Bish wheeeeet? am I dreaming? are you dreaming? am I really giving you another update this quickly? why yes, yes I am.

She wanted nothing more but to turn around and jump back into bed with him, to feel his touch one more time, to kiss him, to be held by him. Last night was perfect, it was more than perfect, nothing could ever be matched like that again. It was early in the morning and she could still feel the effects that he left on her, even getting out of bed was a hustle, he had clearly left his mark on her and she would never forget it. She honestly thought last night would never end and quite frankly, she didn't want it to, they didn't stop until two in the morning when both of their bodies could no longer take it. Stephanie smiled as she thought back to the conversations that they would have in-between sessions, he was so funny and loving and caring, she knew she'd never find another. She walked over to him and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen in his face. She lowered herself and left a lingering kiss to his soft lips, she raised up and stroked his cheek with her hand a few times before giving him another kiss. She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope, she looked at it and wanted to cry because she knew what was inside, she placed it on his chest and kissed him once more before turning and walking towards the bedroom door, when she reached it she turned around and looked at him and mouthed the words "I love you Paul, more than you'll ever know" before walking out of the room, gently shutting the door behind her.

"WOOOO MAN! what a week! what a week!" Ken said as he walked into the home he shared with Paul and dropped his bags on the floor. "Man" he said walking into the kitchen, "when I tell you Helena and I made up for lost time" he said reaching into the fridge to grab a beer "we really made up for lost time!" he said as he opened it and took a long swig. "I mean we…hey, since when did you start to drink?" Ken said as he walked over to Paul who was sitting on the leather sofa with a beer in a one hand and a piece of paper in the other, about five or six extra beer bottle were lying around the floor, who obviously fell victim to Paul. Actually, as Ken thought about it, the house was a mess, Paul was the ultimate neat freak and yet his home looked like it had been through four college parties in one night. He hadn't shaved in lord knows where and he just sat with a blank stare on his face, looking straight ahead at the wall. "Paul…" Ken said softly and he slowly walked towards him. "You okay?"

Paul said nothing as he exhaled deeply and tossed the piece of paper at Ken which landed on his right foot. He bent down and grabbed it and picked it up. "We're not getting evicted or anything?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood, but when Paul was unresponsive he decided to read what was on the paper for himself.

Paul, let me just start off by saying I love you, okay? I love you and last night was the most magical night ever, I have never experienced such love, passion, and desire all at once from anyone, until I was with you. I bet you're wondering where I am and why I'm writing you this letter, well, i'm gone, and I know just reading that has probably pissed you off in more ways than one but i'm going to explain. You see Paul, I love you and I do want to be with you…but I can't, I just can't and I feel like complete shit, i'm currently crying as I write this because that's how bad I want to be with you but I can't. The reason why I can't still remains the same and it's because i'm scared Paul, I am aboustely terrified about being in a relationship with you. Not because I don't think you're a wonderful man because you are, you truly are, but i'm afraid of what comes with a relationship like this. You love hard Paul, you really do and I don't think i'm ready to be with someone like that, the pressure is just too much. I feel like this is all a fairytale, that i've met my prince charming and he's everything that I could have ever dreamed of and more but it's just that…a fairytale. What if one day you wake up and decided that you no longer love me? what if one day everything is going great and the next it all goes to shit? what if you wake up and realize that i'm not what you were really looking for and you find love with someone else? what if Paul? so many what ifs I could write but it would compose of five or more sheets of paper. With as many times as I've had my heart broken over "the perfect guy" and with what has happened to me in the past with Jared, i'm just not sure if i'm willing to let my heart go through that again. And trust me, I know you would never hurt me Paul, I know that, but i'm still scared, I still have my reservations and I just can't shake them no matter how hard I try. I wanted so much to just forget them, to scream out loud "Fuck you!" to those thoughts whenever they popped up in my head, but no matter how many times I tried, I just couldn't. I wrote this letter while you were asleep and I would kick myself in the ass with every word I wrote and every time I glanced over at you because I knew I was missing out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. But i'm fragile on the outside and i'm already broken on the inside Paul and this is just something I can't deal with right now, a risk I can't take. I would rather walk away and question the unknown than to go through it and find out that maybe I was right about all of my 'what ifs'. Selfish of me, I know, and you deserve so much better than me Paul, you really really do and there's a woman out there who is going to give you the world and more. If it was me I wouldn't be writing this, I would be in the bed, in your arms waiting for you to wake up and kiss me…but I'm not, and to me it's a sign. It's a sign that you're meant to be with the woman of your dreams who is everything that i'm not, one that will never mess with your emotions and always have you on the end. You deserve a queen Paul and nothing less, I am not her, I am not the woman that can be that for you because if I was, I would have accepted your offer the day I left you five years ago. I was a coward then and i'm even more of a coward now because i've had time to grow and I chose not to. I chose to be a scared little girl and that's someone you don't need in your life, you don't need to be with a person whose hand you have to hold every step of the way, it shouldn't be like that for anyone, especially not you. I am so sorry for hurting you Paul, I am truly truly sorry and I hope one day you will forgive me. But I will never forget you Paul and all that you have done for me, you will always be my first and true love…always Paul…always.

