The Worth of Ash

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Game of Thrones or any related titles, characters, plots, settings, etc. These rights belong to George R. R. Martin, HBO, and their various publishers and distributors. I own only the original elements of this story, the writing and publishing of which earn me no money.

Chapter Thirteen

The Red Keep was noisy in the aftermath of the Hand's tourney. Many of the participating knights had been given the opportunity to remain in King's Landing, staying with the royal family, and most had accepted. They sat in large groups now, drinking as they debated the finer points of combat - and swiftly devolved into harassing the serving girls. Kyren herself had nearly broken the wrist of a knight who had mistaken her breeches for an invitation to fondle her backside. She had left him unharmed only because it seemed unwise to assault a member of the society she aspired to join.

Rather than watch the raucous crowds grow rapidly more drunk, Kyren elected to confine herself to the upper levels of the Keep until it became time for her to retire. As she walked the spacious halls, lit intermittently by the flickering light of wall sconces, Kyren found herself in a section of halls offering utter solitude and she resolved to return to that space as often as necessary to distance herself from the bustle of the busy castle.

She found herself in those same halls more often than expected over the following days. Cheerfully lit by the sun, the hall faced a noisy, bustling King's Landing, the large windows offering no barrier between the interior of the Keep and the colors and action of the city. Despite such lovely, interesting surroundings, Kyren never encountered another soul in the area, regardless of what time of day she wandered. As the accepted state of things in her chosen hideaway, Kyren was rather badly startled one windy afternoon when she was finally joined by another person.

"Lord Stark," she greeted, inclining her head deeply.

"Kyren," he returned, giving her one of his rare smiles, the expression sitting oddly on his solemn face. "I feel as though I have not often seen you since our arrival here. How have you found yourself?"

"Quite well, my lord, and yourself?"

He sighed, scrubbing a hand over the lines of weariness around his mouth. "I find King's Landing to be an exhausting place and the residents of this castle to be exhausting people," he admitted.

Smiling a mirthless smile, Kyren nodded at the man who had taken her in. "I know precisely what you mean."

"I must tell you, this is no chance meeting," Lord Stark revealed with a piercing stare. "I sought you out for a purpose."

He immediately had Kyren's full attention. "Of course, my lord. May we speak here or shall we find a more private location?"

"I had wondered at your constant presence here, as this is likely the most private location in the whole of the Red Keep," he told her, amusement in his voice despite his grim expression. All traces of amusement disappeared as he said, "I have resigned from my position as the King's Hand."

Kyren's brain spun rapidly, processing the new information. There was very little she could say or ask as one of Lord Stark's subordinates, so she settled for, "I am sorry to hear that. Does this mean we will return to Winterfell?"

She flushed immediately at the thoughtless inclusion of herself in the Stark party, but he seemed to take no notice. "Yes, I fear so. I would ask that you prepare the girls to leave. I have some business to attend to in the city, but nothing that should require a great deal of time. The girls may fight you on this, especially Sansa, but I trust you will have them ready at my return. Enlist the help of Septa Mordane if you choose."

Kyren bowed her head. "Yes, Lord Stark."

The guard knocked when he arrived with the girl, just as Jaime had ordered. He opened the door to his quarters, relishing the shock on Kyren's round face when she found him. Jaime had told the guard to be deliberately vague in his summons and Jaime wondered briefly just whom Kyren had believed herself to be meeting, but soon pulled his mind to more important matters.

"Well? Come in, girl." He stepped inside, leaving Kyren to follow and the guard to leave.

Jaime watched as Kyren entered his quarters, trying to surreptitiously glance around and get the measure of him from the space in which he lived. He knew exactly when she saw the pair of half-opened saddlebags and a collection of packs.

Spine stiffening, she asked in a soft tone, "Are you planning on traveling somewhere, Ser Jaime?"

Jaime nodded, knowing she was not looking in his direction. "Yes, I shall be journeying to join my father and the Lannister army."

Her shoulders slumped and he felt a momentary thrill at the knowledge that he would be missed, but she collected herself enough to ask, "The Lannister army? Why is your father gathering his army?"

Damn. Jaime had not expected the girl to catch that slip. She was far more clever than she was credited for by himself and most others in the Keep. "It does not truly matter, does it?" he dismissed. "I invited you here to apologize for such an abrupt end to our training sessions… and so that I could say farewell."

