Chapter 15 :

Moving forward :

At the other side of town Jane was back at the station working with Frost and Morales to close this homicide.

Sitting at her desk re examining every single piece of evidence Jane was obviously not completely focused. All she could think about was the kiss Maura and her had exchanged, about Maura's lips, her hands on her belly.

Looking back at the past 3 weeks Jane couldn't help but hoping that all this was just a bad dream, that she was going to wake up and be happily engaged to Maura.

Unfortunately this wasn't a dream, Maura had cheated on her and they were now living separately.

Biting her bottom lip Jane could almost feel the taste of Maura's tongue on it and was tempted to grab her coat and run in her ex fiancee's arms.

Unfortunately as much as she loved Maura and could see how truly sorry she was Jane knew that they still had a long way to travel to be the couple they used to be, if that was even possible.

Jane knew that Maura was doing everything she could, working hard with her therapist to overcome her insecurities and she knew how truly sorry she was but there was still something that kept her from giving her a second chance but she couldn't pin point what yet.

"Jane?"Frost suddenly said snapping in fingers at her face.

"Yes, I'm here. I'm sorry…"Jane mumbled suddenly brought back to reality .

"No you're not, mind telling me what's going on or do I have to use my best interrogation techniques on you?"

"Maura kissed me earlier today. We were coming back from our therapist session and we argued about her holding her emotions inside and I told her I wanted her to loose control and to tell me how she truly felt and she kissed me."Despite her best efforts to keep their break up private and to keep her feelings for herself Jane had find in Frost a confident who wasn't afraid to shake her up a bit from time to time if needed.

"And that's a bad thing because…."

"Because how in hell am I suppose to resist her?There is a reason I limit my contacts with her, because when I look into her eyes and see all the pain and love of course I want to take her in my arms but it's not that simple Frost, I wish it were but it's not."

"I know Jane. I know how much she hurt you but the pain you feel is proportional to the love you feel for her. I'm not saying you should jump back into a relationship with her or marry her tomorrow, all I'm saying is that she's doing everything she can to win you back and she deserves a chance."

"I know and I'm trying to give it to her, I went to that freaking shrink with her and spilled my guts and I intend to do it again if she needs me to, it's just hard to forget what she did, even if I know why now."

"I know and it's gonna take time for both of you to heal and Im willing to help you guys as much as I can for example by taking this case of your hand."Grabbing the file Jane was holding Frost knew that when her partner was in trouble with Maura she wasn't able to focus completely and there fore was completely useless.

"Nah, I'm fine I just need a cup of coffee and I'm ready to work."

"No, I mean it. Korsak, Morales and I can manage to close this case without you. Go home, spend time with Maura and come back when you're ready, we got your back here, don't worry."

"Alright, thanks partner."Jane sighed. The truth was Jane had threw herself in her work ever since Maura and her had broken up, spending all her time at the station, going home only to shower and change clothes and catch a few hours of sleeps. Unfortunately no matte as hard as she tried there was nothing that seemed to help her keep Maura away from her mind.

"Anytime."

So Jane drove to Maura's house not knowing what she was going to do or say but determined to show her how much she still meant to her.

Approaching the house Jane was surprised to see her mother's car parked in the driveway.

"Oh crap, what the hell is she doing here?"Jane said to herself bouncing out off her seat eager to rescue Maura from her overwhelming and curious mother.

Stepping into Maura's house Jane was happily surprised to find the two women casually sitting in the living room talking and laughing.

"Jane…"Comfortably sitting in her couch Maura after confiding in Angela and carefully listening to her wise advice was surprised to see Jane.

"Well I think I should leave you two alone, I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."Angela said giving a warm and maternal hug to Maura.

"Yeah we do. Let me escort you to your car."Walking towards the door with Angela sending a quick look at Maura Jane had no idea what she had told her and how Angela had reacted to the news.

"I'm sorry."Maura whispered as she watched Jane walked away.

"Look, I don't know what exactly happened but if what I suspect is correct you have every reason to be mad at her but Maura loves you and right now she's drowning in guilt so please put your pride and pain aside and help her, please."Angela said as she opened the door of her car not allowing Jane to start the conversation.

"So she told you we broke up."Biting her lower lip Jane was expecting her mother to lecture her on the ups and downs of being in a relationship and strangely was eager to hear her advice.