I love you so much

Stephanie.

"woah" was all Ryan could say after reading the letter

"I've been reading it over and over for two fucking days Ryan and I still don't understand it" Paul said when he finally spoke "I mean do women think that men aren't fucking humans, that we don't have feelings too? that we can't fucking feel played and we're just supposed to accept their shit apologies?" Paul said standing up "that i'm not supposed to think that this letter is nothing less of bullshit!?" he said grabbing the letter out of Ryan's hands and looking at it "I mean come on!? fucking afraid to be with me, fucking fragile on the outside and broken on the inside? what the fuck does that even mean!? what is this shit Ryan!?" Paul said fuming

"Paul" Ryan said softly as he placed his hands on his friend's shoulder "it's going to be alright"

"No it's not!" Paul said snatching away from him "it's easy for you to say that, you got your girl Ryan, I didn't!" Paul said shouting at his friend "I mean she's fucking playing with my heart Ryan! I have NEVER and I mean NEVER loved someone like this" Paul said as tears begin to fall down his face "NEVER RYAN!" he screamed "and she just fucking up and runs away like it's nothing! do you know what I would give to fucking run away from all my problems!? what you would give? what the world would fucking give but she just gets to because she's 'scared'" he said making air quotes as he angrily wiped away his tears with both hands. "We're all fucking scared Ryan, every human on this earth is afraid of something but if we all ran away then what the fuck would we be?" Paul said as he wiped away at more tears that fell. "I gave her everything Ryan, I gave her my heart, my soul, pieces of me that I didn't even know I had until I met her and she just shits on everything." Paul glanced back down at the paper and scoffed. "She says I love hard" he said balling up the piece of paper and throwing it at the wall. "WELL THAT'S WHY YOU FUCKING BITCH! THAT'S WHY! BECAUSE ASSHOLES LIKE YOU LOVE TO RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!" he yelled. "FUCK HER Ryan, do you hear me? FUCK HER and her shit apology and explanation, because if she loved me the way she said she did, I would have woken up with her in my arms." he said staring at his friend. "but she's right about one thing" he said nodding his head "I am going to find me a queen, one that is going to love and cherish me for the rest of my life and that stupid bitch CAN ROT IN HELL!" Paul yelled as he stormed off towards his room, causing Ryan to jump when he heard the door slam.

"Wow…" Ryan said softly "…just wow"

Two years later.

"You may now kiss the bride" cheers erupted as he reached over and kissed his beautiful bride, this was truly the happiest day of his life. He had married the woman of his dreams, one that would love him forever, one to grow old with and cherish beautiful memories with. One that would hold him down on his worst days and be his biggest cheerleader on his best, he truly couldn't ask for a more perfect woman. They grabbed hands and walked down the isle together and smiled as they looked on at family members and friends, they shouted "thank you" to the one's who showed them love and supported them the most. Paul's mom couldn't contain her excitement and walked up and gave the bride a great big hug and kissed her on the cheek and said her congrats, the bride returned the hug and thanked her. Paul smiled as he watched his mom and others do the same, he had to admit she was one of the most beautiful women he and ever had the pleasure of getting to know, she was kind and gentle and deserved all the best on her special day. When all the hype died down Paul walked over to Ryan and patted him on the shoulder.