Kyren moved toward a window, bracing her arms against the sill to stare out into the sea raging far below. Jaime wandered over to join her, resting his own elbows only a short distance from hers. "I admit, I find myself sad to see you leave," she confessed. "It will be difficult to find another sparring partner."

Jaime kept his face turned toward the sea as he said blandly, "You could always join me on the journey."

"I could- beg your... I do not understand, Ser," she responded finally.

Glancing in her direction, Jaime explained, "I have been advised that this could be quite the long campaign and that I would be well-served to find a squire." He smiled broadly, bolstered by the look of sheer joy on Kyren's face.

After a moment, the shine dimmed and her expression became sorrowful. "Ser, you have honored me beyond words with your request, but I cannot accept. My responsibilities lie elsewhere at the moment."

Jaime frowned at her. "Kyren, I promised that I would find you a knight with whom you could squire. I must leave before I can do so, and I am offering myself to fill the need. You must become a squire soon if you hope to become a knight at all."

"I know, Ser," she nodded, acknowledging his point, "but I can find another knight to squire if necessary…"

"And be left with the worst possible choices?" Jaime asked sharply. "Simpletons or cowards who believe that your sex and position mean that they are entitled to use your body as they see fit? Unless I misunderstood quite a bit of what happened the night of the Hand's tourney, you did not enjoy being groped. With all too many of the knights who would take you as their squire, you would find that treatment more often than not."

Kyren's parchment eyes flared at the memory and her fists clenched. Jaime felt a spark of pride when he remembered how close she had come to breaking off the knight's errant hand - not that he had reacted so differently to the knight's presumption, in all honesty. "Loathe as I am to reject your offer, Ser, I fear my responsibilities-"

"Your responsibilities or your assumed debt?" She blinked at him, but Jaime continued undaunted. His anger had been piqued, making him less careful than he should have been. "You live your entire life as though you owe it to the Starks. Do not believe I have missed all the instances over the past months in which you've inconvenienced yourself to remain near those girls."

"I've done nothing outside the realms of duty, Ser."

"Do not do this," he ordered. "Do not distance yourself by calling me by only 'Ser'. You know my name, and I would have you drop my title if I believed you could be convinced to begin such a familiar practice." She glanced away and he reached out to rest hands on her shoulders. "Do not shut down your emotions when you so desperately want to feel."

"Emotions are treasonous," she said tonelessly, her expression dimming into one of long-suffered duty. The words rang deep inside Jaime's chest and he distantly remembered saying them during their first training session, so many months before.

"Emotions are treasonous while fighting," he countered. "When your life depends on keeping a cool head."

"The lives of two young girls depend upon my cool head now," she argued, voice still peacefully resigned.

"A life without passion is one unworthy of being lived!" he exclaimed, enraged by her lack of response.

"The life of a knight requires many sacrifices," Kyren responded, and Jaime remembered that phrase as well from a training session.

Have I always spouted such utter nonsense?! he brooded furiously. Wild thoughts twisting his face into a dark scowl, he tightened his grip on the girl's shoulders. "So calm, so perfect. It seems that the only way to upset you is to wait until you are in the middle of a fight."

"Unfortunately true, Ser," she agreed demurely, breaking his grip as she turned away from the window and moved toward the door. "One of many things I will endeavor to improve upon before I attempt to squire with someone."

"Pity I do not have enough time to wait for a fight," Jaime said sharply. Kyren glanced back at him, the curiosity in her pale eyes changing rapidly to shock at the sight of him leaping at her.

The pair fell in a wild tangle of limbs, though Jaime was careful to protect Kyren's head with his arms and chest as they collided with the floor, only a thinly-woven rug to cushion their bodies against the chill stones. Immediately after landing, however, Jaime moved from protective to attacking. He would force a response from Kyren if he must, and he had many rather scandalous ideas on how to do so.

Kyren fought his hold. Her struggles were clever and held more strength than he had thought her capable, but the half-moment in which she had been stunned by their fall to the floor gave Jaime a distinct advantage. He held her pinned to the ground in the span of only a few breaths.

As soon as she had regained the breath knocked from her lungs by their collision, Kyren began to curse him soundly, some of her raunchier phrases bringing an appreciative grin to Jaime's lips. He still did not know exactly where the orphan girl had spent her first weeks in King's Landing, but with such an extended vocabulary, he would wager on Flea Bottom.

She ended the tirade with a rage-filled, "-What could you possibly be thinking to do such a thing?"

