Katie lies on the floor, a blanket wrapped around her. If John were here, she wouldn't feel the cold floor biting at her skin, or the chill blowing underneath the gap in the door. She squeezes her eyes shut, a tear falling down her cheek as the sun begins to rise.
Katie gives up on sleep, throwing back the tatty blanket and pulling on her boots. She grabs her toothbrush from her backpack, dry brushing her teeth and rinsing with a bottle of lukewarm water.
They'd been at the Sanctuary for a week, the name seeming to stick ever since she'd mentioned it to Negan. Though the place was cold and bare, everyone had settled in nicely, just grateful to feel safe once again.
She grabs her knife, tucking it into her belt, and heads for the main floor.
Most of Negan's people had taken the main floor, especially those who weren't skilled enough to handle being outside. She thought it strange that there were plenty rooms for all, and yet they'd chosen to sleep together like this. Probably makes them feel safer, being together like that, she thinks.
Katie walks down the steps, her hand brushing against the railing as she attempts to be quiet, some of Negan's people still sleeping soundly. She heads outside, feeling the crisp morning air pinching her cheeks.
"Hey."
Katie turns, offering Gareth a weak smile. "Hey, how's it going out here?"
He holds a rifle in the crook of his shoulder. "It's quiet, just waiting for Negan to get back."
"Did he get through on the radio?"
Gareth nods. "Yeah, said they shouldn't be much more than an hour, but that was two hours ago."
"I'm sure they're alright, probably came across some dead in the road, stopped to put them down. Did they find anything?"
"I think they found a seed store, so we can start growing stuff. And Negan found a furniture place, so apparently we have two whole truck loads of furniture," Gareth smiles.
"Furniture?" Katie frowns. "You're getting excited over furniture?"
"It's not as important as food, but we still need something to sleep on," Gareth rubs at his back. "I don't know about you, but that floor is cold as shit, and my back's killing me. So yeah, i'm excited about the possibility of an actual bed."
Katie smiles. "I see your point."
Gareth turns at the sound of engines in the distance. "Here they are," he smiles. "Man, i hope i don't have to sleep on the floor again tonight."
Negan's truck rolls through the gates, two other trucks behind him. His eyes light up as he sees Katie waiting, but then his stomach rolls as watches her place a hand on Gareth's shoulder. He steps out, forcing a smile as he swings Lucille over his shoulder.
"Please tell me i don't have to sleep on the floor again?" Gareth asks, hopeful.
"Depends, we got a few beds, but we'll have to prioritise who needs one most, but you never fucking know," Negan smiles, knowing full well that even if he had a bed for Gareth, he'd rather smash the thing up than give it to him. He squeezes Lucille, trying to wash away the deep pang of jealousy.
"So how did it go?" Katie asks.
"Good, as fucking always. We've got enough food to last us another couple weeks, longer if we ration. Stuff to help us grow our own shit, things are looking up," Negan smirks.
"Good," she nods. "You need any help?"
Negan shakes his head. "They've got it," he frowns. "You look a little peaky, have you eaten?"
"A little."
"Well why don't we head back inside, get you something to eat?" Negan offers.
"I'm okay."
"Katie-," Negan starts.
"Seriously, i'm okay. I'll eat later," Katie assures him.
Katie sits in her empty room, leant against the wall as she sharpens her knife.
"Mother fucking, cock sucking, fucker!"
She frowns, opening her bedroom door and glancing through the double doors in front of her.
Negan had taken two large rooms for himself just after they'd arrived, and she heads through the first room, her footsteps echoing around the high walls.
Katie frowns as she stands in the doorway of Negan's room.
"What the hell are you doing?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.
Negan looks up at her with a smile, in spite of the flustered look on his face. "I'm trying to put this fucker together," he gestures towards a mess of bed parts on the floor. "But it's being a cunt."
Katie steps inside. "Well it's no wonder, could you have picked something more extravagant?" She laughs. "You need a hand?"
"Sure, since i obviously don't know what the fuck i'm doing," he chuckles.
She kneels down beside him, looking over the mess he'd made. "Well this is on wrong for a start," she frowns.
Negan watches her take it apart, his eyes running over her body as she leans over. He feels himself twitching against his boxers, shame washing over him as a clear image of John looking down on him flashes through his mind. Negan's sure that if John were here, he'd have the bed up already and he'd probably be half way through fucking her on it. He clenches his jaw, his fingernails biting at the palms of his hands.
Katie gets up off the floor, her knees popping as she rubs at her back. "Done," she smiles.
"It most certainly fucking is, thanks to you."
"Yeah, you weren't very helpful," she teases. Katie taps the bedpost with her hand. "Good solid bed, i erm.. hope you enjoy it," she giggles.
Negan smiles, biting on his lip nervously.
"I should get going," Katie says, heading for the door. She places a hand against her forehead, wrapping her fingers around the bedpost as a wave of dizziness hits her.
"Hey," Negan places a hand against the small of her back. "You okay?"
She nods, her eyes closed. "Yeah, just got a bit light headed."