"Congrats man, you two make a beautiful couple and truly deserve one another" he said as he hugged his best friend.

"Thank you man, thank you so much" Ryan said with a smile.

"And there comes your beautiful bride now" Paul said as Helena walked over to the two men.

"you two aren't planning anything evil, are you?" she joked as she wrapped her arms around her husband when he pulled her in.

"of course not" Ryan said

"nothing of the sort" Paul said in a joking manner.

"You better not, I'd hate to have to kill my husband and his best man and go to jail all on my wedding day" she said laughing

"damn" Paul replied. "she's pretty crazy huh?" he said gently punching her arm.

"Yeah" Ryan said kissing her on the cheek "but she's my crazy chick, and that's all the matters."

Paul smiled as he watched his friend, he wished more than anything that he could have that, he loved his girlfriend Ashley but he never imagined himself walking down the isle with her one day, who knows, maybe he'd get there one day but it just wouldn't be right now.

After hanging out for a few more hours, Ashley walked over to Paul who was watching his parents dance "You ready to go babe?" she asked as she walked over and grabbed his hand

"Yeah" he said looking at her before walking over and tapping Ryan on the shoulder "we're out man"

"you're not gonna stay for one last dance?" Helena asked

"I think i'm all danced out due to this one" he said pointing to Ashley who smiled

"Alright" Ryan said letting go of his wife and hugging his friend. "Thank you for coming, and thank you for every thing you've done, I love you man."

"Oh stop it" Paul said smiling at his friend

"No I mean it Paul, thanks" Ryan said patting his friend on the shoulder to which Paul nodded. "Besides, I know you were glad to finally get me out of your place"

Paul laughed. "true, but I admit I was lonely once you left, but as always, you know you're welcome to come over whenever, it'll just be like old times…except you'll have a curfew" he said looking at Helena who laughed, joined in by Ashley and Ryan. "I love ya man, see you around"

"Alright buddy" Ryan said as he turned around and began dancing with his wife again.

Once in the car, Paul and Ashley started on their way back to Paul's house, the ride had been quiet for the most part, not the norm for the two of them who were always talking and cracking jokes. "That was such a beautiful wedding" Ashley said

"It really was" Paul said as he turned on his signal light and took a left.

"I hope to have one just like it" she said as she reached over and grabbed his hand, making small circles on the back of it with her thumb. Paul said nothing and just smiled as they pulled into the driveway. The awkward silence only grew more intense as the night went on as they were not saying very much to one another and when they did talk, it only seemed that Ashley was the one trying to make conversation. Finally growing frustrated with Paul, she went into his room and packed the little clothes that she had over there and made her way for the door saying nothing as she passed by Paul who was sitting on the couch.

"Hey" Paul said standing up "where are you going, what's wrong, did I do something?" he asked all at once

"Paul" she said turning around "you've all but ignored me since the wedding and i'm just not going to stand for it, if you don't want me here then i'll just leave"

"No" Paul said softly as he walked over and grabbed her hand. "I want you to stay, i'm sorry, it's just my mind has been all over the place, I didn't mean to make you feel unimportant, i'm sorry babe"

Ashley gave a half smile and looked him into his eyes. "Paul, do you love me?"

"With all my heart" he said smiling

"Then why haven't you asked me to move in with you yet?, I mean, you do want me to, right?" Paul said nothing as he just stared at her. "I guess I have my answer" she said as she removed her hand from his and went to grab her bag when he quickly went for her hand again.

"It's not that I don't want you to, it's just…don't you think we'd be moving a little too fast?"

"Paul we've been together for two years and eight months, and I think we've built a pretty sturdy foundation, I've met your family and you've met mine and both sides love us together…so why not? and if you haven't noticed, neither one of us is getting any younger so what's the hold up?"

"what's the rush?" Paul asked, getting a little defensive

"There is no rush, I just assumed you'd want to be with me, that's all."

"I do"

"Then what's the problem?"

"There is no problem, I just like to take things a little slow, that's all."

"Paul you're 31, and i'm 27 going on 28, I want to be married and start a family within the next year or two, i'm at a point of where i'm done with this whole 'just dating' thing, I want to get serious, and I want to be with someone who feels the same. If you don't then I need to know that now."