"I was thinking - hoping - to provoke a response and my hope was fulfilled; this is the most emotion I have seen from you in our conversation thus far," he said simply.

"I-" she faltered, obviously not expecting such an answer. "I will not change my answer, Ser, no matter the emotion."

"I cannot claim that as my primary motivation at present," Jaime admitted in a murmur, knowing his gaze flicked obviously to her lips. "I merely wish to be certain that you do not lose yourself, buried in service to the Starks."

"There is little chance of that. I do not intend to lose myself to anyone," Kyren dismissed easily. Before Jaime could make any sort of response, she had wrapped her muscular legs about his hips and surged forcefully, attempting to flip him over and gain her freedom. Short of a slight lurch with her motion, Jaime did not move. Having anticipated the move, he had hooked his feet under the sturdy wooden framework of a nearby desk.

For a long beat, their gazes met - triumphant emerald mingling with confused parchment, legs entangled as the thrilling rush of their combined heat surrounded both warriors.

"If you do such a thing once more," Jaime warned after a moment to calm his voice, "I will not be held responsible for the outcome."

"Free me and I will not be forced to repeat my actions," Kyren countered.

Jaime laughed, though it was a frustrated sound. "You must always have an answer for every situation, I've noticed."

"Yet you seem unperturbed by it unless the answer is one you do not wish to hear," she argued. After several attempts at freeing her wrists, Kyren gave a frustrated sigh, blowing warm air past his face. "I understand if this comes as something of a shock, but keeping me pinned to the floor does not create any strong desire to accompany you."

Jaime felt his expression darken at the timbre of her voice as she said 'desire' and watched an answering light flare in her eyes. She wanted him as well… The fact could only help him. Her struggles had largely subsided, only the half-hearted slide of her legs against and between his gave any pretense of resistance - and even that motion served only to emphasize the softness of her body compared to his own. When she licked her lips slowly, pupils dilating, Jaime felt the last of his control give out with a nearly audible sound.

"Kyren," he warned lowly, "If you do not fight your way free of me in short order, I fear I will not be capable of controlling myself."

She made no move other than to tighten her legs around his waist. Jaime surged forward, pressing his lips to hers in a firm kiss, one that softened as he encountered no resistance. Kyren was hesitant, clumsy even, but she was returning his kiss. Her hands opened and closed in his grip and he slowly allowed her to regain her freedom. Kyren's strong fingers grasped his shoulders and wound their way into his hair, but he did not mind in the least. His own hands had long since flown to tangle in the burgundy strands of her braid while the other gripped her jaw to tilt it into a better angle. The increased contact between them brought a momentary sense of relief, the euphoria of giving in to an impulse, but it was soon replaced by a far more intense need - one that pounded through Jaime's body until it reached the point of pain.

With a tilt of her head and a small noise of pleasure, Kyren regained Jaime's full attention. She tasted of the sharp, evergreen-scented breezes of the North, and he gladly indulged in their continued embrace, but forced himself to pull back before he became too engrossed and forgot his original point.

Kyren frowned at him, drawn brows an odd combination with her kiss-swollen lips, and he smiled regretfully. "If we had continued, stopping would become even more painful than it is at present."

"I understand," Kyren said with a soft blush, beginning to unwind her legs from their clench about his hips. Before she could complete the action, Jaime grasped one muscled thigh, returned it to its previous place, and patted it while giving such a stern look that there was no room for misinterpretation. Kyren was to remain like this, holding him close, and her small smile told him that she gladly acquiesced.

"Come with me, Kyren," he said beseechingly. "It could always be like this. We could ride together, fight together, share camps and meals and beds."

He hated the reluctance in her eyes, but it was far better than the cold distance that had been present before. "I cannot, Ser. I have other duties."

"If you call me 'Ser' once more, I will jump from that window," Jaime warned, pointing blindly behind himself. Kyren looked uncertain, but smiled as he added, "We have grown far too intimate to insist upon using such formal and impersonal titles."

"Jaime, you told me once that a knight's honor is the most valuable possession we own. I swore upon my honor that I would remain here to watch over the Stark girls, at least until they become more comfortable in their new home."

He gritted his teeth at that. He did not wish to speak of the Starks at the moment - especially considering his altercation with Ned Stark outside of Littlefinger's brothel. "Kyren, I believe there could be something between us, something best explored now and fully. We cannot do any such thing if you remain in King's Landing while I traverse the wilds of Westeros."

