LordXwee: HI!
Natsyourlord: Where's my chocolate?
LordXwee: What chocolate?
Natsyourlord: -foams at mouth- You promised CHOCOLATE if I called THAT NUMBER!!
LordXwee: Since when did you become Mello?
Natsyourlord: -tackles- You said CHOCOLATE AND SLAVE LAB-
LordXwee: -hands piece of chocolate-
Natsyourlord: Yay. Now here is the long waited arrival of the most-
LordXwee: fabulous!
Natsyourlord: -awaited story of OC history-
LordXwee: WWTBAN!!
Natsyourlord: ...and we hope you enjoy.
NOTES to ScreenSurfer and Typhlosion009: We've changed your character's names around a bit. ScreenSurfer, your character didn't have a name, so her new name is Kemuri Meisai. And Typhlosion009, Ryto was submitted both as a jounin and a genin, so we're changing the genin's name to Taizen Shiroi. Thanks!
Kyojiro raised an eyebrow at the blonde who had just shoved her away from spreading blood - her own blood, no less. "You're the proctor? But you're just a kid. A shrimpy little kid."
"Kid?" Tashina asked, "If I'm a kid, then you're a tween. And a genin besides. Pay attention when a Chuunin speaks." She narrowed her blue eyes threateningly.
"Chuunin, Jounin, proctor, whatever," the psychopath said, "I could still kick your ass."
"Sadly for you, if you even think about striking a proctor, not only will you be disqualified but your own ass will go flying through that window. Now sit down and shut up."
Kyojiro hated listening to authority, but Aoi and Rikkia were motioning for her to sit down as well, and she didn't want to get disqualified just yet anyway. Sit through a few questions, as she had learned the first time she'd taken the test, and then it was off into an insane survival contest. There she could beat the living shit out of somebody, even kill somebody, and slice open their body and watch as the heart gave out, as the lungs stopped pulsing, as the overflow of blood gushed out and splattered her clothes...
"I said sit," Tashina repeated, sharper than she had before. Rikkia pulled on Kyojiro's loose sleeve, trying to pull her down onto the bench. Reluctantly she sat, her mind still on the live dissections she felt sure she would soon enjoy.
In the back, Demos Sarati nudged his friend and teammate Haru Tekketsu. "She's kind of cool, don't you think?"
"Dude, she drinks her own blood and is way older then you," Haru responded, "And I don't think she's interested in nine-year-olds anyway."
"Ew," Demos grimaced, "I didn't say I liked her-"
"You two in the back!" Tashina called, noticing them whispering. "Quiet!"
A warm flush rising up both boys' necks, they sank in their chairs, much to the delight of an amused Chiisai.
"All right," said Tashina, staring evenly at the 34 genin teams seated before her. "Let's get started here, shall we? My name is Tashina Aidame. I'm fourteen, the first proctor of this exam, and just because I'm younger than you may have expected-" she glared at Kyojiro pointedly "-doesn't mean I don't have total authority over you. Get it?"
One hundred and two heads nodded.
"All right. Everyone should have a numbered card that the admissioner gave you. You were told to keep it. Everybody please take that out now."
Hamano reached into her pocket and pulled out the card. "Seventy-two," she muttered, looking at the number. Yami glanced at his, muttering "fifteen" under his breath, and Akemi held hers up, showing the number forty-four.
"There is a number on each of the seats. Everyone go to the number seat that matches the one on your card."
A few minutes later, everyone had settled into their seats. No two teammates were directly next to each other.
Tashina forced a smile at the genin. "Okay, everybody, listen up!" She grabbed a piece of chalk from the rack and began to write on the blackboard. "Each of you has in front of you a written exam with ten questions on it. Those ten questions-"
"Um, excuse me?" interrupted a nasally voice.
Tashina groaned inwardly. "Yes?"
Gosai stood up, a confused expression plastered on her face. "What's the deal with the tenth question? It says we have to wait until forty-five minutes of the exam have passed before we get it. That's dumb."
"The tenth question is such an impossibly hard question that we have to take it off the test for fear that your eyeballs will melt," the blond-haired proctor grinned, feeling pleased with herself. Gosai flushed and sank slowly back into her seat. "Anyway, let's move on to the rules.
"As I was saying, each of you has ten questions on that test. You also have ten points when you start out. For every question that you get wrong, we will deduct one point. If you get all ten right, you keep a perfect score of ten. But assuming you get, say, two wrong, we'll take away two points, and your score will be eight. Any questions so far?" She flickered her gaze from Kyojiro to Gosai and back again, as if daring them to say something.