"That's a lot of pressure you're putting on me, don't you think?"

"It's simple Paul, either you see yourself with me for the rest of your life or you don't. We're both adults here, we've been together for almost three years and if you can't tell whether or not you want me in your near future then I know where I stand."

"this isn't fair, Ashley"

"How so?"

"you're springing this all on me at once, you picked the one day where I had my head in the clouds to basically give me an ultimatum"

"One day?" she scoffed. "Paul i've been at you about this for the last five months, if you haven't picked up on it then it only confirms that you haven't been giving me your full attention."

"I've just got a lot on my mind, alright?" Paul said walking back over towards the couch and flopping down on it.

"Like what?" Ashley questioned as she folded her arms

"i'm in no mood to argue babe"

"i'm not trying to argue, i'm just trying to get to the bottom of this"

"of what?" Paul said throwing his hands up

"Of you and this weird attitude you've had lately. I mean whenever I discuss marriage or kids you blow me off…I mean don't you want that one day?"

"Of course I do"

"but do you want it with me is the question Paul."

Paul was silent. He knew deep down that he loved Ashley dearly and would do any and everything for her, but marry her? have kids with her? he just didn't see it, he's only ever felt they way with one person and he hasn't seen her in over two years.

"Paul" Ashley said again

"huh?" he said as he quickly snapped out of his thoughts

"see" she said motioning towards him "this is what i'm talking about, you don't listen to me, you just zone out." she said picking up her bag "i'm just gonna go"

"No, wait!" Paul said as he ran over to her and grabbed both of her hands. "I'm sorry I haven't been giving you all of my attention lately, you're an amazing girlfriend and you deserve nothing but the best and I promise that if you stay I will give that to you" Paul said as he let go of one of her hands and gently brushed her cheek.

"You promise?" she asked

Paul lowered his head and planted a sweet kiss to her lips "I promise" he whispered against them. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him in for a hug. Though this should be a happy moment, Paul couldn't help but zone out again, all he could think about is what he saw at the wedding or at least what he thought he saw. All he could see was a woman in a beautiful dress with beautiful curly chestnut locks that bounced every time she walked. He never once saw her face but he knew that walk, he knew that body type, he knew the smell of her perfume all too well. He didn't want to think he was going crazy so he would always shake his mind of who he hoped it was. But no matter how hard he tried, she came into his mind time and time again, if only he could have seen her face to make his suspicions come true.

In the two years since Stephanie left Paul, once again, she has had a pretty normal and happy life to say the least. She does think about him from time to time but she always blocks him out of her thoughts. The hardest thing she ever had to do was watch him while he was at Ryan and Helena's wedding with another woman. He seemed to be happy and was hugging her and kissing her every time she took a look at them, the mystery woman seemed to make him happy and that's all she could ever ask for, for someone to do what she couldn't. Whenever she would see Paul turn her way she would quickly snap her head in the other direction or walk far away. This is why she requested that Helena sit her in the back and that she not mention to Ryan that she was coming to the wedding, she just didn't want any drama on her friend's big day. She met with Helena before the wedding started and spoke to her and gave her a present with a fake name on it just incase someone spotted it. Helena was very cool about everything and she totally understood where Stephanie was coming from. Stephanie had to admit that it broke her heart when Helena told her what Paul had told Ryan, she never thought he'd hate her so much but she honestly couldn't blame him after putting him through the same torture twice. But what bothered her the most was seeing Paul's family and not being able to run up to them and hug them, she could only imagine the hatred they had for her after hurting him not once, but twice. She just knew she had to stay out of the lime light during the wedding, being seen would be way too risky, and that's the main reason she didn't bring a date. She knew he'd probably want to dance or stay around and converse with the others, and though she didn't want to be a buzzkill for anyone else, she just couldn't take that chance so she went it alone. Also, if she did come with a date, the thought of Paul seeing them together and blowing up also scared her, so in the end, she knew she made the right choice.

