Chapter 14: Robo-Warrior
The three Autobots were driving towards Brooklyn to find Robo-Warrior.
"So let me get this straight" said Kyle. "This guy's 'Robo-Warrior'?"
"Everything about anything alien, he's supposed to know" said Tate. "One time we revenge-hacked his site and maybe I saw some of your alien drawings or whatever"
The three Autobots pulled over by a deli shop and the twelve kids got out of the cars.
"This is it" said Tate
"Yep" said Kyle
"Deli. Good front" said Carrie
"All right, wait here, everyone" said Tate. "I'll give you the go/no go. All right?"
Tate walked in the deli shop.
"Number 42, we got your kishka, knish, kasha-varnishka and kreplach combo right here" said Simmons. "Cash only. Who's next?"
"I told you to cure the lox in the brine and then smoke it"
"Ma, you want me to cut my hand off, or what?" said Simmons
"You... You ruined a beautiful piece of fish, you retard!"
"I'm like a ninja with a blade. It's an art form." said Simmons. "Hey, Sal! Watch your reach, huh?". Simmons sees Tate in front of him. "Take a number, young man"
"Robo-Warrior" said Tate. "Know him?"
"I never heard of him" said Simmons before he walked away and Tate followed him.
"You never heard of TheRealEffingDeal. com?" said Tate
"You must be talking about that amateur-hour blog operation with Game Boy-level security" said Simmons
"Robo-Warrior, goddammit" said Tate
Just then, Kyle, Vanellope, and the others walked in.
"It's him! It's him!" said Tate. "That's the guy right there! That's him!"
Simmons sees three similar kids in the shop. Kyle, Vanellope, and Charlie.
"No way" said Simmons
"What" said Charlie
"The" said Vanellope
"Fuck" said Kyle
"All right, meat store's closed!" said Simmons. "Everybody out! Out, right . . . That means you, lady, right now"
"Wait a minute. You three know this guy?" said Tate
"Duh" said Kyle. "We're old friends"
"Old friends? You're the case that shut down Sector Seven" said Simmons. "Got the kibosh, disbanded. No more security clearance, no retirement, no nothing. All 'cause of you, little Charlie Brown, and your little glitching girlfriend. Look at her now, so mature"
"Moron!" said Simmons' mother. "Where's the whitefish?"
"Hey! Don't touch me with the pig."
"Yakov!" said Simmons
"What?"
"You don't get Christmas bonuses standing around!" said Simmons. "You want those new teeth you saw on SkyMall?"
"It's my dream"
"Help her out"
"You live with your mama?" said Charlie
No, my mama lives with me. It's a big difference. And guess what, they got your faces all over the news, alien kids"
"Yeah, we know" said Kyle
"And NBE One's still kicking, huh?" said Simmons. "How did that happen? Don't answer. I don't know what you're both hiding, but I don't want anything to do with it. So, good-bye. You never saw me. I got bagels to schmear. Vanish."
"Can you give us five seconds?" said Kyle. "Look, hold on, we need your help"
"Really? You all need my help?" said Simmons
"I need . . . Look, we are slowly losing my mind." said Kyle. "Okay, me and Vanellope had two little crab-bots, plunged a device deep into the soft tissues of our brains and started projecting little alien symbols like a freaking home movie! And on top of that, we're wanted fugitives. So, you think you got it rough?"
"You said it projected images off your brain?" said Simmons
"Right"
"Meat locker, now!"
Everyone followed Simmons to the meat locker.
"Dead pigs" said Mike
"Yuck" said Veruca
"What you're about to see is top secret" said Simmons. "Do not tell my mother"
Simmons opens the trap door.
"Swine flu. Not good" said Edith
"Now you know" said Simmons as he climbed down. "Next time you eat a goat or a pig, there's a story behind it. A sad little story"
The kids were looking around the whole place.
"Okay, files, files" said Simmons. "We're talking about symbols"
Augustus sees the head of Frenzy in a glass container.
"Hey, still radioactive. Hands off" said Simmons to Augustus. "Okay, Cube-brains". Simmons shows pictures of the symbols to Kyle and Vanellope. "Any of these look like the symbols you both saw?"
"Where'd you get these?" said Vanellope
"Before I got fired, I poached S-7's crown jewel, over 75 years of alien research, which points to one inescapable fact. The Transformers, they've been here a long, long time. How do I know?". Simmons throws a box and Margo catches it. "Archeologists found these unexplained markings in ancient ruins all over the world". Simmons shows pictures of the symbols that were drawn in a few countries." China. Egypt. Greece". Simmons plays a 8mm video on the wall. "Shot in 1932. These the symbols you both seeing in your head?"
"Yeah" said Vanellope
"Same ones over here, right?". Kyle and Vanellope sees a picture that is similar to the 8mm video. "So, tell me, how did they end up all drawing the same things? Aliens. And I think some of them stayed". Simmons takes out a folder. "Check this out. Project Black Knife". Then, he shows black and white pictures of vehicles in the past. "Robots in disguise, hiding here all along. We detected radioactive signatures all across the country. I pleaded on my knees with S-to investigate it, but they said th readings were infinitesimal, that I was obsessed. Me. Can you imagine that?"
"Yeah" said Kyle. "Okay, Megatron said that there was another Energon source here on Earth"
"And that these symbols, maps in our heads, would lead him there" said Vanellope
"Have you both talk to your Autobot friends about this?" said Simmons
"No, no, no, the source is before them" said Kyle. "Whatever the Energon source is, it predates them. It's before them"
"So, it comes before them." said Simmons
"Correct"
"Well, then we're porked" said Simmons. "Unless we can talk to a Decepticon I mean, I'm not on speaking terms with them"
"Actually, I am" said Vanellope
Kyle and Vanellope opens the trunk of the yellow Camaro and Vanellope takes out the box.
"Let me out!"
"This is going to be a little bit sad" said Vanellope
"Open it" said Kyle
Vanellope opens the box and Wheelie was jumping out like crazy as everyone was freaking out.
"I will have so many Decepticons on your asses!" said Wheelie
"Hey, behave!" said Vanellope as she pointed a blowtorch at Wheelie.
"What is it, a Decepticon?" said Agnes
"Yeah"
"And you're training the little dude?" said Margo
"I'm trying to"
I spent my whole adult life combing the planet for aliens" said Simmons. "And you're carrying around one in your purse like a little Chihuahua"
"Do you want a throw down, you pubic 'fro-head?" said Wheelie to Simmons
"I'm sorry" said Vanellope. "I'm so sorry about your eye, you know, but, if you're a good boy, then I'm not gonna torch your other eye. Okay? I'm not gonna torch it. Just tell us what these symbols are, please"
"All right". Wheelie knells down and looks at the symbols. "I know that.
That's the language of the Primes. I don't read it, but these guys . . . Where the fuck did you find photos of these guys?"
"Is this they?" said Kyle, showing the pictures to Wheelie
"Yeah. Seekers, pal. Oldest of the old. They've been here thousands of years,
looking for something. I don't know tells me nothing, but they'll
translate those symbols for I know where to find them.
"Show us" said Simmons
Wheelie starts scanning green lights on the big map of the United States.
"The closest one's in Washington" said Simmons