When no one raised their hands, she moved on. "Also, please keep in mind that even though this is a written exam, it's counted as a team event. Therefore your score is combined with your teammates'. You want to try to have as few deductions from your original thirty points as you can."
"W-Wait a minute!" exclaimed Aoiro, getting nervous. "What if one person on the team scores extremely high, but the other two members fail? What then?"
"Sucks to be you," smirked Tashina, "Because if any member of the team loses all their points, the entire team fails. No exceptions!"
A groan went up around the room.
"Don't question authority," the proctor snarled.
Oh, crap, thought Chiisai, her blue eyes widening. I stink at taking tests... Shian was always there to help me through them. And Dad paid off the teachers to give me passing grades... What do I do? She looked on either side of her. On her left, in seat thirty-one, there was another Konoha genin with reddish-brown hair who was wearing a gray coat. He glanced at her, bit his lip, and turned back to the proctor. On Chiisai's other side, in seat thirty-three, an Irigakure ninja with black hair and brown eyes stared contempuously at Tashina. Absently with his pencil, he was carving the initials K.U. into his desk.
Chiisai rubbed at her temples. Crap, crap, crap. This is so not good. My only choice will be to cheat!
"Next rule," said Tashina, "If anyone gets caught cheating, or helping a cheater, that person will automatically lose two of their ten points. So no cheating!"
Ack! Chiisai was close to ripping out her white-blond hair in frustration. This is impossible! No way will I pass without cheating!
Tashina smiled again - and this time she didn't have to fake it. This torture stuff was fun. "And the final rule - if you lose all of your points, whether it be from cheating or from answering incorrectly, that person automatically fails. And remember, if any one member of the team fails, the rest of the team fails with them!"
Chiisai wasn't the only one who was currently beating themselves up. Minaki Arakado was also suffering.
Hmph. If they don't want us to cheat, then dammit, that's what I'll do! he thought. After all, how hard can these questions be?
"You can start..." Tashina watched the second hand on her watch tick closer and closer to the twelve. "...now."
Papers flipped over.
Minaki blanched. Aw, man...
In seat number twelve, Aoiro looked down at question one. She knew her team could get through this - although she was fairly certain Kodomo suffered from ADHD, he wasn't stupid, and neither was Makoto. They could definitely do this!
1.) If you are standing at point A at an elevation of 3000 km on a grassy terrain with a north wind of 6mph and are currently uncamouflaged, with a river to the east flowing southeast and a forest to the west, where is the most likely attack going to come from and why? What is the best escape route and why?
Aoiro stared down at the paper. "What the hell?" she mumbled. "Okay, I'm 3000 km above sea level... um... does that have significance? And the wind... that should make a difference, right? Er..."
"I said, quiet when testing!" Tashina yelled.
The blue-haired girl blew some air out of the corner of her mouth. It's okay, I'm okay. I have an hour. I'll be perfectly fine if I take it slow...
Bijin, the only ten year old on her team, glanced up to see where her teammates were. Well, actually, to see where Shani was. Gosai had already exploded at the instructor, and from that Bijin knew that her friend was in seat number one, while Bijin herself was sitting five rows back, in seat number fifty-nine. Even all the way back here, she could see a film of sweat forming on the back of Gosai's neck. Her teammate was obviously struggling... then again, so was she. But where was Shani?
The ten-year-old finally spied her teammate, sitting conveniently five seats to her left, in seat fifty-four. Shani was concentrating hard; she wrote something on her paper, scratched it out, and let out a sigh, obviously having trouble.
Biting her thumbnail, Bijin looked back down at her own test. After quickly scanning over question one, she decided she couldn't answer it, so she turned to the next question:
2.) Decrypt this code.
The black-haired girl didn't even bother reading the rest of the message. If there was anything she wasn't good at, it was cryptology. Looking at the rest of the questions, though, she was certain she wouldn't be able to answer any of them correctly on her own...
Kagami tapped his pencil on his desk. To his right was a Suna genin, probably in his twenties, and on his left there was a small girl with white-blond hair. She was obviously having an impossible time. In fact, everybody was. The questions were difficult for all of them.
Then again, they probably didn't take this test before...
Kaeri Utir ran her fingers along the length of her paper. "This is impossible," she breathed. "Totally impossible. How the heck do they expect us to answer any of these without cheating? It's almost as though-" She blinked.
It's almost as though they want us to cheat! Kaeri felt a smile spreading across her face. Of course! That's the whole point, anyway - they want us to cheat, but only those of us good enough not to get caught will be able to pass! Why else would they make it a two point deduction for every time we get caught? They give us multiple opportunities... but only if we're bad enough to get caught more than once will we really have penalty! She looked around. Tsurai and Tokoro were both sitting behind her, so she couldn't see if they were still struggling, or if they'd figured it out yet. But they could both figure it out themselves. Now how could she cheat?