"Yes, she told me that she did something terribly wrong and that you left her. She didn't tell me what she did exactly but I put the pieces together."

"Well I'm glad she told you, I know having to avoid telling you has been eating her up, you know how much she loves and respects you."

"I know and I'm glad she confided in me."

"So you don't hate her for breaking my heart?"Jane joked a corner smile on her face.

"I was mad at her first but I knew that Maura isn't unfaithful or promiscuous and that there is probably a good reason to explain her behavior and after listening to her carefully I realized I was right. She's really in pain Jane, it's like hurting you unleashed all her demons and insecurities now she's overwhelmed and it's gonna kill her if you don't help her."

"I know Ma, it's hard but I'm doing my best to help her, don't worry about it. Thank you for being here for her. I know she feels alone and that besides her shrink she doesn't talk to anyone." Unlike Jane who was surrounded by Frost, Korsak or even Frankie to cheer her up Maura who wasn't working with them anymore was alone.

When Maura and Jane got engaged they agreed that it was better for every one if she got transferred to avoid defense attorneys to accuse her from being bias because of their relationship. Unfortunately as competent and pleasant was her new team it wasn't the same and Maura could never get off work fast enough to join her friends at home or at the Dirty Rubber.

"You're welcome darling, I'll see you later."Driving away Angela left her two beloved daughters feeling that with time the two women should be alright, that despite all that had happened they still loved each other dearly and that neither of the was willing got give up.

Stepping back into the house Jane was eager to find out what Maura had told her mother but was relieved that after 3 weeks of avoiding telling her the truth was finally out and Maura was finally able to talk to someone who she respected and who could provide her with help her therapist couldn't provide.

"I'm sorry Jane, she came unannounced and ambushed me, I really didn't have a choice."Maura mumbled not knowing if Jane was going to be mad at her for talking to Angela before telling her first.

"Don't worry about it, I know how my mother can be and besides we couldn't keep on avoiding her for ever right?"Jane replied settling next to Maura.

"Yes, your mother can be very persuasive and besides you're right we couldn't keep our break up a secret, she deserved to know what happened."

"She told me you didn't exactly go into details…"Jane said biting her bottom lip as she sat next to Maura knowing that admitting her infidelity to the woman who always treated her as her own daughter was probably as hard as confessing it to her.

"No, I couldn't bring myself to say the actual words but I think she figured it out and to my big surprise instead to pushing me away and blaming me for hurting you she comforted me and gave me advice."

"She loves you like a daughter Maura, you should know that and she might have her flaws but she always stands by her children no matter how bad we screw up."

"I know, anyway I'm surprised to see you here, have you closed your case?"Maura asked hoping that Jane's presence meant that she had indeed closed the case and therefore that Morales was out of the picture for good.

"No, but Frost saw that I was distracted and told me to go home."

"Oh, I'm sorry Jane…"

"It's alright, he was right. I wasn't 100% focused on the investigation and therefore completely useless, don't worry between him, Korsak and Morales I'm sure they should be able to close this case and besides I could really use a few days off."

"Yes, actually I decided to take some personal time as well. I think that being at work unable to focus is something that we can not afford to do, not when lives are at stake."

"I agree."

"I'm sure Morales must be heart broken to see you leave this investigation."

"I don't know. She was actually out to talk to one of her CI when I left. Anyway I was wondering if we could talk…"Jane said taking a deep breath.

"If it's about that kiss, I'm sorry, I crossed a line, we agreed to be friends and my behavior was inappropriate."

"Calm down alright, you didn't do anything wrong. I told you to be more spontaneous and to let your emotions guide you and I'm glad that you did , you just took me by surprise."

"Just like I surprised you when we first kissed…"

"Actually yes, that was probably the best birthday present I ever received…"Smiling Jane suddenly started to remember the first time they kissed. It was about 2 years ago just after she finally killed Hoyt.

"Well, let just say that day was full of surprises, good and bad. I remember being completely shaken by what had happened but trying to keep up appearances during your birthday party. I remember being barely able to stand on my feet and as I was about to collapsed in the middle of your kitchen when you grabbed me from behind and the rest is history."Maura smiled closing her eyes.