Stephanie looked down at her phone and saw that she had a text from Brad, he wanted to go out again tonight. Brad was a nice guy with a wonderful job as a lawyer at a top firm and pleased her parents to no end, but he just wasn't the guy for her. There was just something missing, to every other girl he might have been a perfect ten, but to Stephanie he was a measly 8, give or take 8.5 he had everything but that something, and she just couldn't put her finger on it, and she knew that if she couldn't find it soon that this relationship would be dead from the start. Sometimes she thought that it wasn't fair to judge since she has only been seeing Brad for about four months now, but before him it was Jeffrey, an accountant, David, who owned multiple restaurants, and Julien, an aspiring singer who just happened to be one of the highest paid architects in the country. All three of them were wonderful men but were missing that something, just like Brad and it wouldn't be long until she knew she'd pushed him out of the way for good.

Maybe next time. she replied

Oh come on, this is the third time you've blown me off in the last two weeks….if you don't want to see me anymore Stephanie, just say the word and I won't bother you.

You're not bothering me, it's just I have a lot going on right now.

I do too, I have three top cases i'm working on but i'm putting them aside to make time for you because you're important to me…am I to you?

Of course you are. She lied, if she had to admit, she wouldn't care if he broke up with her right now, but every now and then she would get lonely and needed someone to cuddle with or a good rump in the sheets and that's where Brad came in.

Then go to dinner with me tonight, please.

Okay, i'll go :) She replied as she rolled her eyes. Brad was nice, he was charming and he was a good fuck, but that was about it if she had to be completely honest. There was no connection, no chemistry, no desire to be with him all the time. At least with Julien she could be serenaded, with David she'd have a nice hot meal and Jeffery…Well, he could tell her what to do about her taxes maybe? The thing was, Brad brought nothing to the relationship, the conversation was beyond dull as he always wanted to talk about a case or himself and she always found herself zoning out. She read his reply and then tossed her phone in the chair in front of her desk, she needed no more distractions until she was finished with her work and a a few glasses of wine to prepare for this date.

"So she's moving in…wow, you and Ash are getting pretty serious aye?"

"Cut it out Mom" Paul said shaking his head and he finished drying the dishes

"It's about time, I mean they've been together for what, 3 years?" Lynn asked

"two and some change, not long enough to be serious" Paul said as he put the dishes away

"I knew my husband for two years and we got married" Lynn said as she took a seat

"Well, i'm not him" he said as he closed the cabinets.

"Your mind on someone else sweetie?" Patricia asked softly

"What?...no." Paul said as he headed towards the door "i'm gonna leave before you two drive me crazy"

"Where are you going?"

"Downstiars with dad"

"Where the spider was?" Lynn teased

"Ha…Ha" Paul said sarcastically "and yes, yes I am"

"You do realize he killed one in there last week right? it was a pretty nice size, I mean it didn't bother me but I wouldn't want it in my house" Lynn added

"Leave him alone" Pat said

"Wait…what spider? is she….is she serious?" Paul asked, his eyes growing big as he looked at his mother

"No." Pat assured him "she's just messing with you"

Paul smiled. "Thanks mom, I knew I could always count on you" he said he balled up a piece of paper towel and threw it at his sister before walking out of the kitchen.

"Didn't I tell you not to tell him about that spider?"

Lynn shrugged. "I thought it'd keep him in here, I wanted to ask more questions about Ashley"

"Ashley isn't the one I wanted to ask about" Pat said as she slowly cut her eyes over to her daughter

"Oh…" Lynn said licking her lips "so you saw her too?"

"yep" Patricia said nodding her head "she was sitting in the back the whole time, I don't blame her, she probably thought no one would want to speak to her"

"I would have, but I decided against it, I didn't know how it'd make Paul feel"

"Same" Patricia said nodding her head "it's only been three days since the wedding, do you think she's still in town?"

"I doubt it" Lynn said getting up and walking towards the door "and mom"

"Yes?"

"Don't get any ideas" Lynn said as she turned and walked through the door.

"I'm not" she said softly as she walked over to the counter and picked up the phone. "I just think Stephanie deserves a phone call…that's all" she said as she begin to dial.

Haven't fully decided if the next chapter will be the final chapter or the chapter after that. This was actually supposed to be the final chapter, but since 13 was basically all smut, I had to write some more. I'll have to read the other chapter I have half written and see where I want to take it before I make my decision, I don't want to drag this story out. The maximum i'm hoping to have is 16, so we'll see….stay tuned.