Of course! Aeuri! The wolf cub usually trotted at her heels, but it was very possible for her to sit up on Kaeri's head. And from up there, the pup could look around and get the answers. No one would suspect a wolf could understand writing, much less a person understand that wolf's yips and whines. Now it was only a matter of time before everyone else figured it out too, though. It wouldn't be surprising if some others already had. She had to keep her paper hidden beneath her arms from now on...
Aoi glanced at the two genin on either side of him. Both were older than he was, probably in their late teens, but neither seemed to know any of the answers. However they had both tried to cheat already, and one of them had gotten two answers down. Simply by using his peripherals, Aoi had managed to steal them both, and he knew he hadn't been caught. Aoi was good at using his peripherals - when he cooked, he usually read the instructions out of the corner of his eye. He practically had 360 degree vision by now.
He pushed a lock of curly brown hair out of his eyes and glanced up at Kyojiro, who was sitting a few rows ahead of him. She seemed to be laughing. Then again, she was always sadistic when thinking about blood, or cutting herself, or cutting other people. She probably had stolen an answer, then spent the rest of the time maiming herself.
Aoi sighed. Out of all the people in Kumogakure, why did he have to get stuck with her...?
Miyako was sitting directly behind a woman who had been writing ever since the exam had begun. She assumed this meant that the woman knew exactly what she was doing, and so Miyako waited until the woman finally stopped writing before making her move.
"Debakubi no Jutsu - Art of the Assassin's Knife," she whispered under her breath, forming hand seals beneath the table. The woman in front of her suddenly went stiff. Slowly, her hand trembling, she slid her paper over so that Miyako could see a few answers.
Miyako grinned and began to write. The woman had seemed pretty willing. Then again, when you thought a knife was being held to your throat, most people were.
Enaku Kai, a proctor, watched silently over the anxious Genin. He had already written down several numbers, most of which were already on their third or fourth offense. What the heck was wrong with these genin anyway? Most of them were pathetic. They just tried looking over shoulders and little kid stuff like that.
Right now he was eyeing a Suna genin in seat thirteen, who was completely bald but had a feminine look to him. On the back of his neck a kanji was tattooed carefully. The name on top of his paper read Shinobu Takeshi.
One of the undercover chunnin sat in seat number three, conveniently right in front of Enaku, flying through the test and getting desperate looks now and again from the nervous guy next to him. Enaku waited until the guy's eyes swept over the chunnin's paper before he made the final mark.
"Applicant number two," Enaku called, "Out."
Shinobu grinned as the whole room turned to look at the applicant. "No... no way..." the applicant gasped. "I didn't cheat!"
"Yeah," said Enaku. "And I'm secretly an alien from Jupiter who eats slugs for lunch. Get your teammates and get out."
As most of the room watched the disqualified team reluctantly get up and gather their things, Shinobu had a different plan in mind. Carefully he drew one of his tessen, or war fans, and flicked it gently. The pen on the desk of the undercover chuunin rolled off and fell to the floor with a small clatter. When the chuunin noticed he bent to pick it up, and it was at that point that Shinobu lifted his eyes from his own paper and quickly scanned over two answers of the chuunin's, writing them quickly before the chuunin sat up again.
Enaku turned back from the door and saw the boy writing furiously, though Enaku hadn't seen Shinobu cheat. The kid had done something, but whatever it was he had been smart and waited for the distraction before making his move. Enaku grinned. Pretty smart of him. Guess I'll let him slide.
All around the room, he was noticing, people were having strange behaviors. There were some who were staring at each other's backs, others who seemed to be fiddling with their pencils or papers while casually glancing at other people's tests. Lots of the other proctors were busily writing on their clipboards. This was about to get interesting.
Yagami strummed his guitar absently as he stared at the door in front of him. Ucheki should be back by now. Where was she? Dammit, if she didn't come back, he would have a stroke. She had already been gone for several days and no word had come from her. She'd been due back a few hours ago. Yagami swore, if she didn't come back alive he would so kill her. They fought a lot - almost every second - but in a way, Yagami used that as a base for their relationship. They were the only teenagers in the whole place, so they had to hang out a lot. And that may have been why Yagami felt... affection... for her.
The spunk she had, her dark, smooth hair, her ice-blue eyes... they were all perfect. And she was strong. And persistent. And, let's face it, cute. Very cute.
But affection was very hard for Kijin Yagami. So he took it in stride, by being a complete ass.