Flash back two years ago :

"That was quite a day, wasn't it?"Turning around as she felt Jane's arms around her Maura's legs could barely support her. Only a few hours ago Hoyt had tazed her and had cut her throat and she was now barely able to keep her eyes opened.

"Yes it was, are you sure you're alright?That was a pretty high voltage he gave you." Her arms strongly snaked around Maura's waist Jane could see how both emotionally and physically tired she was.

When Hoyt first attacked her Jane and Maura hadn't met yet and when he came after her the second time Maura had stood by her and almost gave her life in that final encounter.

"I'm alright, those tazers aren't built to kill but to incapacitate the targets, it's only dangerous if you suffer from cardiac disease, don't worry, I should be fine. Actually It's getting late and I should probably go home. " Maura mumbled feeling dizzy and her head pounding.

"No, you're staying here tonight and every night after that."Jane replied pulling Maura closer to her.

"Jane…"Looking straight into Jane's eyes feeling her warm breath on her face Maura immediately understood that the moment she had been waiting for so many years might actually happen.

"I hope you know I would never allow anyone to hurt you and live long enough to tell the tale."Jane mumbled looking down her the cut on Maura's neck.

"I know...Oh Jane, I can't live like this anymore."Not allowing Jane to reply or to even think Maura pressing her lips against Jane's brushing them tenderly pressing gently hoping Jane would respond by allowing her access.

"Me neither."Overwhelmed Jane simply closed her eyes and slowly opened her mouth allowing Maura to gently stoke her tongue massaging it gently allowing their tongues to tangle in a perfectly synced ballet.

"It was probably the worse day of my life but also the best, thanks to you. I remember thinking that you were probably the best kisser I ever met. "Jane smiled stars in her eyes, feeling her heart hammering her chest at the simple thought of that first kiss.

"I thought the same, I remember following you to bed that night hoping that you wouldn't regret kissing me the next morning and that what had happened was real and didn't happened because we were overwhelmed by what had happened."

"I remember waking up the next morning and watching you sleep for a while before realizing that you were actually faking ."

"Yes, I was afraid that once awake you would take everything that had happened back and forced us to go back to be friends in denial of our feelings and I naively thought by not waking up I could make this beautiful dream last longer."

"I know, but as I told you that morning I'm not going anywhere Maura."Jane said suddenly reaching out for her hand.

"Then come home Jane…I know we have a lot to work on and that you still don't trust me but please just come home."

"Maura…I…I don't know if that's a good idea, we both have things to work on and I think that being apart gives us the time and space we need and I moving back would mean that we're back together and I'm not ready for that yet."Removing her hand Jane suddenly realized that coming here was a mistake, that Maura wanted and needed things that she wasn't ready to give her, at least not yet.

"Then let's go on vacations, we could go to our house in the Hamptons, we would have all the time and space we need to talk and work on our relationship and there are enough rooms so you won't have to share a bed with me if you don't want to."Almost begging Jane Maura knew that pushing her was maybe not the wiser thing to do but she couldn't sit here and do nothing while the love of her life was slowly slipping away.

"I don't know Maur'. I could use some fresh air but I don't know if that's a good idea…"

"I promise I will behave myself, that I won't do anything inappropriate. I just want us to go away and talk, please. I just can't do this anymore, it's killing me, please... "Bursting in tears rushing in Jane's arms Maura who had struggled up until now to show Jane she was strong and respectful of her decision to take thing slow and that she could handle being away from her was finally letting her emotion get the best of her.

"Alright, alright. You're right we can't do this anymore. We need to do something more concrete than what we've been doing up until now if we want to save our relationship. Come don't cry, everything is going to be alright. I promise."Rubbing Maura's back feeling her shake in her arms Jane couldn't help but agreeing with Maura. Seeing a therapist was a necessary process but it was long and painful and she knew that if they didn't take things in their own hands and move forward they might never be able ot rebuild their relationship.

As scared as both women were to confront each other and their issues they could not hide behind Dr Turner anymore and knew that a more direct even rough approach might be the best thing to do.

Alight guys, I know this story is god damn slow but you know I try to remain realistic…I figured that they could really use some time away by themselves to talk without feeling pressured by work or their loved ones …

I don't know what's gonna happen on that vacation yet but I'm opened to suggestions!

Don't worry things are gonna move faster from now on :)