Her dun-colored eyes sharpened. "You have yet to explain what exactly it is which takes you into the wilds of Westeros. Do not think I have forgotten such a strange occurrence."

Damn. In a move that belied any claim to honor, Jaime pushed his hips against the apex of Kyren's thighs, twisting and bucking until she gasped wildly beneath him. Resting his lips at the corner of her mouth, he swallowed his own gasping and murmured roughly, "All this concern for the Stark family. You have other matters which require your full attention."

She arched, and Jaime took the opportunity to grasp her breeches-clad backside and pull her body still more firmly under his own. "Agree to come with me," he commanded. "With such a promise between us, we can continue this dance without hesitation."

"So that, due to my sex and position, you can use my body as you see fit?" she asked archly, the determined fire in her eyes at odds with her flushed cheeks and rumpled clothing.

"It isn't remotely the same," Jaime reprimanded, pulling back with an unfriendly look. "We have a chance at a future together."

Kyren chuckled. "I am sorry Se- Jaime, but I am not so ignorant of the ways of this world. Anything a man in your position says is highly suspect."

"A man in my position," Jaime repeated. "And what position would that be, exactly?"

"You are a man, and a knight, and a Lannister, all of which mean you are unaccustomed to women spurning your advances. I have been warned by many women concerning situations much like this one, and the consensus does not lie in your favor."

Jaime frowned in earnest. "I do not understand your riddles, Kyren, but if you are attempting to insult me, I would far rather you do so bluntly."

Her expression became charmingly open and honest as she denied, "Not at all! It is simply a fact well-known among women who socialize with influential men. You claim to consider a future between us, but I fear you - as many others - are speaking of only one sort of long-term relationship." He arched a brow but made no other response, intrigued when she blushed. "That of you and your... manhood."

Said appendage gave a noticeable twitch as she mentioned it and Kyren gasped lightly. "While I care deeply for my… manhood," he began with a sardonic smile, "I happen to believe you and I would be well-matched in many aspects of our lives."

"Yet not enough aspects to make for a viable future," she countered. "You are a Lannister, and what is more, brother to the queen of Westeros. You will be expected to remain a Kingsguard, unattached to anyone or anything that does not directly concern the safety of the crown."

Jaime groaned, pushing himself to a standing position before storming across the room, fingers raking through the long gold strands of his hair. His temper was frayed to strings by the words of those who had seen fit to inform him of what he was expected to do or become. "Is it so impossible to believe that I should want to become something other than the mindless servant this society has ordered? That I should want to make decisions in opposition to those my family would see fit to make in my stead?"

"It is not so impossible to believe at all, Jaime," Kyren refuted softly. "Only that you would choose to do so for someone so trivial."

"Kyren, come with me," he beseeched once more, crossing back to her and taking her hand in his own. "I would gladly swear, upon my honor, that we will have a future together."

"I would never ask you to swear such a thing as I am not ready to perform my part," Kyren returned, sadness thick in her strange eyes. "I will find a respectable knight with whom I can squire, and I will return to you. Could you not swear a future for us then?"

Jaime sighed, regret and disappointment settling in his stomach along with the ever-present loneliness. "Upon my honor, I swear… I swear that I will wait with bated breath until the moment of your return."

He lowered his head so that he could fix her with a searing kiss, dismissing her shortly afterward. With both of them thus distracted, Kyren never had time to realize that Jaime had vowed nothing grounded in reality, much less answered any of her questions about his destination.

Author's Note - In case it wasn't clear from the hints I dropped throughout the chapter, most of the action takes place in the very short span of time between when Jaime Lannister and Ned Stark fought outside of Littlefinger's brothel and the time when Ned Stark wakes up to argue with King Robert and Cersei - finding that Jaime has left to join Tywin Lannister in the Riverlands. I apologize for the brevity of this chapter, but I said everything I needed to say in it and saw no need to make it longer than necessary. Next week's chapter will be somewhat longer!

I have closed the poll about update schedules and I want to thank everyone (all two of you) who voted. Seems like the five chapters/two week break option was chosen unanimously! That means I'll be posting chapters sometime in the next two weeks, then there will be no updates for the following two weeks. Anyone with questions is more than welcome to send me a private message! Shoutout to WickedGreene13 for another kind review! You're awesome!

Thank you for reading, leave a review if you can, and I'll see you next week! Have a great day!