Negan frowns. "Well that's probably because you haven't fucking eaten properly since you got here. Come on, sit the fuck down," he says, leading her towards his new leather sofa.
Katie drops down on the sofa, rubbing at her temples. "I'll be okay in a minute."
"I'm gonna go get you something to eat, and i'm not taking no for an answer," he insists.
Katie nods, grabbing a bottle of water from the floor and taking a few sips. She holds her head in her hands, hands running through her hair before leaning back against the sofa. It doesn't feel right, none of it feels right without him. Doing something as mundane as building a bed, carrying on as if he never existed, like he was never there. Katie wipes at a tear rolling down her cheek, sitting back up with her elbows resting against her knees.
"Hey, quickest thing i could find was soup, but you don't look like you could eat much else, so it's probably fucking best," he smiles, as he walks in with a tray, two bowls resting upon it. He places the tray down at her feet. "Be better if i had a damn table or some shit."
"It's fine," she smiles, picking up a bowl and resting it in her lap. Negan sits beside her, watching her eagerly as she slowly spoons soup into her mouth. "Are you gonna eat yours? It's weird you watching me like that."
"Sorry, i'm just worried about you, that's all," he says, picking up his bowl.
"I'm fine, just a bit tired."
"You not sleeping so good?" Negan asks. She shakes her head, dropping the spoon into her bowl as tears spill down her cheeks. "Hey," Negan says, softly, placing his bowl down and taking hers. "What's wrong?"
"Everything. I dream about him, and he's.. he's burning, and i just stand there and watch, it's like.. i can't do anything," Katie sobs.
Negan wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. She leans her head against his shoulder, her tears warm against his arm. "There was nothing you could do, you know that, right?"
She shakes her head. "I don't though. I should've gone in, i might have-,"
Negan places a finger under her chin. "No. There was nothing you could've done. If you'd gone in there, then both of you would be gone, and he wouldn't fucking want that, you hear me?" Katie nods, falling into his chest as he lowers his hand. Negan runs his hand through Katie's hair, breathing deeply. "There's not a damn thing you could've done. If i could trade places with him, then i would."
Katie shakes her head against his chest, pulling herself away from him. "Don't say that. I don't blame you. I was wrong for lashing out like i did, when we were out there."
Negan drops his head. "You were grieving, it's fine."
"It's not fine, you lost him too. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, just.. eat, keep your strength up," he gestures towards the bowl. Katie nods, picking up her bowl once again. Negan watches her, his heart pounding against his chest and his appetite suddenly gone. "How's Emma?"
"I'm not sure, she won't talk to me. Can't say i blame her, i pretty much abandoned the poor kid when she needed me most," Katie says, between mouthfuls.
"That wasn't your fault."
"Doesn't matter. Not to her. She needed me, and i wasn't there. Julia's taking good care of her, she likes Julia," Katie says.
He nods, playing nervously with his hands.
"I should go," Katie says, getting up from the sofa.
Negan rises to his feet. "Well you know where i am if you need me," he smiles.
Katie heads back to her room, surprised to find a new single bed and a comfy looking green chair. She drops down in it, staring at the wall. Katie sits that way for ten minutes before heading out the door and making her way outside.
"Simon, you going out?"
Simon stands beside his truck, his arm resting against the open door. "Yeah, just a few of us. Haven't got the water running yet, so we need to go fill up," he gestures towards two large plastic barrels on the back of the truck.
"You think you can get the water running?" She asks.
"If we find someone that knows what they're doing, but right now we don't have anyone that knows shit. So until then, we're gonna have to make trips every day," Simon frowns. "David's already headed off in another truck. You wanna come with us? We've got room for one more."
"Yeah, i'm in," she nods.
"Alright, shouldn't take us that long, come on, you can sit in the front."
Katie stands watch as Simon and Gareth collect water from the stream, slowly filling the barrels. As always, she thinks about John. What he'd be doing if he were here, and she's sure he'd be right in the thick of it, rolling up his sleeves and breaking into a sweat with the others. She swallows deeply, blinking away tears.
Simon looks her way, then quickly turns his head. Crying women had always made him uncomfortable. Maybe because he wasn't exactly the most sensitive guy, but mostly because like almost every guy ever, he didn't know what to say.
He glances over occasionally between filling the barrels, dropping his head every time he nears the truck.
"We're good to go, get yourself in the truck," Simon nods to Gareth. He makes his way over to Katie, his hands shoved in his pants pockets. After a few moments of awkward silence, Simon runs a hand through his hair. "He was a good guy."
Katie turns to him, smiling weakly. "He was."
"He didn't take no bullshit, i liked that," he nods. "But Negan's right, John would want you to move on. I know it's easier said than done, but he would. I know it probably doesn't mean much, since i didn't know him that long, but i'm sorry he's gone. How he was, we need people like that."
"It means a lot," she smiles. "Thanks, Simon."
"We're done here, gonna head back," he places a hand on her shoulder. "You ever need anything, you come find me, okay?"
"Okay," she nods, heading back to the truck.