Time: 2100\
August 22, 2525\
Circinius IV, Corbulo Academy
Classes have started, and I'm already wishing they were over. Somehow, it didn't occur to me that a school was going to be filled with young people. It's so weird! And yes, I realize that I am easily the youngest person in the academy, though no one else know that. Still, they act like children. I'm just...not used to this. For crying out loud, I've heard students complaining about guard duty. Guard duty! One of the easiest duties they'll ever have, and they complain about it! If an instructor hadn't been there, I'd have punched that cadet in the face.
Right, let's focus on something else. The testing went well. I managed to hold back enough to impress everyone without giving away the fact that my skill is unnatural. The decision was made to bump me up to senior standing, though not all of the officers are happy about that. Eric's not sure what to think about it either. He's happy to hear I'm thriving, but he's worried that I'm isolating myself. Personally, I think he is overreacting. I know he cares, but I haven't need a father for years. Besides, I was isolated with the Spartans too, and that clearly didn't hurt me...contrary to what Vincent keeps telling me.
That being said, the situation isn't exactly ideal. Most of the senior cadets are upset that I've joined their ranks and only get madder when they find I'm actually better than them. There are a couple that just don't care, but the rest try to make my life miserable. Their methods might work, too, if they weren't so pitiful. It took them a week to realize that I was actually enjoying the silent treatment. If this is the future of the UNSC, I'm a little concerned.
So far, the most interesting thing to occur is meeting Thomas Lasky. Well, meeting is the wrong word. I saw him on the training field and watched his session, as I had already tested out of that particular lesson. He's a lot like his brother, though I think Cadmon would disagree. It's not so much that they look similar, but they act virtually the same; Thomas just happens to be a bit more stubborn. Sort of reminds me of myself and Linda, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, the little Lasky has taken the Academy by storm. He's in Histati Squad, and there's already talk that he's going to be made Team Leader. Not bad for an eighteen year old.
Other than Lasky, the only thing to catch my attention is the whispers of the Spartans. Granted, no one knows it's them and they certainly don't use that name, but it's all anyone is talking about. The super secret UNSC strike team that's been taking out Insurrectionist targets. Most of the school thinks it's a specialized ODST unit, while others think it's something darker. Hard to believe the conspiracy theorists are actually right for once.
Come to think of it, I think the Spartans are a major reason of why I don't feel comfortable here. Everything I am is screaming that I should be with my siblings, but I'm here. They're out in the war, getting shot at, and I'm sitting in an Academy classroom, listening to a lesson that Deja taught us when we were seven. It's maddening. But it's also my life, so I guess I just need to go with it...right?
Sometimes...not often, but sometimes...I wonder if you even remember me. Am I just a face in your memories, am I more, am I less? Do you miss me? Do I want you to? My heart screams yes, but my mind says no, strangely enough. Mendez always told us that attachments were dangerous. If you worry about someone too much, you aren't paying attention to what is around you. It's happened to me a couple times. The other day I was so wrapped up in wondering where you were, I nearly got run over by a Warthog. How much worse would it be for you guys, out on a battlefield?
And why the hell do I keep writing questions that will never be answered?! There must be at least one in every damn entry! I'm supposed to be moving on with my life, not obsessing over what can't be. I can't keep lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering where everyone is. That doesn't help you, and it doesn't help me. I need to let you go; I need to turn my back on that part of my life because it's not in my future and I can't go back. It's not something I want to do, but what other choice do I have? It's this or madness. I'm not Klare, I'm not Spartan 113, I'm not James and Fred's teammate, I'm not John's wife. I can't be.
I can't be a Spartan anymore.
Babble time: The song this chapter is based on is Missing by Evanescence.