"Hi dad, mum. This is Kurt, my homosexual boyfriend who also happens to be Muggle born."
They could never have a proper future as long as Blaine wasn't prepared to throw his entire family away. The mere thought of one day leaving Kurt made him feel so thoroughly miserable he didn't know what to do with himself.
It must have shown on his face, because Kurt suddenly seemed worried.
"Are you okay?", he asked.
"Yeah", Blaine said hoarsely. "Eight o'clock then?"
"Great", Kurt said without any enthusiasm. He still seemed concerned, so Blaine forced a smile to calm him.
"See you then", he said lightly.
Then he left, putting as much distance as quickly as possible between them without running.
It felt like his head was about to explode and he was getting a terrible headache.
He hated himself for being so weak for Kurt. He hated that he just had to be gay. He hated being with Kurt because it reminded him of how they couldn't be together once they graduated in a few years. He hated not being able to hold Kurt's hand in public, and he hated having to hide.
He hated how much he loved Kurt.
Because he really did love him. He was so terribly, hopelessly in love with him that he was almost considering betraying his entire family and it's values just to be with him.
But above everything else he hated society and his father for raising him with terrible prejudices and forcing him to hate himself for who he loved. He hadn't chosen Kurt. He hadn't chosen being gay. It was just the way it was.
It had always been there under the surface, but he hadn't found a name for it until he met Kurt. He really didn't want to be in love with Kurt. He would have much rather fallen for a girl, any girl at all. But fate had brought him to Kurt and now it was too late to go back. Or was it?
At exactly eight o'clock Blaine was in the Room of Requirement. Or, actually, he had been there for about an hour already. He didn't want to be late.
To pass the time he listened to The Cure, his favourite band for the past months. He hadn't told anyone except for Kurt because they were Muggles.
As he listened to the intro to Lovesong, Kurt entered the room. He admired the new setting Blaine had created before kicking off his shoes, dropping his bag on the floor and leaping onto the bed on which Blaine was sitting, his legs folded underneath him.
Kurt laid down next to him on his back and stretched out over the bed.
"What is this song?", he asked curiously and looked up at Blaine. "I recognize it."
"Lovesong by The Cure", Blaine answered and slowly ran his fingers through Kurt's hair.
"Oh, of course. You play it all the time", Kurt said, not making a single complaint of the touching of his hair. He would have gotten up kicking and screaming if it had been anyone but Blaine.
"It's my favourite song", Blaine said with a shrug.
He had spent the entire day wondering what he was going to do with Kurt. They couldn't be together forever, they both knew it, but why not enjoy it while it lasted?
Besides, they might very possibly not be interested in each other in a couple of years.
So he decided to put it out of his mind and just focus on the present.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again
Kurt edged a little closer to him and put his head right next to Blaine's knees. Blaine switched position and folded his legs so Kurt could rest his head in his lap.
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again
Kurt were talking were quickly about how horrible that night's Quidditch practise had been. It had been raining persistently and he had been really out of shape and hadn't caught most of the golf balls that they were using as a substitute for the Snitch due to the bad weather.
However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Blaine could still feel cold raindrops in Kurt's hair. He slid his fingers down Kurt's jawline, up to his adorable slightly elf-like ear and back into his hair.
It made Kurt fall silent, and for a while they stayed that way, just listening to the music.
"Why is this your favourite song?", Kurt asked suddenly.
Blaine thought it over for a few seconds.
"I don't know. It's just a really beautiful love song", he said.
"Why?", Kurt asked.
"I- well, it expresses love in a very beautiful way and it's easy to relate to it", Blaine said.
Kurt was silent for a few moments.
"Do you- do you feel that way about me?", he asked.
Blaine glanced down at him, wondering what to say. Then he saw how tense Kurt had gotten.
"Yeah, I do", he said finally.
Kurt remained silent, which really freaked Blaine out.
Oh god, he didn't feel the same. Kurt didn't love him back.
He wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
Kurt sat up straight and turned to him.
"Will you be my boyfriend then?", he asked.
"Your boyfriend?", Blaine echoed nervously. He reminded himself that they still had four years left. He nodded. "Yeah."
Kurt smiled slightly. Blaine leaned in to kiss him, but Kurt stopped him mid-air.
"Even in front of people?", he asked, very quietly.
Blaine got slightly paler.
"Kurt-", he began uncertainly.
"I know you're ashamed of me and I know your parents are really prejudice and all, but we can't keep this a secret. I don't want to be ashamed any more. I've wasted enough time on that already", Kurt said.
"I'm not ashamed of you, you know that. I just can't afford to lose my entire life over such a silly thing as being able to hold your hand in public", Blaine said.
"But it's not just a silly little thing for me", Kurt said, slightly offended. "What's the point of having a relationship if you can't admit to it's existence other than a few nights a week?"
"Why is this suddenly an issue now? When we hadn't put a label on us, it was just fine", Blaine said.
"It is fine, but I don't want 'fine' for the rest of my life. I want magic!", Kurt said.
"How can you ask this of me? I can't choose between you and my family", Blaine argued.
"If they really love you they won't care who you choose to be with", Kurt countered.
"It's not that simple", Blaine snapped.
Kurt got to his feet and picked up all his things from the floor.
"Where are you going?", Blaine asked, a little too desperately, and got up too.
"I've put up with this until now but sooner or later you have to man up and allow yourself to be who you really are, instead of the shell you pretend to be. We both deserve better than a relationship that lasts for a few hours a week", Kurt said.
He looked broken and it made Blaine hurt as if someone had stabbed his heart with a knife.
"Find me when you've made up your mind", Kurt finished.
"So you're making me choose? You or my family?", Blaine asked, quite fiercely.
Kurt took a deep breath, as though strengthening himself for what he was about to say.
"Yes."
Then he turned and left Blaine standing alone in the middle of the room, staring at the spot where Kurt had just been standing.
Blaine spent the next few days thinking over- well, everything.
He tried to measure or put into words just how much he loved Kurt, how painful it would be to leave him and what he was willing to sacrifice to be with him. He also did the same with his family.
Which loss would be worst?
His instincts told him it was his family he needed to priority but as he thought it through properly, every other part of him voted for Kurt.
Kurt respected him for who he was. Who he really was.
If his family would disown him solely based on who he happened to love, did he really need them?
He couldn't pretend to be straight all his life. Some day he had to come out clean. He might as well do it now.
So he chose Kurt.