Finally the door opened and in stepped Ucheki, followed by a man in his early thirties. He was wearing a tan trenchcoat and black cotton pants, which eerily matched his sandy hair and black eyes.
"Crap, you're alive," Yagami said cockily.
Ucheki raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I am. Though now that I've heard that horrible guitar, I kind of wish I wasn't."
"That stings, Ucheki, it really does."
"Good." With a toss of her hair, she led the sandy-haired man down the hallway and into the corridor that would lead her to Hakkyou. It wasn't until she was totally gone that he finally allowed himself to release the relieved sigh from his throat.
He'd have to work on that.
Ucheki and the enigmatic man stepped into Hakkyou's dimly lit chamber, and knelt down in front of the leader himself, who was studying a scroll intently. Raising his eyes without much interest, he absently asked, "And who is this?"
Ucheki hastened to reply. "A new member for our ranks, sir, to possibly fill the hole Misasushi left."
Hakkyou glanced at her. "Former status?"
"S rank missing nin from Iwa, known for his sealing and genjutsu."
Hakkyou didn't appear to hear; he just kept looking at the scroll.
Internally, Ucheki was fuming. Dammit, Hakkyou! This is exactly what you wanted me to do, isn't it?! Why aren't you-
Without warning Hakkyou stood and flicked his wrist. A burst of flame sprouted up from where the sandy-haired man was kneeling. It engulfed him, illuminating the dark room for a few seconds, and then disappeared, leaving nothing but a small pile of ash.
Ucheki's jaw dropped.
Suddenly, the same man who was supposed to be nothing but ashes stepped out from behind Hakkyou, holding a kunai.
"May I ask your name?" Hakkyou said, tracing a design in the ash.
"Kai Fujihana..." said the obviously ticked-off man. "Was it absolutely necessary to try to kill me?"
Hakkyou exchanged his smirk for a slight frown. "It is necessary for one of my subordinates to be able to respond quickly in any given situation, to have the ability to dodge a simple attack, and to follow my orders and actions without question. Anything else?" A slight red gleamed in his eyes, daring his new recruit to challenge him.
Fujihana smiled, and it was actually genuine. Here was a master he might actually enjoy working for. "No, nothing more, sir."
"Good." Hinatori stood up. "Ucheki, go fetch Yagami and Kin, it's time for your assignments."
The four top Ereshkigal members knelt before their leader silently. Hinotori paced back and forth, eyeing all of them intently.
"We have been experiencing some severe failures lately. I largely believe this is due to the neverending interference of my damn son trying to protect his little girlfriend and the fact that our numbers are significantly smaller than the shinobi villages."
There was a murmur of agreement.
"However, we are now going to take steps to remedy these fallbacks. Fortunately, the shinobi villages are currently in the midst of the chuunin exams, so I doubt there will be any sort of retaliation against us. Yagami, Ucheki, I wish for you to circuit the shinobi villages and recruit potential soldiers of our cause. I want no one lower than A-rank."
Ucheki and Yagami simultaneously groaned, glaring at each other.
"The assignment is of the utmost importance. We can't afford to have any of your petty arguing get in the way from here on out. Think of it as an exercise on teamwork." He looked at the two scowling ninjas. "Now GO!"
They got up and walked out of the room, fists clenched.
"Now, Kin, Fujihana, I have a more important task for you. I need you to go and stop my son from gathering support. If he gains enough power, he will become more than an interference. Normally I would go and do it myself, but unfortunately I have some other matters to attend to."
Kin nodded obediently. He didn't want to anger Hakkyou any more that he already had. "Of course, sir." Motioning to Fujihana, the two left the room.
Hakkyou sat back and sighed. Being an insane mastermind was hard work.
LordXwee: Gasp! That took us another three weeks!
Natsyourlord: That's because you went to Florida for a week and then I went to DC for another week, and it was impossible for us to work for two of those three weeks.
LordXwee: Oh yeah. Woo, I got sunburned!
Natsyourlord: That's not exactly something to be thrilled about...
LordXwee: Whatever! We hope you enjoyed WWTBAN! We know the last few chapters have been kind of put-off, but we really are trying! Oh, and in case you didn't catch it at last chapter, we have closed submissions. No more submissions. And if you want to submit an Ereshkigal recruit, well... too bad. We're gonna re-open submissions eventually though, so be on the lookout!
Natsyourlord: We're gonna try to get the next chapter up soon. Like, within two weeks. We're working on it, honest.
LordXwee: Bye!
-Natsyourlord and LordXwee
PS: Thanks to TheSilverCross, who desperately wanted to write the part about Ereshkigal at the bottom. So we let him.